Father pushes me aside..Never wants to see me again

03-31-2001, 04:04 AM

Welp,I never thought this day would come,but it has.

Tonight after work,I stopped over to use my father's garage as I always have to fix a ignition problem with my work car(GM-Malibu).Well in the process,while he was helping me to diagnose the problem,he becames angry only because I told him to quit shouting at me.I try to give my points of view on the potential problem,then he would simply shout at me.Then he tells me to never bring a car back to his garage again..

I ask why,but in return he pushes me towards the car,trying to force me into the car.In instinct,I push back,then he gets ready to swing at me.I simply told him if he hits me I'll never come around him again.It was then he told me he doesn't want me around anymore..

So as I sit at this moment I realize what my mother went through while they were married for 15 years..they are now divorced.My father has always had a anger problem,and tonight I was on the receiving end.As of right now I have no-where to work on any of my vehicles,my work car or the mustang,I have a father telling me he doesn't want me around anymore..

Not to mention I wanted so dearly to run the car this summer for the very first time down the 1/4 mile. But as of right now,that dream has been moved further away from reality.

I'm sitting here right now upset and hurt and feel like my heart has been just ripped out..

------------------
Paxton Blown 87GT
ICQ#112698436

03-31-2001, 08:35 AM

You been drinking?? I tend to get alittle too open (on here too) when I've been drinking.

That is pretty heavy stuff but it sounds to me like it was a heat of the moment statement. I think he will probably call you and apologize, if he doesn't maybe you should go by there after a couple days(cool down time). I don't think an arguement is worth losing someone close to you, it happens alot, but life is too short to let some bs ruin the rest of the relationship. If this were to happen to me and my dad I would probably not take another car to his shop again, even if he said to. You argue when working on the car, so I wouldn't work on a car with him. I would avoid those things that cause the conflicts. You can find somewhere else to work on your car, believe me there are alot of guys that want someone to help with their car and want to help with yours.

Your dad was mad and so were you, he is probably just as upset as you are.. some people just don't show it that much.

Its really hard to look into someone else's relationship and give good advise, I wish you luck..

------------------
Rick
My 89lx(updated 2/21/2001)
My 97 Cobra

Mach 1 · 03-31-2001, 10:18 AM

I can relate, because my Dad was anal retentive also. Dont lose sleep over it. He's your dad, and he loves you, even if he has anger/temper problems. Just be aware of his problem, and keep your distance. I think these people just need their "space", and dont mean to hurt you. Call him on the phone just to say hello. If hes in a pissy mood, youll know, and you can cut the call short. If he wants to talk, then you can talk to him, and probably you will feel better.

------------------
1993 GT/AOD
'93 Mustang GT

Mustangbelle306 · 03-31-2001, 12:00 PM

I don't think just because he is being open means he is drunk. I've grown pretty close to some people on MW because it is easy to talk to someone who shares your interests and everyone is really sweet here.

My dad is the same way. For instance, I'm in college right now, and don't have a job. I needed new tires, and decided to do a rim swap as well. I sold my prostars and with the proceeds bought the 17x10.5 cobra Rs (for the second time cobra Rs!!) So I paid for the rims, but stupid me didnt research the prices of 315/35/17 tires, and now he is mad bc the tires are going to be $800, and accused me of tricking him. We got into a phone shouting match because he didn't let me explain what had happened, and he said he would order the tires and I was a (fill in the blank with mean word).

Seems like fathers have this little gene, that makes them want to control and yell and scream ha...Usually my dad gets mad, and once I let him simmer down, he is fine again. I know he has a lot of stuff going on in his life, like a brother with cancer, and it causes him alot of stress. Does your dad have anything else going on in his life that may be causing him to take it out on you?

I'm really sorry to hear about your trouble. I love my dad to death and it breaks my heart to make him mad. To top that my car needs a new motor now too, and I'm going to see if I can fix what is wrong to save him money and save our relationship...and get a job

Good luck hon! Keep us posted

------------------
Elisha (Mustang Chick Extraordinaire)
1994 GT/Saleen: Cartech intake,4.10s, full exhaust, pulleys, Compucar nitrous kit 125 shot
Sold the 1986 LX sedan

http://www.geocities.com/mustangbelle_306
AOL name: GT306Chick

PGkelly · 03-31-2001, 12:15 PM

man, that is terrible. whenever i hear about things like it just breaks my heart. Has your dad always been like this? 'cuz if he has, he has a way too high anger inventory. He needs profesional help, and you should seek it. if his anger destroyed his marriage, and is now threatening his relationship with his son, he needs to do something about it. fast.

NoSlow5.0 · 03-31-2001, 01:25 PM

I feel for ya Mustangguy. I think a lot of us have fathers or mothers like that. My father and i both have very violent and short tempers. When times get stressed we usually end up going at it. But it always calms down. Hopefully your dad will realize what he said and want to be there for you in the future. We all say stuff we don't meen in the heat of a moment at some point. Good luck. Light Em Up!!

Mr 5 0 · 03-31-2001, 02:45 PM

Mustanguy:

Sorry to hear of your trouble with your dad.

I can relate; My dad has a temper and so do I and we had our shouting matches and once or twice a raised fist when I was younger.
Then, we both would avoid each other for awhile and when we had cooled off (usually hours...sometimes a few days) we would apologize and forget it. This happened quite a few times and we both survived intact.
My parents were divorced too, for (good) reasons that I won't explore here.

My point, such as it is, is that this stuff is semi-normal between fathers and sons.
It can be survived without destroying the relationship but you have to bend a little and not let ego control your actions.
As stated earlier in another post; your dad may have many other concerns that have little or nothing to do with you, and these are the real cause of his stress level being so high that he makes wild statements to you, in anger. Maybe not, but I can tell that life gets more complicated as you get older and although this isn't an excuse for bad choices, it can help explain things a bit.

Let time do it's work and try contacting him in a week or so. See what happens and don't have high expectations. If he is still angry, so be it. You tried. You can't control other peoples behavior and they cannot control yours. We can only react in a responsible way and do the right thing. If he wants to wallow in anger about some car repair, let him. Life goes on and this is pretty minor stuff for him to 'disown' you on. I doubt he will, but I can understand your hurt over this outburst. That said, I'll bet this kind of behavior from him is not unheard of and if it is, then something may be seriously wrong...but I doubt it.
Angry types tend to be that way most of the time and this time it just got a little out of hand. I'm betting this will blow over, if you both want it to. Give it time and don't despair; at least you have a dad; some don't and would almost prefer a rocky relationship to none at all.

Power · 03-31-2001, 04:10 PM

When I was growing up my father and I never could get along. As I grew older I realized why, its because we are exactly alike. As soon as I moved out though we haven't had any probs. I agree with what everyone else was saying about giving it a day or two and then either call or go over there(use your judgement)and apologize. Sometimes its hard but don't be afraid to be the first to apologize, even if you feel its not your fault. Lots and lots of wasted time has happened because of ppl waiting for the other to apologize first. I feel for you and wish you the best in making up with your father.

------------------
1966 Baby blue Coupe, 289 w/ man. 3-speed, nothing special but the fact that it is my first mustang. I am a former import guru....no more.

I've never run it except on the street, it has new wheels & tires, new exaust, and that about covers it. Looking to change a lot in the future including engine. Any ideas are appreciated.

lx mike · 03-31-2001, 06:45 PM

Give him some space and time and i'm sure thing will work out, sounds like it was a heat of the moment thing there from both you and him.
when i was in my teens i didn't know much about cars and would just be there handing hima wrench or wqhatever he told me he wanted and soemtime i wouldn't know what he weanted and he'd yell at me and i'd feel so sad but in the end thing would always work out, no matter what happened he would always be there for me, when i wanted to change soemthing on car he would help me and let me know what he would do if it was his car but would go along with my wishes. when i was 21 he died and never got to see me do any of the things that we would go and see, we'd go watch the sat night drags and i knew that he wished to be out there racing, well when i was 26 i finally got to run down the same drag strip that i used to go to with him. ever since then i have had the same thing on my christmas list: to just spend a saturday at the drag strip with my dad so he can see that his dream did come true!!

sorry guess i got carried away here

------------------
93-LX: 5 Speed, Flow's with H-Pipe, 3.73's Sub's and K&N.

KillaZ350 · 04-01-2001, 10:30 AM

, im not good on touchy situations like this but if it were me id try calling him to apologize even if he should be the one saying he's sorry not you, but anyway welcome to the world of Ramps and jacks, and lots of time laying on your back out in the driveway......

------------------
1991 Z28 Camaro L98
5.7L T.P.I
Blk ext/grey lthr int
http://www.iroc-z.org/albums/KamaroZ91/

Fox Body · 04-01-2001, 11:53 AM

Sorry to here that Mustanguy. Like others said, give it some time (about a week w/o any contact) and you should initiate contact (just don't wait for him to do it--pride could make it last too long). I'm sure both of you need to apologize, but when you talk to him again, do it even if he doesn't.

This is not some boyfriend/gr relationship. This is your dad and life is too short to screw around with arguments b/t loved ones. Sometimes, when people try to make up, an argument starts again. Don't let this happen b/c it takes 2 people to argue. Just make sure you're always the good guy in the situation and don't react to any attempts he makes to provoke you. Utilize self-control. Remember he is still your father.

From here, I can't do much for you. But I can give advice and keep you in my prayers.

-------------------------------
'79 Mustang Coup
4" Cowl
Weld wheels (15x6;15x8)
Stock 5.8L
C4 w/ shift kit
1.5" MAC full length headers
Holley 750 CFM
Edelbrock intake
2.5" Off road H-pipe, 2-chamber Flowmasters
8.8" Rear end w/ 3.55 gears (Now that's more like it!!)

Front: 225/60/15 Rear: 255/60/15 Eagle GT II
14 x 4” K&N air filter (getting the Xtreme setup soon)

"Red, thou art my companion. Hasten now your quickened metamorphosis to Green that I may conquer all who dare abide there beside me. May they be left thither behind burnt black." ---Fox Body

PGkelly · 04-01-2001, 12:13 PM

I agree that giving it some time and apologizing will help remedy THIS situation, but it will happen again. and it will keep happening, until you do something to prevent it. save yourself some grief down the road. If your Dad has always been like this, (and this goes for all of you) then he has an above average level of anger. this can be helped. just let him know what his anger does to people around him, and try to get him to see himself as someone around him would. that is the first step. remind him of the consequences, and let him know that his actions really hurt you. try to get him to stop and think whenever he feels himself getting angry. Apologies will not always work....so try and see if you can stop the outbursts in the future

04-01-2001, 08:02 PM

I wanted to say thanks for listening to whats going on currently,to all of you,it means alot..

since this has happened,I've gotten no response from him yet,so I'm planning on Monday(which is tomorrow)to start looking for a house to rent with a garage.Then I start the process of buying my own tools.

It's been a very hard weekend for me..

Once again thanks alot guys/gals for listening..

------------------
Paxton Blown 87GT
ICQ#112698436

2FastLX · 04-04-2001, 12:43 PM

You don't realize how much I can relate to this topic. My Father was always considered by me as a child to be Satan himself. He was always mad and very rarely smiled. I never heard him tell me he loved me until we got into a fight one night and I nearly killed him with a heart attack (yes I felt terribly bad). After a week or so he was right back to his same old games. He was a good person inside, but never knew how to show it. Part of it was my fault I guess because I was kinda the same way.

Call your Father and talk to him. Let him know how you feel. Don't let this boil in his mind forever like my Father did. If you have to apologize then so be it. He will do the same more than likely. Stubborness never does any good.

My Father has since died a horrible death from cancer and I wish now that we could have gotten along better than we did and that I had spent more time with him. Don't be like me. If he pushes you away just keep at it. He's your Father and he definately loves you no matter how pi$$ed he gets at you.

------------------
ICQ# 42269241
Indiana Stangers Association
Buy your parts here

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03-31-2001, 04:04 AM	#1
Mustanguy Guest Posts: n/a	Father pushes me aside..Never wants to see me again Welp,I never thought this day would come,but it has. Tonight after work,I stopped over to use my father's garage as I always have to fix a ignition problem with my work car(GM-Malibu).Well in the process,while he was helping me to diagnose the problem,he becames angry only because I told him to quit shouting at me.I try to give my points of view on the potential problem,then he would simply shout at me.Then he tells me to never bring a car back to his garage again.. I ask why,but in return he pushes me towards the car,trying to force me into the car.In instinct,I push back,then he gets ready to swing at me.I simply told him if he hits me I'll never come around him again.It was then he told me he doesn't want me around anymore.. So as I sit at this moment I realize what my mother went through while they were married for 15 years..they are now divorced.My father has always had a anger problem,and tonight I was on the receiving end.As of right now I have no-where to work on any of my vehicles,my work car or the mustang,I have a father telling me he doesn't want me around anymore.. Not to mention I wanted so dearly to run the car this summer for the very first time down the 1/4 mile. But as of right now,that dream has been moved further away from reality. I'm sitting here right now upset and hurt and feel like my heart has been just ripped out.. ------------------ Paxton Blown 87GT ICQ#112698436

03-31-2001, 08:35 AM	#2
rbatson Guest Posts: n/a	You been drinking?? I tend to get alittle too open (on here too) when I've been drinking. That is pretty heavy stuff but it sounds to me like it was a heat of the moment statement. I think he will probably call you and apologize, if he doesn't maybe you should go by there after a couple days(cool down time). I don't think an arguement is worth losing someone close to you, it happens alot, but life is too short to let some bs ruin the rest of the relationship. If this were to happen to me and my dad I would probably not take another car to his shop again, even if he said to. You argue when working on the car, so I wouldn't work on a car with him. I would avoid those things that cause the conflicts. You can find somewhere else to work on your car, believe me there are alot of guys that want someone to help with their car and want to help with yours. Your dad was mad and so were you, he is probably just as upset as you are.. some people just don't show it that much. Its really hard to look into someone else's relationship and give good advise, I wish you luck.. ------------------ Rick My 89lx(updated 2/21/2001) My 97 Cobra

03-31-2001, 10:18 AM	#3
Mach 1 Registered Member Join Date: May 1999 Location: Georgia Posts: 3,866	I can relate, because my Dad was anal retentive also. Dont lose sleep over it. He's your dad, and he loves you, even if he has anger/temper problems. Just be aware of his problem, and keep your distance. I think these people just need their "space", and dont mean to hurt you. Call him on the phone just to say hello. If hes in a pissy mood, youll know, and you can cut the call short. If he wants to talk, then you can talk to him, and probably you will feel better. ------------------ 1993 GT/AOD '93 Mustang GT

03-31-2001, 12:00 PM	#4
Mustangbelle306 Yay for Chickys Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 1,532	I don't think just because he is being open means he is drunk. I've grown pretty close to some people on MW because it is easy to talk to someone who shares your interests and everyone is really sweet here. My dad is the same way. For instance, I'm in college right now, and don't have a job. I needed new tires, and decided to do a rim swap as well. I sold my prostars and with the proceeds bought the 17x10.5 cobra Rs (for the second time cobra Rs!!) So I paid for the rims, but stupid me didnt research the prices of 315/35/17 tires, and now he is mad bc the tires are going to be $800, and accused me of tricking him. We got into a phone shouting match because he didn't let me explain what had happened, and he said he would order the tires and I was a (fill in the blank with mean word). Seems like fathers have this little gene, that makes them want to control and yell and scream ha...Usually my dad gets mad, and once I let him simmer down, he is fine again. I know he has a lot of stuff going on in his life, like a brother with cancer, and it causes him alot of stress. Does your dad have anything else going on in his life that may be causing him to take it out on you? I'm really sorry to hear about your trouble. I love my dad to death and it breaks my heart to make him mad. To top that my car needs a new motor now too, and I'm going to see if I can fix what is wrong to save him money and save our relationship...and get a job Good luck hon! Keep us posted ------------------ Elisha (Mustang Chick Extraordinaire) 1994 GT/Saleen: Cartech intake,4.10s, full exhaust, pulleys, Compucar nitrous kit 125 shot Sold the 1986 LX sedan http://www.geocities.com/mustangbelle_306 AOL name: GT306Chick

03-31-2001, 12:15 PM	#5
PGkelly Registered Member Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 274	man, that is terrible. whenever i hear about things like it just breaks my heart. Has your dad always been like this? 'cuz if he has, he has a way too high anger inventory. He needs profesional help, and you should seek it. if his anger destroyed his marriage, and is now threatening his relationship with his son, he needs to do something about it. fast.

03-31-2001, 01:25 PM	#6
NoSlow5.0 YOU HAVE NO MARBLES!!!!!! Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Jonesboro,Georgia,USA (Providence, Ri) Posts: 868	I feel for ya Mustangguy. I think a lot of us have fathers or mothers like that. My father and i both have very violent and short tempers. When times get stressed we usually end up going at it. But it always calms down. Hopefully your dad will realize what he said and want to be there for you in the future. We all say stuff we don't meen in the heat of a moment at some point. Good luck. Light Em Up!!

03-31-2001, 02:45 PM	#7
Mr 5 0 Conservative Individualist Join Date: May 1997 Location: Wherever I need to be Posts: 7,487	Mustanguy: Sorry to hear of your trouble with your dad. I can relate; My dad has a temper and so do I and we had our shouting matches and once or twice a raised fist when I was younger. Then, we both would avoid each other for awhile and when we had cooled off (usually hours...sometimes a few days) we would apologize and forget it. This happened quite a few times and we both survived intact. My parents were divorced too, for (good) reasons that I won't explore here. My point, such as it is, is that this stuff is semi-normal between fathers and sons. It can be survived without destroying the relationship but you have to bend a little and not let ego control your actions. As stated earlier in another post; your dad may have many other concerns that have little or nothing to do with you, and these are the real cause of his stress level being so high that he makes wild statements to you, in anger. Maybe not, but I can tell that life gets more complicated as you get older and although this isn't an excuse for bad choices, it can help explain things a bit. Let time do it's work and try contacting him in a week or so. See what happens and don't have high expectations. If he is still angry, so be it. You tried. You can't control other peoples behavior and they cannot control yours. We can only react in a responsible way and do the right thing. If he wants to wallow in anger about some car repair, let him. Life goes on and this is pretty minor stuff for him to 'disown' you on. I doubt he will, but I can understand your hurt over this outburst. That said, I'll bet this kind of behavior from him is not unheard of and if it is, then something may be seriously wrong...but I doubt it. Angry types tend to be that way most of the time and this time it just got a little out of hand. I'm betting this will blow over, if you both want it to. Give it time and don't despair; at least you have a dad; some don't and would almost prefer a rocky relationship to none at all.

03-31-2001, 04:10 PM	#8
Power Registered Member Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Oregon Posts: 420	When I was growing up my father and I never could get along. As I grew older I realized why, its because we are exactly alike. As soon as I moved out though we haven't had any probs. I agree with what everyone else was saying about giving it a day or two and then either call or go over there(use your judgement)and apologize. Sometimes its hard but don't be afraid to be the first to apologize, even if you feel its not your fault. Lots and lots of wasted time has happened because of ppl waiting for the other to apologize first. I feel for you and wish you the best in making up with your father. ------------------ 1966 Baby blue Coupe, 289 w/ man. 3-speed, nothing special but the fact that it is my first mustang. I am a former import guru....no more. I've never run it except on the street, it has new wheels & tires, new exaust, and that about covers it. Looking to change a lot in the future including engine. Any ideas are appreciated.

03-31-2001, 06:45 PM	#9
lx mike Undescribable Join Date: Sep 1998 Location: Ft Myers Fla Posts: 1,539	Give him some space and time and i'm sure thing will work out, sounds like it was a heat of the moment thing there from both you and him. when i was in my teens i didn't know much about cars and would just be there handing hima wrench or wqhatever he told me he wanted and soemtime i wouldn't know what he weanted and he'd yell at me and i'd feel so sad but in the end thing would always work out, no matter what happened he would always be there for me, when i wanted to change soemthing on car he would help me and let me know what he would do if it was his car but would go along with my wishes. when i was 21 he died and never got to see me do any of the things that we would go and see, we'd go watch the sat night drags and i knew that he wished to be out there racing, well when i was 26 i finally got to run down the same drag strip that i used to go to with him. ever since then i have had the same thing on my christmas list: to just spend a saturday at the drag strip with my dad so he can see that his dream did come true!! sorry guess i got carried away here ------------------ 93-LX: 5 Speed, Flow's with H-Pipe, 3.73's Sub's and K&N.

04-01-2001, 10:30 AM	#10
KillaZ350 Registered Member Join Date: Mar 2000 Location: Columbia, South Carolina Posts: 214	, im not good on touchy situations like this but if it were me id try calling him to apologize even if he should be the one saying he's sorry not you, but anyway welcome to the world of Ramps and jacks, and lots of time laying on your back out in the driveway...... ------------------ 1991 Z28 Camaro L98 5.7L T.P.I Blk ext/grey lthr int http://www.iroc-z.org/albums/KamaroZ91/

04-01-2001, 11:53 AM	#11
Fox Body Mustang Maniac Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: GA, U.S.A Posts: 2,266	Sorry to here that Mustanguy. Like others said, give it some time (about a week w/o any contact) and you should initiate contact (just don't wait for him to do it--pride could make it last too long). I'm sure both of you need to apologize, but when you talk to him again, do it even if he doesn't. This is not some boyfriend/gr relationship. This is your dad and life is too short to screw around with arguments b/t loved ones. Sometimes, when people try to make up, an argument starts again. Don't let this happen b/c it takes 2 people to argue. Just make sure you're always the good guy in the situation and don't react to any attempts he makes to provoke you. Utilize self-control. Remember he is still your father. From here, I can't do much for you. But I can give advice and keep you in my prayers. ------------------------------- '79 Mustang Coup 4" Cowl Weld wheels (15x6;15x8) Stock 5.8L C4 w/ shift kit 1.5" MAC full length headers Holley 750 CFM Edelbrock intake 2.5" Off road H-pipe, 2-chamber Flowmasters 8.8" Rear end w/ 3.55 gears (Now that's more like it!!) Front: 225/60/15 Rear: 255/60/15 Eagle GT II 14 x 4” K&N air filter (getting the Xtreme setup soon) "Red, thou art my companion. Hasten now your quickened metamorphosis to Green that I may conquer all who dare abide there beside me. May they be left thither behind burnt black." ---Fox Body

04-01-2001, 12:13 PM	#12
PGkelly Registered Member Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 274	I agree that giving it some time and apologizing will help remedy THIS situation, but it will happen again. and it will keep happening, until you do something to prevent it. save yourself some grief down the road. If your Dad has always been like this, (and this goes for all of you) then he has an above average level of anger. this can be helped. just let him know what his anger does to people around him, and try to get him to see himself as someone around him would. that is the first step. remind him of the consequences, and let him know that his actions really hurt you. try to get him to stop and think whenever he feels himself getting angry. Apologies will not always work....so try and see if you can stop the outbursts in the future

04-01-2001, 08:02 PM	#13
Mustanguy Guest Posts: n/a	I wanted to say thanks for listening to whats going on currently,to all of you,it means alot.. since this has happened,I've gotten no response from him yet,so I'm planning on Monday(which is tomorrow)to start looking for a house to rent with a garage.Then I start the process of buying my own tools. It's been a very hard weekend for me.. Once again thanks alot guys/gals for listening.. ------------------ Paxton Blown 87GT ICQ#112698436

04-04-2001, 12:43 PM	#14
2FastLX The Photoshop Guru Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Mecca, Indiana Posts: 1,419	You don't realize how much I can relate to this topic. My Father was always considered by me as a child to be Satan himself. He was always mad and very rarely smiled. I never heard him tell me he loved me until we got into a fight one night and I nearly killed him with a heart attack (yes I felt terribly bad). After a week or so he was right back to his same old games. He was a good person inside, but never knew how to show it. Part of it was my fault I guess because I was kinda the same way. Call your Father and talk to him. Let him know how you feel. Don't let this boil in his mind forever like my Father did. If you have to apologize then so be it. He will do the same more than likely. Stubborness never does any good. My Father has since died a horrible death from cancer and I wish now that we could have gotten along better than we did and that I had spent more time with him. Don't be like me. If he pushes you away just keep at it. He's your Father and he definately loves you no matter how pi$$ed he gets at you. ------------------ ICQ# 42269241 Indiana Stangers Association Buy your parts here