Jokes of the day
 

What's the best form of birth control after 50?

Nudity.

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What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?


45 lb.

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What's the difference between a boyfriend and
husband?

45 minutes.

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How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they just sit there in the dark and *****.

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Why is it so hard for women to find men that are
sensitive, caring, and good looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

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What's the difference between a new husband and a new
dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

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What makes men chase women they have no intention of
marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
intention of driving.

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What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

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A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third
grade. Who has the biggest boobs?

The blonde, because she's 18.

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Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

Because they have cotton balls.

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What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

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What did the blonde say when she found out she was
pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"

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What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?


Beer Nuts are $1 and Deer Nuts are always under a
buck.

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Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.

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Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Kentucky?

Everyone has the same DNA.

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What would you call it when an Italian has one arm
shorter than the other?

A speech impediment.

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Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact with
a woman?

Breasts don't have eyes.

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What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a
Northern zoo?

A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the
front of the cage along with a recipe.

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What's the Cuban National Anthem?

Row row row your boat.

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What's the difference between a Northern fairy tale
and a Southern fairy tale?

A Northern fairy tale begins "Once upon a time."
A Southern fairy tale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna
believe this ****."

The doctor said, "Good news is I can cure your headaches...the bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, Joe realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need, a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see . size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, How did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see... 34 sleeve and 16 and half neck." Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see... 9-1/2 E." Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" was the reply. Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see...size.........36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was
18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

zepherman: *gasp*....*starts to talk with a squeaky high voice*....geez...i almost cried for that ficticious man....thats sooo sad... :(:(

cyberstang: nice :) those were great...i said em all to my gf....she came up with a good one for the new cuban national anthem off the top of her head "Jose Can You See?" ..lol...i especially liked the italian one...rofl...good job ;)