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10-26-2002, 10:13 PM | #1 |
Confederate Cowboy
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Southeast Missouri
Posts: 546
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Southern visitation rules
>
> > > Southern Visitation Rules > > > > If you are going to live in or visit the south, you need to know the > > rules. > > > > In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Southerner's mind, the > > following list will be handed to all persons as they enter a Southern > > state. > > > > 1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you > > do all week at the gym. > > > > 2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going > > to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get it out of the way. > > > > 3. The red dirt - it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color, don't > > wash your car for a couple weeks it'll be permanent. The big lumps of > > it, they're called "clods." > > > > 4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, > > we saw Bambi. We got over it. > > > > 5. Any references to 'corn fed' when talking about our women will get you > > whipped - by our women. > > > > 6. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a > > flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those > > little 13-inch trout you fish for - bait. > > > > 7. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot. > > > > 8. Men, if you want to wear earrings, pierce your nose and whatever, and > > wear your hair long, go right ahead-but if we call you ma'am, don't > > be offended. > > > > 9. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their > > final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure it's not up > > to your ear at the time. > > > > 10. That's right, whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what > > you paid in the airport for one drink. > > > > 11. No, there's no 'Vegetarian Special' on the menu. Order steak. Order > > it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two > > pounds of ham and turkey. > > > > 12. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is sweet. > > You want it hot - sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened - add a > > lot of water. > > > > 13. You bring Coke into my house, it had better be brown, wet, and served > > over ice. > > > > 14. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We > > have a quarter-of-a-million-dollar combine that we only use two weeks > > a year. > > > > 15. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when > > it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow. > > > > 16. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So, > > you're a feminist. Isn't that cute. > > > > 17. We eat dinner together with our families, we pray before we eat (yeah, > > even breakfast), we go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays, we go to > > high school football games on Friday nights, we still address our > > seniors with 'yes, sir' and 'yes, ma'am', and we sometimes still take > > Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors. > > > > 18. We don't do 'hurry up' well. > > > > 19. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil > > them with either salty fatback or a ham hock. > > > > 20. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream, and carp, too. You really want > > sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop. > > > > 21. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like > > it? Interstates 65, 95, and 75 go two ways - Interstates 10, 20, and > > 40 go the other two. Pick one. > > > > 22. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe some pepper on them. > > You want to put milk and sugar n them, then you want cream of wheat - > > go to Kansas.That would be I-40 West. > > > > 23. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. > > Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage > > before daylight at the church on either day. > > > > 24. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being > > friendly. Understand the concept? > > > > 25. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks > > the fish and bothers the gators - and if you hit it in the rough, we > > have these things called Diamondbacks, and they're not baseball > > players. > > > > 26. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like > > an idiot - his name is 'Sir,' no matter how young he is. > > > > 27. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You > > park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood. > > > > 28. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions. > > The liberal contingent of our state wanted to stop this. There is now > > a $10 fine for beating up the flag burner. > > > > Now, enjoy your visit... I emphasize - 'visit Daniel. |
10-26-2002, 10:24 PM | #2 |
Registered Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Sale Creek, TN. C. S. A.
Posts: 4,652
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#29 dont retire & move here wearing short's & black sock's, PLEASE stay above the ky line- forever, we dont need the rude attitude.
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95 gt vert, lot's of stuff, it aint slow. 04 sonic blue v - six my beater 89 rs camaro iroc turbo hood, other stuff, my wifes ride 84 lx stang cammed up 289 hi po, etc 65 falcon, maybe by the year 2020. black 00gt, gone but never forgotten. R H C- member # 1 o.b.c. da prez- member # 1 if your under 40 dont ask. goodbye for now odie,r.i.p. 11-27-03 |
10-26-2002, 11:11 PM | #3 |
Registered Member
Join Date: Oct 1998
Location: Ford Country which is in Virginia
Posts: 287
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Oh man that was great!!! I needed that. Thanks
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"Gripping the wheel his knuckles went white with desire. The wheels of his Mustang exploding onto the highway like a slug from a 45." The car that should've got crused. |
10-27-2002, 11:57 AM | #4 |
Registered Member
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Sherwood, Arkansas
Posts: 238
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Man I loved that!!
Y'all come back now ya hear!! he he C-ya, Melisa
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2002 Mustang V6 Convertible Laser Red Tint with Borla exhaust, K & N filter, ground effects, light bar, 17" bright chrome wheels, low profile tires, window tint, billett grille, aluminum fuel door |
10-27-2002, 06:58 PM | #5 |
Undescribable
Join Date: Sep 1998
Location: Ft Myers Fla
Posts: 1,539
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#15: I lived in a town like that. speed limit would go from 55 down to 35 in a half a block!! was on a highway in middle of state
#28: #7: so true!!
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Rice Haters Club Member #101 |
10-27-2002, 08:22 PM | #6 |
It's a lot like a race car
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Meridian, MS
Posts: 4,130
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LMAO @ 4, 6, 22, and 23
Right on fo # 17
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1987 Buick T-type 1998 HD Electra Elide |
10-28-2002, 08:24 AM | #7 | |
347ci of HORSE POWER!!!
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 1,416
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Re: Southern visitation rules
Quote:
ROTFLMAO!!! That's a good one |
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10-28-2002, 02:35 PM | #8 |
Not broken anymore!
Join Date: May 2001
Location: La Porte, TEXASS :)
Posts: 1,963
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:)
What other way is there to eat a steak other than Med. RARE...
or like I say: Cut off its horns, wipe his as$ and Drag him over the coals! yummy! Think I'll cook one tonight and smother it in SHROOMS! I hate Tea. Tastes like medicine. * Footnote* Just make sure that cop you called "sir" is not a woman....they dont like that very much.....its really pisses them off. TNT : )
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R.I.P. my Kinde..Jan. 19,1992-Aug. 22, 2003. Shes Cruisin' doggie heaven in a Blown Verte or a GTO!!! 2005 ROUSH GT Verte SuperStallions of the Net Feature, May 2002 RICE HATERS CLUB MEMBER #38!! O.B.C #5..thank you!! I feel so priveledged!! BONE STOCK~ Hell, its a ROUSH! |
10-28-2002, 03:05 PM | #9 | |
Confederate Cowboy
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Southeast Missouri
Posts: 546
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Quote:
Daniel. |
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10-28-2002, 07:34 PM | #10 | |
Undescribable
Join Date: Sep 1998
Location: Ft Myers Fla
Posts: 1,539
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Re: :)
Quote:
I'll be right over!! could be a new steak house "Steak 'n Shrooms"
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Rice Haters Club Member #101 |
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10-28-2002, 09:05 PM | #11 |
Get down.....
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Room 103
Posts: 2,095
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hey Dan, whats next, a Klan meeting? hahahaha j/k fagidabodit
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Cobra brakes are on! Finally..... ------------------------------------------------ |
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