GIRLFRIEND = problems (kinda long)

quick89gt · 12-25-2000, 01:40 PM

man...why do girls have to be such a damn pain???? I have been going out with my girlfriend for 3 months. We met when she came to visit her best friend (my NEXT DOOR neighbor) over the summer. We hit it off and she moved back here, because she hates California. Anyways, we have fought a lot, b/c she is hard headed and so am I and she over reacts to everything, yet her friend thinks she's "little miss innocent." Anyways, we fight...she never wants to talk about it or problems..and I do. I made her talk to me the other night and she says she jumped from one serious relationship of 2 yrs to another b/c we spend every night together and stuff like that. She says she just wants to be alone or have her own time. I love her and she loves me, but I don't think she loves me on the level that I love her. I don't want to be without her, b/c she does make me happy, but I'm unhappy with her a lot too. Also, she lives next door and I can't take seeing guys go over there. Anyone have advice for a 20yr old guy in turmoil. I also hate being alone, but that's just because I HATE dating...too much bulslhit. Anyways...any advice, fellas????? or ladies??? josh

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'89 GT, T-5,
Bored .030 Over, GT-40P heads, MAC 1 5/8" headers, MAC Off-Road H-Pipe, 2 1/2" Flowmasters, Edelbrock 65mm T.B., Trick Flow Intakes, Crane 2031 cam, 1.7 Roller Rockers, Keith Black hyp. flat top Pistons, Screamin' Deamon Coil, Champion Plugs, March Underdrive Pulleys, 255lph Fuel Pump, SVO Motorsport Clutch, Adjustable Fuel Pressure Regulator, Formula GP Suspension, MAC Upper & Lower Control Arms, FMS 3.73 Gears.
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Michelle Page · 12-25-2000, 01:59 PM

Josh, I'd suggest moving on. I hope this dosen't make you mad, but how on earth do you fall in love with someone in only 3 months?! Especially when you argue a lot. From what you have said I don't think she is ready for a serious relationship right now.You're still young and are probably not thinking seriously about marrage yet, but think about this. Think objectively about who she REALLY is and then ask yourself,"Is this the kind of person who I want to spend the rest of my life with?" Do you think a hard headed over reactive girl who wont communicate about problems is a good catch? Probably not! I'd date around a little and see her once and a while. I know being alone is terrable, but being with the wrong person can be even lonlier.

Want to know the best way to find love?
Don't look for it! It will find you!

AxemanZZ · 12-25-2000, 03:51 PM

I'd be doing as Michelle said. It sounds like this girl is stringing you along and is not one to be getting too serious about. It sounds like you have kinda gotten too close too fast IMO and you are headed for nothing but trouble. Back off and keep to yourself and let her come to you. If she doesn't then oh well. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I notice you are from Illinois. I lived there for awhile and it sounds like you've hooked up with a typical Illinois chick =P

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90 Mustang LX 5.0
My Ride*My Site

quick89gt · 12-25-2000, 04:34 PM

Thanks for the advice...it's just hard because she lives next door to me. to see other guys going over there would tear my heart out. also, she is best friends with my neighbors, who i am also good friends with. that will strain my relationship with them, because they will take her side. anyways, i want a girl who i can see spending the rest of my life with...not just someone to casually date. anymore advice or reality checks?

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'89 GT, T-5,
Bored .030 Over, GT-40P heads, MAC 1 5/8" headers, MAC Off-Road H-Pipe, 2 1/2" Flowmasters, Edelbrock 65mm T.B., Trick Flow Intakes, Crane 2031 cam, 1.7 Roller Rockers, Keith Black hyp. flat top Pistons, Screamin' Deamon Coil, Champion Plugs, March Underdrive Pulleys, 255lph Fuel Pump, SVO Motorsport Clutch, Adjustable Fuel Pressure Regulator, Formula GP Suspension, MAC Upper & Lower Control Arms, FMS 3.73 Gears.
*************************

Hethj7 · 12-25-2000, 09:30 PM

I say leave her alone. If she comes to you then great, if not then move on. I know this can be extremely tough. Probably one of, if not the, toughest thing I have ever had to do. But, in the long run you will be better off. Oh, and great advice from Michelle: Don't look for love, it will find you.

Now that I have been able to actually do that, I am having the time of my life. I am the same age as you (my 21st is on Jan. 9th!!) and trust me, go out and spend time with your friends now! Now that I have finally let my past relationship go, I love life. If love comes along, then great. I never realized how much stuff I was missing because I spent all my time with my girlfriend. Yea, dating can be akward, but then the right lady comes along, everything will click.

spinemup · 12-25-2000, 10:16 PM

sit back and let her call the shots, don't end it yet ...just back off. she will start to miss ya.

90LSC · 12-26-2000, 12:54 AM

My friend, at the risk of sounding like an old fart talking to a kid(you're not a kid and I'm not that old), you are still only at the start of Life's journey. With experience more things become clear. Something that I feel very strongly about is argueing. We can't always agree, we all are individuals, but bickering, argueing or actually fighting all the time is bull$#!....Life is entirely TOO SHORT to spend it in conflict. This goes for men and women. Take a GOOD look at her and the relationship. There ARE intelligent, beautiful and even well employed{very important} women out there who are not a constant pain....Look around. Enjoy being young and single. Do not be afraid to branch out. Seize the day................

FivepointOH · 12-26-2000, 01:13 AM

I agree with a few of the other posts. Back off and give her that space. Try and spend less time talking and doing things with her.

She will either start to miss you or you'll realize you don't really need her and move on or you'll figure out she didn't love you to begin with. At least you'll figure out what's going on.

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92 AOD GT, K&N, ram air, pulleys, 2 ch. flowmasters, 4:10's, shift kit, 1 5/8 mac longtubes and offroad hpipe 14.249 @ 97.34 mph before the headers and hpipe

Unit 5302 · 12-26-2000, 11:39 AM

Agreed. No sense in chasing a relationship if there isn't one there. Any relationship is only as strong as it's weakest link. According to what you've said, that's her, and no matter how strong your link, it's still gonna break where it connects to her's when stress mounts. Doesn't sound like she's ready to commit to anything you want, but maybe she's holding on a little 'cause she doesn't want to be in the dating scene either. Sounds like she just wants some one to keep her company while she looks for Mr. Right to me. Unfortunately, that means you're not him, at least right now you're not.

Two people coming from different angles looking ror two completely different relationships usually fight a lot, at least that's my experiance. Sometimes they get along real good too, when they are both looking for the same thing for the moment. Kinda like trying to tune an old snowmobile. You spend all day to get one good run before the temp changes. When it's working good, it's great, but it's hardly ever working good. Move on and find yourself a newer sled that you don't have to work on as much, cause as much fun as it is to have it that "every once and a while," a sled that you don't have to work on is way more fun to ride.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

Unit 5302

Capri306 · 12-27-2000, 12:46 AM

Hmm, this is a very interesting thread to me, particularly b/c I'm going through a similar thing now, only it's the aftermath I've been dealing with for too long now. Here's what's happened to me, judge for yourself:

I broke up with my g/f of over 3 years this past June. The problems? I wanted time to myself, she always needed some attention (normal, right?). These contributed to the breakup, but I think my underlying urge to "see what's out there" got the best of me, and her. She begged and pleaded for us to get back together all the following month; I did nothing but bad-mouth her and told her no way. I went out with another girl in late July, she moved to Cincinnati, and that relationship fell through. I was crushed, and I was back to square one. About early November or so, I got severely depressed. So much that it's affected my school and work, and I've felt nothing but loneliness since then. I've been talking with the girl I broke up with (we don't hate each other, and my angry feelings towards her are gone). I found out that she's intending to marry this guy she's been going out with for only 2 MONTHS, she's 19, and they fight constantly. She gets into a bad mood for one reason or another, and he gets loud & pissed because she's in a bad mood...good relationship there, huh??? *hears divorce papers shuffling*

I figured out the reason I've been unhappy & depressed for the past months. It's the fact I've never truly gotten over her. We went through so much **** together...and it was we ourselves that lead to our demise. It's tragic in my eyes. When I've talked with her, one thing she says she misses is my compassion. This guy she's going out with apparently has none. I miss her for a lot of reasons, too, among them her patience, understanding, and tenderness with everything. Now I have the burden of trying to leave her alone and find my own path. It's not easy...I'm going at it day by day, but sometimes I either want her back entirely or never want to see her again. It feels like an all or nothing situation; it's bitter agony just to sit across a table from her and not be able to hold her hand or touch her face.

Now that I've figured THAT out (whew!), I'm getting by on my own. Heth is right, enjoy being with your friends and hold them close. They'll be the only ones around when all the girls have come and gone. I too am starting to enjoy and like life again, and I'm calling up and hanging out with friends I haven't talked to since high school. They've changed, I've changed, so we've got a lot of catching up to do. Tomorrow night I'm hanging out with a girl I graduated with and haven't spoken a word to in years. We were friends since kindergarten, but time & space pushed us away.

Quick, I know your pain. I don't know how long you're going to drag it out between the two of you, but things have to change. It sounds like you just need to back down for some time, and see if she notices. Get her more involved in the relationship, ya know? That's one thing I wish I'd done. Make her realize you care so much, and not just by words. You'd be surprised how far little things go. For example: get her a rose for no reason, pick up something because it reminded you of her...God, the little things can go on forever. But like I said, let it cool off for a bit, but don't let it go cold. It's up to you, dude. Good luck, and yes there is life beyond girls.

p.s. I'm 20 too, hell isn't it?

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Capri306, Moderator, The Mustang Works Online
1979 Mercury Capri, 5.0L -- C4 -- 2.73
1987 Mustang LX Notch

<--- New Timeslips

[This message has been edited by Capri306 (edited 12-27-2000).]

MidnightBlue · 12-27-2000, 02:43 AM

I would agree with what everyone said. When a gal says she wants to "be alone for awhile" it usually means that she is revaluating a situation and really just keeping you around until she figures it out. (This is coming from a gal too...hehe so I know the language.)

If a relationship is already in that state, I agree that you should move on. This isn't meant as a critisism, but I wouldn't expect to marry and or have a long term relationship with someone whom you are fighting with already in the first three months.

I agree with Unit on this one, it sadly doesn't matter how much you may love her because in the end the outlook isn't good per the situation. Move on and find someone who will love you back equally.

~MidnightBlue

90LSC · 12-27-2000, 06:34 PM

I would rather live alone than be in a relationship with constant friction. I would also rather live alone than be in a relationship where I did all the work. Or where I was constantly apologizing because the arguements/fights were *always my fault, never her's*

How can I say this??? Because I have been in both types of relationships/marriages.

We all have 20/20 hindsight. Sometimes it is a shame how long it takes us to see the wrongness and bail out.

If a relationship feels wrong, it is. If you{man or woman}are feeling manipulated, you probably are. I'll say it again. Life is too short to put up with constant conflict.

Hethj7 · 12-29-2000, 12:53 AM

I think a basic theme is arising here:
If you have to sit and wonder whether your relationship is right or not, then it probably isn't. When the right one comes along, you will know it and won't have to be constantly worrying about it.

Capri- From my experiences, you are making it harder on yourself by still talking to your ex, expecially after being with her that long. It is too tough to try to be friends. I think you need to get completely away from her for now and then maybe later down the road the friendship thing will be easier. Once I cut myself off from talking to my ex, things just kept getting better. Not that any of it was easy, but things get better everyday. I also know that all of this is much easier said than done, and although your mind knows what you should do, your heart doesn't always listen.

aar0s · 12-31-2000, 05:13 PM

do what i did and let her go. just dont let her yake the stang like mine did (hmmm let me think keep the stang or keep the house.) i am better off now financially that i have been in years

btw i am 26 now and got married when i was 19, forfited the years that i should have spent in school to try to make ends meet and in the end it didnt work so now ive got bills and schoolin to get to. if i had it to do over again at 20 i would not let her distract me so much.

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88 gt convertable =-= cobra intake, headers, flowmasters. more on the way
http://www.cybersteed.freeservers.com

mystic96 · 01-02-2001, 04:38 PM

I had a girlfriend who was a ***** too, and I realized that if you put money and time into a relationship that it can still go down hill. If you put your money and time into a car, things only get better. In my case I got a badass car and a several girls.

mystic96 · 01-02-2001, 04:39 PM

I had a girlfriend who was a ***** too, and I realized that if you put money and time into a relationship that it can still go down hill. If you put your money and time into a car, things only get better. In my case I got a badass car and a several girls.

95mustanggt · 01-02-2001, 05:21 PM

quick89gt,
I too have been in bad situations in the past. I think that everyone has touched on some of these subjects very well, so I won't contribute to some of them. I do want to say something that has helped me in my short marriage so far. Communication. Communication is so important. You mentioned that "...she never wants to talk about it or problems..." this should scare you, my friend! The one thing that I have learned in my year and a half of marriage is that no matter what the problem, communication can either fix it or make it a hell of a lot better to live with. Open communication should be something that you look for in all your relationships. Well, you won't have to look, you just know (I know, it sounds stupid, who "just knows" anything? But trust me you will know)

My advice would be to walk away, an use this as a learning experience, always remember to learn from these things. Keeping that in mind has kept me sane through several hard times with girls.

Best of Luck.

quick89gt · 01-03-2001, 08:31 PM

see guys, the hardest part is a part that i'm sure you are all familiar with...I DO LOVE her. But, even harder than that...SHE LIVES NEXT DOOR TO ME. How do I deal with that? I'm a college student and don't ahve money to live on my own or to live on campus. Between paying for gas in the stang, loving my stang, and going out and doing stuff...I don't have enough money. How do I deal with her living next door, when I will want to POUND a guy that I see her bringing over, or when her car isn't there, I'll be like "I wonder where she is." Or, if I bring a girl to the house, I'll be scared she would come out or something would happen...ya know??

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'89 GT, T-5,
Bored .030 Over, GT-40P heads, MAC 1 5/8" headers, MAC Off-Road H-Pipe, 2 1/2" Flowmasters, Edelbrock 65mm T.B., Trick Flow Intakes, Crane 2031 cam, 1.7 Roller Rockers, Keith Black hyp. flat top Pistons, Screamin' Deamon Coil, Champion Plugs, March Underdrive Pulleys, 255lph Fuel Pump, SVO Motorsport Clutch, Adjustable Fuel Pressure Regulator, Formula GP Suspension, MAC Upper & Lower Control Arms, FMS 3.73 Gears.
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Mustangbelle306 · 04-25-2001, 11:42 PM

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YET ANOTHER post that is incomplete!!!!!

Quick and 89, finish yer stories NOW!

I'm not reading anymore bc I don't want to be let down YET again

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Elisha (Mustangbelle)
1994 GT: Cartech intake,4.10s, full exhaust, and pulleys.
Sold the 1986 LX sedan

http://www.geocities.com/mustangbelle_306
AOL name: GT306Chick

quick89gt · 04-26-2001, 12:17 AM

well, MUSTANBELLE...she since moved back to california..she moved back on february 26th...i've had little contact with her since then and have realized that i am much, much happier without her. she is not the girl whom i was destined to marry and she is not the girl who can give me what i need. i know that sounds kind of "girlish"...but i'm so much more damn sensitive than she is..hahaha anyways, i've learned that i can be happy by myself, i'm still single...i'm talking to a couple of different girls now and going out and having fun with my friends mostly. i just turned 21, so i am soooo having fun. i don't need a girl to be happy...i can be happy by myself and i will meet the right girl someday....that girl just wasn't her... hope you feel better about this post being finished

p.s. thanks to everyone who was giving me advice back then....josh

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'89 GT, T-5,
Vortech S-Trim, GT-40P heads, MAC 1 5/8" headers, MAC Off-Road H-Pipe, 2 1/2" Flowmasters, Edelbrock 65mm T.B., Trick Flow Intakes, Crane 2031 cam, 1.7 Roller Rockers, Screamin' Deamon Coil, 255lph Fuel Pump, T-Rex, SVO Motorsport Clutch, Adjustable Fuel Pressure Regulator, Formula GP Suspension, MAC Upper & Lower Control Arms, FMS 3.73 Gears.
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12-25-2000, 01:40 PM	#1
quick89gt Registered Member Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: O'Fallon, IL Posts: 243	GIRLFRIEND = problems (kinda long) man...why do girls have to be such a damn pain???? I have been going out with my girlfriend for 3 months. We met when she came to visit her best friend (my NEXT DOOR neighbor) over the summer. We hit it off and she moved back here, because she hates California. Anyways, we have fought a lot, b/c she is hard headed and so am I and she over reacts to everything, yet her friend thinks she's "little miss innocent." Anyways, we fight...she never wants to talk about it or problems..and I do. I made her talk to me the other night and she says she jumped from one serious relationship of 2 yrs to another b/c we spend every night together and stuff like that. She says she just wants to be alone or have her own time. I love her and she loves me, but I don't think she loves me on the level that I love her. I don't want to be without her, b/c she does make me happy, but I'm unhappy with her a lot too. Also, she lives next door and I can't take seeing guys go over there. Anyone have advice for a 20yr old guy in turmoil. I also hate being alone, but that's just because I HATE dating...too much bulslhit. Anyways...any advice, fellas????? or ladies??? josh ------------------ *********************** '89 GT, T-5, Bored .030 Over, GT-40P heads, MAC 1 5/8" headers, MAC Off-Road H-Pipe, 2 1/2" Flowmasters, Edelbrock 65mm T.B., Trick Flow Intakes, Crane 2031 cam, 1.7 Roller Rockers, Keith Black hyp. flat top Pistons, Screamin' Deamon Coil, Champion Plugs, March Underdrive Pulleys, 255lph Fuel Pump, SVO Motorsport Clutch, Adjustable Fuel Pressure Regulator, Formula GP Suspension, MAC Upper & Lower Control Arms, FMS 3.73 Gears. ***********************

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12-25-2000, 01:59 PM	#2
Michelle Page Registered Member Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Kingsport, TN Posts: 102	Josh, I'd suggest moving on. I hope this dosen't make you mad, but how on earth do you fall in love with someone in only 3 months?! Especially when you argue a lot. From what you have said I don't think she is ready for a serious relationship right now.You're still young and are probably not thinking seriously about marrage yet, but think about this. Think objectively about who she REALLY is and then ask yourself,"Is this the kind of person who I want to spend the rest of my life with?" Do you think a hard headed over reactive girl who wont communicate about problems is a good catch? Probably not! I'd date around a little and see her once and a while. I know being alone is terrable, but being with the wrong person can be even lonlier. Want to know the best way to find love? Don't look for it! It will find you!

12-25-2000, 03:51 PM	#3
AxemanZZ Registered Member Join Date: Mar 2000 Location: Indiana Posts: 984	I'd be doing as Michelle said. It sounds like this girl is stringing you along and is not one to be getting too serious about. It sounds like you have kinda gotten too close too fast IMO and you are headed for nothing but trouble. Back off and keep to yourself and let her come to you. If she doesn't then oh well. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I notice you are from Illinois. I lived there for awhile and it sounds like you've hooked up with a typical Illinois chick =P ------------------ 90 Mustang LX 5.0 My Ride*My Site

12-25-2000, 04:34 PM	#4
quick89gt Registered Member Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: O'Fallon, IL Posts: 243	Thanks for the advice...it's just hard because she lives next door to me. to see other guys going over there would tear my heart out. also, she is best friends with my neighbors, who i am also good friends with. that will strain my relationship with them, because they will take her side. anyways, i want a girl who i can see spending the rest of my life with...not just someone to casually date. anymore advice or reality checks? ------------------ *********************** '89 GT, T-5, Bored .030 Over, GT-40P heads, MAC 1 5/8" headers, MAC Off-Road H-Pipe, 2 1/2" Flowmasters, Edelbrock 65mm T.B., Trick Flow Intakes, Crane 2031 cam, 1.7 Roller Rockers, Keith Black hyp. flat top Pistons, Screamin' Deamon Coil, Champion Plugs, March Underdrive Pulleys, 255lph Fuel Pump, SVO Motorsport Clutch, Adjustable Fuel Pressure Regulator, Formula GP Suspension, MAC Upper & Lower Control Arms, FMS 3.73 Gears. ***********************

12-25-2000, 09:30 PM	#5
Hethj7 Mizzou Tigers Join Date: Apr 1999 Location: weston, MO United States Posts: 1,455	I say leave her alone. If she comes to you then great, if not then move on. I know this can be extremely tough. Probably one of, if not the, toughest thing I have ever had to do. But, in the long run you will be better off. Oh, and great advice from Michelle: Don't look for love, it will find you. Now that I have been able to actually do that, I am having the time of my life. I am the same age as you (my 21st is on Jan. 9th!!) and trust me, go out and spend time with your friends now! Now that I have finally let my past relationship go, I love life. If love comes along, then great. I never realized how much stuff I was missing because I spent all my time with my girlfriend. Yea, dating can be akward, but then the right lady comes along, everything will click.

12-25-2000, 10:16 PM	#6
spinemup Registered Member Join Date: May 2000 Location: middleboro,ma, usa Posts: 734	sit back and let her call the shots, don't end it yet ...just back off. she will start to miss ya.

12-26-2000, 12:54 AM	#7
90LSC Registered Member Join Date: Mar 1999 Location: Dallas,TX USA Posts: 28	My friend, at the risk of sounding like an old fart talking to a kid(you're not a kid and I'm not that old), you are still only at the start of Life's journey. With experience more things become clear. Something that I feel very strongly about is argueing. We can't always agree, we all are individuals, but bickering, argueing or actually fighting all the time is bull$#!....Life is entirely TOO SHORT to spend it in conflict. This goes for men and women. Take a GOOD look at her and the relationship. There ARE intelligent, beautiful and even well employed{very important} women out there who are not a constant pain....Look around. Enjoy being young and single. Do not be afraid to branch out. Seize the day................

12-26-2000, 01:13 AM	#8
FivepointOH Registered Member Join Date: Jan 1999 Location: Sugar Land, Tx USA Posts: 478	I agree with a few of the other posts. Back off and give her that space. Try and spend less time talking and doing things with her. She will either start to miss you or you'll realize you don't really need her and move on or you'll figure out she didn't love you to begin with. At least you'll figure out what's going on. ------------------ 92 AOD GT, K&N, ram air, pulleys, 2 ch. flowmasters, 4:10's, shift kit, 1 5/8 mac longtubes and offroad hpipe 14.249 @ 97.34 mph before the headers and hpipe

12-26-2000, 11:39 AM	#9
Unit 5302 Registered Member Join Date: May 1999 Posts: 5,246	Agreed. No sense in chasing a relationship if there isn't one there. Any relationship is only as strong as it's weakest link. According to what you've said, that's her, and no matter how strong your link, it's still gonna break where it connects to her's when stress mounts. Doesn't sound like she's ready to commit to anything you want, but maybe she's holding on a little 'cause she doesn't want to be in the dating scene either. Sounds like she just wants some one to keep her company while she looks for Mr. Right to me. Unfortunately, that means you're not him, at least right now you're not. Two people coming from different angles looking ror two completely different relationships usually fight a lot, at least that's my experiance. Sometimes they get along real good too, when they are both looking for the same thing for the moment. Kinda like trying to tune an old snowmobile. You spend all day to get one good run before the temp changes. When it's working good, it's great, but it's hardly ever working good. Move on and find yourself a newer sled that you don't have to work on as much, cause as much fun as it is to have it that "every once and a while," a sled that you don't have to work on is way more fun to ride. Good luck with whatever you choose. Unit 5302

12-27-2000, 12:46 AM	#10
Capri306 Moderator Join Date: Sep 1998 Location: Grand Rapids, Michigan, USA Posts: 1,001	Hmm, this is a very interesting thread to me, particularly b/c I'm going through a similar thing now, only it's the aftermath I've been dealing with for too long now. Here's what's happened to me, judge for yourself: I broke up with my g/f of over 3 years this past June. The problems? I wanted time to myself, she always needed some attention (normal, right?). These contributed to the breakup, but I think my underlying urge to "see what's out there" got the best of me, and her. She begged and pleaded for us to get back together all the following month; I did nothing but bad-mouth her and told her no way. I went out with another girl in late July, she moved to Cincinnati, and that relationship fell through. I was crushed, and I was back to square one. About early November or so, I got severely depressed. So much that it's affected my school and work, and I've felt nothing but loneliness since then. I've been talking with the girl I broke up with (we don't hate each other, and my angry feelings towards her are gone). I found out that she's intending to marry this guy she's been going out with for only 2 MONTHS, she's 19, and they fight constantly. She gets into a bad mood for one reason or another, and he gets loud & pissed because she's in a bad mood...good relationship there, huh??? hears divorce papers shuffling I figured out the reason I've been unhappy & depressed for the past months. It's the fact I've never truly gotten over her. We went through so much ** together...and it was we ourselves that lead to our demise. It's tragic in my eyes. When I've talked with her, one thing she says she misses is my compassion. This guy she's going out with apparently has none. I miss her for a lot of reasons, too, among them her patience, understanding, and tenderness with everything. Now I have the burden of trying to leave her alone and find my own path. It's not easy...I'm going at it day by day, but sometimes I either want her back entirely or never want to see her again. It feels like an all or nothing situation; it's bitter agony just to sit across a table from her and not be able to hold her hand or touch her face. Now that I've figured THAT out (whew!), I'm getting by on my own. Heth is right, enjoy being with your friends and hold them close. They'll be the only ones around when all the girls have come and gone. I too am starting to enjoy and like life again, and I'm calling up and hanging out with friends I haven't talked to since high school. They've changed, I've changed, so we've got a lot of catching up to do. Tomorrow night I'm hanging out with a girl I graduated with and haven't spoken a word to in years. We were friends since kindergarten, but time & space pushed us away. Quick, I know your pain. I don't know how long you're going to drag it out between the two of you, but things have to change. It sounds like you just need to back down for some time, and see if she notices. Get her more involved in the relationship, ya know? That's one thing I wish I'd done. Make her realize you care so much, and not just by words. You'd be surprised how far little things go. For example: get her a rose for no reason, pick up something because it reminded you of her...God, the little things can go on forever. But like I said, let it cool off for a bit, but don't let it go cold. It's up to you, dude. Good luck, and yes there is life beyond girls. p.s. I'm 20 too, hell isn't it? ------------------ Capri306, Moderator, The Mustang Works Online 1979 Mercury Capri, 5.0L -- C4 -- 2.73 1987 Mustang LX Notch <--- New Timeslips** [This message has been edited by Capri306 (edited 12-27-2000).]

12-27-2000, 02:43 AM	#11
MidnightBlue Registered Member Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: MN Posts: 6	I would agree with what everyone said. When a gal says she wants to "be alone for awhile" it usually means that she is revaluating a situation and really just keeping you around until she figures it out. (This is coming from a gal too...hehe so I know the language.) If a relationship is already in that state, I agree that you should move on. This isn't meant as a critisism, but I wouldn't expect to marry and or have a long term relationship with someone whom you are fighting with already in the first three months. I agree with Unit on this one, it sadly doesn't matter how much you may love her because in the end the outlook isn't good per the situation. Move on and find someone who will love you back equally. ~MidnightBlue

12-27-2000, 06:34 PM	#12
90LSC Registered Member Join Date: Mar 1999 Location: Dallas,TX USA Posts: 28	I would rather live alone than be in a relationship with constant friction. I would also rather live alone than be in a relationship where I did all the work. Or where I was constantly apologizing because the arguements/fights were always my fault, never her's How can I say this??? Because I have been in both types of relationships/marriages. We all have 20/20 hindsight. Sometimes it is a shame how long it takes us to see the wrongness and bail out. If a relationship feels wrong, it is. If you{man or woman}are feeling manipulated, you probably are. I'll say it again. Life is too short to put up with constant conflict.

12-29-2000, 12:53 AM	#13
Hethj7 Mizzou Tigers Join Date: Apr 1999 Location: weston, MO United States Posts: 1,455	I think a basic theme is arising here: If you have to sit and wonder whether your relationship is right or not, then it probably isn't. When the right one comes along, you will know it and won't have to be constantly worrying about it. Capri- From my experiences, you are making it harder on yourself by still talking to your ex, expecially after being with her that long. It is too tough to try to be friends. I think you need to get completely away from her for now and then maybe later down the road the friendship thing will be easier. Once I cut myself off from talking to my ex, things just kept getting better. Not that any of it was easy, but things get better everyday. I also know that all of this is much easier said than done, and although your mind knows what you should do, your heart doesn't always listen.

12-31-2000, 05:13 PM	#14
aar0s Registered Member Join Date: Nov 1998 Location: southern Illinois Posts: 312	do what i did and let her go. just dont let her yake the stang like mine did (hmmm let me think keep the stang or keep the house.) i am better off now financially that i have been in years btw i am 26 now and got married when i was 19, forfited the years that i should have spent in school to try to make ends meet and in the end it didnt work so now ive got bills and schoolin to get to. if i had it to do over again at 20 i would not let her distract me so much. ------------------ 88 gt convertable =-= cobra intake, headers, flowmasters. more on the way http://www.cybersteed.freeservers.com

01-02-2001, 04:38 PM	#15
mystic96 Registered Member Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: angleton, tx, US Posts: 19	I had a girlfriend who was a ***** too, and I realized that if you put money and time into a relationship that it can still go down hill. If you put your money and time into a car, things only get better. In my case I got a badass car and a several girls.

01-02-2001, 04:39 PM	#16
mystic96 Registered Member Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: angleton, tx, US Posts: 19	I had a girlfriend who was a ***** too, and I realized that if you put money and time into a relationship that it can still go down hill. If you put your money and time into a car, things only get better. In my case I got a badass car and a several girls.

01-02-2001, 05:21 PM	#17
95mustanggt Registered Member Join Date: May 2000 Location: Kamloops, BC Posts: 2,875	quick89gt, I too have been in bad situations in the past. I think that everyone has touched on some of these subjects very well, so I won't contribute to some of them. I do want to say something that has helped me in my short marriage so far. Communication. Communication is so important. You mentioned that "...she never wants to talk about it or problems..." this should scare you, my friend! The one thing that I have learned in my year and a half of marriage is that no matter what the problem, communication can either fix it or make it a hell of a lot better to live with. Open communication should be something that you look for in all your relationships. Well, you won't have to look, you just know (I know, it sounds stupid, who "just knows" anything? But trust me you will know) My advice would be to walk away, an use this as a learning experience, always remember to learn from these things. Keeping that in mind has kept me sane through several hard times with girls. Best of Luck.

01-03-2001, 08:31 PM	#18
quick89gt Registered Member Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: O'Fallon, IL Posts: 243	see guys, the hardest part is a part that i'm sure you are all familiar with...I DO LOVE her. But, even harder than that...SHE LIVES NEXT DOOR TO ME. How do I deal with that? I'm a college student and don't ahve money to live on my own or to live on campus. Between paying for gas in the stang, loving my stang, and going out and doing stuff...I don't have enough money. How do I deal with her living next door, when I will want to POUND a guy that I see her bringing over, or when her car isn't there, I'll be like "I wonder where she is." Or, if I bring a girl to the house, I'll be scared she would come out or something would happen...ya know?? ------------------ *********************** '89 GT, T-5, Bored .030 Over, GT-40P heads, MAC 1 5/8" headers, MAC Off-Road H-Pipe, 2 1/2" Flowmasters, Edelbrock 65mm T.B., Trick Flow Intakes, Crane 2031 cam, 1.7 Roller Rockers, Keith Black hyp. flat top Pistons, Screamin' Deamon Coil, Champion Plugs, March Underdrive Pulleys, 255lph Fuel Pump, SVO Motorsport Clutch, Adjustable Fuel Pressure Regulator, Formula GP Suspension, MAC Upper & Lower Control Arms, FMS 3.73 Gears. ***********************

04-25-2001, 11:42 PM	#19
Mustangbelle306 Yay for Chickys Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 1,532	ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YET ANOTHER post that is incomplete!!!!! Quick and 89, finish yer stories NOW! I'm not reading anymore bc I don't want to be let down YET again ------------------ Elisha (Mustangbelle) 1994 GT: Cartech intake,4.10s, full exhaust, and pulleys. Sold the 1986 LX sedan http://www.geocities.com/mustangbelle_306 AOL name: GT306Chick

04-26-2001, 12:17 AM	#20
quick89gt Registered Member Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: O'Fallon, IL Posts: 243	well, MUSTANBELLE...she since moved back to california..she moved back on february 26th...i've had little contact with her since then and have realized that i am much, much happier without her. she is not the girl whom i was destined to marry and she is not the girl who can give me what i need. i know that sounds kind of "girlish"...but i'm so much more damn sensitive than she is..hahaha anyways, i've learned that i can be happy by myself, i'm still single...i'm talking to a couple of different girls now and going out and having fun with my friends mostly. i just turned 21, so i am soooo having fun. i don't need a girl to be happy...i can be happy by myself and i will meet the right girl someday....that girl just wasn't her... hope you feel better about this post being finished p.s. thanks to everyone who was giving me advice back then....josh ------------------ *********************** '89 GT, T-5, Vortech S-Trim, GT-40P heads, MAC 1 5/8" headers, MAC Off-Road H-Pipe, 2 1/2" Flowmasters, Edelbrock 65mm T.B., Trick Flow Intakes, Crane 2031 cam, 1.7 Roller Rockers, Screamin' Deamon Coil, 255lph Fuel Pump, T-Rex, SVO Motorsport Clutch, Adjustable Fuel Pressure Regulator, Formula GP Suspension, MAC Upper & Lower Control Arms, FMS 3.73 Gears. ***********************