Festiva goes down to a Metro (joke)

98yellow stang · 02-07-2001, 09:12 AM

I borrowed my wife's Geo Metro last night. One liter of raw power, 3 cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on thirteen-inch rims. It's stock, alright, nothing done to it, but it pushes the barely 2000 pounds of metro around with AUTHORITY. I'm always catching mopeds and 18-wheelers by surprise...
I was headed back from Baskin Robbins with my manly triple-latte cappuccino blast ("No Cinnamon, ma'am, I take it BLACK"), when I stopped at a streetlight. As the Metro throbbed its throaty idle around me, I sipped my bold beverage and wiped the white froth my stiff upper lip. I was minding my own business, but then I heard a rev from the next lane. I turned, made eye contact, then let my eyes trace over the competition. Ford Festiva -- a late model, could be trouble. Low profile tires, curb feelers, and schoolbus-yellow paint. Yep, a hot rod, for sure. The howl of his motor snapped my reverie, and I looked back into the driver's eyes, nodded, then blipped my own throttle. As I tugged on my driving gloves and slipped on my sunglasses (gotta look cool to be fast, and I am *damn* cool, hence...), the night was split with the sound of seven screaming cylinders...

Then the light turned... I almost had him out of the hole, my three pounding cylinders thrusting me at least a millimeter back into my seat, as smoke pouring from my front right tire... my unlimited slip differential was letting me down! I saw in the corner of my eyes, a yellow snout gaining, and I heard the roar of his four cylinders. He slung by me, right front wheel juddering against the pavement, and he flashed me a smile as his .7 extra liters of motor stretched its legs. I kept my foot gamely in it, though, waiting for the CHECK ENGINE light to blink on in the one-gauge (no tachometer here!) instrument panel. I saw a glimpse of chrome under his bumper, and knew the ugly truth... He was running a custom exhaust -- probably a 2-into-1 dual exhaust...maybe even cutouts! Damn his hot-rod soul! The old lady passing us on the crosswalk cast a dirty look in our boy-racer direction...

Yet still I persisted, with my three pumping pistons singing a heady high-pitched song, wound fully out. Though only a few handfuls of seconds had passed, we were nearing the crosswalk at the other side of the intersection, and I heard the note of his engine change as he made his shift to second, and I saw his grin in his rearview mirror fade as he missed the shift! I rocketed by, shifting, and nursed the clutch
gently in to keep from bogging, keeping my motor spinning hot and pulling me ahead, now trailing a cloud of stinking clutch smoke. Not ready to give up so easily, he left his foot in it, revving, and I heard one wheel *almost* chirp as he finally found second and dropped the clutch. We careened over the crosswalk, now going at least 15 miles per
hour. A bicyclist passed us, but intent on the race as we were, neither of us batted an eye.

He pulled slowly abreast of me, and neck and neck, we made the shift to third, the scream of motors deafening all pedestrians within a five foot circle. He nosed ahead as we passed 30 miles an hour, then eased in front of me, taunting, as we shifted into fourth. I was staring up the dual 6" chrome tips of his exhaust, snarling, my cappuccino forgotten, as he lifted a little to take the next corner.

I saw my opportunity, and counting on the innate agility of my trusty steed, I pulled wide into the number two lane and kept my foot buried in carpet. Slowly, I inched around him, feeling my Metro roll slowly to the left as I came abreast in the midst of this gradual sweeping turn. I felt the Geo ease onto its suspension stops, and felt the right rear wheel slowly leave the ground - no matter, though, because my drive wheels, up front, were pulling me through the corner, and around the Festiva...

The Ford driver beat his wheel in rage as my wife's car eased past him on the outside, my P165/54R13's screaming in protest, as we paced to the next light. We coasted down, neck-and neck, to the red light. I tightened my driving gloves, ready for another round, when this WIMP in the next car meekly flipped his turn signal and made a right. Chevy(Suzuki) superiority reigns!!!

I drove off sipping my masculine drink, awash in my sheer virility, looking for other unwitting targets.... Perhaps a Yugo, or maybe even a Volkswagon Van!

------------------
My 98 yellow stang

Mods:
Magnaflow cat-back

2FastLX · 02-07-2001, 01:34 PM

Did you write all that? If so it's pretty damn good. I was rolling.
Anyone got any nitro pills?

------------------

02-07-2001, 01:39 PM

That is hilarious man, boy you have a story telling gift that I envy

.

NoSlow5.0 · 02-07-2001, 02:16 PM

IN ALL SERIOUSNESS! I was ROALING ON THE FLOOR laughing so hard i could barely breath. I tried to read it to my brother, but got dissy from lack of O2. THAT IS SAOOOO FUNNY! Light Em Up!!!

Gautam · 02-07-2001, 05:39 PM

Hi,
Hehe...2FastLX, I doubt 98yellowstang wrote that. I remember readint this exact story a few weeks back. I was laughing like crazy...Why? Cuz I had a Geo Metro myself before I sold it for my 'stang.

Here's my ex-ride. 3-cyl of raw power baby!

.

Bye!

------------------
Gautam N. Lad
http://www.cubicdesign.com
http://www.cubicdesign.com/mustang/

98yellow stang · 02-07-2001, 09:55 PM

Yeah fellas I have to give credit where credit is due I got that off of www.s-series.org. Just thought I would pass it along. Real funny, tell your friends
Later
Light em up

------------------
My 98 yellow stang

Mods:
Magnaflow cat-back

smooth · 02-07-2001, 11:35 PM

i've seen that story posted so many times. funny the first few times, hehe.

WHITECOBRAGIRL94 · 02-08-2001, 01:51 PM

THAT IS SO FUNNY! I HAVE
ACTUALLY SEEN THAT HAPPEN
ONCE OR TWICE....THANKS FOR
THE LAUGH!

------------------
94 Mustang Cobra: off-road h-pipe, 3:73 gears, motersports underdrive pulleys, MAC cold air induction, MAC 1 1/2 inch lowering springs, K&N Air filter, Maximum Motersports caster/camber plates. Soon my steeda tri-ax shifter.
94 Thunderbird SC: only mod is a K&N air filter. But she runs very well and hard.

tireburner163 · 02-11-2001, 11:53 AM

CAN't...gasp...STOP....gasp......LAUGHING
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

02-07-2001, 09:12 AM	#1
98yellow stang Registered Member Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Erie PA USA Posts: 38	Festiva goes down to a Metro (joke) I borrowed my wife's Geo Metro last night. One liter of raw power, 3 cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on thirteen-inch rims. It's stock, alright, nothing done to it, but it pushes the barely 2000 pounds of metro around with AUTHORITY. I'm always catching mopeds and 18-wheelers by surprise... I was headed back from Baskin Robbins with my manly triple-latte cappuccino blast ("No Cinnamon, ma'am, I take it BLACK"), when I stopped at a streetlight. As the Metro throbbed its throaty idle around me, I sipped my bold beverage and wiped the white froth my stiff upper lip. I was minding my own business, but then I heard a rev from the next lane. I turned, made eye contact, then let my eyes trace over the competition. Ford Festiva -- a late model, could be trouble. Low profile tires, curb feelers, and schoolbus-yellow paint. Yep, a hot rod, for sure. The howl of his motor snapped my reverie, and I looked back into the driver's eyes, nodded, then blipped my own throttle. As I tugged on my driving gloves and slipped on my sunglasses (gotta look cool to be fast, and I am damn cool, hence...), the night was split with the sound of seven screaming cylinders... Then the light turned... I almost had him out of the hole, my three pounding cylinders thrusting me at least a millimeter back into my seat, as smoke pouring from my front right tire... my unlimited slip differential was letting me down! I saw in the corner of my eyes, a yellow snout gaining, and I heard the roar of his four cylinders. He slung by me, right front wheel juddering against the pavement, and he flashed me a smile as his .7 extra liters of motor stretched its legs. I kept my foot gamely in it, though, waiting for the CHECK ENGINE light to blink on in the one-gauge (no tachometer here!) instrument panel. I saw a glimpse of chrome under his bumper, and knew the ugly truth... He was running a custom exhaust -- probably a 2-into-1 dual exhaust...maybe even cutouts! Damn his hot-rod soul! The old lady passing us on the crosswalk cast a dirty look in our boy-racer direction... Yet still I persisted, with my three pumping pistons singing a heady high-pitched song, wound fully out. Though only a few handfuls of seconds had passed, we were nearing the crosswalk at the other side of the intersection, and I heard the note of his engine change as he made his shift to second, and I saw his grin in his rearview mirror fade as he missed the shift! I rocketed by, shifting, and nursed the clutch gently in to keep from bogging, keeping my motor spinning hot and pulling me ahead, now trailing a cloud of stinking clutch smoke. Not ready to give up so easily, he left his foot in it, revving, and I heard one wheel almost chirp as he finally found second and dropped the clutch. We careened over the crosswalk, now going at least 15 miles per hour. A bicyclist passed us, but intent on the race as we were, neither of us batted an eye. He pulled slowly abreast of me, and neck and neck, we made the shift to third, the scream of motors deafening all pedestrians within a five foot circle. He nosed ahead as we passed 30 miles an hour, then eased in front of me, taunting, as we shifted into fourth. I was staring up the dual 6" chrome tips of his exhaust, snarling, my cappuccino forgotten, as he lifted a little to take the next corner. I saw my opportunity, and counting on the innate agility of my trusty steed, I pulled wide into the number two lane and kept my foot buried in carpet. Slowly, I inched around him, feeling my Metro roll slowly to the left as I came abreast in the midst of this gradual sweeping turn. I felt the Geo ease onto its suspension stops, and felt the right rear wheel slowly leave the ground - no matter, though, because my drive wheels, up front, were pulling me through the corner, and around the Festiva... The Ford driver beat his wheel in rage as my wife's car eased past him on the outside, my P165/54R13's screaming in protest, as we paced to the next light. We coasted down, neck-and neck, to the red light. I tightened my driving gloves, ready for another round, when this WIMP in the next car meekly flipped his turn signal and made a right. Chevy(Suzuki) superiority reigns!!! I drove off sipping my masculine drink, awash in my sheer virility, looking for other unwitting targets.... Perhaps a Yugo, or maybe even a Volkswagon Van! ------------------ My 98 yellow stang Mods: Magnaflow cat-back

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02-07-2001, 01:34 PM	#2
2FastLX The Photoshop Guru Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Mecca, Indiana Posts: 1,419	Did you write all that? If so it's pretty damn good. I was rolling. Anyone got any nitro pills? ------------------

02-07-2001, 01:39 PM	#3
88GT5.013.02 Guest Posts: n/a	That is hilarious man, boy you have a story telling gift that I envy .

02-07-2001, 02:16 PM	#4
NoSlow5.0 YOU HAVE NO MARBLES!!!!!! Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Jonesboro,Georgia,USA (Providence, Ri) Posts: 868	IN ALL SERIOUSNESS! I was ROALING ON THE FLOOR laughing so hard i could barely breath. I tried to read it to my brother, but got dissy from lack of O2. THAT IS SAOOOO FUNNY! Light Em Up!!!

02-07-2001, 05:39 PM	#5
Gautam Registered Member Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Brampton, ON, Canada Posts: 298	Hi, Hehe...2FastLX, I doubt 98yellowstang wrote that. I remember readint this exact story a few weeks back. I was laughing like crazy...Why? Cuz I had a Geo Metro myself before I sold it for my 'stang. Here's my ex-ride. 3-cyl of raw power baby! . Bye! ------------------ Gautam N. Lad http://www.cubicdesign.com http://www.cubicdesign.com/mustang/

02-07-2001, 09:55 PM	#6
98yellow stang Registered Member Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Erie PA USA Posts: 38	Yeah fellas I have to give credit where credit is due I got that off of www.s-series.org. Just thought I would pass it along. Real funny, tell your friends Later Light em up ------------------ My 98 yellow stang Mods: Magnaflow cat-back

02-07-2001, 11:35 PM	#7
smooth Registered Member Join Date: Nov 1999 Location: illinois, USA Posts: 649	i've seen that story posted so many times. funny the first few times, hehe.

02-08-2001, 01:51 PM	#8
WHITECOBRAGIRL94 Registered Member Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Mooresville, NC Posts: 105	THAT IS SO FUNNY! I HAVE ACTUALLY SEEN THAT HAPPEN ONCE OR TWICE....THANKS FOR THE LAUGH! ------------------ 94 Mustang Cobra: off-road h-pipe, 3:73 gears, motersports underdrive pulleys, MAC cold air induction, MAC 1 1/2 inch lowering springs, K&N Air filter, Maximum Motersports caster/camber plates. Soon my steeda tri-ax shifter. 94 Thunderbird SC: only mod is a K&N air filter. But she runs very well and hard.

02-11-2001, 11:53 AM	#9
tireburner163 It's a lot like a race car Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Meridian, MS Posts: 4,130	CAN't...gasp...STOP....gasp......LAUGHING HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!