Please help me get through this (Long)

[Stang_Crazy]

Please listen to this and help me through it because I don't know what to do.

I had been seeing my girlrfiend for two and a half years when we had a huge fight and stopped dating (the week of Valentine's day). I eventually got her to talk to me again (about three weeks later) and made some drastic changes. I told her I was going to stop drinking and going out. I sent her cards everyday for two weeks telling her how much I love her. I made a complete 180 for her . I kept asking her if we could date again and she kept saying "I want to see what happens during summer". She thought that I would forget about her during summer but I didn't. All I thought about was her. I wouldn't even look at other girls because I was so happy with who I was with. Just last weekend she went away with her friends for a couple days. She never called me and I could never get a hold of her.

It's now saturday. I hadn't talked to her since last friday and I hadn't seen her since the friday before that. If she wanted to be with me, she was't showing it. I would leave 3 messages a day. One at 6 am when I was leaving for work. One when I got home from work. One when I went to bed. 3 messages a day for 7 days. That's 21 messages. And she never called me back once. Today (saturday) I was in her area and decided to stop to see if she was home. She answered the door and I asked her what was wrong and why she wasn't calling me anymore. She said she didn't want to talk about it...So then I asked her if she was seeing anyone else and she said YES .

My heart fell to the floor and she booted it through the uprights. I was totally shocked. We were supposed to be working things out and getting back together. Her birthday is on July 27 so I had planned to take her to myrtle beach for her birthday. We were going to go for 14 days. Our room was on the ocean. 15th floor, king size bed, full kitchen, oceanside, it was nice. And so she goes and starts talking to someone else when she knew that this vacation was planned!!

She kept making a big deal about the summer and about how she thought I was going to cheat on her when, in fact, she was the one who cheated. I asked her why she was seeing someone else and she said " I just have to see". WTF!! What does she have to see?? I asked her what was wrong with our relationship and more specifically me...and she said she didn't want to talk about it. I asked her if that was it for us and she said "I don't know, I have to see". Soshe wants me to wait for her to decide if this new guyis better that me. I asked her if I should cancel vacation and she said she'll let me know.

I have no idea how this could happen. I completely changed for this girl and she decided to see someone else without telling me. I have been working 50-60 hours a week trying to save up for the vacation (which I only had a two month notice). I am only 21 and she is 18 (19 on 7/27). I know that we are young but this girl was my first everything. Most importantly, she was my first serious relationship. I made the decision to changeforher because I really thought that I was going to marry her someday but I guess I'm not now.

Please help me through this. I got burned really bad and now I feellike crawling up into a ball and dying. Should I go out and party and try and get her off my mind....or should I wait a week to see ifshe wants to dump me for this other guy or stay with me?? I think if she can do this once...she can do it again... Please give me some advise because I really need it right now.

Thank you for reading through this whole thing. I apologize for the grammer but I am shaking right now so I don't care about the grammer or spelling. I am so glad that I have a place like this to vent my feelings and get it all out.

[Mr 5 0]

Stang_Crazy:

She's 18 and obviously afraid that she may be 'missing out on something' by commiting to you in the way you've commited to her. That 's normal. Guys aren't the only ones afraid of real commitment and at 18, she's probably a little bit scared that she's getting trapped before she's had a chance to live a little.

Her not talking to you about this probably comes from her not really knowing what she feels or wants at this point so she's simply avoiding having to deal with the situation (i.e. you).

I doubt it's all about you but more about her feeling that she's not had a chance to experience other guys and live a bit. Nothing you can do about it, really, except be patient and let her know you didn't mean to pressure her.

You may not think you have but evidently, she does. All those messages must have been a bit much for her.

Don't go off the deep end; life isn't over. She may very well come back to you but you have to let her find her way back on her own, you can't force it. Let her breathe.

I hope it works out for you.

Let us know, but stay cool for awhile and don't do anything crazy. Things change.

[Stang_Crazy]

Your message couldn't be more on point. I am going to leave her alone for some time. If she has to find out how she feels about this guy, she doesn't need me calling her every 5 seconds. I'll give her her space and see what happens. Maybe she'll miss me calling her, maybe she'll miss me. Maybe not.

Don't worry, I'm not going to go off the deep end. I have a beautiful Stang that is running very good. She can keep me company for a while

[Crazy Horse GT]

Hey man, time marches on. If she doesn't come back, oh well.

You're 21 - you have time to find someone else and who knows? you may find sombody even better. There's more than one woman out there, it just takes a little time; go out with another girl...try it.

cya.

[PKRWUD]

Jim and Marty gave you excellent insight and advice. The only thing I'm going to add to it is this: Don't EVER change yourself for someone else. You will end up resenting them, and that will guarantee that the relationship fails. You had only the best intentions when you tried to change, but once you start, it never stops. I've been in your shoes, and know your feelings well. It eats at you 24/7. One minute you are hurt so badly, it takes your breath away, and the next minute, you are so angry that she could do this to you, you want to break things, and the next minute you are totally confused, not understanding at all how this could have happened. It sucks. But in reflection, I can see what you need to see, which is what you felt was compassion, and showing you cared, was received by her as pressure and being pushed away from you. The wisest thing you can do is going to be the hardest, and that is to let her go. Don't call, don't stop by, don't do anything. That's the only way she's ever going to decide if you are the one she wants to be with. You MUST give her the space she needs. That will mean so much more to her right now than any phone call or greeting card possibly could.

Anyway bro, I wish you nothing but the very best. I know your pain. I've been there before. Hang tough.

Take care,
-Chris

[FivepointOH]

Some good advice on this thread... I had the same type of thing happen to me. Girl I was dating for 2 years my first real love dumped me. I then found out she had been cheating on me. Once she got tired of him and realized I was so much better for her she came back to me and I was stupid enough to take her back. Same exact thing happened again 3 months later, except this time 2 days after we broke up one of my very good friends made me go to a party with him and hooked me up with a stripper friend of his. I had such a good time with her it made me realize that I wasn't really happy with my girlfriend and that there was hope beyond her and I was able to say no when she decided she wanted to get back with me again. Well guess what that pissed her off and she turned into the biggest witch(substitude letter b in for w) and told me all sorts of stuff like she'd really cheated on me 5x etc etc. Anyway my point is I don't take her back even if she wants you back. Put her out of your life. I promise there are lots and lots of other HOT smart intelligent girls that would love to go on that vacation with you, go find one and take them instead. OR cancel and spend the money on your stang. If you want to drive down to tx i got a bottle of cptn morgans and now lots of hot girls that luv to party....

[Stang_Crazy]

If the vacation does get cancelled, I'm going to buy a Novi 1000. My car will love me

[PKRWUD]

Originally posted by Stang_Crazy
My car will love me

And it won't cheat on you, either!



Take care,
-Chris

[Rev]

I don't know about that "your car won't cheat on you" comment. When I mounted the battery in the trunk, I was sure I did everything correctly and what did she (the car) do but reverse the polarity on me. I'm sure it was the car tht did it rather than the 6 pack of Bud that helped me through the project.

Rev

[PKRWUD]

Pssst, rev, i'm trying to make him feel better. we can tell him about how beer screws everything up later. let's just get him back on track, first. shhhh.



Take care,
-Chris

[Rev]

Uh, ok, PKRWUD, I think I understand. Could you explain to my wife of 35 yrs. maybe why beer ain't really that bad and why I should occasionally be excused from over indulgence, and why it really was the damned car that caused all those sparks.

Rev

[PKRWUD]

Tell your wife that your trunk was made in England, and then start to explain their grounding systems, as well as their inferior electrical systems in general, and point out that the beer was in case of fire.

You're covered!



Take care,
-Chris

[Rev]

Yes my wife was born in England back in WWII, hee.hee.

BTW. you know why the Brittish drink warm beer don't you? It's because they have Lucas refrigerators (an old Jaguar joke), LOL.

Rev

Me and a friend were just talking about this Friday night, he and his girl are having BIG problems, BIG! Funny how you feel like you are the only one that has ever hurt that bad and that no one else could've possibly hurt this bad and understand. We all go through that. We've all been through it and we understand, too bad we all don't have friends like FivepointOH have.. I have a few good friends but, hooked you up with a stripper?!?! I need friends like that!!

I don't think age has a whole lot to do with what you are going through, all woman and humans in general are like this. She wants her cake and eat it too(I never really understood this saying really, what good is the cake if you can't eat it?!?!). She wants to date but knowing you are there makes her secure. You called way too much, you did push her away doing that(in my experience). Best thing to do is to not be her security blanket, DO NOT be her fall back guy. If she doesn't respect you then it won't work, works both ways. Calling all the time and seeming 'needy' will not get you any respect.. have you ever had a girl do that to you? Its smothering and just causes a natural instinct to get away. I agree that you should get out and try to get her off your mind(strip clubs always make me feel better).

Chris, if I ever need a real good excuse.. I'm might have to ask your assistance(I thought I had some good ones).

[Mustangbelle306]

Originally posted by Stang_Crazy
Your message couldn't be more on point. I am going to leave her alone for some time. If she has to find out how she feels about this guy, she doesn't need me calling her every 5 seconds. I'll give her her space and see what happens. Maybe she'll miss me calling her, maybe she'll miss me. Maybe not.

Don't worry, I'm not going to go off the deep end. I have a beautiful Stang that is running very good. She can keep me company for a while

This is a really cool and TOTALLY mature way to take things I mean, yeah, you could call her ALL the time etc, but you're smart enough to know that its not going to change the eventual outcome.

I don't know the previous occurances that led to the break up and your promises to change/drop alcohol etc, but (as cheesy as it sounds) if ya'll are meant to work things out, you will. She will come around, and you will welcome her with open arms, if it is...if its not, well, then its open horizons from there on out.

I wish you the best of luck, and your MW pals are here for yah

[Mustangbelle306]

Originally posted by FivepointOH
If you want to drive down to tx i got a bottle of cptn morgans and now lots of hot girls that luv to party....

Ah, the man's cure all for heartache

Just kiddin, and sorry to hear about your experience, but I think what this guy really needs is some time away from the girl, and to figure out what HE really wants

[PKRWUD]

Originally posted by rbatson
Chris, if I ever need a real good excuse.. I'm might have to ask your assistance(I thought I had some good ones).

You got it, brother!



Take care,
-Chris

[Stang_Crazy]

Originally posted by Mustangbelle306


I don't know the previous occurances that led to the break up and your promises to change/drop alcohol etc, but (as cheesy as it sounds) if ya'll are meant to work things out, you will. She will come around, and you will welcome her with open arms, if it is...if its not, well, then its open horizons from there on out.

I wish you the best of luck, and your MW pals are here for yah

This is why she needs time without me. She knows what I can offer and how I treat her. She needs to find out if this other guy can treat her better. If he can, then I will be happy to say goodbye. Her happiness is very important to me and if she is going to be happier with someone else, then I wish her the best. She is my princess and she deserves the best. Even if the best isn't me.

[joe4speed]

Chicks suck!



I have to agree with trying your hardest to forget about her for now. If she's with someone else, she's not thinking about you because she's wrapped up in something new, and we all know how that is.
Try to keep yourself busy, and possibly date. I know all this from experience... I've been in your shoes, and I know you're waiting for some kind of closure, but her dating someone else really IS closure. Hard as it may be, it's time for you to move on. She will not be the last girl in your life that you fall head over heels for. I would try to avoid calling her for a few weeks, and concentrate on your OWN happiness for now.

Good luck, I feel your pain, and hope it gets better for you. Chin up!

[PKRWUD]

Originally posted by joe4speed
Chicks suck!



I have to agree with trying your hardest to forget about her for now. If she's with someone else, she's not thinking about you because she's wrapped up in something new, and we all know how that is.
Try to keep yourself busy, and possibly date. I know all this from experience... I've been in your shoes, and I know you're waiting for some kind of closure, but her dating someone else really IS closure. Hard as it may be, it's time for you to move on. She will not be the last girl in your life that you fall head over heels for. I would try to avoid calling her for a few weeks, and concentrate on your OWN happiness for now.

Good luck, I feel your pain, and hope it gets better for you. Chin up!

Stang_Crazy-

Read that over and over and over and over and over again. Then read it again.

In fact, print it and stick copies on your bathroom and rearview mirrors.

Take care,
-Chris