lmao...... now that is funny. lol :D Gotta love the old ladies. hehehe.... They can always get away with something like that. lol

Bob was driving home after spending a great day on the lake fishing. His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger side floor. He was late getting home, so he was speeding just a little bit. As he was crossing a bridge, a cop jumped out, radar gun in hand, and motioned Bob to the side of the bridge.
Bob pulled over like a good citizen.

The cop walked up to Bob's car and said "You know how fast you were goin', boy?"

Bob thought for a second and said "Uh, 60?"

"67 MPH, BOY!! 67 MPH in a 55 zone!!!" said the cop.

"If you already knew, why'd you ask me?", Bob snarled back.

Fuming over Bob's answer, the officer growled, "That's speeding, and you're getting a ticket and a fine!" The cop took a good close look at Bob in his stained fishing attire, and said, "You don't even look like you have a job!! Why, I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!"

Bob answered, "Hey, I've got a job . . . a good job!"

The cop leaned in the window, sniffing the foul air, and said, "What kind of a job would a smelly bum like you have?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher!" Bob replied.

"What the hell does a rectum stretcher do, Boy?" asked the cop.

Bob explained, "When someone needs to be stretched, I'm the one who does it. I start with a couple fingers, then a couple more, and then one hand, then both hands. Then I slowly pull them farther and farther apart until the rectum is a full six feet across."

The cop, absorbed with this bizarre image, asked, "What the hell do you do with a six foot *******?"

Bob replied, "I guess you give it a radar gun and stick it on the end of a bridge!"

Ohh... my that is rough. I see some Police Brutality coming your way. lmao.

Here is one.....

A middle aged lawyer and woman meet, fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride says to her new groom, "Please promise to be gentle,... I am still a virgin." The startled groom asks, "How can that be? You've been married 3 times before."
The bride responds... "Well you see it was this way: My first husband was a psychiatrist and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist and all he ever wanted to do was look at it. And my third husband was a stamp collector and all he ever wanted to do was............. God I miss him! But you're a lawyer, so now I *know* I'm gonna get screwed!"

I got a whole ton of funny ones if ya guys want me to post. :D

Heres a pretty good one a buddy sent me.

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs though, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his back. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had a couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke; the broken glass carved up his back terribly. Yet, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.

A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up terribly. He then repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances and went to bed.

The next morning, his head was hurting, his back was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.

"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"

"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."

"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered last night. Where did you go?"

"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"

"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."

Brad

lmao...... hehehe.... that's a good one.

Good stuff guys.