and now Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
 

Here's a few of the 'Deep Thoughts' from SNL that I've found/remembered. That part used to be one of the best parts of the show. post any that you can remember that you liked...

One things kids really like is to be tricked. So one day I told my little nephew that I would take him to Disneyland. Then I drove to an old burned down warehouse, "Oh No - Disneyland burned down" I said. He began to cry and cry but I think deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.

I love SNL!!!!
I thought the Jack Handey stuff was really cool, but then, I do have a warped sense of humor.

I love Monty Python too!!! :D

Too cool!! Must have more!!

Take care,
-Chris

ROFL!

Man I love those! They are just sooo awesome funny to me. :D I wish I could remember some others but I can't :(. Hey, what about the Ambiguosly Gay Duo :D LOL

Those are too funny.

I bet you could find em on the web somewherE?


Sky

SNL Kicks A**!!

My favorite episode today is the one with the ROCK!

LOL

:D

yah that one was great,
I especially liked it when he did the skit with Chris Kattan and did Mr. Peepers.

Mr. Peepers is the funniest skit on any variety show I've ever seen. Well maybe not, but its up there with Fire Marshall Bill (In living color) and Chris Farley's Inspirational Speaker skit (the livin in a van down by the river one)

Deep Thoughts
 

Here's a few more 'Deep Thoughts' from 'Ol Jack:

I' d rather be rich than stupid.

Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticize them, you will be a mile away and have their shoes.

To me, boxing is like a ballet, exept there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

I bet the sparrow looks at the parrot and thinks, yes, you can talk, but - LISTEN TO YOURSELF !

A man doesn't automatically get my respect. He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it.

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.

When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

My favorite in this bunch:

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

LOL! I agree. That was the funniest skit!

Chris Farley rocks. He was one of the best commedians ever. Too bad we will no longer enjoy any new jokes with him :(.

BTW fiveohpatrol....
Love the avatar....SRV rules...Another waste of a good songwriter.

Miss you Flathat.:(

I always enjoyed the Celebrity Jepardy skits. I've got a bunch of 'em in mp3 format on my computer. The skits with the parody of Sean Connery are the best. For instance, the category is "Therapists" and Connery says, "I'll take 'The Rapists' for $1000, Alex."

Also the "Pen Is Mightier" is an all time classic Celeb. Jep.

"Gussy it up however you want, Trebeck, but what matters is, does it work. 'Cause I'm not ashamed to admit, I've bought these products before, and if the penis mightier works, I'll buy a dozen!"

That one gets me every time.
:D
--nathan

yes! celebrity jeopardy is hilarious! :D "not a fan of the ladies are we trebek" ahaha. Monty Python is great too especially the search for the holy grail "Your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of elderberry!" Bwahahahahha :D

Later

http://www.mwscomp.com/movies/grail/jpgs/knightof.jpg
Ni!

Re: Deep Thoughts
 

LOL. Thats how I feel.

Ni!

ahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahaahhahaha :D :D :D

"you must find..... a shubbery!!!

"Now you must find another shrubbery!!"

"deep thoughts" that stuff cracks me up. The first time i saw one of those skits I was in tears.

Mike Meiers' skit with Nicole Kidman where they are young kids in a playground and he is harnessed to the jungle gym. That ones pretty good....."I'm hyperactive and hypoglycemic, I'm a hyper-hypo". "That was hurtful, and unnecesarry." HAHAHAH! :D :D

My favorite Deep Thought is the Uncle Caveman one. I also like this one, I didnt see it listed yet:

If you drop your car keys in a bed of hot lava, just let em go, cause man, they're gone.

God, I just remembered the BEST ONE!!!


"The birds seem to be calling my name, thought Caw."


Damn that's hilarious.

LOL. Thanks for adding to the list Mr 5 0 and others. Hey, wasn't there also a one about him telling when he was a kid and his father did something like left him in the woods or something?? I can't stinkin remember....

And I remember seeing this movie (comedy) I think it was set in the middle ages. This guy was being trained for battle (to be a knight I think) and this one guy (his trainer?) kept quoting some really twisted quotes thorughout the movie. Every single one of them were hilarious to me-- but I only watched the movie once and it was a long time ago. I wish I could remember those quotes.