How is this for the start of a short story? Merc you might like this

tireburner163 · 05-21-2002, 01:16 AM

Well I just started doing this, so I'm not very good. I have a hard time getting what in my head(very vivid) onto paper. But here goes anyway. I'm incorporating some truth into the story(my handout, exc.) but with some fiction mixed in. As you might be able to tell Ben, represents 6T9 pony, I think I might throw Kell(Unit) in there somewhere and the bad boy racer, that the main character has just gotta beat, is gonna be none other that Merc himself(complete down to his bright red GT). Well here she goes, remember this is just the start(and a rough draft too)

“Alright, give it a try now!” The old 455 roared to life. Josh leaned over the fender adjusting the holley that sat atop the high rise intake. “She’s still runnin rich,” Ben shouted over the deafening sound of the monster as he revved it up. “All right, all right, gime a minute,” Josh muttered under his breath. He adjusted the screws on the double pumper a little more and slammed the bright yellow hood of the Olds.

“You really think that pile of bolts is the quickest in town?” said Ben as he light a cigarette, “When you gonna let me kick your ***” He tapped the hood of his 69 fastback, smiling.

“You gonna need more that 390 to take that pile of bolts,” said Josh smiling, “Like some throttle in a bottle”

“Ah, I’m just letting ya win,” said Ben, giving Josh a little wink, “Well damn dude, I’ve gotta get those E/T streets mounted by tonight, I’ll see ya then.” Ben fired the old FE up and rumbled out of the driveway, chirping second as he left.

Josh walked back around the house to where is car sat. A bright yellow 74 Olds Omega, she may have only been packin 180 horsepower from the factory, but she was making more than three times that now. She wasn’t the sharpest thing on four wheels, but everyone knew she was the hottest in town. He was undefeated for five years running.

Mercury · 05-21-2002, 01:42 AM

Hey Josh.

Good start. What got ya interested in writting? How do you go about writting? Do ya get an idea for a story and just type down a very brief summary? Thats what I usually do. It helps me keep the story on track. I use to have a tendancy to loose the focus and in turn the story wouldnt have much aim.

I also go ahead and write the charector names down (Like you did in the first paragraph of your thread), and next to the name write a brief charector profile. General things like Age, background, disposition, charector traits and flaws (Such as, accent, studdering, nose picker or not, nervous itching or blinking, lisps). Something I found out from writting is never make your main charectors names sound similar, like for example Felix, and Alex. It gets confusing.

One thing I dont do that every writer reccommends is to do the complete story (Rough Draft) then go back and rewrite it. I dont do that, I refine as I write (Well, my stories, not my posts).

I do a very similar thing with my drawings and paintings. All of my Art teachers, from Junior High to College say that I have a very unique way of drawing. I never never sketch, I start, and finish the final version. I keep it all in my head, the entire compostion.

I cant do that with writting, to many words and things that I can forget all to easily, so I write them down.

I'm Flattered that you included me in your story!

I'm gonna be famous. I'm dying to know if I win or not in the grand finallie. But, I'll have to wait till the stories done to find out. Better get to writting man.

tireburner163 · 05-21-2002, 01:52 AM

Thanks for the pointers

I have a hard time establishing a plot. I get visions(almost as clear as a movie) in my head. I get several cool ideas for scenes and slowly a plot forms in my head.

I should have it finished in a few days.(I hope)

BTW, Merc do you EVERY get on AIM?, lol

Mercury · 05-21-2002, 02:10 AM

Use to get on AIM all the time, but havent in a while. Last few times I've gotten on, I've forgot to log off, and when I wake up in the morning, there are like 40 people who "Buzzed" me that I dont know. They must all think I'm a jerk. Opps.

Mercury · 05-21-2002, 02:39 AM

Oh, TireBurner, Which Bright Red GT? My old Diane (64 1/2 with 289), or my new one?

I assumed you ment my old one since the cars so far in your story are antique's.

tireburner163 · 05-21-2002, 03:10 AM

Well actully, you in a 97 Cobra now

Here's some more.

The group huddled around in a circle, trying to block the chilly November air, shooting the bull as usual.

“Here he comes,” said Chris

Josh wheeled the Omega into the parking lot and gave a hard rev that sent leaves scattering across the lot. The whole gang was there. Chris, Ben, and Kev. A rather unlikey bunch, some considered them dinosaurs. Unwilling to give up there precious muscle cars. Chris was the only one with a car made in the last 20 years. But his 87 GT was far from anything high tech. Chris was a sharp witted guy, the kind of guy that knew when you were wrong and let you know it. He claimed a mostly stock ride, but judging by his list of kills, that was far from true. Ben was Josh’s best friend, ever since 5th grade. His was the joker of the bunch, but was nothing but serious when it came to his car. A 69 fastback that looked fast and was even faster. Kev was the outsider of the bunch, a Chevy owner. He showed up one day and never left. His ride was a 68 Camaro. Long, low, and one killer street machine. He claimed low 13’s, but he was well into the 11’s. Then of course there was Josh, and his Olds. The Olds was a throw back to the days of hard core street racing. Big cam, big carb, and a even bigger motor. He never let on what it ran, but most guessed it had the ability to run into the single digits. It was every thing civilized people hated. Loud, low, and obnoxious

“There’s a guy lookin for ya Josh,” said Ben “Some new guy in a 97 Cobra. He burnt Kev already, burnt him bad. He’s fast, says he’s lookin for ya”

“Well if he can’t find me, then he ain’t worth runnin” spouted off Josh

Just then, a roar erupted up the street. A bright red Cobra thundered up the street. A local street racer, Boomer, in his LS-1 WS-6 was in hot pursuit, but getting no where
fast. The gang, looked at Josh, then at the bright red bullet as he easily pulled away from the Trans Am, a known 11 second car. Josh, sipped down the last of his Dr. Pepper, all the while staring at the new comer as he thundered past.

“Come on guys, what say we all go get a burger”

Kev and Chris piled into Kev’s car and Ben jumped into the Olds with Josh. Tony’s, was the local hang-out, best fast food joint in town. Along the front row, racers parked according to their et. Josh’s, of course, being first. Josh rounded the corner and whipped into Tony’s parking lot. Then he turned red, nearly as read a the Cobra in his spot. He stared as the driver of the Cobra as he calmly sipped on a coke. The Cobra driver stared back, then calmly tipped his hat. Josh, steaming mad, buried the throttle. The Olds kicked sideways, leaving 75 foot black marks as he blasted out of the parking ot. The Cobra followed in hot pursuit. The light up ahead turned red, the Olds ground to a stop, the Cobra gliding in beside it.

“Man, I’ve heard this was the fastest car in town. But THIS can’t be the car, it must be you beater. I’m almost embarrassed sitting beside it,” shouted the Cobra owner

“It’ll hold it own,” Josh calmly replied.

Josh, glanced around, it was about 1/8 mile to the next red light, but not his choice for a race, there was too much crusin going on tonight. The Cobra taced it’s motor up, rattling the windows of cars passing by.

“Man, why don’t you take that little thing out and beat up on some rice, then come back and see me when you win some races”

“Your right, I need to win some more races. I think I’ll start with your piece of ****”

Josh was genuinely offended now and the Olds answered back the Cobra’s roar.

“Lets see just how fast this punk is,” Josh said to Ben

The light flashed green, and both cars dug in. The Cobra lunged out of the hole, while the Omega’s cheater slicks, fought for traction. Top of first and they were even, shift second and the Cobra gained 1/4 a car, but by the top of second the Olds had reeled him back in. Then light ahead flashed yellow and Josh stabbed the brakes. The Cobra stayed on it and blasted through the red light

“Damn that guys fast!” shouted Ben

“Yea, but he’s stupid”, retorted Josh, rolling a tooth pick between his teeth.

Mustangbelle306 · 05-21-2002, 10:36 AM

Very nice writing Josh! It flows smoothly and kept me reading to the end.

You didn't kill the story with adjectives and overly wordy and descriptive crap. I hate that ****, but you obviously paid attention in Senior English

Keep it up!

Mercury · 05-21-2002, 12:31 PM

A 97 COBRA??

Well, that cool with me. Now if I can just get a 11 sec RED 97 Cobra in real life.

Reminds me alot of American Graffitti, which is alot like me and my friends Saturday night cruising, and hanging out. Cool. Keep it up man.

Sounds like trash talking me even.

tireburner163 · 05-21-2002, 12:36 PM

Sorry Merc it's not a 11 second Cobra

.......more like a low low 10 to at high 9 second Cobra

Coupe Devil · 05-21-2002, 12:57 PM

Josh thats good man, Sounding better and better every installion you give to. Your getting better. I love writing its just it never makes sense when I finsh. I wish I had you guys talent, I may through something together but trust it will be nowhere as good as what you two guys have.

Brad

6T9PONY · 05-23-2002, 06:54 PM

Man, I just about missed this thread. I need to get on the boards more often!

This is sounding pretty sweet, Josh. It's inspiring me to start a little story of my own. I think I might take that story I wrote about racing the SS 454 and change it up some--take out those big-*** words that my teacher made us use. I hate that too, Belle.

Sounds great, bud. Email me the whole thing when you're done with it, aight?

05-23-2002, 09:34 PM

That was really good Josh, can't wait till you give us the rest. Keep up the good work.

Odie

05-21-2002, 01:16 AM	#1
tireburner163 It's a lot like a race car Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Meridian, MS Posts: 4,130	How is this for the start of a short story? Merc you might like this Well I just started doing this, so I'm not very good. I have a hard time getting what in my head(very vivid) onto paper. But here goes anyway. I'm incorporating some truth into the story(my handout, exc.) but with some fiction mixed in. As you might be able to tell Ben, represents 6T9 pony, I think I might throw Kell(Unit) in there somewhere and the bad boy racer, that the main character has just gotta beat, is gonna be none other that Merc himself(complete down to his bright red GT). Well here she goes, remember this is just the start(and a rough draft too) “Alright, give it a try now!” The old 455 roared to life. Josh leaned over the fender adjusting the holley that sat atop the high rise intake. “She’s still runnin rich,” Ben shouted over the deafening sound of the monster as he revved it up. “All right, all right, gime a minute,” Josh muttered under his breath. He adjusted the screws on the double pumper a little more and slammed the bright yellow hood of the Olds. “You really think that pile of bolts is the quickest in town?” said Ben as he light a cigarette, “When you gonna let me kick your ***” He tapped the hood of his 69 fastback, smiling. “You gonna need more that 390 to take that pile of bolts,” said Josh smiling, “Like some throttle in a bottle” “Ah, I’m just letting ya win,” said Ben, giving Josh a little wink, “Well damn dude, I’ve gotta get those E/T streets mounted by tonight, I’ll see ya then.” Ben fired the old FE up and rumbled out of the driveway, chirping second as he left. Josh walked back around the house to where is car sat. A bright yellow 74 Olds Omega, she may have only been packin 180 horsepower from the factory, but she was making more than three times that now. She wasn’t the sharpest thing on four wheels, but everyone knew she was the hottest in town. He was undefeated for five years running. __________________ 1987 Buick T-type 1998 HD Electra Elide

05-21-2002, 01:42 AM	#2
Mercury The Redneck James Bond Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Fayetteville NC Posts: 1,707	See...I am Special.. Super Natural Driving Man. Hey Josh. Good start. What got ya interested in writting? How do you go about writting? Do ya get an idea for a story and just type down a very brief summary? Thats what I usually do. It helps me keep the story on track. I use to have a tendancy to loose the focus and in turn the story wouldnt have much aim. I also go ahead and write the charector names down (Like you did in the first paragraph of your thread), and next to the name write a brief charector profile. General things like Age, background, disposition, charector traits and flaws (Such as, accent, studdering, nose picker or not, nervous itching or blinking, lisps). Something I found out from writting is never make your main charectors names sound similar, like for example Felix, and Alex. It gets confusing. One thing I dont do that every writer reccommends is to do the complete story (Rough Draft) then go back and rewrite it. I dont do that, I refine as I write (Well, my stories, not my posts). I do a very similar thing with my drawings and paintings. All of my Art teachers, from Junior High to College say that I have a very unique way of drawing. I never never sketch, I start, and finish the final version. I keep it all in my head, the entire compostion. I cant do that with writting, to many words and things that I can forget all to easily, so I write them down. I'm Flattered that you included me in your story! I'm gonna be famous. I'm dying to know if I win or not in the grand finallie. But, I'll have to wait till the stories done to find out. Better get to writting man.

05-21-2002, 01:52 AM	#3
tireburner163 It's a lot like a race car Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Meridian, MS Posts: 4,130	Thanks for the pointers I have a hard time establishing a plot. I get visions(almost as clear as a movie) in my head. I get several cool ideas for scenes and slowly a plot forms in my head. I should have it finished in a few days.(I hope) BTW, Merc do you EVERY get on AIM?, lol __________________ 1987 Buick T-type 1998 HD Electra Elide

05-21-2002, 02:39 AM	#5
Mercury The Redneck James Bond Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Fayetteville NC Posts: 1,707	Oh, TireBurner, Which Bright Red GT? My old Diane (64 1/2 with 289), or my new one? I assumed you ment my old one since the cars so far in your story are antique's. __________________ 64 1/2 "D" code Red Mustang Coupe. Red Baron, 2000 Perf Red Mustang GT. 5spd. Stage 2 CNC heads with Large Valves, Comp Cams (270-274 dur .550 lift), Forged Crank, DRP pistons, Manly H-beams, Pro M 87 mm Mass Air, 24lb Inj, 75mm TB, Plenum Spacer ,Long Tube Headers, Homemade H-pipe, 2 chamber Flows, 4:10's, Steeda Tri-Ax, LKW 70/30's, Eibach Drag Springs, Steeda SubFrames, Battle Boxes, Rear Girdle, Adj uppers, Alunimum Drshft, Southside Lift Bars. Project Cars, 64 1/2 6cyl coupe, 1930 Model A Nostalgia Rod.

05-21-2002, 03:10 AM	#6
tireburner163 It's a lot like a race car Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Meridian, MS Posts: 4,130	Well actully, you in a 97 Cobra now Here's some more. The group huddled around in a circle, trying to block the chilly November air, shooting the bull as usual. “Here he comes,” said Chris Josh wheeled the Omega into the parking lot and gave a hard rev that sent leaves scattering across the lot. The whole gang was there. Chris, Ben, and Kev. A rather unlikey bunch, some considered them dinosaurs. Unwilling to give up there precious muscle cars. Chris was the only one with a car made in the last 20 years. But his 87 GT was far from anything high tech. Chris was a sharp witted guy, the kind of guy that knew when you were wrong and let you know it. He claimed a mostly stock ride, but judging by his list of kills, that was far from true. Ben was Josh’s best friend, ever since 5th grade. His was the joker of the bunch, but was nothing but serious when it came to his car. A 69 fastback that looked fast and was even faster. Kev was the outsider of the bunch, a Chevy owner. He showed up one day and never left. His ride was a 68 Camaro. Long, low, and one killer street machine. He claimed low 13’s, but he was well into the 11’s. Then of course there was Josh, and his Olds. The Olds was a throw back to the days of hard core street racing. Big cam, big carb, and a even bigger motor. He never let on what it ran, but most guessed it had the ability to run into the single digits. It was every thing civilized people hated. Loud, low, and obnoxious “There’s a guy lookin for ya Josh,” said Ben “Some new guy in a 97 Cobra. He burnt Kev already, burnt him bad. He’s fast, says he’s lookin for ya” “Well if he can’t find me, then he ain’t worth runnin” spouted off Josh Just then, a roar erupted up the street. A bright red Cobra thundered up the street. A local street racer, Boomer, in his LS-1 WS-6 was in hot pursuit, but getting no where fast. The gang, looked at Josh, then at the bright red bullet as he easily pulled away from the Trans Am, a known 11 second car. Josh, sipped down the last of his Dr. Pepper, all the while staring at the new comer as he thundered past. “Come on guys, what say we all go get a burger” Kev and Chris piled into Kev’s car and Ben jumped into the Olds with Josh. Tony’s, was the local hang-out, best fast food joint in town. Along the front row, racers parked according to their et. Josh’s, of course, being first. Josh rounded the corner and whipped into Tony’s parking lot. Then he turned red, nearly as read a the Cobra in his spot. He stared as the driver of the Cobra as he calmly sipped on a coke. The Cobra driver stared back, then calmly tipped his hat. Josh, steaming mad, buried the throttle. The Olds kicked sideways, leaving 75 foot black marks as he blasted out of the parking ot. The Cobra followed in hot pursuit. The light up ahead turned red, the Olds ground to a stop, the Cobra gliding in beside it. “Man, I’ve heard this was the fastest car in town. But THIS can’t be the car, it must be you beater. I’m almost embarrassed sitting beside it,” shouted the Cobra owner “It’ll hold it own,” Josh calmly replied. Josh, glanced around, it was about 1/8 mile to the next red light, but not his choice for a race, there was too much crusin going on tonight. The Cobra taced it’s motor up, rattling the windows of cars passing by. “Man, why don’t you take that little thing out and beat up on some rice, then come back and see me when you win some races” “Your right, I need to win some more races. I think I’ll start with your piece of ****” Josh was genuinely offended now and the Olds answered back the Cobra’s roar. “Lets see just how fast this punk is,” Josh said to Ben The light flashed green, and both cars dug in. The Cobra lunged out of the hole, while the Omega’s cheater slicks, fought for traction. Top of first and they were even, shift second and the Cobra gained 1/4 a car, but by the top of second the Olds had reeled him back in. Then light ahead flashed yellow and Josh stabbed the brakes. The Cobra stayed on it and blasted through the red light “Damn that guys fast!” shouted Ben “Yea, but he’s stupid”, retorted Josh, rolling a tooth pick between his teeth. __________________ 1987 Buick T-type 1998 HD Electra Elide

05-21-2002, 02:10 AM	#4
Mercury The Redneck James Bond Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Fayetteville NC Posts: 1,707	Use to get on AIM all the time, but havent in a while. Last few times I've gotten on, I've forgot to log off, and when I wake up in the morning, there are like 40 people who "Buzzed" me that I dont know. They must all think I'm a jerk. Opps.

05-21-2002, 10:36 AM	#7
Mustangbelle306 Yay for Chickys Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 1,532	Very nice writing Josh! It flows smoothly and kept me reading to the end. You didn't kill the story with adjectives and overly wordy and descriptive crap. I hate that ****, but you obviously paid attention in Senior English Keep it up!

05-21-2002, 12:31 PM	#8
Mercury The Redneck James Bond Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Fayetteville NC Posts: 1,707	A 97 COBRA?? Well, that cool with me. Now if I can just get a 11 sec RED 97 Cobra in real life. Reminds me alot of American Graffitti, which is alot like me and my friends Saturday night cruising, and hanging out. Cool. Keep it up man. Sounds like trash talking me even.

05-21-2002, 12:36 PM	#9
tireburner163 It's a lot like a race car Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Meridian, MS Posts: 4,130	Sorry Merc it's not a 11 second Cobra.......more like a low low 10 to at high 9 second Cobra __________________ 1987 Buick T-type 1998 HD Electra Elide

05-21-2002, 12:57 PM	#10
Coupe Devil Moderator Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Myrtle Beach SC Posts: 1,643	Josh thats good man, Sounding better and better every installion you give to. Your getting better. I love writing its just it never makes sense when I finsh. I wish I had you guys talent, I may through something together but trust it will be nowhere as good as what you two guys have. Brad __________________ 1990 GT, 347, TFS TW Heads, TFS Cam, TFS Track heat, Twin turbos, FMIC, T5. Built Ford Tough Moderator

05-23-2002, 06:54 PM	#11
6T9PONY All about the Windsor. Join Date: Feb 2000 Posts: 2,052	Man, I just about missed this thread. I need to get on the boards more often! This is sounding pretty sweet, Josh. It's inspiring me to start a little story of my own. I think I might take that story I wrote about racing the SS 454 and change it up some--take out those big-*** words that my teacher made us use. I hate that too, Belle. Sounds great, bud. Email me the whole thing when you're done with it, aight?

05-23-2002, 09:34 PM	#12
gt lee Guest Posts: n/a	That was really good Josh, can't wait till you give us the rest. Keep up the good work. Odie

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