10 Ways to Terrorize a Telemarketer

10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so
glad you asked because no one these days seems to care,
and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up,
my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."

9. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them
to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name.
Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them
personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

8. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God!
Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy
a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out
where she could know you from.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the
Family and Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice
as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"

6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just
filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration"
and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips.

4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her
to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that
you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask
them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can
call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they
cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't
want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer
will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"

2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.
"Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

And first and foremost:
1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.

[cyberstang5.0]

I need to try these next time they call...

[0h n0 5.0]

sounds like some ones been watching Crank Yankers..

but seriously, jerk called me at 10 am this mornin an started his shpeal..*click*

no i don't wanna citibank Visa..

SORRY "DAVE" GET A NEW JOB CAUSE THE ONE YOU'VE GOT NOW SUCKS.. AN I THINK I WAS PRETTY CONSIDERATE ACTUALLY..


yep you made my list. right under hondas w/fart tips , iraqi soldiers an paper cuts... *******

[mustangII460]

Heres something that worked for me for most of my telemarketers.

Record the "S.I.T" tone. I keep a hand held recoder with it ready to play. S.I.T. is that three tone recording you get when you dial a disconnected number. Search google.

When the "Auto Dialer" calls me, I look for "unknown number" on my ID box. I play the SIT tone into the phone right away. This will trick the auto dialer into thinking the number has been disconnected, thus removing your number. It usually takes a few weeks of doing this to notice it working.

Also you can record the SIT tone onto your answering machine but, it HAS to be the first thing that plays. Any beeps, or words will trip the auto dialer to notify a person that its a person on the phone. So when someone calls your house, they hear that tone, then your away measage. No biggy for friends to figure out. The words after the tone are meaningless because the auto dialer has hung up by then.

I have cut out 98% of those people calling me with this method. Some telemarketers don't use this system, so it won't work with them. So those few lucky ones get all kinds of stories from me. I like using the, "My wife? Shes in jail right now, can I take a measage?"

Good Luck.

[Capri306]

I guess I'm pretty lewd in comparison, then. Well, calling me at 9:00 in the morning on a SATURDAY is lewd too, isn't it? Anyhoo, when they call, I'll ask them to hold on for like a full MINUTE. Then I'll let them talk their little piece, the whole time acting like I'm taking a really, really bad crap. You know, damning Taco Bell (Toxic Smell, I don't think that stuff qualifies as food), the beer, saying, "I don't remember eating corn!" Makes for interesting reactions. I can't stand those people. Either they're desperate for money or they sold their soul to Satan.

[Fox Body]

LOVELY THREAD! Thanks for the added ideas!

[chuck88]

What I have done in the past is asked the telemarketer to describe the product in there own words (they cant) and as soon as they go back to the prewritten speach tell them to stop reading and if the product is that great you should be able to tell me what makes it so great. Its great they get all flustered and one time they hung up on me!

One time I was outraged because this was the same company calling me at dinner again. I asked for the supervisor and they asked why I told them I want to be removed. they said it will take two weeks. this just made me more mad and I told her in an extremely serious and aggravated tone that you will remove me now and you people will never call me again. She exclaimed I cant do that it will take 2 weeks I said I dont want to hear that you will remove me now and you will never call me again in a more serious and aggravated tone!! They never called back.
when they say it will take 2 weeks to be removed dont believe stick to your guns and tell them to stop harassing you, they will remove you immediately


Chuck88

[mustangII460]

I do this alot too.

Ask the person for their phone number. "So I can call, and bug the chit out of YOU!"