"Your too nice" Is this BAD to be these days?

[Five0]

I'm speechless and that is hard to do.

Very well said belle and Mr50.

[srv1]

belle is right. but it is still a game. its simple, but yet it is so difficult. still makes no sense to me....

[Mustangmom2k]

WOW!! I don't know where to start! Belle and Mr50 are both DEAD ON!!! FWIW, I'm married to the all-time "Mr. Nice Guy", and have been for 21 years. I've never once regretted it, either, and I knew then that I was making the smartest move of my life.

I watched most of my peers date and/or marry jerks and live to regret it. They wanted the excitement of a bad-a$$ (that's what they told me later when I asked what they ever saw in the guy). My sister is the same way. She's on her 2nd divorce, and honestly, neither time has been her fault other than she picked complete jerks to begin with. Long story short, one was a complete egomaniac, and the other was a macho jacka$$ who liked to take a few swings at her. AND SHE PUT UP WITH IT!!! I've listened to literally HOURS and HOURS of her crying and wondering what went wrong. How could he treat her so badly? How can she fix it? Etc, etc, yadda, yadda, whine, whine.

I keep telling her that she chooses the wrong type of guy, and that she needs to find a "nice" guy. Her reply? Get this...she says she has trouble respecting and looking up to a "nice" guy. A nice guy doesn's seem "strong". I say RUBBISH!!!

Gawd, I'm gonna go off on a tanget. This hits me so close to home, as it has now affected my daughter as well. She has been hanging around the ghetto a$$-holes lately, and I'll tell you folks exactly what I tell her. KEEP IT UP AND YOU'LL SURELY LOSE!! I'm gonna try to keep this short because it very much hurts me just to think that my daughter is about to ruin her life completely. But that's another story.

Anyway, to all you nice guys, DON'T EVER CHANGE! There ARE gals out there who recognize and VALUE your traits. Really! We're the smart ones! Don't let the (admittedly) majority of stupid, dumb-a$$ skank women make you something you're not and shouldn't be!

And the fact that most people's idea of a family or relationship is what they see on Jerry Springer doesn't help! Garbage in, garbage out, as they say.

[Mach 1]

Mr 5.0 and Belle are both dead on, as was already mentioned.

Ill add this. There is nothing wrong with being a "nice guy" at heart, but you cant wear your heart on your sleeve ALL the time. You have to be cocky and strong and mean occasionally also.

Especially initialy, since the woman are attracted to the "bad boys", coming off that way at first might get you in the door. then you can show your real "nice guy side", but remember, balance is the key. Dont be "too nice" or a "pushover". Just be nice in moderation...lol. Does this make any sense?

[929PhoenixSquid]

Being "too nice" tends to put you out in the open for more potential to be hurt deeply. However, you have got to be willing to take that chance if you want to reap the benefits of a truly meaningful relationship. What do you and your lover have to gain from holding back and putting up protective walls?

I suppose the most important thing is to first find someone that you can trust. This is not an easy task. I thought I could trust my Ex of 5 yrs. She wound up stabbing me in the back, thus temporarily destroying any trust I could have in a member of the opposite sex. However, here I am 1 yr later in another relationship and I can honestly say I have never been happier. The #1 reason for my happiness is the willingness for the both of us to open up and trust completely. We have both been hurt deeply in the past (to the point where neither of us should trust).

I honestly do not beleive there is such a thing as being too nice. Through the process of never holding back, I have found the girl I will marry (you all know her well, but I'll keep from embarassing her). Who knows where we'd be if we were both trying to protect our own interests?

[Topless In Texas]

Like I said in the FP forum...It's been so nice to see that there are truly NICE GUYS OUT THERE!!!!! And SOOOO MANY OF YA'LL ARE TOO!!! I'll repeat myself by saying...the problem is not being too nice, the problem I FIND is that they are all '*******' married!!!!' But again, when your 'older' guess that's part of life!!!!! As unfortunate as that might be!!!
Good subject, and great input!

[mustangman65_79]

I'm Jealous of u MustangBelle. Your smart, seem to know just what to say. Why can't I find any women like u and Mustangmom2k. (yes I know u'd be too old for me Mom, but it's the thought.) Hear in Cali, it's seems like all the women hear just use me. The only women who I liked, I had to turn away from some reason. Right now there is a girl back home who'd I never have gone out with, always wanted to, but can't because I'm done here in Cali. She's up in Oregon. One thing I had more then being called nice, is being used. I think Mr 5 0 Summed this up pretty good.

Wow.....changed some of my thoughts Belle...thanx!

It too changed some of mine. I never really thought about it that way, although I should have. How do u think of these things. For someone the age of 20, u really got it together. I wish i was as much as u are. I grew up with my Mom for most of my life till she got abusive to me. I learned alot about women from her since she was mostly single. But there are times that it seems like I never win, Like I don't even know them(women). But maybe I shouldn't since I'm only 19. Is it posible that at the age of 10(or around that age) that I wasn't suposed to know what i did? Ok, enough about me.

Being "too nice" tends to put you out in the open for more potential to be hurt deeply. However, you have got to be willing to take that chance if you want to reap the benefits of a truly meaningful relationship. What do you and your lover have to gain from holding back and putting up protective walls?

I think I'd rather be hurt a 100 times over just to find the right one, then to never find her.

If I could pick my life, Mr 5 0 would be my Dad, Mustangmom2k my Mom(nothing aginst my parents), and Mustangbelle306 as my really good friend(or more). Only then would I ever need to know every answer, or every answer to a problem I had. I love this site, for that it's just about this way. I'm away from home, but this site makes me feel like I'm not.

[Rocket 99GT]

Just tell the girl you like "PORN" and hanging out in strip bars...believe me she will not think that you are a nice guy after this.

[Coupe Devil]

Ok so here goes. I totally agree with mustangman65_79
I would have the same family. We might have a problem sharing Belle, though. There have been a lot of good points made by both men and women in this thread.

No matter what any guy says (unless he's funny and all) we love the touch, scent, companionship, love, trust and undeerstanding that a woman can offer. I have spent the last four years single only because I was "Mad" at the female race. I have come to understand now that I am at fault.

Two of the four years I spent totally devoted to one girl. We weren't together, we were best friends, always just together. I spent about $5,000 dollars on this girl over the two years. Gifts for no apparent reason, taking her out all the time. An enonmous amount of time and affection was put into this girl. I can honestly say I loved her. She knew how I felt but would have nothing of the like for me.

I was starting to become depressed about the whole situation. I decided to give her a test. I had realized that I was the only one ever putting forth any effort to stay in touch. Never did she call me. I don't understand why, she didnt hang out with any of her other friends, at anytime. She was - in essence - totally devoted to us being together but was in no way concerned with it going any farther. I stopped calling, stopped going by after work, and basically forgot about her for almost five months.

One day I get an e-mail. It's from her.
Granted, we only lived about 30 minutes from each other and it isn't long distance; she could have called. She says that she doesn't know why I haven't been coming around. She says she really misses me, that she has had a job offer away from home and she was taking it. She said she didn't want to leave on bad terms with me. Up to this point she didn't know why I stopped coming by or calling. I agree to stop by after work one day to see her. Over this five-month period though I really get to find myself, find out what I'm really about. I hadn't had anytime while I was around her to spend with my friends that I graduated with. Needless to say I had given up everything for her while I was around her. I was getting no benefits from the strange relationship that we had. I talked to her, told her why I left. I said I didnt think she was in much need of my friendship anymore since she hadn't called in five months. This broke her heart. She apoligized and said that she didnt see the relationship going any further so she didn't call. She just gave up. This broke my heart.

We stay up talking all night.
She lived with her parents, as she was still in college. I stayed there, I slept in her room, as I had done many, many, many times before not reaping any so called 'benefits' that are evidently so important to every other guy. We got things worked out and it's a great friendship now.

That may not make much sense to alot of people but I was totally engulfed with her presence. When I wasn't around her for five months I was a wreck, everyone around me was always asking what was wrong or why I was always so mad. It really hurt me for some reason not that we weren't spending time together but that I was basically used for her pleasure (not that way) at her convenience. I was basically married to this girl just I went to a different house to sleep. I spent 600 dollars on her for my birthday because I wanted to show her that she was an importnat person in my life. It didnt work.

I was a total disaster for a while after all this was straitened out. I don't understand why women do the things they do. I do understand that they don't want to be hurt, no one does.
Our relationship was odd I'll admit but it is very strong now and I am thankful for that.

I WILL NOT BE HURT LIKE THAT AGAIN!!!!

Even though I have a wonderful friend now it will not happen again. I'm very cautious now and have started to be interested in dating again. I am meeting someone new today as a matter of fact. Hope everything goes well. She seems cool, honest, smart, has a sense of humor from all I have been told of her. I have grown up alot in the last four years and changed my outlook on women and life.

Once what was a low-down no good excuse for wasted breath is once again a soft, gentle, caring, smart, independant woman. And it doesn't hurt if she kicks a little every know and then but just so long as you dont forget who you are like I did.

Most of that may not make sense. I read it and a lot of it didnt make sense to me but I just need to get it off my chest.

Thanks for listening.

Brad

[mustangman65_79]

Most of that may not make sense. I read it and alot of it didnt make sense to me but I just need to get it off my chest.

I read the whole thing, and it mad sence to me. I could see the whole thing in my mind happining to me. Sometimes what we write makes sence when we type it out, but when we reread it, we don't see what just a little bit ago we did. It made sence to me, and I hope it does to others too.

Good luck with the new girl.

P.S. Mustangbelle306's mine-J/K

[Coupe Devil]

Originally posted by mustangman65_79


P.S. Mustangbelle306's mine-J/K

I'll fight ya for her. No wait, then we would both have that bad-as$ attitude. Maybe the new girl will work out. We'll see.

Brad

[1969Mach1]

What a thread, quite a long one but it explains how I feel on life.

It feels quite reassuring that others feel the same way. Belle, like said, by the other 15 guys dr's really hard to find that nice girl.

My g/f told me I'm too nice. I said: "You want me to be a jerk?" and she said: "Yes". I told her; "Well I can't do it cause this is who I am". She finally relished what she had but I know she still feels the same way. Her best friend (a guy, even though I thought I was her best friend) he is a total *** hole. I mean like I've seen some pricks in my life but this guy takes the cake; he hates me cause I like my car. I think anyone can stand up for me on this one, we love our cars, and it’s a hobby, something we enjoy and can look back and be proud.

But she seems to 'like' him but she complains about how he is mean and a jerk but she still talks to him and still friends with him. I've yet to understand how this is. I know he is going to be the reason our relationship isn't going to work. I do whatever it takes to keep us together. I bring her gifts when we fight (even though I do nothing to provoke this fight) but I've yet to understand girls who like this so called thugs.

I don't know if this is normal or I'm being selfish or narrow minded but I look for a girl that is pretty much exactly like me (in a girl way) like someone that will appreciate what I do for them, me always being there for them, always caring. The way our society is growing up divorces are going to happen to everyone it seems.

I get made fun of by people cause they find it funny that I do stuff for my g/f, and go out with her. There like: You're whipped! I don't see it as being whipped, I see it as something I enjoy doing. I do stuff with my g/f cause I like to. And usually end up with the kick in the *** in the end. I don't think I'll ever understand woman, well a good part of them. I suppose I will never give up but every girl I see makes me wonder what kind of a girl she is.

A tip I've learned,
Make a girl your friend before you go out with her. This can save a broken heart. If you get to know the girl first and understand her, you're more likely going to see how your relationship will work.

And to all the nice guys; don't get discouraged. There are still nice girls out there; it's just a fight for them these days.

Take Care All,

[Unit 5302]

I have come to a very simple conclusion on this matter after being told I'm "too nice" what seems like several hundred times.

Being "too nice" indicates you are weak. A basic instinct is to get the best male out there. If you're all clingy and super nice, it would seem as though you are too eager. Why are you too eager? Simple, cause that girl is the best you can do. Therefore, the girl can do better, right?

She wants a guy to be strong and think of himself as worthy, etc. None of this lame "I'm not good enough ****" At least not truely meaning that. Still, you have to make sure you don't come across as too arrogant.

Basically, you want her to think that you are worth her effort too. Being too nice makes it seem like she could do better cause she doesn't have to try, and you're working your *** off. Either that or it's a lame *** excuse trying to avoid hurting your feelings cause she's not interested anyway.

Girls are much like guys by the way. Girls that act desperate for a guy usually don't get them. The chase is a big deal I think, it has to go both ways for their to be any interest. So many girls cling to guys who are assholes because they feel that the guy is as good as they can possibly do. Just like guys cling to a girl that disrespects the guy and all he feels because he thinks the girl is the best girl in the world.

That's all fine and good after the chase, but during? Appearently not.

[Mustangbelle306]

I totally agree with Unit. Its important to be strong when you need to stand up for yourself and what you believe in, and vulnerable when its time to open up to the person you care about. Either extreme can seem unfavorable to the opposite sex.

I myself have been guilty of being unable to open up my emotions when I wanted to, I was just too scared from being hurt before: not that I blamed men, but I was afraid. Sometimes it just takes time to heal the wounds of the heart, and its not a good idea to rush into something new, because as it was said in another thread...its a BAD idea to wear your heart on your sleeve. Its scared me off before, and I too have scared off others by opening up too fast.

But we're all human, and we all eventually find the ones that love us enough to forgive us for all our faults...I certainly have enough!!

I've been reading through as this topic has generated lots of views,opinions and I must say I've learned abit from you guys

[mustangman65_79]

U want to know something weird. Just as this post loaded up on my comp, my CD player started playing "Nice Guys Finish Last" By Green Day. I just had to laugh.

Make a girl your friend before you go out with her. This can save a broken heart. If you get to know the girl first and understand her, you're more likely going to see how your relationship will work.

I agree. There is a girl back home whom I wish I was with right now. We have been friends for over four years now. We have had fights(yelling type) but have always gone back to being friends. We have never gone out before and have always regrated it. She see things the same way I do. We are also totally into each other.

Before I went to basic, I told her that she could see other guys and it woundn't bother me. I was going by that idea that if u let something go, and it comes back, then they do love u. Sure enough, when I came back from basic and tech school, we came back to each other.

I told her the same thing when I moved down here to Cali; and she hasn't went out with a guy yet. We talk every week for about an hour at a time. She told me a long time ago to go out and get a G/F because she didn't want me to be lonely. I have tried to do so, but I can't find anyone. The only times I can find someone that seems to like me, I always compare them with her. I know this is a big Mistake. It's a big no no, but I do it anyway. But it doesn't matter because I always get the "your too nice" thing.

Get this, on my birthday, she told my friend to go out and get me a stripper;SHE SAID THIS!

Also, she told me to go out and get my Bronco, good choice, I wanted it too. When I got my '66 Mustang, she wants nothing more then to see me with it. She loves it and has never even seen it yet. She keeps saying its going to be hers,ya right.

I only wish she was out of school. For u see, she is only 16, soon to be 17. I'm 19, so it's not much of an age diff.

What do u think, if I can get her down here, is she a keeper?

I'll always keep looking because u never know.

[SilverWing]

Originally posted by Mustanguy

I guess I dunno if I should take this as a compliment or not

Take it as a compliment because being a nice guy is a GOOD thing, even if some people don't realize it.

The way I see it is, be yourself and someday you'll find someone who really appreciates it. Believe me, there are girls out there who are looking for those nice guys and are starting to believe they're a dying breed!

Aside though, I can relate a little to how you feel. I'm a "nice" person and go out of my way in all of my friendships and relationships and yet I'm the one who's always getting hurt or passed over or ignored, etc. I let it harden me for awhile, but I've finally realized that I don't need to be friends with people who won't be the type of friend to me as I am to them.

So basically, just keep doing what you're doing - obviously your friend sees you're a kind, genuine person. Stay that way! At some point you're going to run into a woman that loves you for it.

[mustangman65_79]

So basically, just keep doing what you're doing - obviously your friend sees you're a kind, genuine person. Stay that way! At some point you're going to run into a woman that loves you for it.

I sure hope so.

[1969Mach1]

I see what mustangman65_79 is saying though, it almost seems like you'll never find the one person that will appreciate for what you have to offer the world. Especially after a bad experience in a relationship.

I will never change my ways, this is who I am.
I'm willing to be flexible (I'm not stubborn) but I'm not going to stop being nice, kind, and helping others and loving the stuff I love because someone wants to change me. I'll find the girl that takes me for who I am. Although I wonder if I'll ever find her in this lifetime.

Seems like every girl I look at goes after the 'bad-a$$' guy, just doesn't have any respect for others or I can tell right away that her and I would never even stand a chance of being together. I have my g/f and she seems like the closest I'll ever find. But we come across several conflicts in our relationship but that is normal but I want someone that I will never fight with, and always be happy.

The newer the generation the more 'bad-a$$' guys they want. I'm 17 and I can see how girls go for those kind of guys but the ones that are even younger go for them even more. It'll get to the point where the nice guys will only have their cars to love. =(

Nice Guys Always Finish Last.

Take Care All,
§am

[mustangman65_79]

1969Mach1 got me right on.