Very Sad X-Mas for my Family

bri32z · 12-25-2001, 08:05 PM

This morning I awoke to a phone call at 5am. It was my mother. She told me my grandmother died this morning around 4. I tried my hardest to enjoy christmas with my children but I was just too sad. I know will have to drive 12hrs to my old home in South FL to go to the funeral. I try not to cry but it is hard not to. My grandmother and I were VERY close. She was the one I always called for personal advice. Being an older man (35) I thought I could handle my grandmother passing without loosing it. But that is not the case. I can not stop hearing her voice and remebering her ever so awakening smile. She was such of a sweetie. So to those of you out there that do not talk much to their grandparents I advise that you do so and tell them that you love them. I sure will miss her. She will no longer suffer, she is in a better place now.

RAGE_5.0 · 12-25-2001, 08:12 PM

man i'm sorry to hear that
i saw my grand parents for the first time in a few months today

12-25-2001, 08:15 PM

My prayers and heart go out to you. I know that today is a sad day for you, and that it has been hard. And like you said she is no longer suffering and she is with God now, there is no better place for someone like your grandmother. I know how you feel I lost my mother at Thanksgiving severl years ago and around the holidays it is hard. But I think and remember all the wonderful things in life and in general that she taught me and it makes me smile and love her oh so much. You take care of yourself and my prayers are there for your family and you.

tireburner163 · 12-25-2001, 08:27 PM

bri32z I know how feel. Several years ago I lost my grandfather. He and I were VERY close. He is the one who made me into the car guy I am today(much to the dislike of my g/f). He is THE reason I own a Mustang instead of a Camaro. I still remember is laugh and the smell of his pipe smoke. I remember him showing me how to power-shifting his Fairlane and the fishing trips we took every Saturday.

People will tell you that is will be OK. Well I'm sorry to tell you it will never be OK. It's does get better, but their will always be a void in my heart and life. You eventully learn to live with it.

But I can tell you this. I will ALWAYS remember the great times I had with my Grandpa and I will always cherish the memories that I have of him. I know that he is in a better place and that he is no longer suffering. BUT I know that one day I will get to see him again and that, that project 63 Falcon will be there and that this time we'll finish it. And I will hear his laugh and smell his pipe smoke again.

I don't know if this helps you any but, I thought I would share my story with you.

Any of you who have grandparents that are still alive. Call them, wish them a Merry Chirstmas and just tell them that you love them.

Josh

bri32z · 12-25-2001, 08:34 PM

Thank you so much guys for the encouragement. Damn this sucks. My mom is holding up better than I am. Loosing a loved one is real hard. I lost my wife years ago in an accident and it is now easier for me but like TireBurner said there will always be a void. God Bless you all

12-25-2001, 08:38 PM

God Bless You.

Stang Runner · 12-25-2001, 08:53 PM

I know how you fell anout 5 months ago I lost my grampa I was very close to him live with us for 10 years.........

joe4speed · 12-25-2001, 10:25 PM

My thoughts are with you.
I, myself, find it very hard to deal with Christmas this year. This is the first year without my Father, and Grandmother. My Dad died in January and my Grandmother a week after he died. I know it's hard for all in our family, but especially for my Mom. She will have it the hardest. I was so glad that I got to spend it with her. I love her dearly, and can't imagine the pain she must feel on a daily basis.

Keep your chin up, and take solace knowing she'd in a much better place, cherish your memories.

Fox Body · 12-25-2001, 11:45 PM

*sigh*

Really sorry to hear that bri32z. Death can really SUCK sometimes. I dunno, I know that one day my parents will die (I don't know my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc b/c my dad is from Jamaica and my mom from Panama and so my relatives are spread out throughout the world), and I know it won't be an easy thing to deal with (really hope I'm married b4 that happens), but I can't imagine losing a wife (or my brother).

Man. Can't really say if I could handle that or not.

Don't take this the wrong way, but sometimes, I wish I could just desensitize myself from loving life so much. What's so special about life if at anytime it can just be ripped away from us? Death is such a waste.

...pisses me off. The more people I know who die, the more bitter and cynical I become (and I know this is not the right attitude). Just kinda seeems like we're just being toyed with: "Oooh, give the little kid an ice cream cone on a hot day, let him take a few licks and then knock it out of his hand onto the ground!"

--sorry for my bad attitude...

12-26-2001, 12:25 AM

bri32z

I'm so very sorry about the passing away from your grandmother.

Quote:

I try not to cry but it is hard not to.

bri32z,please dont ever feel like you can't let your feelings show,we are human and we should never feel afraid to show what feelings we may have inside of us,in your case it's part of the grieving process.

I have one grandmother left myself,she is in her 80's.I myself am very close to her.We spent Christmas with her today,and in doin so,I've realized that she too is getting older and in this process is starting to have memory problems,repeats things,but overall she's in excellent health.

When she passes away,I'll remember her the most,as my other grandparents I was too young to "really" get to know them.

1969Mach1 · 12-26-2001, 12:36 AM

Sorry to hear about that, I lost my grandfather when I was 4, I don't remember anything but my grandfather from that age period. Only being 4 we were already close. He used to take me lots of places, I was his favorite grandson I was told. I think about him all the time and miss him so much. I know he would of been my best friend, we would of had tons in common. It isn't loosing someone that is close to you, I've been lucky I havn't lost any family members since then.

She sounded like she lived a good life with a great grandson like yourself, don't be sad cause she is gone, be happy because you got to spend time with her. Once my Grandfather there started to be family arguements, and my grandmother and dad got into a fight and now I havn't talked to my Grandmother in about 4-5 years if not more. And she lives right next to my uncle (House is attached) and the sad thing is she wouldn't even probably reconise me if she seen me.

Happy Holidays, and don't worry your grandmother is looking down watching over you and your family. She wouldn't want you to be sad on Christmas.

Mercury · 12-26-2001, 01:43 AM

Bri32Z

I'm sorry to hear that. It is okay to cry, regardless of ones age. Crying is not a sign of weakness, it is a showing of emotions. And there is nothing wrong with emotions. To not cry and let your feelings come to the surface can cause a much longer duration of pain. Pain usually blocks acceptance, and understanding.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your belated Grandmother. She must of been a real special person. I'm not sure if your religouis or not, but she still is a real special person. I'm sure she is smiling down on you now. Keep your memories close in your heart, and everytime you think of her, smile. For you were the lucky one to have known her, and only you have those memories. Think more of the good times had, than the end.

If you need anyone to talk to Bri32z, I'm here for you. Just e-mail me or PM me.

Once again, my prayers go out to you and your grandmother.

Crazy Horse GT · 12-26-2001, 01:54 AM

brian i know you e-mailed me this morning,but if you want to talk when you get back call me, i know how you feel there is no way to describe it,im so sorry for your loss my grandmother was very special to me,she passed away almost 1 year to the day after my mom it was a whole year of he-l for me,my prayer's and hopes are with you,but her suffering is over,i really hate it for you & your family take care man, talk to you later.marty

StoplightWarrior · 12-26-2001, 02:46 AM

My thoughts go out to you. Im sorry to hear of your loss.

6T9PONY · 12-26-2001, 03:35 AM

Like some of these guys have said, she is happy now. Knowing that, use it to cheer yourself up!

MustangKelly96 · 12-26-2001, 06:28 AM

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

Kelly

mustangdani55 · 12-26-2001, 09:15 AM

sorry for your loss, dude..i'm praying for you and your family.

lx mike · 12-26-2001, 06:18 PM

brian: so sorry to hear about your grandmother! a few years ago i lost my last grandfather and still can hear his voice to this day when i go to my aunties. he luved to talk and anyone that stood by him was sure to hear what was on his mind, i luved to sit with him and hear him talk about old times and the thing my father used to do when he and my mom just met. it's especially hard around the hollidays cause they are a time for family to be together and thought of.

brian, i tried to send you an e-mail but it say your not allowing ny from here. check your private messages for my contact info

1BAD89 · 12-27-2001, 12:55 AM

Sorry to hear that...

I hope things get better.

PKRWUD · 01-01-2002, 11:25 AM

I haven't heard from my Dad since my parents got divorced in 1985. After that, the only family I had left was my Mother and my Grandmother (Mom's Mom). In 1993, my Grandmother had a small stroke, and my Mother got laid off and couldn't find work, so she moved to Florida to live with and care for my Grandmother. My Grandmother got better, but my Mom continued to live with her. They both told me privately it was wonderful, and created a relationship between them that was more like best friends than Mother and daughter. Every year, my Mother would tell me I had to come out for Christmas because it was probably going to be my Grandmother's last one. I always wanted to go anyway, but my Mom still felt the need to make my Grandmothers health sound so much worse than it was. She did gradually get worse, but we all grew much closer each year. We each knew that we were all each other had, and we made the most of it. When I was there for Christmas 1999, my Grandmother and I spent most of the time together, and one day she fell and cut her forehead while I was at the store. I rushed her to the ER, but she insisted she was fine and not to bother. As it turns out, she was right, and ended up with a couple nasty bruises, but that was it. While we were sitting in the ER waiting room, I mentioned us doing something the next time I came to visit, and she told me that the next time I came out would be for her funeral. Again she was right. She hadn't said it in a negative way, it was more like her way of reassuring me that she was ready to die, and that that was okay. This really troubled me, but in reflection it was me being selfish. I didn't want her to go. None the less, when I was leaving for home that time, I sat with her for 15 minutes and told her that I really wanted to see her again the following year, but that I understood that she might die, and that those were possibly the last minutes together we would ever have. I told her how much I loved her, and thanked her for all the things I could think of. I remembered things I hadn't thought of for 20 years, like the after dinner walks she and I would go on when I was 7 or 8, and all the times she had been there for me. That was the hardest conversation I have ever had with someone. The following September, my Mother started in with the same old concerns about her health, and how I should come out for Christmas. By this point, it was kinda like crying wolf. I didn't give it anymore merit than I had in the past. I was going to come out for Christmas anyway, and was bothered by her calls. In November, about 2 weeks before my Grandmothers 89th birthday, I was sitting outside T.G.I.Friday's having a cigarette, when I suddenly knew something had happened. I went back in and excused myself, and went home early. I checked the answering machine, and there were two messages from my Mother. She was calling to tell me my Grandmother had died. I went upstairs and sat on the sofa, and just started balling. I was 34, and hadn't cried in years, yet I cried harder than I think I ever have before. This lasted for about a half hour. I called my Mom, and a couple friends, and was on the verge of tears the whole time. I knew I would cry again after I got off the phone, but I didn't. In fact, never cried again. I was very sad, and wanted to cry, but I couldn't. My anger quickly subsided because I remembered our talk the last time I saw her. I kept trying to think of things I wished I had told her, but I couldn't think of any. I had absolutely no regrets. I was still selfishly wanting her to be around for me, but I still had no regrets. There wasn't anything I wish I had done, or wished I had said, because I did it all, and said it all, and we had our goodbyes. It was really a very wonderful thing. When my best friend died in a scuba diving accident in '94, I hated everything and everyone because all I could think of was all of the things I wished I had told him, and now couldn't, but this was not the case with my Grandmother. The funeral was tough, but after it was over, I felt no sorrow. She was in a better place, and she died knowing I loved her. It's still tough at times, but having had that 15 minute talk really made it all easier. I hated having that conversation, and it was so difficult, but I now know that it is what made things okay.

Brian, I am really so sorry for your loss, and I do have a pretty good idea how you're feeling. I hope that you and she shared something similar to what I did with my Grandmother, because that will help tremendously. Even if you didn't, I'm sure she knew how much you loved her, and she passed with those pleasant thoughts on her mind. Moms and Grandmoms are incredible at knowing how you feel, even when you don't always say it. I hope you are able to replace the sorrow in your heart with the joy that you gained from the years of wonderful moments you two spent together. You should always remember that she was very proud of you and your accomplishments, and will forever be smiling when you succeed at anything you try.

Take care,
-Chris

12-25-2001, 08:05 PM	#1
bri32z street racing junkie Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 231	Very Sad X-Mas for my Family This morning I awoke to a phone call at 5am. It was my mother. She told me my grandmother died this morning around 4. I tried my hardest to enjoy christmas with my children but I was just too sad. I know will have to drive 12hrs to my old home in South FL to go to the funeral. I try not to cry but it is hard not to. My grandmother and I were VERY close. She was the one I always called for personal advice. Being an older man (35) I thought I could handle my grandmother passing without loosing it. But that is not the case. I can not stop hearing her voice and remebering her ever so awakening smile. She was such of a sweetie. So to those of you out there that do not talk much to their grandparents I advise that you do so and tell them that you love them. I sure will miss her. She will no longer suffer, she is in a better place now.

12-25-2001, 08:12 PM	#2
RAGE_5.0 Registered Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Leamington, Ontario, Canada Posts: 767	man i'm sorry to hear that i saw my grand parents for the first time in a few months today __________________ Black 1990 Cobra Mac offroad H pipe, Hooker aerochambers , k&n bunch of stuff that I'm to lazy to type out sitting in my room

12-25-2001, 08:27 PM	#4
tireburner163 It's a lot like a race car Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Meridian, MS Posts: 4,130	bri32z I know how feel. Several years ago I lost my grandfather. He and I were VERY close. He is the one who made me into the car guy I am today(much to the dislike of my g/f). He is THE reason I own a Mustang instead of a Camaro. I still remember is laugh and the smell of his pipe smoke. I remember him showing me how to power-shifting his Fairlane and the fishing trips we took every Saturday. People will tell you that is will be OK. Well I'm sorry to tell you it will never be OK. It's does get better, but their will always be a void in my heart and life. You eventully learn to live with it. But I can tell you this. I will ALWAYS remember the great times I had with my Grandpa and I will always cherish the memories that I have of him. I know that he is in a better place and that he is no longer suffering. BUT I know that one day I will get to see him again and that, that project 63 Falcon will be there and that this time we'll finish it. And I will hear his laugh and smell his pipe smoke again. I don't know if this helps you any but, I thought I would share my story with you. Any of you who have grandparents that are still alive. Call them, wish them a Merry Chirstmas and just tell them that you love them. Josh __________________ 1987 Buick T-type 1998 HD Electra Elide

12-25-2001, 08:53 PM	#7
Stang Runner Registered Member Join Date: Jun 1999 Location: Walker, MI, USA Posts: 1,202	I know how you fell anout 5 months ago I lost my grampa I was very close to him live with us for 10 years......... __________________ Engine: steel mounts, Under drive pulleys, K&N, GT-40 Intake ported Lower, No power steering, No A/C, Mac cold intake, 65MM TB, 255 Fuel pump, 24's, AFR 165 58cc, Rocker Arms 1.7with the stock Cam, 1 5/8 short headers, offRoad X-pipe Drive Train: 3.55, T-5 with a Pro 5.0 shifter 12.656@107.71MPH See It at www.T-racing.com/mustang.htm

12-25-2001, 10:25 PM	#8
joe4speed He said Member...heh, heh Join Date: Sep 1999 Location: Jupiter, Florida U.S.A. Posts: 3,718	My thoughts are with you. I, myself, find it very hard to deal with Christmas this year. This is the first year without my Father, and Grandmother. My Dad died in January and my Grandmother a week after he died. I know it's hard for all in our family, but especially for my Mom. She will have it the hardest. I was so glad that I got to spend it with her. I love her dearly, and can't imagine the pain she must feel on a daily basis. Keep your chin up, and take solace knowing she'd in a much better place, cherish your memories. __________________ *Joe!* 1988 GT, 13.58@101mph Check out my listing! Click here! Or my website:www.joe4speed.com

12-25-2001, 08:15 PM	#3
gt lee Guest Posts: n/a	My prayers and heart go out to you. I know that today is a sad day for you, and that it has been hard. And like you said she is no longer suffering and she is with God now, there is no better place for someone like your grandmother. I know how you feel I lost my mother at Thanksgiving severl years ago and around the holidays it is hard. But I think and remember all the wonderful things in life and in general that she taught me and it makes me smile and love her oh so much. You take care of yourself and my prayers are there for your family and you.

12-25-2001, 08:34 PM	#5
bri32z street racing junkie Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 231	Thank you so much guys for the encouragement. Damn this sucks. My mom is holding up better than I am. Loosing a loved one is real hard. I lost my wife years ago in an accident and it is now easier for me but like TireBurner said there will always be a void. God Bless you all

12-25-2001, 08:38 PM	#6
gt lee Guest Posts: n/a	God Bless You.

12-25-2001, 11:45 PM	#9
Fox Body Mustang Maniac Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: GA, U.S.A Posts: 2,266	sigh Really sorry to hear that bri32z. Death can really SUCK sometimes. I dunno, I know that one day my parents will die (I don't know my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc b/c my dad is from Jamaica and my mom from Panama and so my relatives are spread out throughout the world), and I know it won't be an easy thing to deal with (really hope I'm married b4 that happens), but I can't imagine losing a wife (or my brother). Man. Can't really say if I could handle that or not. Don't take this the wrong way, but sometimes, I wish I could just desensitize myself from loving life so much. What's so special about life if at anytime it can just be ripped away from us? Death is such a waste. ...pisses me off. The more people I know who die, the more bitter and cynical I become (and I know this is not the right attitude). Just kinda seeems like we're just being toyed with: "Oooh, give the little kid an ice cream cone on a hot day, let him take a few licks and then knock it out of his hand onto the ground!" --sorry for my bad attitude... __________________ 351W-powered 1979 Ford Mustang Ghia notchback '79 Video @ Idle Stock 5.8L under 4" cowl 'glass hood, C4 w/ Transgo shift kit, Holley 750 cfm, Edelbrock Performer RPM intake; Fluidyne Al radiator, Flexalite 175 electric fan, 1 5/8" MAC shorty headers, FRPP Al driveshaft; S&W 6-point cage; 2.5" Off road H-pipe, 2-chamber Flowmasters, 8.8" Rear w/ 3.55s; Weld wheels (15x6;15x8), Front: 225/60/15, Rear: 275/50/15 Nitto NT 555R Drag Radials; 14 x 4” K&N X-stream air filter. '92 GT (5-speed) Small In Car Video Stock 5.0L, 2-chamber Flowmasters, MAC CAI, Tri-Ax, Al pedals... "Red, thou art my companion. Hasten now your quickened metamorphosis to Green that I may conquer all who dare abide there beside me. May they be left thither behind burnt black." ---Fox Body

12-26-2001, 12:36 AM	#11
1969Mach1 HEY I CAN SET A NAME NOW! Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 2,556	Sorry to hear about that, I lost my grandfather when I was 4, I don't remember anything but my grandfather from that age period. Only being 4 we were already close. He used to take me lots of places, I was his favorite grandson I was told. I think about him all the time and miss him so much. I know he would of been my best friend, we would of had tons in common. It isn't loosing someone that is close to you, I've been lucky I havn't lost any family members since then. She sounded like she lived a good life with a great grandson like yourself, don't be sad cause she is gone, be happy because you got to spend time with her. Once my Grandfather there started to be family arguements, and my grandmother and dad got into a fight and now I havn't talked to my Grandmother in about 4-5 years if not more. And she lives right next to my uncle (House is attached) and the sad thing is she wouldn't even probably reconise me if she seen me. Happy Holidays, and don't worry your grandmother is looking down watching over you and your family. She wouldn't want you to be sad on Christmas. __________________ 1969 Mustang Mach 1Sold 351-4V Windsor, 4 Speed MACH 1 - Moving At The Speed Of Sound. 1979 Mustang Indianapolis 500 Pace Car For Sale - Email me for Info 302-2V, 3-Speed Auto One of 2,106 made One of 405 sent to Canada. Yes those are caution lights, and No you can't pass me when there on. Ricer Hater's Club - Member #4

12-26-2001, 01:43 AM	#12
Mercury The Redneck James Bond Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Fayetteville NC Posts: 1,707	Bri32Z I'm sorry to hear that. It is okay to cry, regardless of ones age. Crying is not a sign of weakness, it is a showing of emotions. And there is nothing wrong with emotions. To not cry and let your feelings come to the surface can cause a much longer duration of pain. Pain usually blocks acceptance, and understanding. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your belated Grandmother. She must of been a real special person. I'm not sure if your religouis or not, but she still is a real special person. I'm sure she is smiling down on you now. Keep your memories close in your heart, and everytime you think of her, smile. For you were the lucky one to have known her, and only you have those memories. Think more of the good times had, than the end. If you need anyone to talk to Bri32z, I'm here for you. Just e-mail me or PM me. Once again, my prayers go out to you and your grandmother.

12-26-2001, 01:54 AM	#13
Crazy Horse GT Registered Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Sale Creek, TN. C. S. A. Posts: 4,652	brian i know you e-mailed me this morning,but if you want to talk when you get back call me, i know how you feel there is no way to describe it,im so sorry for your loss my grandmother was very special to me,she passed away almost 1 year to the day after my mom it was a whole year of he-l for me,my prayer's and hopes are with you,but her suffering is over,i really hate it for you & your family take care man, talk to you later.marty __________________ 95 gt vert, lot's of stuff, it aint slow. 04 sonic blue v - six my beater 89 rs camaro iroc turbo hood, other stuff, my wifes ride 84 lx stang cammed up 289 hi po, etc 65 falcon, maybe by the year 2020. black 00gt, gone but never forgotten. R H C- member # 1 o.b.c. da prez- member # 1 if your under 40 dont ask. goodbye for now odie,r.i.p. 11-27-03

12-26-2001, 02:46 AM	#14
StoplightWarrior Registered Member Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Nor-Cal Posts: 1,311	My thoughts go out to you. Im sorry to hear of your loss.

12-26-2001, 03:35 AM	#15
6T9PONY All about the Windsor. Join Date: Feb 2000 Posts: 2,052	Like some of these guys have said, she is happy now. Knowing that, use it to cheer yourself up!

12-26-2001, 06:28 AM	#16
MustangKelly96 Registered Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: The Great State of Indiana Posts: 353	My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. Kelly

12-26-2001, 09:15 AM	#17
mustangdani55 Registered Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Indianapolis, Indiana USA Posts: 334	sorry for your loss, dude..i'm praying for you and your family.

12-26-2001, 06:18 PM	#18
lx mike Undescribable Join Date: Sep 1998 Location: Ft Myers Fla Posts: 1,539	brian: so sorry to hear about your grandmother! a few years ago i lost my last grandfather and still can hear his voice to this day when i go to my aunties. he luved to talk and anyone that stood by him was sure to hear what was on his mind, i luved to sit with him and hear him talk about old times and the thing my father used to do when he and my mom just met. it's especially hard around the hollidays cause they are a time for family to be together and thought of. brian, i tried to send you an e-mail but it say your not allowing ny from here. check your private messages for my contact info __________________ Rice Haters Club Member #101

12-27-2001, 12:55 AM	#19
1BAD89 Tubbed and Juiced Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Posts: 1,861	Sorry to hear that... I hope things get better.

01-01-2002, 11:25 AM	#20
PKRWUD Junior Member Join Date: Mar 1999 Location: Ventura, California Posts: 8,981	I haven't heard from my Dad since my parents got divorced in 1985. After that, the only family I had left was my Mother and my Grandmother (Mom's Mom). In 1993, my Grandmother had a small stroke, and my Mother got laid off and couldn't find work, so she moved to Florida to live with and care for my Grandmother. My Grandmother got better, but my Mom continued to live with her. They both told me privately it was wonderful, and created a relationship between them that was more like best friends than Mother and daughter. Every year, my Mother would tell me I had to come out for Christmas because it was probably going to be my Grandmother's last one. I always wanted to go anyway, but my Mom still felt the need to make my Grandmothers health sound so much worse than it was. She did gradually get worse, but we all grew much closer each year. We each knew that we were all each other had, and we made the most of it. When I was there for Christmas 1999, my Grandmother and I spent most of the time together, and one day she fell and cut her forehead while I was at the store. I rushed her to the ER, but she insisted she was fine and not to bother. As it turns out, she was right, and ended up with a couple nasty bruises, but that was it. While we were sitting in the ER waiting room, I mentioned us doing something the next time I came to visit, and she told me that the next time I came out would be for her funeral. Again she was right. She hadn't said it in a negative way, it was more like her way of reassuring me that she was ready to die, and that that was okay. This really troubled me, but in reflection it was me being selfish. I didn't want her to go. None the less, when I was leaving for home that time, I sat with her for 15 minutes and told her that I really wanted to see her again the following year, but that I understood that she might die, and that those were possibly the last minutes together we would ever have. I told her how much I loved her, and thanked her for all the things I could think of. I remembered things I hadn't thought of for 20 years, like the after dinner walks she and I would go on when I was 7 or 8, and all the times she had been there for me. That was the hardest conversation I have ever had with someone. The following September, my Mother started in with the same old concerns about her health, and how I should come out for Christmas. By this point, it was kinda like crying wolf. I didn't give it anymore merit than I had in the past. I was going to come out for Christmas anyway, and was bothered by her calls. In November, about 2 weeks before my Grandmothers 89th birthday, I was sitting outside T.G.I.Friday's having a cigarette, when I suddenly knew something had happened. I went back in and excused myself, and went home early. I checked the answering machine, and there were two messages from my Mother. She was calling to tell me my Grandmother had died. I went upstairs and sat on the sofa, and just started balling. I was 34, and hadn't cried in years, yet I cried harder than I think I ever have before. This lasted for about a half hour. I called my Mom, and a couple friends, and was on the verge of tears the whole time. I knew I would cry again after I got off the phone, but I didn't. In fact, never cried again. I was very sad, and wanted to cry, but I couldn't. My anger quickly subsided because I remembered our talk the last time I saw her. I kept trying to think of things I wished I had told her, but I couldn't think of any. I had absolutely no regrets. I was still selfishly wanting her to be around for me, but I still had no regrets. There wasn't anything I wish I had done, or wished I had said, because I did it all, and said it all, and we had our goodbyes. It was really a very wonderful thing. When my best friend died in a scuba diving accident in '94, I hated everything and everyone because all I could think of was all of the things I wished I had told him, and now couldn't, but this was not the case with my Grandmother. The funeral was tough, but after it was over, I felt no sorrow. She was in a better place, and she died knowing I loved her. It's still tough at times, but having had that 15 minute talk really made it all easier. I hated having that conversation, and it was so difficult, but I now know that it is what made things okay. Brian, I am really so sorry for your loss, and I do have a pretty good idea how you're feeling. I hope that you and she shared something similar to what I did with my Grandmother, because that will help tremendously. Even if you didn't, I'm sure she knew how much you loved her, and she passed with those pleasant thoughts on her mind. Moms and Grandmoms are incredible at knowing how you feel, even when you don't always say it. I hope you are able to replace the sorrow in your heart with the joy that you gained from the years of wonderful moments you two spent together. You should always remember that she was very proud of you and your accomplishments, and will forever be smiling when you succeed at anything you try. Take care, -Chris __________________ Webmaster: Rice Haters Club Jim Porter Racing Peckerwoods Pit Stop Support Your Local RED & WHITE!

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