geo metro vs... (joke inside)

Coupe5oh · 02-04-2002, 01:34 AM

Ok this is a friend of mine that posted this on another board, he used to own a geo metro, his story lol:

One liter of raw power, 3 cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on thirteen-inch rims. It's stock, alright, nothing done to it, but it pushes the barely 2000 pounds of Metro around with AUTHORITY. I'm always catching mopeds and 18-wheelers by surprise...
I was headed back from Baskin Robbins with my manly triple-latte cappuccino blast ("No cinnamon, ma'am, I take it BLACK"), when I stopped at a streetlight. As the Metro throbbed its throaty idle around me, I sipped my bold beverage and wiped the white froth off my stiff upper lip. I was minding my own business, but then I heard a rev from the next lane.
I turned, made eye contact, then let my eyes trace over the competition. Ford Festiva - a late model, could be trouble. Low profile tires, curb feelers, and schoolbus-yellow paint. Yep, a hot rod, for sure.

The howl of his motor snapped my reverie, and I looked back into the driver's eyes, nodded, then blipped my own throttle. As I tugged on my driving gloves and slipped on my sunglasses (gotta look cool to be fast, and I am *darn* cool, hence...) the night was split with the sound of seven screaming cylinders...

Then the light turned... I almost had him out of the hole, my three pounding cylinders thrusting me at least a millimeter back into my seat, as smoke poured from my front right tire... my unlimited slip differential was letting me down! I saw in the corner of my eyes, a yellow snout gaining, and I heard the roar of his four cylinders. He slung by me, right front wheel juddering against the pavement, and he flashed me a smile as his .7 extra liters of motor stretched its legs. I kept my foot gamely in it, though, waiting for the CHECK ENGINE light to blink on in the one-gauge (no tachometer here!) instrument panel. I saw a glimpse of chrome under his bumper, and knew the ugly truth...

He was running a custom exhaust -- probably a 2-into-1 dual exhaust -- maybe even cutouts! Darn his hot-rod soul! The old lady passing us on the crosswalk cast a dirty look in our boy-racer direction...

Yet I still persisted, with my three pumping pistons singing a heady high-pitched song, wound fully out. Though only a few handfuls of seconds had passed, we were nearing the crosswalk at the other side of the intersection,and I heard the note of his engine change as he made his shift to second, and I saw his grin in his rearview mirror fade as he missed the shift! I rocketed by, shifting, and nursed the clutch gently in to keep it from bogging, keeping my motor spinning hot and pulling me ahead, now trailing a cloud of stinking clutch smoke. Not ready to give up so easily, he left his foot in it, revving, and I heard one wheel *almost* chirp as he finally found second and dropped the clutch. We careened over the crosswalk, now going at least 15 miles per hour. A bicyclist passed us, but intent on the race as we were, neither of us batted an eye.

He pulled slowly abreast of me, and neck and neck, we made the shift to third, the scream of motors deafening all pedestrians within a five foot radius. He nosed ahead as we passed 30 miles an hour, then eased in front of me, taunting, as we shifted into fourth. I was staring up the dual 6" chrome tips of his exhaust, snarling, my cappuccino forgotten, as he lifted a little to take the next corner.

I saw my opportunity, and counting on the innate agility of my trusty steed, I pulled wide into the number two lane and kept my foot buried in the carpet. Slowly, I inched around him, feeling my Metro roll slowly to the left as I came abreast in the midst of this gradual sweeping turn. I felt the Geo ease onto its suspension stops, and felt the right rear wheel slowly leave the ground - no matter, though, because my drive wheels, up front, were pulling me through the corner, and around the Festiva.

The Ford driver beat his wheel in rage as my car eased past him on the outside, my P165/80R-13's screaming in protest, as we raced to the next light. We coasted down, neck and neck, to the red light. I tightened my driving gloves, ready for another round, when this WIMP in the next car meekly flipped his turn signal and made a right.

I drove off sipping my masculine drink, awash in my sheer virility, looking for other unwitting targets... Perhaps a Yugo, or maybe even a Volkswagen Van!

vetteeatr · 02-04-2002, 08:05 PM

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

hehe

topless tire fryer · 02-06-2002, 01:28 PM

Say what you want, but my moms metro is a real terror in the local bingo parking lots.

90LxDroptop · 02-07-2002, 08:59 PM

HAHAHAH that was awesome.

silver_pilate · 02-09-2002, 01:23 PM

Haha!

That's some really good stuff.

I saw that story a year or two back on the board...but it was great to read it again. Thanks for the post.

--nathan

84LX89GT · 02-11-2002, 09:20 PM

That was HILARIOUS!!!!
Was that old lady passing them and giving them a glance, passing them in the oncoming direction and walking faster than they drive?

Thanks for posting that!

Coupe5oh · 02-12-2002, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 84LX89GT
That was HILARIOUS!!!!
Was that old lady passing them and giving them a glance, passing them in the oncoming direction and walking faster than they drive?

Thanks for posting that!

Not sure man lol, probaly walking faster than the car.....

02-04-2002, 01:34 AM	#1
Coupe5oh Registered Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: SanAntonio, Tx Posts: 734	geo metro vs... (joke inside) Ok this is a friend of mine that posted this on another board, he used to own a geo metro, his story lol: One liter of raw power, 3 cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on thirteen-inch rims. It's stock, alright, nothing done to it, but it pushes the barely 2000 pounds of Metro around with AUTHORITY. I'm always catching mopeds and 18-wheelers by surprise... I was headed back from Baskin Robbins with my manly triple-latte cappuccino blast ("No cinnamon, ma'am, I take it BLACK"), when I stopped at a streetlight. As the Metro throbbed its throaty idle around me, I sipped my bold beverage and wiped the white froth off my stiff upper lip. I was minding my own business, but then I heard a rev from the next lane. I turned, made eye contact, then let my eyes trace over the competition. Ford Festiva - a late model, could be trouble. Low profile tires, curb feelers, and schoolbus-yellow paint. Yep, a hot rod, for sure. The howl of his motor snapped my reverie, and I looked back into the driver's eyes, nodded, then blipped my own throttle. As I tugged on my driving gloves and slipped on my sunglasses (gotta look cool to be fast, and I am darn cool, hence...) the night was split with the sound of seven screaming cylinders... Then the light turned... I almost had him out of the hole, my three pounding cylinders thrusting me at least a millimeter back into my seat, as smoke poured from my front right tire... my unlimited slip differential was letting me down! I saw in the corner of my eyes, a yellow snout gaining, and I heard the roar of his four cylinders. He slung by me, right front wheel juddering against the pavement, and he flashed me a smile as his .7 extra liters of motor stretched its legs. I kept my foot gamely in it, though, waiting for the CHECK ENGINE light to blink on in the one-gauge (no tachometer here!) instrument panel. I saw a glimpse of chrome under his bumper, and knew the ugly truth... He was running a custom exhaust -- probably a 2-into-1 dual exhaust -- maybe even cutouts! Darn his hot-rod soul! The old lady passing us on the crosswalk cast a dirty look in our boy-racer direction... Yet I still persisted, with my three pumping pistons singing a heady high-pitched song, wound fully out. Though only a few handfuls of seconds had passed, we were nearing the crosswalk at the other side of the intersection,and I heard the note of his engine change as he made his shift to second, and I saw his grin in his rearview mirror fade as he missed the shift! I rocketed by, shifting, and nursed the clutch gently in to keep it from bogging, keeping my motor spinning hot and pulling me ahead, now trailing a cloud of stinking clutch smoke. Not ready to give up so easily, he left his foot in it, revving, and I heard one wheel almost chirp as he finally found second and dropped the clutch. We careened over the crosswalk, now going at least 15 miles per hour. A bicyclist passed us, but intent on the race as we were, neither of us batted an eye. He pulled slowly abreast of me, and neck and neck, we made the shift to third, the scream of motors deafening all pedestrians within a five foot radius. He nosed ahead as we passed 30 miles an hour, then eased in front of me, taunting, as we shifted into fourth. I was staring up the dual 6" chrome tips of his exhaust, snarling, my cappuccino forgotten, as he lifted a little to take the next corner. I saw my opportunity, and counting on the innate agility of my trusty steed, I pulled wide into the number two lane and kept my foot buried in the carpet. Slowly, I inched around him, feeling my Metro roll slowly to the left as I came abreast in the midst of this gradual sweeping turn. I felt the Geo ease onto its suspension stops, and felt the right rear wheel slowly leave the ground - no matter, though, because my drive wheels, up front, were pulling me through the corner, and around the Festiva. The Ford driver beat his wheel in rage as my car eased past him on the outside, my P165/80R-13's screaming in protest, as we raced to the next light. We coasted down, neck and neck, to the red light. I tightened my driving gloves, ready for another round, when this WIMP in the next car meekly flipped his turn signal and made a right. I drove off sipping my masculine drink, awash in my sheer virility, looking for other unwitting targets... Perhaps a Yugo, or maybe even a Volkswagen Van! __________________ Police package 5spd 90 Lx, Stock original motor, 3.27grs, BM fan, fms 10.5 clutch, D&D quadrant, and adjuster, ADS chip, 180 stat, mac cai, mac h-pipe, mac subframe connectors, ASP crank pulley, ripper shifter, 26x10.5 M/T sport pros welds. 246 hp according to analyzer Race weight: 3,120 E.t-13.57 with 26x10.50's e.t. streets. 1.88 60' mph- 99.92 mph

02-06-2002, 01:28 PM	#3
topless tire fryer All show, some go 4 now! Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Franklin, NH Posts: 175	Say what you want, but my moms metro is a real terror in the local bingo parking lots. __________________ '95 Chrome Yellow GT ragtop, KN filter charger, Dynomax cat back, Accel plugs and wires, Chromed '95 Cobra R's (bought for $19.95, now 2 are warped!) Cervinis stalker ram air hood Our baby <a href="http://www.mustangworks.com/cgi-bin/moi-display.cgi?1883">

02-07-2002, 08:59 PM	#4
90LxDroptop Registered Member Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arlington Hts. IL Posts: 315	HAHAHAH that was awesome. __________________ 90 LX Convertible 5.0 AOD 3.73 Gears, Underdrive Pulleys, TransGo shift kit, A servo, Subframe Connectors, o/r h-pipe, 2 chamber flows, Pony Wheels

02-09-2002, 01:23 PM	#5
silver_pilate DURKA DURKA!! Join Date: Sep 1997 Location: Lubbock, TX...(TX panhandle) Posts: 1,418	Haha! That's some really good stuff. I saw that story a year or two back on the board...but it was great to read it again. Thanks for the post. --nathan __________________ '91 GT, Coast 347, 9.5:1 compression, full intake, Wolverine 1087 cam, exhaust, Keith Craft ported Windsor Jr. Irons (235 cfm intake, 195 cfm exhaust), AOD, PI 3500 converter, Lentech valve body, 3.73's (4.10's in the works), and Yokohama ES100's out back. Daily Car: '04 Infiniti G35 Sedan 6MT

02-11-2002, 09:20 PM	#6
84LX89GT Mustangs Join Date: Jul 2000 Posts: 1,938	That was HILARIOUS!!!! Was that old lady passing them and giving them a glance, passing them in the oncoming direction and walking faster than they drive? Thanks for posting that! __________________ 2005 Suzuki Hayabusa GSX1300-R 1980 Ford Thunderbird - 255 V8 ported heads, 5.0L ported stock headers, O.R. H-pipe and Flowmaster 2-chambers, dual roller timing chain hi-po Mack Truck hood emblem 1985 Mustang GT 5.0L T5, F-303, GT40p, headers, off-road h, flowmasters, MSD stuff, etc. Sold 02/06/04 1989 Mustang GT ET: 13.304@102.29 mph (5-24-03) Sold - 1998 Mustang Cobra coupe, 1/4 mile - street tires: 13.843@103.41 (bone stock)

02-04-2002, 08:05 PM	#2
vetteeatr Registered Member Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Olney, Illinois, USA Posts: 212	AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA hehe

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