You might be a rice rocket jockey if:
1. You find yourself using the excuse "Yo, but you got twice as many cylandaz" after every race.
2. Your gumby pants make it hard to shift
3. You have stickers for parts you don't have.
4. When you drive by, WW2 veterans run for shelter.
5. Your exhaust tip diameter is four times the inner muffler diameter.
6. Birds make nests on your spoiler because it's taller than the trees.
7. You will only race if the other guy removes four spark plugs
8. You have "All Motor" emblazoned on your rear hatch, right next to your 1.8L badge.
9. You brag about having nitrous and have a 15.50 dial in.
10. The exhaust system for your 1.8L is bigger than most pro-stock cars.
11. You've spent more money on stickers and stripes than you did on actual performance mods.
12. You go to a performance shop and go directly to the decal bin.
13. Your tach is bigger than your head.
14. You have a shift light and your car is an automatic.
15. Your bright green $300 air filter is bigger than your engine.
appeared in Mustang Monthly, May 2002
