After 4.5years she left me with no notice...

[tireburner163]

Originally posted by Unit 5302
Hey Sky,

I thought there might be a post up about this, and I figured I'd chime in. You know, in that Unit 5302 brutally honest sort of way.

I've seen a lot of good advice, and interpretations of what might be going on and how people might be feeling. I've seen the helpful advice to worship the ground that she walks on, constantly praise her, and to understand that living together is somehow a clear indication of the intent to get married in the near future.

Here's the cold hard truth.

1. She's was acting in a decitful manner, being unfaithful to your relationship for at least the second time.
2. Neither did she give you warning nor did she try to communicate with you about how she was feeling.
3. You were largely supporting her, and she was not acting responsibly.
4. People posting that moving in with somebody or rather, allowing them to move in with you, is a clear indication of the intent to marry in the near future must be living in some dark wooded area that I've never been to.
5. Why would you want to marry somebody who was fiscally completely irresponsible anyway?
6. No guy that has the intent to steal your girlfriend is going to outright say that and give you a chance to put up a greater defense.
7. The number one reason people break up is a 3rd party. I don't really think it's anybody's fault until one party in the current relationship acts in a decitful manner. She allowed it to happen.
8. Her family and friends apparently want her to get back together with you, which says volumes.

My personal opinion is to find somebody new. You've been with her for over 4 years now, and she still hasn't figured out how well she has it, and quite frankly, I don't expect she ever will if you take her back.

All I can really do is just wish you the best of luck, and let you know that I'm around if you need me, bud.

agree

[Skyman]

Kell, your so right man. And I know and see all those things, and I had a long talk with her mom last night, and she sees all those things too. Shes tried to wake breanne up to the facts but she just doesnt want to hear it right now, she needs to sort things out on her own. Its just so hard walking away and lettings go. We still have to deal with taking apart and moving out of our house and decieding whats mine and whats hers. At this point Im severing contact with her, as its just too much pain. Your my best friend that Ive never met haha, I'll talk to you more online soon.

We had a counseling session this morning where I laid all my feelings on the table, and she did too, and what she wants isnt me. Shes really got to find out who she is, and who I am seeing now is not a person i want. I want so badly for her to be I want her to be, but that just isnt her now. Its so difficult, but I do see the light at the end of the tunnel, I just want to get to that end quickly.

-Sky

[jocatmust]

Sky,
I am sure that you clearly are seeing your mistakes. Going to therapy will help you and her get closure. That is the best thing the two of you could do. I wish my husband would tell me his feelings and go to therapy together. You two are very young and need time to figure out who you are and what you want. If you are not on the same page it will not matter. Be thankful that you did not get married and then have her tell you she does not know what she wants. Here you are married and saying what the heck!!! I am in that situation. I don't know what to think and would have never saw myself in this position of having to figure out Why? I promise in time it will get better and life will go on. Take that from someone who has been through emotion H for the last three months. Promise me the next time, you live together with someone, make sure you are ready to go to the next level if that comes. Good luck and continue that therapy, it will help you get closure and to not bring this into another relationship.

[Mr 5 0]

Sky:

In the wake of the changes you've made since I first posted to you regarding the breakup I just wanted to stop by the thread and encourage you to keep striving for your emotional independence from Breanne, as difficult as that is. It's clear that she is determined to move on (from you) and her admission that her love for you is gone, while hard to take, I know, was one of the first honest things she's done in this situation and you needed to hear it in order to facilitate your separation from her. The fact that you understand none of us can do anything about another's feelings, good or bad, is a mature decision based on truth. Let her go, as you're doing and know that you'll always have Paris (or something).

I generally agree with the advice of my old internet antagonist, Kell (Unit 5302) but I also know that in every relationship there are two stories and while Breanne was obviously lying to and deceiving you, which stinks, I still believe that she was also looking for things in a relationship that you were not able to give her and as she slowly realized this (and you didn't - nor did she tell you) she looked elsewhere for what she feels she needs. As she now is freely admitting her feeelings (or lack of them) for you it appears as if she's known your relationship was at a dead end (for her) for some time but as often happens, she didn't hate you and didn't want to hurt you so she hung on and went through the motions, as it were. Sadly, there is no way to break up a 4 1/2 year live-in relationship without someone being hurt, as you know all too well, now. Unless both parties mutually lose interest and call it off out of boredom, someone wants out and so, the partner who is 'left' gets hurt to some degree. This cannot be avoided. How you handle it is what counts and I believe, based on what you've posted here, that you're handling it well. Props to you, Sky, for that. Many guys just go nuts or get weird which is futile and pointless. You're 22 years old and 'have your whole life ahead of you' as they say. Losing a love at 22 is not the worst thing that can happen to anyone and I trust you understand all that. It appears as if you do.

My only advice at this juncture would be to beware the return of the ex-girlfriend when this affair burns out and/or she gets hurt big-time down the road. Yes, you can be a friend but six months or a year later she may see the dearth of decent guys 'out there' and having had her flings and gained the 'experience' she wanted, come back to you, ready to settle down and all humbled and sorry. Beware. The girl you loved, supported and slept with lied to your face and played you and while she may have had her reasons (immaturity being the main one) the trust a real relationship needs was broken, big-time - by Breanne. That's huge. I would be very careful about allowing this girl back in your life as anything more than a strictly platonic friend. One hopes that in the near future you'll find another girl that accepts you for who you are and isn't looking for more than you can give her - and is honest with you without resorting to game-playing and contrived drama. You had a long, intimate relationship with your high school sweetheart and it finally ended as she outgrew it. That happens. Now, you'll be in a very different place when dating. Just know that most women in their 20's will, at some point, want marriage - and kids - and expect a 'serious' relationship to ultimately lead there. If you're not ready for that then don't get 'serious' and move in with someone as there is the chance that you're the one being deceptive at that point.

We humans sometimes have to exist on sheer optimism and sanguinity so I wish you the best as your 'new' life unfolds before you. Enjoy it.

[Ackbar00]

Originally posted by Skyman
because if I stopped their relationship in some way she would hold it against me forever.

Ummm, who fuucking cares. Give the cheatin Bitchh what she deserves.

I do fell sorry there for you cheif, but remember, she left you, so the gloves can come off. OK, so where are the naked pics of her?

[Skyman]

Yeah, Im going to keep the gloves on for now just incase. As much as I want to do things I wont. Im really having to hold my friends back from doing things too.
I do have pictures, but I would never be so mean.

[RBatson]

Sky, this was to be a private message but I figure I may as well let it go...

Hey Sky, I can't say much on the board about this because I am currently seperated and don't want anything to be used against me in the divorce. What you are going though.. I have been though a few times already. If you want her back... act as if you don't need her. Go about your life and she will definitely be looking you up when times in her life are down. Would you want her back? No. Back for a night.. sure. Leave it at that. Actually better to say no and move on. I've had atleast 2 girls screw around at work, both came back. The thing is.. you will never be able to trust her again. You will always be wondering who is at work, new job.. who is there. Once trust is gone there is nothing there but misery, believe me.

I got married back in November. The girl showed no interest in the board until we split up and now I'm certain she has turned some members against me with 'her' story. Get this, 3 weeks into the marriage she said all she wanted was "the Avalache and alimony" when we split. It stopped me dead in my tracks. Every week she would say something like.. "we should split up now while we are still friends" or call me at work and say "I can't take it anymore!!". I was like "what can't you take?" "I just think I'm going to bore you" "You aren't going to bore me.. I can keep myself entertained, I'll keep you entertained as well".

Let me break it down for you.. Before marriage: she would get up at 4am and fix me breakfast, did my laundry, sexed me, made me happy, always defended me(to anyone)..

after marriage: "You're a big boy, I need to teach you to take care of yourself", "all I want is the Avalanche and alimony", "I want access to the money left over each month".. Well, seeing as she wasn't bringing any money in and I was paying over $1k in car payments and insurance then the rest of the bills like house payments, water, electric, cell phones, cable, internet, trash... you know the drill... There wasn't any f'n money left! All so she could lay in bed and watch "The View" at 11am and then her soaps at 1pm and then Dr. Phil at 3 or 4pm. In between she would take her dog to the vet to get his teeth cleaned or some BS like that. She had a loaded 02 Avalanche to drive around and I gave her $80 a month to gas it up and $300 a month for groceries. What more could she want?!?!

I found out she was talking shit about me to her mom and my mom as well.. that didn't go over too well.

The thing is.. her parents have been taking care of her for 32 years and she didn't want to work. She has 2 degrees and yet can't find a job.. hmm. She thought by marrying me she was entiled to half of what I owned, she was sadly mistaken. Now she is bitter. Unless you find someone and start with nothing, don't get married! I will never marry again.

[jocatmust]

You need to to tell both sides of the story

[jdcastle]

.

[RBatson]

Well, I'm gonna cut through the BS and tell you straight.. I'm not gonna sign your agreement, I'm not paying for your doctor bills or anything else you may want or 'think' you're entitled to... the answer is NO

the damnest thing about it is... I was completely happy. I was happier than I had been in.. well... I can't remember when I was that content. Jesus Christ, not only would I have given you all I have.. I would have made payments!! I just knew that by christmas next year my family would be blessed with a child of mine...

I don't want to talk about this anymore..

[jocatmust]

Originally posted by RBatson
Well, I'm gonna cut through the BS and tell you straight.. I'm not gonna sign your agreement, I'm not paying for your doctor bills or anything else you may want or 'think' you're entitled to... the answer is NO

the damnest thing about it is... I was completely happy. I was happier than I had been in.. well... I can't remember when I was that content. Jesus Christ, not only would I have given you all I have.. I would have made payments!! I just knew that by christmas next year my family would be blessed with a child of mine...

I don't want to talk about this anymore..

[RBatson]

I didn't kick you out, you crazy bitch, you left.. I begged you to stay(remember?) but I also told you if you left there would be no coming back... there is no coming back.

[jocatmust]

Originally posted by RBatson
I didn't kick you out, you crazy bitch, you left.. I begged you to stay(remember?) but I also told you if you left there would be no coming back... there is no coming back.

[RBatson]

Crazy hell!! We get back together at this point and you get alimony!! That's crazy!! I'll look you up in another 9 monthes and we will settle this once and for all. Besides that... I'm done with this issue.

[jocatmust]

Originally posted by RBatson
Crazy hell!! We get back together at this point and you get alimony!! That's crazy!! I'll look you up in another 9 monthes and we will settle this once and for all. Besides that... I'm done with this issue.

[Unit 5302]

Yay! This thread is outta control now. Crazy wench. What the hell are you doing here anyway? Yes I'm talking to you, jocatfreakywoman.

I could tell you were messed up in the head on your first post. rbatson, you really should allow me the chance to interrogate your future girlfriends. It would save you a lot of time/effort having me diagnose them as wack jobs right off the bat.

I know you can't answer this for legal reasons, but how often were you laying in bed next to her and you thought you heard a crackle and fizz, then a quiet voice from her forehead declaring "Malfunction, malfunction?" Apparently, it wasn't just your imagination.

[RBatson]

Originally posted by jocatmust
You don't get it at all!! You told me you believe in marriage. I do also and think you can work out anything. My God, alimony, Jesus, did I ask of that from you in the separation papers. NO!!!

I guess not.. you know you wouldn't be able to get it or you would ask for it.

I don't know what it will take for you to get that I married because I loved you and that is all.

Geez, I dunno. Maybe its the weekly " I think we should split up now" comments that done it.

Maybe you are to stop listening to everyone else's crazy thoughts. I didn't ask for alimony in the separation papers, in fact I ask for nothing, but the use of your insurance. For crying out loud, I won't nothing from you but love. I have told you I want our marriage with therapy or forget it. It is not somewhere in between like you want. Remember you told me that we could just hang out!!

Well, it has nothing to do with anyone else. I don't know why you think that, you gave me plenty of reason on your own. No need to ask for alimony because you know you won't get it, so why ask? Insurance, the one thing you 'might' be able to get...

It really seems odd to me that you are the one with 2 college degrees. Just seems odd(come to your own conclusion).

[jocatmust]

l

[RBatson]

Originally posted by Unit 5302

rbatson, you really should allow me the chance to interrogate your future girlfriends. It would save you a lot of time/effort having me diagnose them as wack jobs right off the bat.

You definitely have that honor, my friend. From here on I will definitely run them by you first. (My Bad)

[jocatmust]

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