Classified Ad Terminology

[rustang girl]

Classified Ad Terminology
If The Ad Reads . . . It Really Means

• . . .or best offer: I'm guessing here
• 90% complete: You do the other 90%
• 95% complete: Other 5% doesn't exist
• All Original: I never had anything fixed, adjusted, or replaced.
• Burns no oil: It all leaks out
• Clean: Homeless dude at 5th and Main did the windows
• Concours: Recently waxed
• Desirable classic: No one wants it
• Drive it anywhere: Within 10 miles
• Drive it away: I live on a hill
• Engine blueprinted: I don't know what it means either
• Engine quiet: Uses 90-weight oil
• Excellent gas mileage: It's slow
• Faster than a 'vette: A Chevette
• Good investment: Can't be worth much less
  And that's all
• Good transportation: It's ugly
• Great enthusiasts car: I'm looking for a sucker
• House forces sale: Neighbors complaining
• Immaculate: Recently washed
• Loaded with Options: each one more troublesome than the next.
• Looks Like New: just don't try to drive it anywhere.
• Lots of Potential: doesn't run.
• Low miles: The odometer was turned back
• Must Sell: before it blows up.
• Needs major overhaul: Phone the junkyard
• Needs minor overhaul: Needs engine
• Needs Minor Repair: doesn't run.
• Needs Some Body Work: Was side-swiped by a Winnebago.
• Never apart: Bolts too rounded to loosen
• Never Smoken In: unfortunately, that's the best thing I can say about it.
• No time to restore it: Can't obtain parts
• One owner: Can't give it away
• One owner: Hertz
• Older restoration: First owner washed it
• Parts car: Beyond repair
• Project Car: doesn't run.
• Ran when stored: Won't start
• Rare classic: No one wanted it even when it was new.
• Rebuilt engine: Cleaned the spark plugs
• Restored, with 0 miles: Won't start
• Restored, with 2 miles: Won't stay running
• Rough condition: Too bad to lie about
• Runs Fine: I was going to say "runs excellent" but I had a last minute attack of conscience.
• Solid as a rock: Rusted solid
• Spouse's ultimatum: "Either that #!!@&## thing goes or I go!"
• Stored 20 years: In a lake
• Sure to appreciate: That's why I'm selling it
• Trades considered: I'm desperate
• Well-Maintained: I changed the oil occasionally.