Oil Changing Instructions
 

Oil Changing Instructions

Women:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

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Men:

1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December(1992) in the left boob.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands.
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Drive car.

Hey,, one thing missing for us guys. I roll out a old bathroom mat to lay on :D . My cardboard got kinda nasty.

hehe

When I do it I use a piece of carboard (it's still clean). :D

Then I jack it up, and put it on the stands, and put the pan under the drain plug. Then I open the plug. Then wash my hands (unless I have on gloves, just throw 'em away or set them to the side) and the wrench, and come back in a little while. I then close the plug and take it back down , then back up the car. And clean up the mess, pour the new oil in, and the old in the now empty bottles. And I'm done. Longest part is the waiting. :p hehe Guys always made it seem really hard n stuff, but it's simple, anyone could do it... same as changing a tire. hehe

Re: Oil Changing Instructions
 

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!:D :D :D

LMAO Been there and done that.. learned my lesson thougth. I kow take all the cars over to wallmart and let them take care of it. :D

Thanks..ROFLMAO
 

That is great..True..so very true.... LOL

The beers...Yep..would say that is about the right number for an oil change...(about a twelve pack)....

~Jenn~:D

I'm the only person who touches my car if I can help it. I know, that probably scares the crap out of some of you who know me, but I'm really anal about my oil changes. Fully synthetics, I'm picky about the filter, and I still only go 3k between em. Heck, its 50 for the parts I use, but the way I drive its cheap insurance. Its always a nice color when I drain it, and I don't have to worry about blowing up for that reason at the track.

He he, and its Miss January now, but you got to keep her high enough to be out of the line of fire.;)

haha that's pretty funny... Hey I change my own oil! heehee Thanks for reminding me, I just hit 6,000 miles... :p

~Jill

Guess your gonna need a lube job too :eek: :D

lol that is pretty hillarious. When I had my Mach 1 I did a oil change in the spring, and then put about 1000 miles on it and then did another oil change on it before she went away (then she was sold). It depends how you drive your car too, if you do alot of racing it's best not to wait overly long for a oil change.