If men ruled the world

PGkelly · 07-12-2001, 08:50 PM

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

Birth control would come in ale or lager.

Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.

The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

"Sorry I'm late, but I got hammered last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car.

It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

Two words: ALLY MCNAKED.

Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.

The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.

It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

Every man would get four real "Get Out of Jail Free" cards per year.

When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:

Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

Faucets would run "Hot," "Cold," and "100 proof."

The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.

People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.

Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

------------------
If it ain't broke, make it go faster

AOL: MCVillain45

Fox Body · 07-12-2001, 08:56 PM

IF?????

*Ducking, covering his head with his arms*

-----------------------------------------
351W-powered 1979 Ford Mustang notchback
Stock 5.8L under 4" cowl, C4 w/ shift kit
Holley 750 cfm, Edelbrock Performer RPM intake
1 5/8" MAC shorty headers, Al driveshaft
2.5" Off road H-pipe, 2-chamber Flowmasters
Front: 225/60/15, Rear: 255/60/15 Eagle GT II
Weld wheels (15x6;15x8), 8.8" Rear w/ 3.55s
14 x 4” K&N air filter (getting the Xtreme setup someday)

"Red, thou art my companion. Hasten now your quickened metamorphosis to Green that I may conquer all who dare abide there beside me. May they be left thither behind burnt black." ---Fox Body

jimberg · 07-12-2001, 09:29 PM

I think the title of this topic should be more aptly named "If men REALLY ruled the world".

69fastback · 07-12-2001, 09:50 PM

Pretty good. I like the one about the beer belly. U forgot one thing though beer vending machines at work.

------------------
69 428 cobra jet: tons of mods.
97 f-150 5.4 xlt mark III
BUCKLE UP. SUCK IT IN.
Objects in the mirror are about to disappear...
QUICKLY!!!!!!

07-12-2001, 11:55 PM

hey PGkelly, you read my mind! Damn that was funny!
My favorites:
"Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation."
"Sorry I'm late, but I got hammered last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
...man those really hit home with me. Keep posting stuff like this

, it made my day!

------------------
'84 Mustang 5.0 LX
My car

Mercury · 07-13-2001, 12:32 AM

Man, That was pretty damn funny. Got a few good laughs out of that one.

tireburner163 · 07-13-2001, 08:45 AM

funny. I like the part about raiding a nearby villge.

------------------
1990 Dodge Dynasty with 275,000 miles. Mods:chiped paint, CD player. Sucks but it was free. Praying for a stang.
The "Guetto Glider"

If it ain't broke, you ain't tryin hard enough

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07-12-2001, 08:50 PM	#1
PGkelly Registered Member Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 274	If men ruled the world Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you." Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. Birth control would come in ale or lager. Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO. "Sorry I'm late, but I got hammered last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness. At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car. It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town. Tanks would be far easier to rent. Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps." Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!" Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month. Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks. Two words: ALLY MCNAKED. Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history. The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers. The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle. It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas. Every man would get four real "Get Out of Jail Free" cards per year. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off." Faucets would run "Hot," "Cold," and "100 proof." The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong. People would never talk about how fresh they felt. Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style. Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation. ------------------ If it ain't broke, make it go faster AOL: MCVillain45

07-12-2001, 08:56 PM	#2
Fox Body Mustang Maniac Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: GA, U.S.A Posts: 2,266	IF????? Ducking, covering his head with his arms ----------------------------------------- 351W-powered 1979 Ford Mustang notchback Stock 5.8L under 4" cowl, C4 w/ shift kit Holley 750 cfm, Edelbrock Performer RPM intake 1 5/8" MAC shorty headers, Al driveshaft 2.5" Off road H-pipe, 2-chamber Flowmasters Front: 225/60/15, Rear: 255/60/15 Eagle GT II Weld wheels (15x6;15x8), 8.8" Rear w/ 3.55s 14 x 4” K&N air filter (getting the Xtreme setup someday) "Red, thou art my companion. Hasten now your quickened metamorphosis to Green that I may conquer all who dare abide there beside me. May they be left thither behind burnt black." ---Fox Body

07-12-2001, 09:29 PM	#3
jimberg Registered Member Join Date: Oct 1998 Location: Rogers, MN Posts: 2,089	I think the title of this topic should be more aptly named "If men REALLY ruled the world".

07-12-2001, 09:50 PM	#4
69fastback IRAQ VET Join Date: Feb 2000 Location: high desert California Posts: 1,480	Pretty good. I like the one about the beer belly. U forgot one thing though beer vending machines at work. ------------------ 69 428 cobra jet: tons of mods. 97 f-150 5.4 xlt mark III BUCKLE UP. SUCK IT IN. Objects in the mirror are about to disappear... QUICKLY!!!!!!

07-12-2001, 11:55 PM	#5
84stangLX Guest Posts: n/a	hey PGkelly, you read my mind! Damn that was funny! My favorites: "Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation." "Sorry I'm late, but I got hammered last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards. ...man those really hit home with me. Keep posting stuff like this , it made my day! ------------------ '84 Mustang 5.0 LX My car

07-13-2001, 12:32 AM	#6
Mercury The Redneck James Bond Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Fayetteville NC Posts: 1,707	Man, That was pretty damn funny. Got a few good laughs out of that one.

07-13-2001, 08:45 AM	#7
tireburner163 It's a lot like a race car Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Meridian, MS Posts: 4,130	funny. I like the part about raiding a nearby villge. ------------------ 1990 Dodge Dynasty with 275,000 miles. Mods:chiped paint, CD player. Sucks but it was free. Praying for a stang. The "Guetto Glider" If it ain't broke, you ain't tryin hard enough