Its painfully Obvious that I need to Relearn of few things.

[Mercury]

It has become very obvious to me that I need to relearn a few things.

I think I need to take some more time for myself before going to into another relationship. I find myself expecting to have a relationship that was at the level of me and my ex-girlfriends already with Marya.

After 4 years of seeing someone, I forgot how to take things slowly. And I can already tell I've come off as somewhat pushy. So before I do any more damage to the small/begining relationship I do have with Marya, I'm going to back off the throttle.

Something else that has thrown me a curve is this is the first person I've dated that has a child, and an extreme amount of responsability. I keep forgeting to consider that she has a very busy life, and I don't, in comparison.

Then I wonder if its just me, not being ready for another relationship yet. Maybe I do need more of a cool down period. Or maybe I'm just too excited. I don't know.

I'm just rather clueless as to what to do and what to expect out of this relationship. I'm rarely clueless, and usually have an idea of what should be and needs done for me to achive my goals.

This time I'm pretty much 100% in the dark. I hate being in the dark. I'm afraid of the darkness that blocks my vision of things to come and that hinders me from seeing the right decision to make. Its really a scary thing.

I know no one is sure of what the future holds, but most people have enough hindsight that they know what general direction life is taking them, or what general direction a relationship is going. I feel like I'm driving down a road at 2 in the morning in the back woods with no lights and no moon.

I hate that. Then I think it's just me and my ignorance that causes such blindness and I could just kick myself. I feel like a little kid all over again, and not in a good way. Kinda like I just did something really bad and the principal is calling my mom kinda feeling. You know, when you were in 3rd grade, and the teacher yells at you and embarrasses you in front of everyone, then walks out to tell the principal. Thats the feeling I got. I'm in trouble and in for a rude awakening.

Mercury out.

[Coupe Devil]

Hey ol' buddy ol' pal.

Don't be so hard on yourself. I've been single for over four years. In this time I have forgotten everything I ever knew about flirtin' with a girl or trying to impress one. I totally understand what your feeling but I am on the other end of the spectrum.

When I hang out with my friends and a girl shows any kind of interest in what I say or do, I get totally flustered and confused. I get where I can't talk plain and start acting stupid and end up screwing something up. I have several friends that I would really like to date but - I have no idea if they would agree. I'm pretty well open to anything and anybody so when someone actually shows interest or flirts with me I've screwed up several times by asking a girl out when she was just being nice and had absolutely no romantic interest in me at all.

Don't worry man. You said this:
Or maybe I just get too excited. I dont know.
You have to be the cool, calm and collected guy that a girl will notice for that and not be all goofy and stuff. It's hard to control excitement when that one girl walks into the room, but you can - and have - to do it. I'm not saying show no interest, but suddenly I believe its the best way to win the hearts of millions.

Don't let yourself get tied down to one person just yet. I'm not saying to go out and start sleeping with every girl you can find (unless it works for you) but If theres grass on the field, play it man. Don't become a 'womanizer' or anything like that but JUST HAVE FUN!

Maybe this will help. Some of it may not or even pertain to your situation but I needed a little vent, too.

I would love to be dating someone right now. Four years is a long time. I get kinda 'Lonely' sometimes but it's all good. I know the right person is out there for me, somewhere, It would be a bonus if she had her own truck and boat but hey, I'll take what I can get!

There is a line in a song that says. "Your not the best, but your the best I could do".
I can't remember who sings it. I'm not expecting to date Julia Roberts (even though she is single and lonely and warm and soft... ) oh nevermind... I'm just sayin...oh heck, I dont know what I'm sayin anymore!

Just have fun, follow your heart. Good things happen to good people. You're a good person. A little twisted sometimes but hey, who isn't? The right person will come along. If Marya isn't that someone...no biggie. 'She'll' turn up sooner or later.

Brad

Remember: Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things. - George Carlin.

[Mr 5 0]

Mercury:

My take on your situation is this: Your feelings of inadequacy are probably a good indicator that you're a bit over your head with this woman and need to take it very slow here.

We all need to sort ourselves out after a long-term relationship ends as it's always a big adjustment , sometimes with lots of negative feelings attached.

I think that your ability to be introspective is a big plus that will help you get through this emotionally uncharted time in your life.

I suggest that you continue to look at your situation with a few basic questions to answer:

1. How do you want this relationship (with Marya) to end? Marriage? No? Why not?

2. If not marriage, what?

As you stated, you may really need more time to 'cool down' and refocus. It's natural and normal to get excited at the prospect of a new relationship with an interesting woman like Marya, but what do you really expect to happen and where do you want it to go? In other words, the chase is exciting but what happens when you 'catch' her?

Until you can answer those serious questions, you may just want to keep the relationship on a friendly level without any big expectations, much less intimacy. This isn't high school. Your dealing with a grown woman with real responsibilities; a child and a business to run. She may not be ready for a 'serious' relationship either. You two need to talk these things out.

If you're not emotionally prepared to take on these adult responsibilities with her and make her and her child the center of your life, you may need more time and very possibly a different kind of girlfriend; one that doesn't have the serious responsibilities Marya carries and one that just wants to date casually with no expectations of marriage or commitment for awhile.

I commend you for your mature and responsible attitude in this situation. Consider the various possibilities here and continue to do some introspection but don't analyze it to death, either. Just take things slow, talk to her, spend as much time as possible and don't let physical attraction or fear of the unknown blind you or scare you away.
You'll do fine.

Of course, this is just my opinion. I could be wrong.

[Coupe Devil]

Merc:

Not to take away from the seriousness of your topic but...Mr 5.0 - is there anything you don't know?

I've really come to rely on your suggestions. As you haven't made any to my threads I can think of much of what you say has helped me out in situations I get myself into.

I used to be the kid that just made fun of (older) people j/k, but you 'older' guys really know whats goin on. Thanks for helping us young bucks out.
I appreciate it.

Thanks again,

Brad

[DRASTiK]

Merc,
I have a two different things to say.

First: Two and a half years ago, I was single without a care in the world. Now, I've been married a little over a year with three step children and my first child on the way. I'm in my low twenties to top it all off. I never thought I'd be where I am now, but I wouldn't change any of it for the world. I love my family and the kids are great. Yes, it kinda ended my night life, and it's a big responsibility but it's well worth it for me.
You may - or may not - feel differently.

Second: When it comes to being in the dark and feeling uneasy about not knowing what to expect. I say: why worry about it? I suggest you try and look at it with excitement, not knowing what's gonna happen in the near future. Sometimes the best things in life are very unexpected.

Good Luck man,

Dave

[tireburner163]

Merc, in my opinion (not that it's right) I think you not only need to back off the throttle, you need to get in a Civic.

She is starting at business (my Dad did this: VERY stressful) and she has a small child. Both are big responsibilities. I highly doubt she wants someone in her life going "Look at me, look at me!".(no offense intended, just a example thats on the extreme side). Just take it slow and see how things work out. They may not, if not, so be it.

Have you thought about talking to her about this? It may or may not be a good idea (you'll have to be the judge of that). You seem to fear that your going to die alone. I HIGHLY doubt that! You are a young guy, you have plenty of time left. My grandfather told me once: "If you look for love you will never find it, but if you enjoy the time you have here on earth, love will find you."

Marya may be the one for you - maybe not. You can't waste time worrying about it. Just have fun and enjoy life.

Josh, aka the tireburner

[gt lee]

Mr 5 0: May I say you are a very smart and intelligent man; your advise was so good, and as one of the 'older' group,
I agree with you completely.

To all you younger guys: Listen and learn from 5 0.
He knows what he's talking about and gives you guys the best advice I have heard from a man in a long time (except from crazyhorse of course).

I wish you all the best in your life of growing up and I don't mean that in any bad way. Life can be hard at times but it also helps us to learn and grow.

Good luck to all of you.

Odie

[Fox Body]

Originally posted by tireburner163
..."If you look for love you will never find it, but if you enjoy the time you have here on earth, love will find you."...
Hg, there really isn't much I can add to the wonderful advice already given in this thread. But I just want to say that I'm glad you are reevaluating your position or just maybe slowing down a little and trying to take it easy. I very much agree with what tireburner quoted. You are sort of being "tried in the fire" and if you allow, it will make you a better person. Now is the time of learning and when you get through this specific life experience, you will be able to give adivice to others who will go through very similar experiences so when that time comes, make sure you don't deny them your wisdom.

[Mercury]

Thank you everyone for advice and input. I began to realize that I was over my head the night I went over her apartment.

I came to the conclusion that I either needed to find another women more like the ones I've dated in the past, or make a serouis effort to understand and work with this women, and have a more meaningfull and complete relationship.

I've never taken the easy way in anything I do.:D

Today was when I realized what you all ment when you told me to slow down in the prevoius thread. Not neccassarily slow down the growth of feelings towards the women, but to slow down my approach. In a way, to demand less attention of this person. TireBurner, I think you hit the nail on the head with the "Look at me. Look at me!" statement.

MR 5.0

You are right as usual, and of course, as usual posted your reply in such a great way.

I ask myself those questions everytime there is a prospect. I would not see anyone if I could not see myself marrying them. To me, there is no point in a relationship if it can not grow, and reach higher levels. I would not waist my time or effort on any other relationship.

As for bieng intimate, There is nothing physcially wrong with me, but I have other problems that keep me from seeking intimate relationships. Put it this way, I dont like ANYONE touching me. NO ONE...I cant even hug my parents, or my family with out cringing. A pat on the back from a Co-WOrker/friend/aquantance/family even sends chills down my spine.

I can handle it only if I trust the person to an extent for which there is no words to describe, and usually by that point, I have already told them why I am the way I am. So intimacy is far from being a priority, and far from important at this time. One day that bridge will be crossed, but I have much more important things to think of.

Thank you everyone for your words of wisdom. They have helped me understand things, and see things alot clearer.

[tireburner163]

Well Merc, not to sound like a *** or anything(I'm sorry if I do). To be brutaly honest, none of your realationships in the past have worked out. Marya maybe be just what your looking for, something different that you've never tried before. Maybe she will be the one you've always been looking for. Maybe not, who knows. I can't tell you, no one can.

Here's something my grandpa(a very wise man, in my opinion) once told me, "Son, women are all trouble. There's two things you can do about it, quit lovin em or love em a whole lot more. Which or course gets ya in more trouble. It's murder. But I wouldn't trade the life I've have with you Grandma for anything in the world"

Josh, aka the tireburner

[rbatson]

Originally posted by tireburner163
My grandfather told me once, "If you look for love you will never find it, but if you enjoy the time you have here on earth, love will find you." Marya may be the one for you, maybe not. You can't waste time worring about it. Just have fun and enjoy life.



I just think you need to find yourself bro, Good Luck..

[Fox Body]

tireburner, I'm starting to like your grandpa. He seems like a real cool guy. :)

[Mercury]

Rbatson.

I'm not thinking of marrying anyone. You might of taken what I said out of context. I wont date someone who I couldnt picture my self bieng married to. Not sure if the clarifies things.

Tireburner.

If I remember correctly, you mentioned your grandfather passed away, right? He sounds like a very wise and good hearted man. It would of been an honor to meet him.

My Grandpa and I are real close. Were like best friends. I talk to him on the phone alot. I can talk to him for hours. He sounds alot like your grandfather.

[Mustangbelle306]

its nice to see all the usual great advice being given here :) but I must say Mercury, all the conclusions you've drawn about yourself are mostly characteristics that your fellow Mustangworkers have pointed out countless times in your usually romantically oriented posts, and mistakes you seem to keep repeating :(.

What I'm trying to say is that you should realize that others may see things about yourself that you don't, especially those people that have your best interests at heart:)

[Mercury]

Originally posted by Mustangbelle306
its nice to see all the usual great advice being given here :) but I must say Mercury, all the conclusions you've drawn about yourself are mostly characteristics that your fellow Mustangworkers have pointed out countless times in your usually romantically oriented posts, and mistakes you seem to keep repeating :(.



Human kind is a creature of habit. As for mistakes bieng made repeatedly, which ones? Enlighten me.

Do you mean in my prior relationship? I may have made the same mistake then buy taking the girl back everytime, but Love is no Mistake.

I didnt mean to infer that the relationship is in trouble so much as I feel like I stepped in over my head. But I can swim..;) I did not forsee all the responseability she has, and the little time.

What I was, I guess, Indirectly reffering to is my expectations. I can not expect me and Marya to be as close so quickly. I have been spoiled by a few a long term relationship (Thats all I really have) and the closeness that is associated with it. I have to start all over again. Am I making sense?

[Mach 1]

Man, you havent been "spoiled by a few long term relationships"...you have "enjoyed long term relationships".

see the difference? Your soundling lonely and dependant. woman dont want that. learn to make yourself happy first. dont count on anybody else to make you happy, including a woman.


Until then, RELAX, nobody has all the answers (with the possible exception of Mr 5.0) and we all learn as we go along, at our own pace. Life can be hard, but in the end, you will be stronger for it.

[tireburner163]

Originally posted by Mercury
If I remember correctly, you mentioned your grandfather passed away, right? He sounds like a very wise and good hearted man. It would of been an honor to meet him.

Yes, he was and always will be a very special part of my life. He always had some advice to give in any situation. I just think he had been around for so darn long he knew just about everything:D.

[Mustangbelle306]

Originally posted by Mercury


Human kind is a creature of habit. As for mistakes bieng made repeatedly, which ones? Enlighten me.

Do you mean in my prior relationship? I may have made the same mistake then buy taking the girl back everytime, but Love is no Mistake.


I didn't really read all those long posts about the ex, I'm referring to all the ones concerning your General Motors gal. Seemed like the overall theme in most people's reply was that you were on the verge of smothering the girl. This is what I mean by repeating mistakes, except this time you caught your own mistake :)

Personally, I loooooooove to be smothered, but only by someone I've been with for a LONG time, and have henceforth agreed on the commencing of the smotherage ;) So you're right, in the fact that you realized that you're rushing things, like yiou did the first time when you thought she stood you up.

On the matter of love isn't a mistake, I didn't pay enough attention back then to really be able to make a comment, but taking someone back over and over when it obviously ISN'T working isn't love, at least in my book. That means 2 people that are not compatiable, and cannot meet enough in the middle to amend and save their relationship. My parents have been married 30 years, and been through it all...now THAT's love :)

I don't doubt that you cared very strongly for your ex, but kicking a dead horse and being miserable enough to post about it all the time doesn't make it a loving relationship, and seems to me you are a much happier person now ;)

Either way, appears that you are finally learning about yourself which is SO great, because it took me years to do that too. I wasted alllll my teen years romantically unhappy :( but I finally figured out what I was doing wrong, and now I've got my head in the clouds 24/7!!!!!!!!!!!

[Rocket 99GT]

DUDE... I am going to do the dirty work in this forum.
First of all there are a bunch of guys in this forum that are tired of seeing your posts about girl problems or your stories about the place where you work.
Look.... part of becoming a man is to be able to take "hits" without a referee.
I know this is making you upset and most likely you will come back crying (like you always do) with a replay but for heaven sake please GROW UP AND TAKE IT LIKE A MAN.

[Mustangbelle306]

Originally posted by Rocket 99GT
DUDE... I am going to do the dirty work in this forum.
First of all there are a bunch of guys in this forum that are tired of seeing your posts about girl problems or your stories about the place where you work.
Look.... part of becoming a man is to be able to take "hits" without a referee.
I know this is making you upset and most likely you will come back crying (like you always do) with a replay but for heaven sake please GROW UP AND TAKE IT LIKE A MAN.

Er...I'm going to have to agree with this. Its kind of what I was sugarcoating in my previous posts. The whining...has...gotta stop man, for real....:rolleyes:

[mustangdani55]

Hey Damien... I have something to say to you and i will pm you on that..but I need to say this to rocket99GT. Some of us that post here are a little more sympathetic than others..you being one of those in the other class..

If you didn't notice, there are alot of "friends" around here and all i have to say to you is if you don't like what Mercury or anyone else puts out on the board..DON'T read it and certainly don't respond to it.

Mercury is always there for us when we need him, and if he wants to share his feelings about whatever, he hass that right and we as his friends have the right to read and respond to his heartache.

Nobody invited you to this party, so .......
:p

[Mercury]

Hmmmmm Intersting Rocket 99 GT. Still upset I see at my post about your opinion on larger displacement engines?

If you dont care to read my posts, then why do you? Seems to be a matter of choice. As for growing up, I think I have. I just care to post my feelings, and ask for advice with people I trust. Wouldnt you.

As for work, who really enjoys there job? Do you?

As for taking hits, I'm obviously capable of it, or I would not be seeing anyone, nor would I be working where I work at. Hmmmm Isnt that obvious. Maybe you didnt consider things carefully before making your post.

I'm management, I have alot of responsablitly at my job, I'm in charge of a good number of people and there productivity. I have to answer to any productivity problems and report to higher ups. I pay my own bills, put my self through six years of full time college while working. How is that not being responsible or grown up. I have made the time to teach myself the thing that I am intersted in when the college does not offer course's.

If any one here is tired of my posts other than Rocket 99. Tell me, and I will go away.

I fail to see how the lack of confidence in ones self is a sign of not bieng grown up. If you have taken the time, or can comprehend the under lying meaning, I think that you would see that the root of my problems isnt indecisiveness, or lack of maturity, but lack of confidence. Read alittle closer next time bub.

Mercury signing out.

[Mercury]

Same goes for you MustangBelle. Every women does not think like you or have the same fundamental feelings or views on relationships. That is so Dear Abbie like.

[Mustangbelle306]

Originally posted by mustangdani55
Hey Damien... I have something to say to you and i will pm you on that..but I need to say this to rocket99GT. Some of us that post here are a little more sympathetic than others..you being one of those in the other class..

If you didn't notice, there are alot of "friends" around here and all i have to say to you is if you don't like what Mercury or anyone else puts out on the board..DON'T read it and certainly don't respond to it.

Mercury is always there for us when we need him, and if he wants to share his feelings about whatever, he hass that right and we as his friends have the right to read and respond to his heartache.

Nobody invited you to this party, so .......
:p

I think you are misunderstanding his post. This isn't meant to be some "bash poor mercury" party :rolleyes: Its kinda like ripping the band aid off REAL fast...I value a friend MORE that tells me the God honest truth, no BS, as opposed to someone that molly coddles me 24/7. I think its nice what you do for Mercury, but dont rag on someone else for trying the more straightforward approach.....

[Crazy Horse GT]

rocket99gt hey no flames ok get off the merc man, have you ever read his funny stories, there are more of them than him just crying,sorry im not flaming you but back down,merc i got your back,see ya,marty.

[Mustangbelle306]

Originally posted by Mercury
Same goes for you MustangBelle. Every women does not think like you or have the same fundamental feelings or views on relationships. That is so Dear Abbie like.

HAHAHAHAHA you mean the views that all people are inherently good, and people shoudn't stereotype and blame others??? Heaven forbid women have that mindset :rolleyes: lemme tell ya... Or maybe that men are misunderstood, and that women make the same mistakes that men do, and we're all human...perish the thought!!!

Not only that, all my relationship posts are POSITIVE, meant to uplift people and "share my happiness" (yeah, that was cheesy, I know) not to complain and whine about how I keep doing the same stuff over and over...

[mean81GT]

i've been reading along, knowing where merc is comin from because i've been there. everythime i think of something to say, i read the next post and someone else said it. i read this thread from the beginning, and i did so on my own will. the point of belonging to a messageboard is to discuss your likes, dislikes, opinions, feelings, stories, and whatever else you want. this happens to be a Mustang messageboard. but we talk about alot of other things too. When people get together, they sometimes become friends. When people have friends, they ask advice of their friends. They also need a place to vent. I know I do.

If you read a post, and you don't care to participate in the thread, close it and move on to another one. you have that right, as much as Merc has the right to talk to us, his friends.

oh, and mustangbelle, i find it very interesting how you give advice at 1:36PM and support Merc's need for advice and at 2:14PM you denounce the fact that he asks for that advice...

[mustangdani55]

RIGHT ON DUDE!!!!!!!;)

Merc, all your friends that have seen you thru this one and the last one sympathise



LOVE YA :rolleyes:

[Coupe Devil]

Hey man, Drink a case and call me in the morning. Thats the only advice left to give. YOU do what YOU feel is right. No matter what the outcome, it will be best that way.

Brad

[tireburner163]

Originally posted by Mustangbelle306
I value a friend MORE that tells me the God honest truth, no BS, as opposed to someone that molly coddles me 24/7.

Mustangbelle306 Well you see, I'm not BS'ing Mercury. I actually care what happens, and try to help. I don't decounce him for posting about it. If you don't want to read the post, don't. But don't complain about how he souldn't post it. You said that you only post postivie stuff about you relationship.(which BTW Merc. does) If you only want to post the postitive stuff that's fine, but don't denounce Merc for posting the negative aspects. Some people want the opinions of other people who have gone throught the same thing. Or if your like me you might actully considered some of the people on the board "friends" in a way and you want them to know.

Rocket 99GT You said "a bunch of guys in this forum that are tired of seeing your posts about girl problems or your stories about the place where you work." What bunch of guys? So far your the only one. Could it be that there aren't "a bunch of guys"

P.S. Merc there are a lot of us out here that really care. The MW wouldn't be the same without you.

[Mr 5 0]

Thank you everyone for your words of wisdom. They have helped me understand things, and see things a lot clearer. - Mercury

Merc; I think that says about all I need to know on this subject; that you feel well-served by the opinions offered from people who want to help.

**********

The purpose of this 'open' forum is for members/friends to share whatever interests them. Some things will be silly and some will be serious. This thread was one of the more serious type but worth reading and commenting on for some.

I believe Mercury has made it clear that he received some useful information here. The fact that he feels confident enough in the concern of the people on this forum to state his lack of confidence in other areas of his life is a testament to the maturity of the forum's members.

We've seen some tough talk here regarding Merc's stated problems and his angst regarding his current situation and frankly that is to be expected when a wide variety of people view a post and respond; not everyone will see the situation sympathetically or agree with each others point of view. So be it. If everyone agreed all the time it would get pretty dull.

I have to concur with the point made earlier that if one has grown tired of the man's posts, then 'don't go there' when you see his User Name on the topic. Free choice.

I would add that if we have something negative to state in a response, try to do at least do so with some tact. Think about how your words will appear and go back and edit your post if it looks too harsh or comes off too negative.

I think it's obvious that nattering back and forth at each other over who-said-what-and-why is not very useful to anyone and eventually goes nowhere.

**********

Finally; I want to thank Mercury, Brad, Odie and anyone else who was kind enough to say nice things about my post. I appreciate it of course but I certainly don't have any corner on wisdom nor do I know all the answers.
No one does.

I comment with the perspective of one who has experienced most of the things people on this forum go through and are confused about. It's still just one person's opinion. With the disadvantage of not knowing someone personally and only having the information a poster supplies, I have to comment in a somewhat general manner, not knowing if what I understand about a situation is exactly correct.

My advice may be worth about what it costs, but I want to be of help when and where I can and it costs me nothing, either, so why not?

Thanks again for all the input here. It's appreciated.

[Mustangbelle306]

Originally posted by mean81GT
oh, and mustangbelle, i find it very interesting how you give advice at 1:36PM and support Merc's need for advice and at 2:14PM you denounce the fact that he asks for that advice...

oh, and mean81GT, I think its great that you have the time to inspect the time of my posts...:rolleyes:

I wasn't really giving advice. I was saying that it was nice that he finally learned how to look within himself and find out what he is doing wrong. Not only that, he has already started that "not all women think like me" so obviously my advice has not been, and will not be appreciated :). I also think that we all need to be a little less dramatic here...we all know that Mercury is part of the site, as well as Rocket99GT. We don't really need to pat each other on the back and state how much we contribute to the site...we all know WE make up MW ;)

[Mach 1]

I can see both sides of this.

It s nice to nurture and support people, but sometimes what a person needs most is a good "kick in the *****", which is the approach mustangbelle and rocket 99 were taking.

I dont think they were bashing, just trying to help mercury out of his depressed times by tellin him to suck it up and quit whining, which does work sometimes also.

Keep an open mind here, thats all.....were all in this together.

[Mustangbelle306]

Originally posted by Mach 1
I can see both sides of this.

It s nice to nurture and support people, but sometimes what a person needs most is a good "kick in the *****", which is the approach mustangbelle and rocket 99 were taking.

I dont think they were bashing, just trying to help mercury out of his depressed times by tellin him to suck it up and quit whining, which does work sometimes also.

Keep an open mind here, thats all.....were all in this together.

That's the smartest thing I've read in this post :) Thanks :D

[tireburner163]

Rocket 99 GT came across as(to me) telling Mercury to shut up and quit whining and that no one wanted to hear about it.

Merc asked for advice and I tried to help him in the best way I knew how.

[joe4speed]

I didn't read this whole thread, but it seems I am the same in that aspect too... I tend to fall quickly and hope things will be the way I envision them from previous relationships. I know this can't be and have to exercise some big time self control to not push, and let theng happen at their own rate.

Good luck, and just try to go with the natural flow!

[Fox Body]

The thing we must all remember here is that it is much easier to get offended from reading someone's post in a message board on a flat screen with 2 dimensional words and colors than it is talking with someone face to face. The computer is cold and inanimate.

For all the people who are getting "offended" or taking "offense" from Mustangbelle's comments for no SOLID reason and for those who felt they need to jump on the "defend Mercury" bandwagon: If this conversation were held in a room where we could all see each other and each other's facial expressions, it'd be a different atmosphere. The atmosphere of this post over the internet has gotten a little sour. It's not about all that. We're all friends here so lighten up. People who easily get offended--- grow some thicker skin please, b/c you will not survive in the world if you get offended so easily. You will be the first ones to get fired from a job b/c what the boss said "offended" you and you had to "put him in his place."

For the other side, as Mr 5 0 hinted, you guys who are giving the "tough love" need to make it clear what your intentions are. We are separated and cannot feel the "vibes" of each other. It is easy to misconstrue your "tough love" comments and so you need to take the time to add that extra statement that gets your point across in a friendly way (if that was your intention in the first place).

Hg, you post as much as you want about whatever. We don't mind. Rocket stated that there are a lot of MW members who are tired of reading about your love life and job life, but I assure you that there more of us who aren't tired of it and enjoy your contribution to this site, such as myself. Yes, you need to to be tough, but maybe that will come later. Right now, you feel like sharing your concerns here whether it's just to get things off your chest (or to vent), or if it is b/c you need advice and support. So we don't mind. Everybody is different. The "tough love" approach doesn't work for everybody (doesn't work for most people-- there's enough indifference and "tough love" out in the world :rolleyes: )

Read the posts. Mercury has acknowledge the fact that he got a little pushy and needed to let off a little. Many of us told him that in a few of his previous posts about the firebird woman and he now realizes that to an extent, he was a little pushy and set his hopes a little too high too fast-- that he needs to "slow his roll" a little. Good, he already understands that so he's already conquered the first part of his problem-- knowing what it is and acknowledging it. Get off your "tough love" horse and give the brother a little sympathy. That's one of the problems with a lot of guys today, many think they are always just supposed to "be a man", "men don't cry", "keep a stiff upper lip", and all that crap and many of those guys either turn out deranged or just flat out indifferent to others' feelings. If you really want to show how much of a man you are, remember this: it takes a whole lot more guts to cry in public than it does to keep a "stiff upper lip."

To you others out there who don't agree with him posting these topics here or are "tired" of reading them, so what?!! then DON'T FLIPPIN READ THEM!!!! Why spend the effort and time to click on the link to the thread and spend enough time typing a message on your little keyboard just to add in your snotty little reply to a type of post you are tired of seeing??? Well, honestly, that is your opinion/feelings and you are just as entitled to them as Mercury or anyone else is to theirs...

I see it this way: I'm glad this message board is here. There are things that people can discuss here that they may feel more comfortable talking about such subjects b/c they do not really know the other people who post on this site. We all know that the more we disclose to others (especially those who are not family) about ourselves and about our problems the more vulnerable we make ourselves to snide remarks and being poked fun at for being weak or "soft" or whatever. This message board can provide an avenue that might allow someone to get something off his/her chest that he/she might have not been able tell a friend or family member b/c it would result in an uncomfortable situation. In some ways, for example, a guy may be more apt to talk about certain relationship problems in a message board where he doesn't KNOW the faces, but he knows he will get good advice and can share his concerns to people who care. Then he can get up from the computer and feel relieved that he got it off his chest, but at the same time not really having to worry about something like "Oh crap, why did I tell them that, now they're gonna pick at me for being soft" b/c he doesn't have to SEE us everyday or pass us in a hallway and get that uncomfortable silence that says "oh man, now this person knows this about me-- I shouldn't have said anything." I bet there are a lot of guys here that are able to open up a bit more while talking to their MW online buddies, b/c they cannot see the people who see their posts and the people cannot see them--- and in this case, that is a good thing. Everything has a purpose and I think that is a good thing-- this message board has a relevant cathartic quality to it and it is because of the people here who make it this way.

[Mustangbelle306]

I read all of that :D and I agree...ps I like the tangerine orange font

[Mach 1]

You can expect the same reactions and differences in opinion on this board as you will get in the real world, face to face or not.


Some poeple are nurturing, some arent. Some need nurturing, some dont.

If mercury cant handle the negative feedback, he shouldnt open himself up to it, here or anywhere else.

Actually, Mercury handled the negative feedback rather well, and I think the point was made.

He doesnt need 15 of you jumping to his defense IMO.

[Mercury]

Dang...What did I start here? :(

For those supporting me, Thank You. For those who don't, well, thank you anyway for taking the time to post your feelings.

I know that not everything said here will be positive. From all that I have gone through in life I find the petty negative remarks made here have little real affect on my morale.

I would be lying however if I said they didn't affect me to some extent, but no matter how negative the message (there were no real negative posts) there is still something to be learned from it. Be it about the person posting or that maybe they do have a valuable insight from another perspective.

What does irritate me though is the negative comments that are made without the person either fully reading or misunderstanding the original post.

Mr 5.0 made a very good point. Most of you may know me as a character but few understand the motivation and causes of my actions, beliefs or feelings that I form and have.

I think that is one of the reasons he offers such good advice; he has an understanding that he doesn't know all the circumstances (although I'm sure he can infer a lot).

For those of you whom don't like me or my posts as mentioned earlier: Dont read them! If all you have to say is "I TOLD YOU SO...Nah nah nah nah"...please don't bother. Not only is it rather childish, but it hurts the image of this wonderful site and could end up causing hard feelings.

Believe it or not, I'm a fairly open-minded person and I'm willing to listen to just about anything anyone has to say. I post the things that I do, not because of a lack of direct communication, but because I trust a lot of the people here, and am interested in what they have to say. I'm a pretty open person, and would more than likely act the same way face to face that I do here.
Just ask the people that post here that know me.

I trust alot of you, and I can - for the most part - tell who it is that I can. People like Crazy Horse, TireBurner, Unit, Mach1, FoxBody, SRV, and many others. I hold the utmost trust in some of you all; Topless In Texas and Mr 5.0 are great examples.



FOX BODY:

Its been killing me man...Whats HGstand for???? You keep refering to me as HG.

[rbatson]

HG is Mercury, on the periodic table. Didn't you take chemistry? :)

[Mercury]

OH MY GOD....HOW COULD I OVER LOOK THAT....I'm a physics nut, not chemistry, but they cross enough that I should of noticed. I was'nt thinking in that context. I was thinking more along the lines of phonics, or astronomy.

Thats pretty darn sly there Fox Body. I can just kick myself.:D

[Fox Body]

Mustangbelle, I made it that color just for you. ;)


Mercury, you asked me b4 and I replied, but I think you missed my reply.

But yes, Hg is the symbol for Hydrargyrum (a latin word that means "liquid silver") or Mercury.

Hey, no need to kick yourself, I'll do it for you. :D

[Crazy Horse GT]

merc like i said you have posted way more funny storie's on here, than negative one's ,not that i think this one was negative, so i still got your back!:D