MustangWorks.com : Ford Forums - View Single Post - Its painfully Obvious that I need to Relearn of few things.

Mr 5 0 · 01-07-2002, 04:45 PM

Mercury:

My take on your situation is this: Your feelings of inadequacy are probably a good indicator that you're a bit over your head with this woman and need to take it very slow here.

We all need to sort ourselves out after a long-term relationship ends as it's always a big adjustment , sometimes with lots of negative feelings attached.

I think that your ability to be introspective is a big plus that will help you get through this emotionally uncharted time in your life.

I suggest that you continue to look at your situation with a few basic questions to answer:

1. How do you want this relationship (with Marya) to end? Marriage? No? Why not?

2. If not marriage, what?

As you stated, you may really need more time to 'cool down' and refocus. It's natural and normal to get excited at the prospect of a new relationship with an interesting woman like Marya, but what do you really expect to happen and where do you want it to go? In other words, the chase is exciting but what happens when you 'catch' her?

Until you can answer those serious questions, you may just want to keep the relationship on a friendly level without any big expectations, much less intimacy. This isn't high school. Your dealing with a grown woman with real responsibilities; a child and a business to run. She may not be ready for a 'serious' relationship either. You two need to talk these things out.

If you're not emotionally prepared to take on these adult responsibilities with her and make her and her child the center of your life, you may need more time and very possibly a different kind of girlfriend; one that doesn't have the serious responsibilities Marya carries and one that just wants to date casually with no expectations of marriage or commitment for awhile.

I commend you for your mature and responsible attitude in this situation. Consider the various possibilities here and continue to do some introspection but don't analyze it to death, either. Just take things slow, talk to her, spend as much time as possible and don't let physical attraction or fear of the unknown blind you or scare you away.
You'll do fine.

Of course, this is just my opinion. I could be wrong.

01-07-2002, 04:45 PM	#3
Mr 5 0 Conservative Individualist Join Date: May 1997 Location: Wherever I need to be Posts: 7,487	Mercury: My take on your situation is this: Your feelings of inadequacy are probably a good indicator that you're a bit over your head with this woman and need to take it very slow here. We all need to sort ourselves out after a long-term relationship ends as it's always a big adjustment , sometimes with lots of negative feelings attached. I think that your ability to be introspective is a big plus that will help you get through this emotionally uncharted time in your life. I suggest that you continue to look at your situation with a few basic questions to answer: 1. How do you want this relationship (with Marya) to end? Marriage? No? Why not? 2. If not marriage, what? As you stated, you may really need more time to 'cool down' and refocus. It's natural and normal to get excited at the prospect of a new relationship with an interesting woman like Marya, but what do you really expect to happen and where do you want it to go? In other words, the chase is exciting but what happens when you 'catch' her? Until you can answer those serious questions, you may just want to keep the relationship on a friendly level without any big expectations, much less intimacy. This isn't high school. Your dealing with a grown woman with real responsibilities; a child and a business to run. She may not be ready for a 'serious' relationship either. You two need to talk these things out. If you're not emotionally prepared to take on these adult responsibilities with her and make her and her child the center of your life, you may need more time and very possibly a different kind of girlfriend; one that doesn't have the serious responsibilities Marya carries and one that just wants to date casually with no expectations of marriage or commitment for awhile. I commend you for your mature and responsible attitude in this situation. Consider the various possibilities here and continue to do some introspection but don't analyze it to death, either. Just take things slow, talk to her, spend as much time as possible and don't let physical attraction or fear of the unknown blind you or scare you away. You'll do fine. Of course, this is just my opinion. I could be wrong.