Its painfully Obvious that I need to Relearn of few things.

[Mercury]

It has become very obvious to me that I need to relearn a few things.

I think I need to take some more time for myself before going to into another relationship. I find myself expecting to have a relationship that was at the level of me and my ex-girlfriends already with Marya.

After 4 years of seeing someone, I forgot how to take things slowly. And I can already tell I've come off as somewhat pushy. So before I do any more damage to the small/begining relationship I do have with Marya, I'm going to back off the throttle.

Something else that has thrown me a curve is this is the first person I've dated that has a child, and an extreme amount of responsability. I keep forgeting to consider that she has a very busy life, and I don't, in comparison.

Then I wonder if its just me, not being ready for another relationship yet. Maybe I do need more of a cool down period. Or maybe I'm just too excited. I don't know.

I'm just rather clueless as to what to do and what to expect out of this relationship. I'm rarely clueless, and usually have an idea of what should be and needs done for me to achive my goals.

This time I'm pretty much 100% in the dark. I hate being in the dark. I'm afraid of the darkness that blocks my vision of things to come and that hinders me from seeing the right decision to make. Its really a scary thing.

I know no one is sure of what the future holds, but most people have enough hindsight that they know what general direction life is taking them, or what general direction a relationship is going. I feel like I'm driving down a road at 2 in the morning in the back woods with no lights and no moon.

I hate that. Then I think it's just me and my ignorance that causes such blindness and I could just kick myself. I feel like a little kid all over again, and not in a good way. Kinda like I just did something really bad and the principal is calling my mom kinda feeling. You know, when you were in 3rd grade, and the teacher yells at you and embarrasses you in front of everyone, then walks out to tell the principal. Thats the feeling I got. I'm in trouble and in for a rude awakening.

Mercury out.