more on love - Page 2

jocatmust · 02-25-2004, 11:33 AM

Hang in there...things will get better someday I hope [/B][/QUOTE]
Thank you for your reply. I am hoping and praying things do get better. My husband will not even talk to me. I have stop trying to speak with him. Every time I speak to him, he insults me and tells me how it is all my fault. I believe he is doing this to make himself feel better about the fact that he just wants out and has changed his mind about marriage. The marriage is over and I understand that. People tell me that he didn't even give it a chance and i should be glad that it ended before children were involve. I believe in marriage. I feel that we both failed and did not give it a chance. He had pre-existing ideas of what marriage is suppose to be. You can't put ideals on situatutions and people. Like I have said over and over, and to myself, he doesn't love me and never did and he doesn't want to be married. Next week he is going to Bike week, so I am sure that he will be taking his new girlfriend, or if not will find a play thing. I plan to give myself some time to get over this. I have always made it a policy to not get involve with someone else when i still care for someone. I don't like to hurt people. He, on the other hand is only thinking about one thing he must take care of and that is it. he doesn't trust women at all. I am trying to move on with my life. I have a few things going on that will occupant my mind and help me to forget him. He has obviously forgotten me. i envy him the way he can turn his feelings off. I know that I am a good woman and one day I will meet someone who will appreciate the good and the bad in me. He will love me and not expect me to be what he wants and nothing more. At this point, I am trying hard to make myself move on with my life. he reads this site, so i imaging he is even more mad at me than he was before. Talking this out has helped me. I am sorry you are going through alot also. If you need to talk, I can be a friend and listen...

jocatmust · 03-04-2004, 08:16 PM

The last update on my situation. It is over. I ran into him the other day and we had a nice conversation. I thought maybe things would turn around and then the next day we fight. I give up on trying. I am the only one in this marriage that wants it to last. He has made it perfectly clear that we are over. He tells me that we have to stay away from each other for a year so we can get divorce. Then he saids maybe we could start over and have me sign a pre-nup and maybe re-marry. In year he is not going to care about me. I have told him we could go to a lawyer's office and have papers drawn up now. No dice!!His way or no way. I think it is clear that he does not love me and plain and simple wants out of the marriage. This is why he will not try anymore. I just can't believe it. Anyway, the only choice I have is to move on with my life what ever that may be. I hope to find a man who will love me that is understanding, caring, and who will always be there no matter what. I want someone who believes in marriage. I want someone who is willing to take chances because of love and not worry about his self so much. That is all my husband is thinking about at this moment is himself!!!

rsampson · 03-06-2004, 07:29 PM

It sounds like this guy is crazy. He wants to do all that just to get you to sign some piece of paper. From a guys point of view, it sounds like he wants out and is using anything as an excuse to get away from you. It sounds as if this guy doesn't care about you or the marriage. If that paper was that important, he should have got you to sign it before the marriage. Move on and be glad. So does that make you single now and in need of a hug? It will get better.

Mach 1 · 03-06-2004, 08:44 PM

testing

jocatmust · 03-07-2004, 03:02 PM

i am sorry that you are going through hell. Love is the hardest thing to do in this world. i still love my husband very much, but it is over and I will move on. We live in NC, so we have to wait a year to get a divorce. i still can't believe I will be separated longer than I was married. I think rsampson is right, he does not care about me or the marriage. He thinks he is justified in ending the marriage. He has to live with the fact that he let this marriage go and did not want to try. I have been trying. He tells me his plans and that we are done. I am beginning to believe that he is not the man I married. His mother suffers from depression and has her moments. His father understands and honors their marriage. I don't understand why he can't be understanding like that. If I think about it, he just wants out. He has decided that marriage is not for him. I said something about him buying a new motercycle and he tells everyone that I am trying to control the money. I just felt that after we just got married, bought a new mach, and spending way too much on christmas gifts that a motorcycle could wait. Then, he also tells me I don't buy him beer. To listen to him I must be the worst person on this earth. I never cheated on him, nor did I ever give him reason to think so. I just got depress about my grandmother having a stroke over the holidays, plus got mad at him for calling some girl from the internet and said some things that I shouldn't have, plus got sick with the flu and not put him first. He could not understand. He sees this as an opportunity to get out. He tells me he is not happy, then I don't understand why he doesn't fix it. I give up trying to understand. I am trying to buy the vehicle I was driving from him b/c I need something to drive. I guess our marriage is down to business and that is it. I am making myself move on and get over this. His mother even told me that it was over and that he has made his mind up and I might as well forget it, plus she said there is no reason to cry over spilled milk and move on. She knows her son, and from her point of view it is over. i get it now. To ask you one thing, does you wife honestly need to depend on you for things, or is she just being evil to get things, or maybe she doesn't want to leave. Maybe you and her, if neither one of you are with someone, could go out on a date and see what may happen. Ask her to play truths for one night. Do not talk about what you two are going through, just start over. Who knows you and her may rekindle something or at least may give you a chance to get closure and have a better divorce. I believe in second chances and think things can work out. I wish you luck. My husband reads this site. Does anyone have any advise for him?

Mach 1 · 03-07-2004, 04:57 PM

well, i was trying to avoid airing my story here as I dont beleive it will accomplish much and my wife started reading these posts and is taking them the wrong way and its causing more problems, so Im gonna delete what i wrote and just try to press on..

jocatmust · 03-07-2004, 10:14 PM

I am sorry for that. My husband is angry as well. I told him that no one knows who we are. It has help me to get support while going through this tough time. Your wife would not get so angry if she did not care. She cares about what you think. She knows that no one knows who ya'll are on this site as well. You hang in there too. Good Luck! Look at this way, at least you still get to see her, whether that is a good thing or not, I have only seen my husband once this month.

girlystang · 03-13-2004, 10:11 AM

How are you doing? I see you are still battling the fight with the loser husband. Move on girl, no man is worth it.

jocatmust · 03-13-2004, 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by girlystang
How are you doing? I see you are still battling the fight with the loser husband. Move on girl, no man is worth it.

Well, I am doing alot better. My hind site is showing me that I should have realized what kind of person he was from the beginning. I should be thankful that I have seen what kind of person he really is now before I wasted any more of my time, or had a child with him. He is not a descent human being. To kick me out of the house with no place to live, no money, and to take the vehicle away. He definitly felt the need to ruin my life. He changes his mind about marriage and wants to keep everything just as he had it. He feels no remorse. He has been so mean to me. I don't trust him. I wish we could go ahead and get divorce. Yes, now I have reach the point of being mad and that is it. He has hurt me deeper than anyone ever. I just don't understand why this happened to me. I never saw myself as divorce. I married for love and thought he loved me back and felt about marriage as I did. How could I have been so wrong???That is what I am having the hardest time with is the incredible mistake I made in falling inlove with the wrong man. I know he has broken our marriage vows now and been with someone else. It seems the nightmare will not end.

mustardjohn · 03-13-2004, 04:16 PM

It will end when you want it to. You are the only one who can control your emotions. When you choose to give that control to someone else, it will end when they want it to. Take back control of yourself and end it or amit that you don't want it to end.

Mach 1 · 03-13-2004, 05:14 PM

easier said than done for a lot of people. some people are just emotionally stronger and have stronger mental health than others. However, your situation isnt that bad, even though it seems like it now. Believe me, it could be 100 times more complicated. Yeah, it sucks and I agree , I feel as if the stress will never go away, and Im praying it will....

jocatmust · 03-13-2004, 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by mustardjohn
It will end when you want it to. You are the only one who can control your emotions. When you choose to give that control to someone else, it will end when they want it to. Take back control of yourself and end it or amit that you don't want it to end.

You are right on the fact that it will end when I want it to. To me, the first step is seeing him for the person he is. I am just having a hard time with the fact that I waited so long to get married for it to only last just a few short months. I know in the end I will be glad that it did and that I have moved on with my life with some guy who is the one for me and treats me the way I deserve. I know now that if I meet someone who drinks and is into money way to much, to run. My husband puts a money value on everything. He saids I married for money. I look around at my place and I don't see alot of what he bought me. I see things that I had before the marriage or things I purchase with my money or I put on my credit card. The point I am trying to make is my, not his. He has to find something wrong with me that helps his conscious for bailing on this marriage. I am on my way to taking back control. It just takes me awhile to get over the hurt. I have never been the type to turn feelings on and off. I have promise myself to not pine over him for so long. It is wasted time. Like I said, the first part is saying, I have no interest in him for the way he has treated me. He is not a nice person. Thanks for your reply. It is welcome.

mustardjohn · 03-14-2004, 11:49 AM

Yes it is hard. Many people do not know they have control of their emotions and choose to believe others are controlling them.

The first step is to realize that you do.

JOCATMUST, I believe you are a strong person that did not realize the power you have. You gave it away to be married. 30 is young. Go make some new friends

From what you say about the "things" he gave you I would guess they were given to control you, to reward behavior. Now that you are not behaving they are taken back as attempted punishment. Other punishments are meated out as well to put you back in line. If the punishment works expect more of it. Forget the the "things" and move on.

jocatmust · 03-14-2004, 02:10 PM

Thank you old wise one. I hadn't thought of it that way. You are absolutely right. I am being punished. I just don't understand why he feels the need to punish me when he is the one who has caused this. He is the one to back out of marriage. You are right, as soon as we married, the control started. I do not believe in the control theory. No one controls anyone. I also believe marriage is a two way street. I guess the only street I was on was the one he laid out. I guess somewhere without knowing it, I step off the street. Hopefully, I will regain my life back. I am on my way. The good thing is now I don't have to always hear stuff from his mother or him. She always had something to say about everything. That stress is gone. Now, I don't have someone expecting me to be at his beg and call. Now, that I look at it, I do have alot of what was causing me stress out of my life. I am just lonely and miss life of being married. I liked being married. To have someone to share my life with. I just choose the wrong person. I guess now he is his sharing his life with his first friend, Mr. Beer and whoever he has drag into his life to fullfill his desires regardless of the feelings he will hurt. He is a very selfish person. Back to the control, the last few times we talked, all I heard from him is what I havn't done for him. Not buying beer, not fixing him a plate of food, or other things I can't mention. The bottom line is he wants total control and to be King. If not, he wants out b/c of his own insecurities.

mustardjohn · 03-14-2004, 02:42 PM

You are on your way.

Don't worry, be happy, more effort.

03-04-2004, 08:16 PM	#22
jocatmust Registered Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 43	Last on love The last update on my situation. It is over. I ran into him the other day and we had a nice conversation. I thought maybe things would turn around and then the next day we fight. I give up on trying. I am the only one in this marriage that wants it to last. He has made it perfectly clear that we are over. He tells me that we have to stay away from each other for a year so we can get divorce. Then he saids maybe we could start over and have me sign a pre-nup and maybe re-marry. In year he is not going to care about me. I have told him we could go to a lawyer's office and have papers drawn up now. No dice!!His way or no way. I think it is clear that he does not love me and plain and simple wants out of the marriage. This is why he will not try anymore. I just can't believe it. Anyway, the only choice I have is to move on with my life what ever that may be. I hope to find a man who will love me that is understanding, caring, and who will always be there no matter what. I want someone who believes in marriage. I want someone who is willing to take chances because of love and not worry about his self so much. That is all my husband is thinking about at this moment is himself!!!

03-06-2004, 07:29 PM	#23
rsampson Registered Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: tx Posts: 6	Re: Last on love It sounds like this guy is crazy. He wants to do all that just to get you to sign some piece of paper. From a guys point of view, it sounds like he wants out and is using anything as an excuse to get away from you. It sounds as if this guy doesn't care about you or the marriage. If that paper was that important, he should have got you to sign it before the marriage. Move on and be glad. So does that make you single now and in need of a hug? It will get better. __________________ Everyone needs a cool ride

03-06-2004, 08:44 PM	#24
Mach 1 Registered Member Join Date: May 1999 Location: Georgia Posts: 3,866	testing __________________ 2002 GT 1993 GT (SOLD) '93 Mustang GT RHC member #142 Last edited by Mach 1; 03-07-2004 at 05:44 PM..

03-07-2004, 04:57 PM	#26
Mach 1 Registered Member Join Date: May 1999 Location: Georgia Posts: 3,866	well, i was trying to avoid airing my story here as I dont beleive it will accomplish much and my wife started reading these posts and is taking them the wrong way and its causing more problems, so Im gonna delete what i wrote and just try to press on.. __________________ 2002 GT 1993 GT (SOLD) '93 Mustang GT RHC member #142 Last edited by Mach 1; 03-07-2004 at 05:43 PM..

03-13-2004, 10:11 AM	#28
girlystang Registered Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 7	How are you doing? I see you are still battling the fight with the loser husband. Move on girl, no man is worth it. __________________ The world is a better place tommorrow

02-25-2004, 11:33 AM	#21
jocatmust Registered Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 43	Hang in there...things will get better someday I hope [/B][/QUOTE] Thank you for your reply. I am hoping and praying things do get better. My husband will not even talk to me. I have stop trying to speak with him. Every time I speak to him, he insults me and tells me how it is all my fault. I believe he is doing this to make himself feel better about the fact that he just wants out and has changed his mind about marriage. The marriage is over and I understand that. People tell me that he didn't even give it a chance and i should be glad that it ended before children were involve. I believe in marriage. I feel that we both failed and did not give it a chance. He had pre-existing ideas of what marriage is suppose to be. You can't put ideals on situatutions and people. Like I have said over and over, and to myself, he doesn't love me and never did and he doesn't want to be married. Next week he is going to Bike week, so I am sure that he will be taking his new girlfriend, or if not will find a play thing. I plan to give myself some time to get over this. I have always made it a policy to not get involve with someone else when i still care for someone. I don't like to hurt people. He, on the other hand is only thinking about one thing he must take care of and that is it. he doesn't trust women at all. I am trying to move on with my life. I have a few things going on that will occupant my mind and help me to forget him. He has obviously forgotten me. i envy him the way he can turn his feelings off. I know that I am a good woman and one day I will meet someone who will appreciate the good and the bad in me. He will love me and not expect me to be what he wants and nothing more. At this point, I am trying hard to make myself move on with my life. he reads this site, so i imaging he is even more mad at me than he was before. Talking this out has helped me. I am sorry you are going through alot also. If you need to talk, I can be a friend and listen...

03-07-2004, 03:02 PM	#25
jocatmust Registered Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 43	i am sorry that you are going through hell. Love is the hardest thing to do in this world. i still love my husband very much, but it is over and I will move on. We live in NC, so we have to wait a year to get a divorce. i still can't believe I will be separated longer than I was married. I think rsampson is right, he does not care about me or the marriage. He thinks he is justified in ending the marriage. He has to live with the fact that he let this marriage go and did not want to try. I have been trying. He tells me his plans and that we are done. I am beginning to believe that he is not the man I married. His mother suffers from depression and has her moments. His father understands and honors their marriage. I don't understand why he can't be understanding like that. If I think about it, he just wants out. He has decided that marriage is not for him. I said something about him buying a new motercycle and he tells everyone that I am trying to control the money. I just felt that after we just got married, bought a new mach, and spending way too much on christmas gifts that a motorcycle could wait. Then, he also tells me I don't buy him beer. To listen to him I must be the worst person on this earth. I never cheated on him, nor did I ever give him reason to think so. I just got depress about my grandmother having a stroke over the holidays, plus got mad at him for calling some girl from the internet and said some things that I shouldn't have, plus got sick with the flu and not put him first. He could not understand. He sees this as an opportunity to get out. He tells me he is not happy, then I don't understand why he doesn't fix it. I give up trying to understand. I am trying to buy the vehicle I was driving from him b/c I need something to drive. I guess our marriage is down to business and that is it. I am making myself move on and get over this. His mother even told me that it was over and that he has made his mind up and I might as well forget it, plus she said there is no reason to cry over spilled milk and move on. She knows her son, and from her point of view it is over. i get it now. To ask you one thing, does you wife honestly need to depend on you for things, or is she just being evil to get things, or maybe she doesn't want to leave. Maybe you and her, if neither one of you are with someone, could go out on a date and see what may happen. Ask her to play truths for one night. Do not talk about what you two are going through, just start over. Who knows you and her may rekindle something or at least may give you a chance to get closure and have a better divorce. I believe in second chances and think things can work out. I wish you luck. My husband reads this site. Does anyone have any advise for him?

03-07-2004, 10:14 PM	#27
jocatmust Registered Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 43	I am sorry for that. My husband is angry as well. I told him that no one knows who we are. It has help me to get support while going through this tough time. Your wife would not get so angry if she did not care. She cares about what you think. She knows that no one knows who ya'll are on this site as well. You hang in there too. Good Luck! Look at this way, at least you still get to see her, whether that is a good thing or not, I have only seen my husband once this month.

03-13-2004, 04:16 PM	#30
mustardjohn Registered Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Orange, TX Posts: 360	It will end when you want it to. You are the only one who can control your emotions. When you choose to give that control to someone else, it will end when they want it to. Take back control of yourself and end it or amit that you don't want it to end. __________________ 2003 3.8 Mineral Gray, MAC CAI, K&N, Chin Spoiler

03-13-2004, 05:14 PM	#31
Mach 1 Registered Member Join Date: May 1999 Location: Georgia Posts: 3,866	easier said than done for a lot of people. some people are just emotionally stronger and have stronger mental health than others. However, your situation isnt that bad, even though it seems like it now. Believe me, it could be 100 times more complicated. Yeah, it sucks and I agree , I feel as if the stress will never go away, and Im praying it will.... __________________ 2002 GT 1993 GT (SOLD) '93 Mustang GT RHC member #142

03-14-2004, 11:49 AM	#33
mustardjohn Registered Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Orange, TX Posts: 360	Yes it is hard. Many people do not know they have control of their emotions and choose to believe others are controlling them. The first step is to realize that you do. JOCATMUST, I believe you are a strong person that did not realize the power you have. You gave it away to be married. 30 is young. Go make some new friends From what you say about the "things" he gave you I would guess they were given to control you, to reward behavior. Now that you are not behaving they are taken back as attempted punishment. Other punishments are meated out as well to put you back in line. If the punishment works expect more of it. Forget the the "things" and move on. __________________ 2003 3.8 Mineral Gray, MAC CAI, K&N, Chin Spoiler

03-14-2004, 02:10 PM	#34
jocatmust Registered Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 43	Thank you old wise one. I hadn't thought of it that way. You are absolutely right. I am being punished. I just don't understand why he feels the need to punish me when he is the one who has caused this. He is the one to back out of marriage. You are right, as soon as we married, the control started. I do not believe in the control theory. No one controls anyone. I also believe marriage is a two way street. I guess the only street I was on was the one he laid out. I guess somewhere without knowing it, I step off the street. Hopefully, I will regain my life back. I am on my way. The good thing is now I don't have to always hear stuff from his mother or him. She always had something to say about everything. That stress is gone. Now, I don't have someone expecting me to be at his beg and call. Now, that I look at it, I do have alot of what was causing me stress out of my life. I am just lonely and miss life of being married. I liked being married. To have someone to share my life with. I just choose the wrong person. I guess now he is his sharing his life with his first friend, Mr. Beer and whoever he has drag into his life to fullfill his desires regardless of the feelings he will hurt. He is a very selfish person. Back to the control, the last few times we talked, all I heard from him is what I havn't done for him. Not buying beer, not fixing him a plate of food, or other things I can't mention. The bottom line is he wants total control and to be King. If not, he wants out b/c of his own insecurities.

03-14-2004, 02:42 PM	#35
mustardjohn Registered Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Orange, TX Posts: 360	You are on your way. Don't worry, be happy, more effort. __________________ 2003 3.8 Mineral Gray, MAC CAI, K&N, Chin Spoiler

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