Heard a good one...

red82gt · 07-20-2002, 03:57 AM

This guy is speeding over a bridge and sure enough at the end of the bridge there is a cop with a radar gun.
The cop pulls the guy over and the cop asks the guy "are you in a hurry?"
The guy answers "yes, I'm on my way to work"
The cop says "what do you do for a living?"
The guy says "I'm a rectum stretcher"
The cop questions "A rectum stretcher?"
The guy says "yes we start with 2 fingers and keep going until both hands fit and then arms and we keep going until it is at about 72 inches"
The cop cleverly asks "what would you do with a 6 foot @** hole?
The guy answers "Give him a Radar gun and stick him at the end of a bridge!"

LX5liter · 07-20-2002, 10:33 AM

Most excellent joke!!

FivepointOH · 07-20-2002, 03:22 PM

Mr 5 0 · 07-20-2002, 06:37 PM

It's funny - but when I read this I then pictured the radar-wielding cop doing what they did to that punk in California; slamming a guy's head down on the hood of the cop car, then slugging him in the face before dragging him into the cruiser and taking him to jail.

Just me, I guess.

PKRWUD · 07-20-2002, 09:39 PM

I sent that to Dan a couple years ago when he was having some problems with local law enforcement. Still just as funny now as it was then.

Take care,
-Chris

Crazy Horse GT · 07-20-2002, 10:10 PM

heheheh, good one, free toast!

The Deuce · 07-21-2002, 02:11 AM

A farmer gets pulled over in his beat down old f250. Cop walks up to him and starts to read him the riot act.

Farmer: Sir you have some hole flies swarming on you.
Cop: Hole flys?
Farmer: Yep. Call 'em that, 'cuz they normally swarm on the around the horses behinds down on the farm.
Cop: Boy, you callin' me a horses a**?
Farmer: No sir, but you can't fool them hole flys!!

Thought y'alld appreciate that one too.

Fox Body · 07-21-2002, 04:53 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mr 5 0
It's funny - but when I read this I then pictured the radar-wielding cop doing what they did to that punk in California; slamming a guy's head down on the hood of the cop car, then slugging him in the face before dragging him into the cruiser and taking him to jail.

Just me, I guess.

LOL

. A perspective that didn't quite hit me at first, but yeah, I can see what you're saying.

Deuce, that's a good one too. It sounds like a joke a certain friend of mine would tell me. He has that a relatively strong southern accent and is probably in his late forties. He also pronounces Vienna sausages (sp) with the "i" as in "kite" and the "e" as in the "a" in "cake". Sometimes, it jsut makes the joke funnier by how it's told.

Here's another one (you guys have probably heard this one):

Two rival farmers, Jed and Zeek, live next door to each other (big land). One farmer, Jed was out hunting ducks, or whatever, and shoots one in mid air. The duck struggles and falls into Zeek's land and right at his door step. Zeek comes out the same time Jed comes over to claim his price and a dispute begans as to who's dead duck that really is. An arguement insues, b/c it was shot over Jed's land, but landed in Zeek's land and Zeek was saying that it was now his property. So Jed comes up with a wise idea.
"hey, lets make a deal. We'll kick each other in the crotch as hard as possible. Whoever can remain standing the most upright after the blow, is the one who has rightful claim to the bird."
"Okay", replied Zeek. He liked that plan.
So Jed says he gets to kick Zeek first since he shot the bird in the first place and came up with the plan. Zeek was in agreement with this plan. Jed holds off and smashes dude, right square in , well you know where. Zeek can BARELY stand--most pain he ever felt. Zeek squeeks, "Okay, I get to go next". But as farmer JEd begins walking away, he says "That's okay, you can keep the duck."

Fox Body · 07-21-2002, 05:07 AM

Here's another one

.

This one is by Richard Prior, i believe (now I ain't gonna get allll the details exactly right, but it'll be funny anyway).

He said, that there was always this big ferocious dog in the neighbor hood that would always chase him when he was a post man. Every single day, he'd hear the barking and then see the dog. Every single day he had run for his life for fear of being devoured by the mean dog. One day, though, the dog started barking and running towards him, but he just kept on slowly strolling along like the dog wasn't even there.

The dog stops dead in his tracks and is totally confused

as to why this man ain't running his legs off. The dog stops and looks at him and says, "Hey man. Everyday you come out here and everyday I run after you, buy today, you ain't runnin'. What's wrong with you man?

Richard says, well, I just lost my wife yesterday, dog, and I'm really, very sad.
The dog, slowly turns around and starts to solemnly walk back to his dog house. He's about halfway there when he turns around and says to Richard, "You do know that tomorrow I'm still gonna be chasin' you, right?"

Aaah. I love that one. It's funnier heard in person and I love dogs alot, so it hits me harder than it may hit you.

1969Mach1 · 07-21-2002, 07:46 AM

lol =) Those put a smile on my face and I ain't in no smillin' mood but those were really funny.

Did get the last one by Fox Body though, maybe it's too early in the morning.

§am.

Boosted50 · 07-22-2002, 12:37 AM

Nothing like some good jokes to cheer a heartbroken person up

07-20-2002, 03:57 AM	#1
red82gt Sober voice of Reason Join Date: Nov 1998 Location: Kelowna, B.C., Canada Posts: 1,514	Heard a good one... This guy is speeding over a bridge and sure enough at the end of the bridge there is a cop with a radar gun. The cop pulls the guy over and the cop asks the guy "are you in a hurry?" The guy answers "yes, I'm on my way to work" The cop says "what do you do for a living?" The guy says "I'm a rectum stretcher" The cop questions "A rectum stretcher?" The guy says "yes we start with 2 fingers and keep going until both hands fit and then arms and we keep going until it is at about 72 inches" The cop cleverly asks "what would you do with a 6 foot @** hole? The guy answers "Give him a Radar gun and stick him at the end of a bridge!"

07-20-2002, 10:33 AM	#2
LX5liter dude5l Join Date: May 2001 Location: Grande Prairie, Alberta, Canada Posts: 603	Most excellent joke!! __________________ Good luck! Brad R. 1992 L.X. 5.0 coupe MODS: A few little bolt ons New Best time ...11.60 @ 128 mph @ 2000+ ft altitude. Rice Haters Club member #39 Users rides #2542

07-20-2002, 06:37 PM	#4
Mr 5 0 Conservative Individualist Join Date: May 1997 Location: Wherever I need to be Posts: 7,487	Radar and rectum stretchers It's funny - but when I read this I then pictured the radar-wielding cop doing what they did to that punk in California; slamming a guy's head down on the hood of the cop car, then slugging him in the face before dragging him into the cruiser and taking him to jail. Just me, I guess.

07-20-2002, 09:39 PM	#5
PKRWUD Junior Member Join Date: Mar 1999 Location: Ventura, California Posts: 8,981	I sent that to Dan a couple years ago when he was having some problems with local law enforcement. Still just as funny now as it was then. Take care, -Chris __________________ Webmaster: Rice Haters Club Jim Porter Racing Peckerwoods Pit Stop Support Your Local RED & WHITE!

07-20-2002, 10:10 PM	#6
Crazy Horse GT Registered Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Sale Creek, TN. C. S. A. Posts: 4,652	heheheh, good one, free toast! __________________ 95 gt vert, lot's of stuff, it aint slow. 04 sonic blue v - six my beater 89 rs camaro iroc turbo hood, other stuff, my wifes ride 84 lx stang cammed up 289 hi po, etc 65 falcon, maybe by the year 2020. black 00gt, gone but never forgotten. R H C- member # 1 o.b.c. da prez- member # 1 if your under 40 dont ask. goodbye for now odie,r.i.p. 11-27-03

07-20-2002, 03:22 PM	#3
FivepointOH Registered Member Join Date: Jan 1999 Location: Sugar Land, Tx USA Posts: 478

07-21-2002, 02:11 AM	#7
The Deuce Registered Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 2,325	Kinda like this one.... A farmer gets pulled over in his beat down old f250. Cop walks up to him and starts to read him the riot act. Farmer: Sir you have some hole flies swarming on you. Cop: Hole flys? Farmer: Yep. Call 'em that, 'cuz they normally swarm on the around the horses behinds down on the farm. Cop: Boy, you callin' me a horses a**? Farmer: No sir, but you can't fool them hole flys!! Thought y'alld appreciate that one too. __________________ 1997 Mustang GT "The Freak" - 13.80 @ 101.70, 2.07 60' 1995 Honda VFR750 - not much @ really fast (actual data pending.) 1964.5 Mustang 289 Rice Haters Club Member #13

07-21-2002, 05:07 AM	#9
Fox Body Mustang Maniac Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: GA, U.S.A Posts: 2,266	Here's another one . This one is by Richard Prior, i believe (now I ain't gonna get allll the details exactly right, but it'll be funny anyway). He said, that there was always this big ferocious dog in the neighbor hood that would always chase him when he was a post man. Every single day, he'd hear the barking and then see the dog. Every single day he had run for his life for fear of being devoured by the mean dog. One day, though, the dog started barking and running towards him, but he just kept on slowly strolling along like the dog wasn't even there. The dog stops dead in his tracks and is totally confused as to why this man ain't running his legs off. The dog stops and looks at him and says, "Hey man. Everyday you come out here and everyday I run after you, buy today, you ain't runnin'. What's wrong with you man? Richard says, well, I just lost my wife yesterday, dog, and I'm really, very sad. The dog, slowly turns around and starts to solemnly walk back to his dog house. He's about halfway there when he turns around and says to Richard, "You do know that tomorrow I'm still gonna be chasin' you, right?" Aaah. I love that one. It's funnier heard in person and I love dogs alot, so it hits me harder than it may hit you. __________________ 351W-powered 1979 Ford Mustang Ghia notchback '79 Video @ Idle Stock 5.8L under 4" cowl 'glass hood, C4 w/ Transgo shift kit, Holley 750 cfm, Edelbrock Performer RPM intake; Fluidyne Al radiator, Flexalite 175 electric fan, 1 5/8" MAC shorty headers, FRPP Al driveshaft; S&W 6-point cage; 2.5" Off road H-pipe, 2-chamber Flowmasters, 8.8" Rear w/ 3.55s; Weld wheels (15x6;15x8), Front: 225/60/15, Rear: 275/50/15 Nitto NT 555R Drag Radials; 14 x 4” K&N X-stream air filter. '92 GT (5-speed) Small In Car Video Stock 5.0L, 2-chamber Flowmasters, MAC CAI, Tri-Ax, Al pedals... "Red, thou art my companion. Hasten now your quickened metamorphosis to Green that I may conquer all who dare abide there beside me. May they be left thither behind burnt black." ---Fox Body

07-21-2002, 07:46 AM	#10
1969Mach1 HEY I CAN SET A NAME NOW! Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 2,556	lol =) Those put a smile on my face and I ain't in no smillin' mood but those were really funny. Did get the last one by Fox Body though, maybe it's too early in the morning. §am. __________________ 1969 Mustang Mach 1Sold 351-4V Windsor, 4 Speed MACH 1 - Moving At The Speed Of Sound. 1979 Mustang Indianapolis 500 Pace Car For Sale - Email me for Info 302-2V, 3-Speed Auto One of 2,106 made One of 405 sent to Canada. Yes those are caution lights, and No you can't pass me when there on. Ricer Hater's Club - Member #4

07-22-2002, 12:37 AM	#11
Boosted50 Registered Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: New Braunfels, Tx Posts: 65	Nothing like some good jokes to cheer a heartbroken person up

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
351W headache or good idea?	5.0PiMpin	Windsor Power	7	04-17-2002 10:01 AM
Competition Engineering(Moroso) anti-sway bar opinion/pics....not good!	8850	Windsor Power	10	11-08-2001 11:47 AM
Ready to replace bearings and install cam......What's a good spec??	Stang_ROTY	Windsor Power	16	10-23-2001 07:33 PM
M/P motorsport They Any Good???	Fostang	Windsor Power	4	05-30-2001 05:48 PM
Good race with a new V6 stang...	Skyman	Stang Stories	6	01-01-2001 06:06 PM