Quality of Life and the struggle.

Mercury · 08-31-2002, 02:13 PM

Hello Everyone. Been a while since I actually started a thread. I havent been able to keep up with my good friends here for a long while. Life has managed to keep me extremely busy, and always on my toes, and my toes are getting very tired.

At the Shipping company I work for, we had to do a survey. A questionare concerning management, equality, and quality of life. That last one struck me. Quality of Life. What there refering to is life outside of your job, and how/if your job disrupts your personal life.

Those five seconds, with the phone reciever in my ear, the little gray matter flashed back. Flashed back to times that were far from happy. Heated arguments with friends and family because of countless broken promises, and canceled arrangments because of work. A broken and damaged relationship that seems as ominouis as a ride on the Titanic.

Little did I realize that the electronic voice buzzed the question back 3 times, I had been lost in a trance that long.

All day long that term rung in my head...Quality of life. Sure I have a few nice cars, and a job. But that seems to be all. I realized that I'm not happy, that there is a deep emptiness/lonliness, a void somewhere in my soul.

An emptiness and blackness devouring sanity, nerves, and my personality. That night I took a long look at myself in the mirror at work, after everyone left. The reflection starring back at me, was not me, but something else, someone else. Sure he bore a strong resemblance to me, but the heavy blood rimmed eyes, the puffy bags of flesh underneath them, the sagging shoulders.....This couldnt be me, even the sparks of humor seemed extinguished.

My mind went back to my crumbling relationship, At that time...I felt pitty, for me...The wrong person.

Last night, while over a friends house, I was slapped in the face by a relization that it was me that was causing the heart ache in pain. An image on a TV screen, an image that was incripted on a piece of silicon and read by a laser...A series of moving images of a man bieng Verbally Abusive, and physically abusive...Images of a man having substance addictions.....It hit me....

I had to leave, I couldnt keep my compusure. I'm not one to hold in tears, emotions, but it was about to come rushing out. I had to leave.

For the last few months..I have been nothing but a mass of anger and bad launguage..I have verbally abused the ones I love, the ones that care. I have let down the ones I love, and not cared about it. I just blamed them, and got mad at them. Less people started talking to me.

I made it 3/4's the way home and had to pull over. It let loose. What have I turned into? What started out as a beer every other night turned into 4 everynight for the last month....Sometimes chased by shots of something. And I have no tolerance. I havent cracked a joke in so long that people at work have noticed. Without humor, my perspective began to change....Everthing seemed hopelessly out of control...So far away. I had no tolerance for anyone.

I dont remember getting home. I remember looking in that mirror and saying Its time for ME. I'm not going to let myself go spiraling down hill because of Stress, family problems, and I'm not going to let my relationship fall apart. I'm not going to drink my problems away. I'm not going to let down those who where always there for me....

One thing I need though....A good laugh...Anyone got a joke??

08-31-2002, 02:13 PM	#1
Mercury The Redneck James Bond Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Fayetteville NC Posts: 1,707	Quality of Life and the struggle. Hello Everyone. Been a while since I actually started a thread. I havent been able to keep up with my good friends here for a long while. Life has managed to keep me extremely busy, and always on my toes, and my toes are getting very tired. At the Shipping company I work for, we had to do a survey. A questionare concerning management, equality, and quality of life. That last one struck me. Quality of Life. What there refering to is life outside of your job, and how/if your job disrupts your personal life. Those five seconds, with the phone reciever in my ear, the little gray matter flashed back. Flashed back to times that were far from happy. Heated arguments with friends and family because of countless broken promises, and canceled arrangments because of work. A broken and damaged relationship that seems as ominouis as a ride on the Titanic. Little did I realize that the electronic voice buzzed the question back 3 times, I had been lost in a trance that long. All day long that term rung in my head...Quality of life. Sure I have a few nice cars, and a job. But that seems to be all. I realized that I'm not happy, that there is a deep emptiness/lonliness, a void somewhere in my soul. An emptiness and blackness devouring sanity, nerves, and my personality. That night I took a long look at myself in the mirror at work, after everyone left. The reflection starring back at me, was not me, but something else, someone else. Sure he bore a strong resemblance to me, but the heavy blood rimmed eyes, the puffy bags of flesh underneath them, the sagging shoulders.....This couldnt be me, even the sparks of humor seemed extinguished. My mind went back to my crumbling relationship, At that time...I felt pitty, for me...The wrong person. Last night, while over a friends house, I was slapped in the face by a relization that it was me that was causing the heart ache in pain. An image on a TV screen, an image that was incripted on a piece of silicon and read by a laser...A series of moving images of a man bieng Verbally Abusive, and physically abusive...Images of a man having substance addictions.....It hit me.... I had to leave, I couldnt keep my compusure. I'm not one to hold in tears, emotions, but it was about to come rushing out. I had to leave. For the last few months..I have been nothing but a mass of anger and bad launguage..I have verbally abused the ones I love, the ones that care. I have let down the ones I love, and not cared about it. I just blamed them, and got mad at them. Less people started talking to me. I made it 3/4's the way home and had to pull over. It let loose. What have I turned into? What started out as a beer every other night turned into 4 everynight for the last month....Sometimes chased by shots of something. And I have no tolerance. I havent cracked a joke in so long that people at work have noticed. Without humor, my perspective began to change....Everthing seemed hopelessly out of control...So far away. I had no tolerance for anyone. I dont remember getting home. I remember looking in that mirror and saying Its time for ME. I'm not going to let myself go spiraling down hill because of Stress, family problems, and I'm not going to let my relationship fall apart. I'm not going to drink my problems away. I'm not going to let down those who where always there for me.... One thing I need though....A good laugh...Anyone got a joke??