>---The New Texan's Handbook:
> >1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how
> > to use it.
> >2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can.
> > Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
> >3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the
> > cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will
> > be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way.
> This is
> > what they live for.
> 4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same
> > store.
> >5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular, "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's"
> > is plural possessive.
> >6. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
> >7. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone,
> > directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to
> > drive on a model of vehicle known as a John Deere, and this is the
> > proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
> >8. If you hear a redneck exclaim, " Hey, y'all, watch this!" Stay out
> > of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
> >9. Get used to the phrase "it's not the heat, it's the humidity".
> > And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait'll August."
> >10. There are no delis. Don't ask.
> >11. In conversation, never put your hand on a man's shoulder when
> > making a point, especially in a bar.
> >12. Chili does NOT have beans in it.
> >13. Brisket is not "cooked" in an oven.
> >14. Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.
> >15. If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down - in
> > December.
> >16. We do TOO have 4 seasons: December, January, February and Summer!
> >17. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F150 is.
> >18. If someone tells you "Don't worry, those peppers aren't hot" you
> > can be certain they are.
> >19. If you fail to heed my; warning in #18 above, be sure to have a
> > bowl of guacamole on hand. Water won't do it.
> >20. Rocky Mountain oysters are NOT oysters. Don't ask.
> >21. If someone says they're "fixin'" to do something, that doesn't
> > mean anything's broken.
> >22. Don't' even think of ordering a strawberry daiquiri. What you
> > really mean to say is 'margarita'.
> >23. If you don't understand our passion for college and high school
> > football, just keep your mouth shut.
> >24. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to
> > the door, but the availability of shade.
> >25. If you see a slower moving vehicle on a two lane road pulling
> > onto the shoulder, that is called "courtesy".
> >26. BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and
> > hotdogs outdoors.
> >27. No matter what you've seen on TV, line dancing is not a popular
> > weekend pastime.
> >28. "Tea" = iced Tea. There is no other kind.
> >29. Everything goes better with Ranch dressing.
> >
LOL! Rules to live by....If you dont live in TEXASS......Hurry! Your WASTING TIME!
TNT
