Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035
*Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest
country in the world, California. *White minorities still trying to have
English recognized as California's third language.
*Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.
*Baby conceived naturally . . . Scientists stumped.
*Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.
*Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory Of the
Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon.) *Iraq
still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years
before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. !
*Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally,
but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
*George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
*35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
*Texas executes last remaining citizen.
*Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.
*Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inch.
*Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it
crashes BEFORE installation is completed.
*New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screw-drivers and baseball
bats must be registered by January 2036.
