Is this a good Start for a short story?

Mercury · 04-10-2002, 01:32 PM

I'm back to writting stories again. While I have a huge one that I'm working on, I do take breaks from it and write short ones.

Its taken me a while to figure out how to begin this new short story. Its going to be about a Close encounter with a UFO (I know, didnt we all just talk about this not to long ago), and two southern, kind of redneckish boys.

Let me know what you all think. I still have alot more to go but I just wanted to know what you all thought of the first little bit I got down. Here you all go.

With keys dangling from his mouth, Frank hurriedly grabbed a six pack from the cooler and headed out the door. Humid southern air greeted him as he closed the screen door behind him.
Tossing the six back in the back along with his stained cap Frank slid onto the aged vinyl seats and put the keys in the ignition. With a twist of the key, and spin of the starter, current flowed through the corroded ignition points. The 389 came alive, breathing through 2 of the 6 venturi’s.
Patting the dash with satisfaction he whispered under his breath” That’s right honey. Me and you are going to have some good times.”
Sliding the Hurst shifter into first and easing the clutch and gas he pulled out of his driveway. No more work today, no girlfriend tonight; no plans, no worries, the shackles and weights had been removed. Freedom, Friday evening was an open book with blank pages waiting to be filled.

Crazy Horse GT · 04-10-2002, 01:38 PM

not a bad start, roll with it bro l8ter.

Coupe Devil · 04-10-2002, 02:03 PM

That kicks arse man. Loved the part bout the 2 of the 6 venturi's, six pack of beer and fuel, what could be better? You should seriously think about getting some publishing rights or soemthing. Id buy your book.

Brad

silver_pilate · 04-10-2002, 03:43 PM

I like it. You've got a real gift for creative writing. Post the whole thing when you're done...unless you're planning to publish it. If so, then I'll buy a copy.

I think it would be great to have a book or story in which the author conveyes a knowledge of cars in the same way that Tom Clancy conveys his expertise on military tactics and munitions. You read his books, and you're there. You know exactly what weapons they are using and exactly what their tactics are. It's not like "John pulled out his gun and shot the bad man...." It's very detailed and descriptive.

On the same line, I would love a book that continued the detail of your intro. Instead of "Bubba hopped in his fast truck and headed to the fields," go ahead and go into detail like you've done. You know, not have the whole book be strictly about hot-rods or anything like that, but have a definate undertone of automobile know-how in there.

Good job, man. I look forward to seeing more of it.

--nathan

Mercury · 04-10-2002, 04:34 PM

Thanks guys. Thats just a rough of the first few paragraphs, not even fine tuned yet.

Starting out is always the hardest part when it comes to writing stories. I have a few already that I have finished. I did them a while back but I'm not satisfied with them so I keep them to myself.

I love reading Hard Core Science Fiction, by aurthors like Jack McDevitt(My Favorite), and Jeffery Carver. They can get pretty desript and techinical at times, and can get heavy into physics theories and such.

tireburner163 · 04-10-2002, 09:53 PM

Sounds good to me. You definatly have a great gift for writing. You should publish some of it. I belive you posted a portion of that big story a while back. It was also very good. Too bad I couldn't read it all

BTW, did you ever read my story about the race between the 69 Fastback and the 427 Vette? Not NEARLY as good as yours, but ya know.....

Mercury · 04-10-2002, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by silver_pilate
It's not like "John pulled out his gun and shot the bad man...." It's very detailed and descriptive.

"Bubba hopped in his fast truck and headed to the fields," go ahead and go into detail like you've done.

--nathan

LMAO

Man, I got a laugh out of that. I use to write short scary stories way back when I was like 6-10 years old. Thats what they were like.

Someone I use to know that majored with me in Advertising Design/Fine Arts use to write. After I bugged them for the longest time to let me read there stuff, I never asked again. It was also like that.

He pulled the trigger. Boom. The man died. I still remember that line. What made it so bad is the person CLAIMED to be a writer that had stuff published under a Pen Name. Um...Yeah..Right.

TireBurner.
No man, I didnt see the story you wrote. If you want go ahead and e-mail it to me. I'd love to read it.

SilverPoet · 04-11-2002, 12:22 AM

Great start, even I'll agree with that. Takes a creative pull to get someone into a story. I never have problems starting one, only sustaining it, which is why I love my poetry.

Still with a little tweaking, which I'm sure Merc will be doing, 'cause well us writers are never totally happy with our work...it could and very well should work its way into something.

Keep writing, Merc!

mustangman65_79 · 04-11-2002, 04:12 PM

Here's your story with a little bit of me.

With keys dangling from his mouth, Frank hurriedly grabbed a six pack from the cooler and headed out the door. Humid southern air greeted him as he closed the screen door behind him, leaving a bead of sweat on the it.

Tossing the six pack in the back along with his stained cap, Frank slid onto the aged vinyl seats and fumbled with the keys to get them out of his mouth. Then as smoothly as possible, put the keys in the ignition. With a twist of the key, and spin of the starter, current flowed through the corroded ignition points. The 389 came alive, breathing through 2 of the 6 venturi’s.
Patting the dash with satisfaction he whispered under his breath” That’s right honey. Me and you are going to have some good times.”

Sliding the Hurst shifter into first and easing the clutch and gas he pulled out of his driveway, the evening sun hitting him hard in the eyes. No more work today, no girlfriend tonight; no plans, no worries, the shackles and weights had been removed. Freedom. Friday evening was an open book with blank pages waiting to be filled.

How does this sound???

If u want, I can try to help u with this. Other wise, it looks like u can do it yourself.

04-11-2002, 05:09 PM

Good Work......you are very talented merc.....my kids want me to write a story of my life...told them I didn't have enought years left to tell that one..j/k...but really I would like some pointers I have been thinking about writing my story but not sure where to start if that makes sence..there so much to say...well let us know how the rest goes ok...take care Lee ps glad your feeling better..

Mustangbelle306 · 04-11-2002, 05:09 PM

NO MERCURY!!!!!!!!!

Cease your writing, do not proceed a word further until you consult with Ponycar302!!! He is the resident Phd/masters/AHGDTFJK English buff, and would most certainly have the best advice

mustangman65_79 · 04-12-2002, 10:15 AM

Quote:

NO MERCURY!!!!!!!!!

Cease your writing, do not proceed a word further until you consult with Ponycar302!!! He is the resident Phd/masters/AHGDTFJK English buff, and would most certainly have the best advice

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKK?!?

Coupe Devil · 04-12-2002, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mustangbelle306
NO MERCURY!!!!!!!!!

Cease your writing, do not proceed a word further until you consult with Ponycar302!!! He is the resident Phd/masters/AHGDTFJK English buff, and would most certainly have the best advice

Bwaaahhhahahahahahahahaahahah Senseing some sarcams there.......

Brad

Mercury · 04-12-2002, 12:50 PM

Heres and example of my fine tuning of my writting. I did some revising to the segment posted earlier. I've got more done, but I'll post it later on when I'm done.

Knocking over bottles of mustard, ketchup, and hot sauce, Frank dug to the depths of the refrigerator finally grabbing hold of the icy cold 6 pack of Budweiser. With car keys dangling from his mouth, six-pack in one hand, toolbox in the other, he dashed out the door. No more work today, no girlfriend tonight; no plans, no worries, the shackles and weights had been removed. Freedom, Friday evening was an open book with blank pages waiting to be filled.

The sun had begun its lazy decent into the horizon, the sky slowly changed hues as dawn came. The tall grasses and brush stood still, no breeze to rustle them, no relief from the oppressive humidity and heat of a southern summer.

Tossing the six-pack and toolbox in the back Frank slid onto the aged vinyl seats. If it wasn’t for the cars age or status it would of long been forgotten and took up residence in an automotive boneyard. She wasn’t a thing of beauty anymore with primered body panels, faded paint, and a bumper bent into the shape of a frown. Nor was she any longer the best running street machine, the engine tended to flood out at every stop if the throttle wasn’t played with, also under heavy acceleration one could hear the tell tale pings of detonation.

With a twist of the key in the ignition, the starter spun over, current flowed through the corroded ignition points. The 389 came alive, breathing through 2 of the 6 venturie’s. The unique chatter of solid lifters could be heard.

Patting the dash with satisfaction he gently whispered under his breath “That’s right baby. Me and you are going to have some good times.”

Crazy Horse GT · 04-12-2002, 01:19 PM

Mustangbelle306 · 04-16-2002, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by mustangman65_79

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKK?!?

OOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKKKK its obvious you don't read some threads. Its a reference to a heated thread from a few days back. I don't just pull **** from my ***.

tireburner163 · 04-16-2002, 01:57 PM

oh, oh, oh, automotive guessing time. I think it's a GTO with tri-power and a Hurst 4-speed. O and it's a 64-67. Am I right?

mustangman65_79 · 04-16-2002, 03:55 PM

Quote:

OOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKKKK its obvious you don't read some threads. Its a reference to a heated thread from a few days back. I don't just pull **** from my ***.

NO, I guess I missed that one.

Quote:

oh, oh, oh, automotive guessing time. I think it's a GTO with tri-power and a Hurst 4-speed. O and it's a 64-67. Am I right?

Haha, you're too funny tireburner

Mercury · 04-17-2002, 12:58 PM

TIREBURNER

Actually, your right. Its going to be a 66 GTO, Hurst 4 spd, Six pack carburation, with a 389.

What insipired my story is a guy that drives a 66 GT around town here. Its primered, and beat. The guys a pretty burly lookin redneck. I can just picture him relaying a similar story to his kids or neighbors.

Ya know, I saw one a dem there UFO's one time. Hell, I was even chased by it. Let me tell ya..................

04-10-2002, 01:32 PM	#1
Mercury The Redneck James Bond Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Fayetteville NC Posts: 1,707	Is this a good Start for a short story? I'm back to writting stories again. While I have a huge one that I'm working on, I do take breaks from it and write short ones. Its taken me a while to figure out how to begin this new short story. Its going to be about a Close encounter with a UFO (I know, didnt we all just talk about this not to long ago), and two southern, kind of redneckish boys. Let me know what you all think. I still have alot more to go but I just wanted to know what you all thought of the first little bit I got down. Here you all go. With keys dangling from his mouth, Frank hurriedly grabbed a six pack from the cooler and headed out the door. Humid southern air greeted him as he closed the screen door behind him. Tossing the six back in the back along with his stained cap Frank slid onto the aged vinyl seats and put the keys in the ignition. With a twist of the key, and spin of the starter, current flowed through the corroded ignition points. The 389 came alive, breathing through 2 of the 6 venturi’s. Patting the dash with satisfaction he whispered under his breath” That’s right honey. Me and you are going to have some good times.” Sliding the Hurst shifter into first and easing the clutch and gas he pulled out of his driveway. No more work today, no girlfriend tonight; no plans, no worries, the shackles and weights had been removed. Freedom, Friday evening was an open book with blank pages waiting to be filled.

04-10-2002, 01:38 PM	#2
Crazy Horse GT Registered Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Sale Creek, TN. C. S. A. Posts: 4,652	not a bad start, roll with it bro l8ter. __________________ 95 gt vert, lot's of stuff, it aint slow. 04 sonic blue v - six my beater 89 rs camaro iroc turbo hood, other stuff, my wifes ride 84 lx stang cammed up 289 hi po, etc 65 falcon, maybe by the year 2020. black 00gt, gone but never forgotten. R H C- member # 1 o.b.c. da prez- member # 1 if your under 40 dont ask. goodbye for now odie,r.i.p. 11-27-03

04-10-2002, 02:03 PM	#3
Coupe Devil Moderator Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Myrtle Beach SC Posts: 1,643	That kicks arse man. Loved the part bout the 2 of the 6 venturi's, six pack of beer and fuel, what could be better? You should seriously think about getting some publishing rights or soemthing. Id buy your book. Brad __________________ 1990 GT, 347, TFS TW Heads, TFS Cam, TFS Track heat, Twin turbos, FMIC, T5. Built Ford Tough Moderator

04-10-2002, 03:43 PM	#4
silver_pilate DURKA DURKA!! Join Date: Sep 1997 Location: Lubbock, TX...(TX panhandle) Posts: 1,418	I like it. You've got a real gift for creative writing. Post the whole thing when you're done...unless you're planning to publish it. If so, then I'll buy a copy. I think it would be great to have a book or story in which the author conveyes a knowledge of cars in the same way that Tom Clancy conveys his expertise on military tactics and munitions. You read his books, and you're there. You know exactly what weapons they are using and exactly what their tactics are. It's not like "John pulled out his gun and shot the bad man...." It's very detailed and descriptive. On the same line, I would love a book that continued the detail of your intro. Instead of "Bubba hopped in his fast truck and headed to the fields," go ahead and go into detail like you've done. You know, not have the whole book be strictly about hot-rods or anything like that, but have a definate undertone of automobile know-how in there. Good job, man. I look forward to seeing more of it. --nathan __________________ '91 GT, Coast 347, 9.5:1 compression, full intake, Wolverine 1087 cam, exhaust, Keith Craft ported Windsor Jr. Irons (235 cfm intake, 195 cfm exhaust), AOD, PI 3500 converter, Lentech valve body, 3.73's (4.10's in the works), and Yokohama ES100's out back. Daily Car: '04 Infiniti G35 Sedan 6MT

04-10-2002, 09:53 PM	#6
tireburner163 It's a lot like a race car Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Meridian, MS Posts: 4,130	Sounds good to me. You definatly have a great gift for writing. You should publish some of it. I belive you posted a portion of that big story a while back. It was also very good. Too bad I couldn't read it all BTW, did you ever read my story about the race between the 69 Fastback and the 427 Vette? Not NEARLY as good as yours, but ya know..... __________________ 1987 Buick T-type 1998 HD Electra Elide

04-10-2002, 04:34 PM	#5
Mercury The Redneck James Bond Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Fayetteville NC Posts: 1,707	Thanks guys. Thats just a rough of the first few paragraphs, not even fine tuned yet. Starting out is always the hardest part when it comes to writing stories. I have a few already that I have finished. I did them a while back but I'm not satisfied with them so I keep them to myself. I love reading Hard Core Science Fiction, by aurthors like Jack McDevitt(My Favorite), and Jeffery Carver. They can get pretty desript and techinical at times, and can get heavy into physics theories and such.

04-11-2002, 12:22 AM	#8
SilverPoet Registered Member Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: Brooklyn Center, MN Posts: 21	Great start, even I'll agree with that. Takes a creative pull to get someone into a story. I never have problems starting one, only sustaining it, which is why I love my poetry. Still with a little tweaking, which I'm sure Merc will be doing, 'cause well us writers are never totally happy with our work...it could and very well should work its way into something. Keep writing, Merc!

04-11-2002, 04:12 PM	#9
mustangman65_79 My poor 79 RIP Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Suisun City, Posts: 2,320	Here's your story with a little bit of me. With keys dangling from his mouth, Frank hurriedly grabbed a six pack from the cooler and headed out the door. Humid southern air greeted him as he closed the screen door behind him, leaving a bead of sweat on the it. Tossing the six pack in the back along with his stained cap, Frank slid onto the aged vinyl seats and fumbled with the keys to get them out of his mouth. Then as smoothly as possible, put the keys in the ignition. With a twist of the key, and spin of the starter, current flowed through the corroded ignition points. The 389 came alive, breathing through 2 of the 6 venturi’s. Patting the dash with satisfaction he whispered under his breath” That’s right honey. Me and you are going to have some good times.” Sliding the Hurst shifter into first and easing the clutch and gas he pulled out of his driveway, the evening sun hitting him hard in the eyes. No more work today, no girlfriend tonight; no plans, no worries, the shackles and weights had been removed. Freedom. Friday evening was an open book with blank pages waiting to be filled. How does this sound??? If u want, I can try to help u with this. Other wise, it looks like u can do it yourself. __________________ '84 mustang GT turbo '85 LTD '89 Camaro Irocz z28 '94 Lightning '96 Trans am

04-11-2002, 05:09 PM	#10
gt lee Guest Posts: n/a	Good Work......you are very talented merc.....my kids want me to write a story of my life...told them I didn't have enought years left to tell that one..j/k...but really I would like some pointers I have been thinking about writing my story but not sure where to start if that makes sence..there so much to say...well let us know how the rest goes ok...take care Lee ps glad your feeling better..

04-11-2002, 05:09 PM	#11
Mustangbelle306 Yay for Chickys Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 1,532	NO MERCURY!!!!!!!!! Cease your writing, do not proceed a word further until you consult with Ponycar302!!! He is the resident Phd/masters/AHGDTFJK English buff, and would most certainly have the best advice

04-12-2002, 12:50 PM	#14
Mercury The Redneck James Bond Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Fayetteville NC Posts: 1,707	Heres and example of my fine tuning of my writting. I did some revising to the segment posted earlier. I've got more done, but I'll post it later on when I'm done. Knocking over bottles of mustard, ketchup, and hot sauce, Frank dug to the depths of the refrigerator finally grabbing hold of the icy cold 6 pack of Budweiser. With car keys dangling from his mouth, six-pack in one hand, toolbox in the other, he dashed out the door. No more work today, no girlfriend tonight; no plans, no worries, the shackles and weights had been removed. Freedom, Friday evening was an open book with blank pages waiting to be filled. The sun had begun its lazy decent into the horizon, the sky slowly changed hues as dawn came. The tall grasses and brush stood still, no breeze to rustle them, no relief from the oppressive humidity and heat of a southern summer. Tossing the six-pack and toolbox in the back Frank slid onto the aged vinyl seats. If it wasn’t for the cars age or status it would of long been forgotten and took up residence in an automotive boneyard. She wasn’t a thing of beauty anymore with primered body panels, faded paint, and a bumper bent into the shape of a frown. Nor was she any longer the best running street machine, the engine tended to flood out at every stop if the throttle wasn’t played with, also under heavy acceleration one could hear the tell tale pings of detonation. With a twist of the key in the ignition, the starter spun over, current flowed through the corroded ignition points. The 389 came alive, breathing through 2 of the 6 venturie’s. The unique chatter of solid lifters could be heard. Patting the dash with satisfaction he gently whispered under his breath “That’s right baby. Me and you are going to have some good times.”

04-12-2002, 01:19 PM	#15
Crazy Horse GT Registered Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Sale Creek, TN. C. S. A. Posts: 4,652	__________________ 95 gt vert, lot's of stuff, it aint slow. 04 sonic blue v - six my beater 89 rs camaro iroc turbo hood, other stuff, my wifes ride 84 lx stang cammed up 289 hi po, etc 65 falcon, maybe by the year 2020. black 00gt, gone but never forgotten. R H C- member # 1 o.b.c. da prez- member # 1 if your under 40 dont ask. goodbye for now odie,r.i.p. 11-27-03

04-16-2002, 01:57 PM	#17
tireburner163 It's a lot like a race car Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Meridian, MS Posts: 4,130	oh, oh, oh, automotive guessing time. I think it's a GTO with tri-power and a Hurst 4-speed. O and it's a 64-67. Am I right? __________________ 1987 Buick T-type 1998 HD Electra Elide

04-17-2002, 12:58 PM	#19
Mercury The Redneck James Bond Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Fayetteville NC Posts: 1,707	TIREBURNER Actually, your right. Its going to be a 66 GTO, Hurst 4 spd, Six pack carburation, with a 389. What insipired my story is a guy that drives a 66 GT around town here. Its primered, and beat. The guys a pretty burly lookin redneck. I can just picture him relaying a similar story to his kids or neighbors. Ya know, I saw one a dem there UFO's one time. Hell, I was even chased by it. Let me tell ya..................

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