Quote:
Originally posted by Janeofalltrades
Hey Dan...
She and my brother are buddies and they are like two peas in a pod.
I have seen one familiar and reoccuring thing with boy and girls and mom and dads.... From the time you (guy) are born, you are seeking the approval, acceptance and admiration of your father and the love of your mother. Moms just love their sons, usually that is a given......  I have one of my own and can concur......He could be a little crap and I still love my little man with all my heart....
Daughters are loved by their fathers and try their whole life to be anything BUT their mother. It's not so much an issue of seeking acceptance as it is love. It is rare to find a girl who looks at their mother and says.."I want to be just like her". If your a daddy's girl, you don't usually feel compelled to seek approval or acceptance.....So..In the end, be cautious with your sister. Allow her time to decide on her own....
~Jenn~
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OMG~~~ I was GONNA go to bed....but you hit the nail on the head!!!!!!!!!!!
My parents divorced when I was about 10. (almost 28 years ago) My mom CONSTANTLY dogged my dad out to us . She had custody of us. BUT....as Ive gotten older, I see why he left her. Yes, he had a girlfriend, and is an alcoholic, (he married her and is still married). She is nice. But I COULD not live w/ my mother either...which is why I moved out before I even had a drivers license. She ragged on him, and yes, he did her wrong, but shes not an easy person to live with. (that hard core, self rightous full blooded German)
In the mean time, my older brother has been in and out of alcohol rehabs since he was about 18. (hes gonna be 43 in January.) He started his decline when my dad left when he was about 15. He has never ever held a steady job, and has been in jails all over the south. My mom has ALWAYS bailed him out and sweared, 'he'll be okay, he's gonna be a preacher one day!"
we butt heads CONSTANTLY over this. My mother is a very religous person, which is fine, but she has always crammed it down our throats for as long as i can remember. She thinks if we dont go to church, we're going to hell.
I choose not to talk to her about him(my brother).
Ive held my job for 19 years, AND have been very successful at it, have my daughter and have divorced, got my own house, but hes always been the better of us. (in her eyes) It sucks to try so hard to get the approval from your parents when they wont give it.. so, I give up. Its not worth the upset and aggravation.
As far as my dad, I think I've talked to him 4 times this year. I know I've always been his favorite, but he feels like its MY responsibility to call him. He actually called me on Christmas night. I was at a good friends house, and at the end of the conversation, he ended up chewing me out for not ever calling him. Its like, who is the parent here????
Ya'll are young yet.....as you get older, you see things in a different perspective . Like Jane said....my biggest nightmare is to turn out like my mother.....I just hope and pray that I dont. I want my daughter to feel like shes got my respect, and my approval.....
It sounds like your sister is being torn different directions...how old is she?? Again, like Jenn said, girls are ALWAYS seeking the approval of the father figure in thier life.....they are always drawn to the father, as boys are to thier mother.....thats just part of life...
It might be hard for now, but as she gets older, and sees things in a different perspective and with just her own observance of how things really are, she will come around. It took me a long, long time....to see things as they really are with BOTH parents...... sad to say, but I think its pretty normal to be slightly disfunctional!
Best of luck to ya. Hope things go well. Just be there for your sister if she needs to talk. Just listen to her. Thats all she needs.
Take care Dan. And hang in there...I know its a hard situation. It will eventually work out.
TNT
