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The latest advice for good living...
From an email I received this morning...
This just in; the latest advice for good living: Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Q: Is beer or wine bad for me? A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: Animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables. Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain = Good. Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer? A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual statement and peace of mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time. Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: What's the secret to healthy eating? A: Thicker gravy. Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans... Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around! I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a cookie... Flour is a veggie! "When life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and salt." Take care, -Chris |
lol Woh' I have so much to learn. I've been living my life wrong this whole time. :D
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:D
My mind has been illuminated. Thanks for leading me in teh right direction.... more beer and less exercise... :D |
hey chris you should move down south to la & hook up with the cajun justin wilson ,alittle wine in the food ,alittle wine for me hehe, hey i'll buy your food hhaa, take care buddy ,see ya :D
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I have seen the light. Thanks you for your direction to perfection.
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Yes, I have been enlightened. LOL :D Thats a good one PRKWUD.
Well guess I should have some vegies before I go to work (Beer). All in the name of healthy eating of course. :D P.S. I dont drink till I get home and am in for the evening. |
:D OMFG!!!!hey guys do ya think if i do this my life will change??????:D
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Lets see. Lots of greasy fried foods, Lots of Liquid Vegatbles (Beer, dont forget the good Startch..Potato.....Whiskey). No exercise.
Sounds like the peferct Combo to put me on my favorite seat all day. The Porcelain Throne. Sitting on the throne talking to the govenor. |
Pay Attention A**hole!
this is a little gross, but funny as hell:
Students at the UH Med School were receiving their first anatomy class > with a real dead human body. They are all gathered around the surgery > table with the body covered with a white sheet. Then the professor > started the class by telling them: > "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: > The first is that it is necessary that you not be disgusted. The > Professor uncovered the sheet, sunk his finger in the a** of the dead > body, withdrew it and sucked it. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he > told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated and subsequently > taking turns,sunk their finger in the a** of the dead body and sucked it > after withdrawing it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at > them and told them:"The second important quality is observation. I sunk > the middle finger and sucked the index. Pay attention people |
Were you in the class? J/K:D
That is pretty disgusting man. |
Ahahahahah , those are both really funny!
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Oh my God, that was hilarious! I'm still laughing.
That almost made me blow beer out of my nose. :D |
just a joke!
i got this in the email.
A Real Man's Chain Letter This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented. Then bundle up your wife and/or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list, and add your name to the bottom of the list. When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have. At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, of whom 4 were worth keeping. REMEMBER this chain brings luck. One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Playboy swimsuit model. An unmarried Jewish man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooters waitress and a Hollywood super model. You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! One man broke the chain, and got his own wife back again. Let's keep it going, men! Just add your name to the list below! Bill Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 William Jefferson Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 W. J. Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 William Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 W Jefferson Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 William J Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Slick Willie Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Mr. Hillary Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 |
Another Good one from SRV. Man I love to laugh.
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