Important Disclaimer From Santa...
 

From the desk of Santa Claus--

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi,Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies, so keep that in mind.

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us, such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit-can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I heer'd dat!"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Spins Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars colliding and crashing into each other.

And Finally,

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus
Member of North American
Fairies and Elves, Union 1225

Heeheeheee! I'll be sure to watch out for him!

lmao... I'm sure glad I live in Canada.. lol :p ;) :D

§am.

hahaha Boss Hogg spins Christmans LMAO :D :D

...if hes from the south pole...why doesnt he serve south of the equator? were still closer to santa from here...he should serve chile and argentina... :D

Hey, boy! You messin' with Bubba? You keep dat up you gonna get no gun for Christmas! :p

Because 3/4 of the worlds population lives on this side of the equator, and because a bunch of faries negotiated the contract.

Silly boy.

Take care,
~Chris

:D :D :D :D

Sounds like my kind of guy!
Yee Haw!

Bubba Claus. Hell yeah! That's pretty cool.

Daniel.

yea...and at least half of them live on the other side of the world...lol...and they dont meet santa anyway...

Old man.

-jonathon
:D:D

Santa's cousins Sven Claus, Juan Claus, and Ho Wang Claus cover that side of the world.

Snot-nosed brat.

Take care,
~Chris

:D

So what # cousins are they?

its a good thing santa's parents werent jewish... :D

Glad I live in a northern state! :p

I don't know. Check with their union.

hey i dont' think this is a new contract I thought i seen buba cluase when i was stationed in Georgia. Might explain what i got for christmas that year.