[silver_pilate]

I hear you, Merc, and my empathy goes out to you.

I've been in the same place a lot of these kids who commit suicide have been. Life can seem so hard at a given moment that nothing on earth can possibly ease the pain. I think it's something that everyone of us has gone through to some extent. The quiet loneliness. The hidden tears. Growing up ain't easy, and nobody promised that it would be.

In highschool, I had a friend who took his own life. He went to a gas station and filled up a gas jug at the pump. He went into the store and paid for the gasoline after which he went back to the parking lot, poured the gas on himself and lit a match.

I share this story because of this: Jess was well liked. He had many friends. He surely wasn't lacking in attention...he always had a way of making people laugh...a real cut-up. The point is that no one may ever know what drove Jess to take his life when it seemed he had everything going for him. Who knows what causes anyone to take their life. It may be lonliness or lack of friends, but then again, it could be something entirely different. Something in them just snaps and everything is blown out of perspective.

Don't beat yourself up over this. There's no way you could possible know what was in that kid's head, and there's no way you can possibly go back and change the past. Use this as a lesson, if you must make something out of it. Make it a goal not to take anyone for granted. That's about all you can do sometimes.

May God bless you and the family of that boy.

--nathan