The latest advice for good living...

PKRWUD · 11-21-2001, 06:46 AM

From an email I received this morning...

This just in; the latest advice for good living:

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: Animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain = Good.

Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?

A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual statement and peace of mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In
fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for
you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans... Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around!

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a cookie... Flour is a veggie!

"When life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and salt."

Take care,
-Chris

1969Mach1 · 11-21-2001, 07:09 AM

lol Woh' I have so much to learn. I've been living my life wrong this whole time.

Fox Body · 11-21-2001, 07:20 AM

My mind has been illuminated. Thanks for leading me in teh right direction.... more beer and less exercise...

Crazy Horse GT · 11-21-2001, 08:56 AM

hey chris you should move down south to la & hook up with the cajun justin wilson ,alittle wine in the food ,alittle wine for me hehe, hey i'll buy your food hhaa, take care buddy ,see ya

Coupe Devil · 11-21-2001, 09:23 AM

I have seen the light. Thanks you for your direction to perfection.

Mercury · 11-21-2001, 12:18 PM

Yes, I have been enlightened. LOL

Thats a good one PRKWUD.

Well guess I should have some vegies before I go to work (Beer). All in the name of healthy eating of course.

P.S. I dont drink till I get home and am in for the evening.

mustangdani55 · 11-21-2001, 01:17 PM

OMFG!!!!hey guys do ya think if i do this my life will change??????

Mercury · 11-21-2001, 01:38 PM

Lets see. Lots of greasy fried foods, Lots of Liquid Vegatbles (Beer, dont forget the good Startch..Potato.....Whiskey). No exercise.

Sounds like the peferct Combo to put me on my favorite seat all day. The Porcelain Throne. Sitting on the throne talking to the govenor.

srv1 · 11-21-2001, 01:51 PM

this is a little gross, but funny as hell:
Students at the UH Med School were receiving their first
anatomy class

> with a real dead human body. They are all gathered around the
surgery

> table with the body covered with a white sheet. Then the
professor

> started the class by telling them:

> "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a

doctor:

> The first is that it is necessary that you not be disgusted. The

> Professor uncovered the sheet, sunk his finger in the a** of the
dead

> body, withdrew it and sucked it. "Go ahead and do the same
thing," he

> told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated and

subsequently

> taking turns,sunk their finger in the a** of the dead body and
sucked

it

> after withdrawing it. When everyone finished, the Professor
looked at

> them and told them:"The second important quality is
observation. I

sunk

> the middle finger and sucked the index. Pay attention people

90'5.0 Conv · 11-21-2001, 04:20 PM

Were you in the class? J/K

That is pretty disgusting man.

1BAD89 · 11-21-2001, 05:02 PM

Ahahahahah , those are both really funny!

Mercury · 11-22-2001, 01:13 AM

Oh my God, that was hilarious! I'm still laughing.

That almost made me blow beer out of my nose.

srv1 · 11-22-2001, 01:38 AM

i got this in the email.

A Real Man's Chain Letter

This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing

relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain

letters, this one does not cost anything.

Just send a copy of this letter to five of your

friends who are equally tired and discontented.

Then bundle up your wife and/or girlfriend and

send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following

list, and add your name to the bottom of the list.

When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625

women.

One of them is bound to be better than the one you

already have.

At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine

had already received 184 women, of whom 4 were worth keeping.

REMEMBER this chain brings luck.

One man's pit bull died, and the next day he

received a Playboy swimsuit model.

An unmarried Jewish man living with his widowed

mother was able to choose between a Hooters waitress and a
Hollywood

super model.

You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN!

One man broke the chain, and got his own wife back again.

Let's keep it going, men! Just add your name to

the list below!

Bill Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017

William Jefferson Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017

W. J. Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017

William Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017

W Jefferson Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017

William J Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017

Slick Willie Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017

Mr. Hillary Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017

Mercury · 11-22-2001, 02:05 AM

Another Good one from SRV. Man I love to laugh.

11-21-2001, 06:46 AM	#1
PKRWUD Junior Member Join Date: Mar 1999 Location: Ventura, California Posts: 8,981	The latest advice for good living... From an email I received this morning... This just in; the latest advice for good living: Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Q: Is beer or wine bad for me? A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: Animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables. Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain = Good. Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer? A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual statement and peace of mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time. Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: What's the secret to healthy eating? A: Thicker gravy. Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans... Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around! I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a cookie... Flour is a veggie! "When life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and salt." Take care, -Chris __________________ Webmaster: Rice Haters Club Jim Porter Racing Peckerwoods Pit Stop Support Your Local RED & WHITE!

11-21-2001, 07:09 AM	#2
1969Mach1 HEY I CAN SET A NAME NOW! Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 2,556	lol Woh' I have so much to learn. I've been living my life wrong this whole time. __________________ 1969 Mustang Mach 1Sold 351-4V Windsor, 4 Speed MACH 1 - Moving At The Speed Of Sound. 1979 Mustang Indianapolis 500 Pace Car For Sale - Email me for Info 302-2V, 3-Speed Auto One of 2,106 made One of 405 sent to Canada. Yes those are caution lights, and No you can't pass me when there on. Ricer Hater's Club - Member #4

11-21-2001, 07:20 AM	#3
Fox Body Mustang Maniac Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: GA, U.S.A Posts: 2,266	My mind has been illuminated. Thanks for leading me in teh right direction.... more beer and less exercise... __________________ 351W-powered 1979 Ford Mustang Ghia notchback '79 Video @ Idle Stock 5.8L under 4" cowl 'glass hood, C4 w/ Transgo shift kit, Holley 750 cfm, Edelbrock Performer RPM intake; Fluidyne Al radiator, Flexalite 175 electric fan, 1 5/8" MAC shorty headers, FRPP Al driveshaft; S&W 6-point cage; 2.5" Off road H-pipe, 2-chamber Flowmasters, 8.8" Rear w/ 3.55s; Weld wheels (15x6;15x8), Front: 225/60/15, Rear: 275/50/15 Nitto NT 555R Drag Radials; 14 x 4” K&N X-stream air filter. '92 GT (5-speed) Small In Car Video Stock 5.0L, 2-chamber Flowmasters, MAC CAI, Tri-Ax, Al pedals... "Red, thou art my companion. Hasten now your quickened metamorphosis to Green that I may conquer all who dare abide there beside me. May they be left thither behind burnt black." ---Fox Body

11-21-2001, 08:56 AM	#4
Crazy Horse GT Registered Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Sale Creek, TN. C. S. A. Posts: 4,652	hey chris you should move down south to la & hook up with the cajun justin wilson ,alittle wine in the food ,alittle wine for me hehe, hey i'll buy your food hhaa, take care buddy ,see ya __________________ 95 gt vert, lot's of stuff, it aint slow. 04 sonic blue v - six my beater 89 rs camaro iroc turbo hood, other stuff, my wifes ride 84 lx stang cammed up 289 hi po, etc 65 falcon, maybe by the year 2020. black 00gt, gone but never forgotten. R H C- member # 1 o.b.c. da prez- member # 1 if your under 40 dont ask. goodbye for now odie,r.i.p. 11-27-03

11-21-2001, 09:23 AM	#5
Coupe Devil Moderator Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Myrtle Beach SC Posts: 1,643	I have seen the light. Thanks you for your direction to perfection. __________________ 1990 GT, 347, TFS TW Heads, TFS Cam, TFS Track heat, Twin turbos, FMIC, T5. Built Ford Tough Moderator

11-21-2001, 12:18 PM	#6
Mercury The Redneck James Bond Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Fayetteville NC Posts: 1,707	Yes, I have been enlightened. LOL Thats a good one PRKWUD. Well guess I should have some vegies before I go to work (Beer). All in the name of healthy eating of course. P.S. I dont drink till I get home and am in for the evening.

11-21-2001, 01:17 PM	#7
mustangdani55 Registered Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Indianapolis, Indiana USA Posts: 334	OMFG!!!!hey guys do ya think if i do this my life will change??????

11-21-2001, 01:38 PM	#8
Mercury The Redneck James Bond Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Fayetteville NC Posts: 1,707	Lets see. Lots of greasy fried foods, Lots of Liquid Vegatbles (Beer, dont forget the good Startch..Potato.....Whiskey). No exercise. Sounds like the peferct Combo to put me on my favorite seat all day. The Porcelain Throne. Sitting on the throne talking to the govenor.

11-21-2001, 01:51 PM	#9
srv1 Get down..... Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Room 103 Posts: 2,095	Pay Attention Ahole! this is a little gross, but funny as hell: Students at the UH Med School were receiving their first anatomy class > with a real dead human body. They are all gathered around the surgery > table with the body covered with a white sheet. Then the professor > started the class by telling them: > "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: > The first is that it is necessary that you not be disgusted. The > Professor uncovered the sheet, sunk his finger in the a of the dead > body, withdrew it and sucked it. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he > told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated and subsequently > taking turns,sunk their finger in the a** of the dead body and sucked it > after withdrawing it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at > them and told them:"The second important quality is observation. I sunk > the middle finger and sucked the index. Pay attention people __________________ Cobra brakes are on! Finally..... ------------------------------------------------

11-21-2001, 04:20 PM	#10
90'5.0 Conv Long time member in and out Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Albany, Ga Posts: 343	Were you in the class? J/K That is pretty disgusting man. __________________ 90' Mustang GT Convertible- C4 w/ manual body 4.10's soon to be 3.27's 2 Ch Flowmasters 1/8th ET 9.04

11-21-2001, 05:02 PM	#11
1BAD89 Tubbed and Juiced Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Posts: 1,861	Ahahahahah , those are both really funny!

11-22-2001, 01:13 AM	#12
Mercury The Redneck James Bond Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Fayetteville NC Posts: 1,707	Oh my God, that was hilarious! I'm still laughing. That almost made me blow beer out of my nose. __________________ 64 1/2 "D" code Red Mustang Coupe. Red Baron, 2000 Perf Red Mustang GT. 5spd. Stage 2 CNC heads with Large Valves, Comp Cams (270-274 dur .550 lift), Forged Crank, DRP pistons, Manly H-beams, Pro M 87 mm Mass Air, 24lb Inj, 75mm TB, Plenum Spacer ,Long Tube Headers, Homemade H-pipe, 2 chamber Flows, 4:10's, Steeda Tri-Ax, LKW 70/30's, Eibach Drag Springs, Steeda SubFrames, Battle Boxes, Rear Girdle, Adj uppers, Alunimum Drshft, Southside Lift Bars. Project Cars, 64 1/2 6cyl coupe, 1930 Model A Nostalgia Rod.

11-22-2001, 01:38 AM	#13
srv1 Get down..... Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Room 103 Posts: 2,095	just a joke! i got this in the email. A Real Man's Chain Letter This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented. Then bundle up your wife and/or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list, and add your name to the bottom of the list. When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have. At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, of whom 4 were worth keeping. REMEMBER this chain brings luck. One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Playboy swimsuit model. An unmarried Jewish man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooters waitress and a Hollywood super model. You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! One man broke the chain, and got his own wife back again. Let's keep it going, men! Just add your name to the list below! Bill Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 William Jefferson Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 W. J. Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 William Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 W Jefferson Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 William J Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Slick Willie Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Mr. Hillary Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 __________________ Cobra brakes are on! Finally..... ------------------------------------------------

11-22-2001, 02:05 AM	#14
Mercury The Redneck James Bond Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Fayetteville NC Posts: 1,707	Another Good one from SRV. Man I love to laugh.

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