Why Am I Always Just "The Friend"?

[5.0L_Of_Fury]

ok guys sorry but I gotta vent a little here...I am friends with more girls than guys...I just get along with them better and no im not gay thats just the way it is...lately I have kinda been looking for "someone" if you know what I mean..but my problem is everytime I ask a girl to go to a movie or out to dinner I get the same old thing "we are too good of friends" man I am getting tired of this..here I am 18 years old single (have been for a long time) and I hate it..I HATE IT!!....sorry but I just needed to vent a little...do you think this is legit as in do they really mean that or is it just an "easy" let down?..cuz I mean I think I am a nice pretty good looking guy...SO WHAT THE $%^&????....

Lonely in KY
Adam

[7up]

I get that a lot too. Mostly it is because I don't make a move soon enough. If I wait and become really good friends with a girl and then try and make a move it usually doesn't work out, in fact all most always in my case. Of course a lot of the girls I have liked I have not liked that much until I really got to know them and we became really good friends, so it's a double edged sword. I guess my advice is, if you like a girl go for it and try not to get sucked into the friend zone. Cause man, it's hard to get outta there.. (although that is easier said than done).

[5.0L_Of_Fury]

See but the problem is man...I am already good friends with the one girl in particular I am talking about.....

[srv1]

Adam. women are complicated!!! i get that too! basically you have to be their friend and their soulmate. its a tough thing to do. keep trying!!! been in that boat a shiatload of times. the damn thing keeps sinking.......

[Mr 5 0]

302blownpony:

7up pretty much nailed it for you.

Girls love having guy 'friends'. It's flattering and little to no work on their part. Fine if you really want it that way...crappy if you want more.

Next time you meet a girl you like - or think you might like - don't chat her to death or act overly cautious. Ask for a date as soon as it's reasonable. Sure, you may get a few rejections but probably not that many and then you'll be a date, not a 'friend'.

If it goes somewhere, great! If not, you can always revert to being a 'friend' - if you really want to.

Bottom line: Ask out the interesting girls you meet - quickly - before you end up in the dreaded 'friend' category.

Good luck.

I know what you are talking about.. it all boils down to one thing... You've too damn nice.(that the honest truth)

[MidNiteBlu 5.0]

Yep i get that all the time too. You probably saw my other post hehe. Most likely the reason why im going on 18 and have never had anything close to a serious relationship

[Mustangbelle306]

Originally posted by Mr 5 0
302blownpony:

7up pretty much nailed it for you.

Girls love having guy 'friends'. It's flattering and little to no work on their part. Fine if you really want it that way...crappy if you want more.

Flattering? That's the first I've heard of that theory, but then again, I don't know many chicks either.

I'm not sure if I can answer your question very well, since all the guys I know, I actually have stuff in common with, I just happen to have XX instead of XY...but I'll give it a shot with true Belle finesse

OK, let's be real here...you've been friends with someone for a long time, and BHAM! you wanna take her out. That's kind of unsettling, at the least, a big surprise usually. Did you ever think that maybe, if there was a mutual attraction, it probably would have been pursued when you two met each other?

It could also just plain be that you aren't her type. Not the worn out line of "too nice to date", but that you are not the type of personality, looks, age, etc etc that she prefers in a guy. That's her choice, and I doubt a personal vendetta against you.

Also, some chicks, especially if you have recently become friends with them, might think that was a front to "get into their pants". Of course, knowing you, this is not true, but you know how suspicious chicks can be nowadays!

Another thing, WHY ON EARTH are you trying to date all your FRIENDS?! Of COURSE they are going to say no! Like I said, if you were head over heels with some of these chicks in the first place )or vice versa) something probably would have sparked already!

I think you need to go out and meet someone new, someone would will appreciate both the friendly AND romantic side of you. You and I both know that there are girls that will dig you, just stop trying to date your buds

[Mr 5 0]

Mustangbelle306, 302blownpony:

In my experience I've noticed that girls (we're talking the 16 - 21 range here) are clearly flattered by male 'attention', especially if it's friendly but without the pressure of dating and all that can entail.

As a practical matter it's always nice to be noticed and liked by a member of the opposite sex and when you're a teenage girl the attentions of a friendly, 'safe' guy are generally welcomed. Why not? No dating - with it's sexual overtones - to cope with and no risk of having to be 'on' all the time, either.

For the guy, this is fine unless he becomes emotionally and/or sexually attracted to his female friend. Then the trouble begins.

I found this out early (at about 14) and decided that outside of one or two girls I had known since grade school, I didn't really need a lot of female friends as I was more interested in dating girls rather than just hanging with them all the time.

That's when I decided to either be a friend (permanently) to girls I met or if I was at all attracted to a girl I would attempt to get a date as soon as it was reasonable to ask. Sometimes I waited a whole day before asking her out.

Sure, I got turned down but it was generally friendly and I wasn't destroyed by a rejection now and then. No one with a healthy self respect ever is.

Anyway, I continue to maintain that befriending every girl you meet more than once is a sure path to being dateless most of the time.

302blownpony apparently has enough female friends. He needs a date (or two) and to accomplish that he needs to circulate, skip the 'friend' routine and just ask for a casual date, like lunch or even a coffee 'date'. Not every first date has to be a big production; start off small and casual and go from there. Cheaper, too. I recommend it.

[Unit 5302]

Sometimes stuff happens between friends, but most of the time it doesn't. Most of the time when it happens alcohol is a contributing factor, lol. That can really lead to a big mess. Dating your friends isn't that great of an idea because you know too much about them. It's so easy to slip up and hurt a girlfriend who used to be your friend because they know you know so much about them, and it makes them self conscious.

The true asset, from a dating point of view, that having friends of the female sex is finding dates. If you're their friend, they think you are sooooooo sweet. They'll work the inside angle for you 9 of 10 times.

Oh, and by the way. Not making the move can lead to the friends thing or nothing. If you don't make a move, they don't think you're interested.