Why am I such a Glutton for Punishment

[Mercury]

Why am I so Stupid? No matter how many times I get bitten, I go on Back? What the hell is wrong with me?

Anyway onto my post. I have to have some kind of chemical imbalance of the brain that makes me 100% incapable of making the right decision when it comes to Relationships.

I know what it is; I must think with my butt and not my brain. I'm just so scared of being alone in life. Thats one thing I fear. I don't want to die a lonely old man. Serious. I have nightmares about being alone through life and passing away without anyone really noticing my absence.

I'm so afraid of hurting the feelings of someone I care about. I mean its obvious things aren't working out, no matter how many times we try, or how hard we try to understand one another. Me and her are just way to different.

Seems like no one knows what love and devotion is anymore. Its depressing. The divorce rates are through the damn roof, I always hear of people cheating on one another with out a care for their boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife.

My girlfriend has always been 100% true and faithful, its been 4 years today (Nov 15th), and that means a lot to me. I've been burned bad by cheaters the last 3 relationships. One had 7 guys, the other 3.

I feel that I somehow brought it on myself. I tell myself - what anyone else would (I try to be my own counseler) and that it wasn't my fault. But I can't help but feel that it IS MY FAULT.

I'm so afraid to get in another relationship. I dont want to be hurt like the previous relationships.

I'm going to do what the guy In Tennesse did a few years back. Put papers in to marry his car. (It was a 95 Mustang GT).

All I want is for someone to love me for who I am. Not for who they want me to be. I mean I'm willing to change a little within reason. I'm very flexable. Someone with the same interests as me. I'm about to give up and just accept that maybe I was meant never to have the kids and grandchildren I (eventually) want, but I'm destined to be alone. I hate that word: ALONE.

I spent 6 years of my teenage life ALONE (Not meaning friends or females). I had problems no one knew about but me and one other...Hope that person burns in HELL I never want to be alone like that again. I've had help from a handfull of close friends.

Why in the hell do I do this to myself? I've jumped a few serouis hurdles life has thrown me, but it seems like I run back around and trip back over them.

I just don't want to be in the state (of Mind) I was 6 years ago.
I hate winter, everything's dying and an ugly shade of brown.

[mustangdani55]

Maybe one day we will both find someone!

I found someone I'm totally nuts over and he doesn't care if it does not directly involve him; most of the time I'm not in the picture at all. It burns my butt to no end to be taken advantage of but what do ya do?

I know that I need to get out but I keep thinking things will change...deep down I know - they won't. I want someone to sweep me off my feet...just like in the fairy tale.

[mustangdani55]

I don't think you're a glutton. At least you actually cared about someones feelings.

2 years ago I met someone and we started to date. Then he asked me to move in and I did...now it's mainly a convenience thing; I cook, clean, I support his race car, I help pay bills at his body shop if he needs help...and all I get out of it is: "Its none of your business what I do. I think I'm a glutton. Cause I just keep thinking if I do more, he will change...but deep down I know he won't. I'm scared to be alone too, but sometimes I wonder if it is worth it. I mean, I've been alone and it is not good.
But you can be with someone and still be alone.
I speak from experience.

[VNAMUS in VA]

Merc:

Try to cheer up dude, theres someone out there for you, just be patient - have faith. It's an ugly world out there, and there are some ugly people out there you gotta watch out for...but on the flip side, there are wonderful, pure people who will love you for everything you are. When you find someone who's pure and loving, you'll know it.

My finance and I have been together for 9 years. We don't fight - period. There's no point. When you're in love with someone, you realize fighting sucks and it's just not worth the energy. I've been following your posts for a while, but only observing. The post I just read from you made me have to post a response. It doesn't have to be about who went where and who did this and that - bottom line is it doesn't matter when you find the right one.

eMail me if you want to talk...I know we don't know each other very well, but I really feel for you, Mercury. I know what's it like to be depressed...I was for a long time before I met my man.

[Mr 5 0]

mustangdani55; Mercury:

I'll offer you this; Each of us has the ultimate control over what we do and who we give ourselves too. No one can force you to keep dating or living with someone when you are unfullfilled and generally unhappy.
Only you can do that.

I would suggest that in the near future you both sit down in a quiet place and honestly evaluate who you are and what you want in a life partner. Never mind the recriminations and "I wish" fantasies.

Do you consider yourself unworthy of the 'ideal' partner you really want? Why? Why do you end up in dead-end relationships? Don't waste time blaming the other people in your life but ask yourself why YOU accept situations that make you unhappy.

It's tough to face these questions of yourself - and frankly - difficult to do without some kind of professional help such as a counselor, but it's well worth it no matter how you get there.
Once you've honestly answered why you allow yourself to stay in bad or pointless relationships tou can examine why you feel that way and how to change. As I said, this usually requires professional help to get you past the hard parts that you may want to avoid.

Guys; this is your life. Don't waste the best part of it wishing, hoping, running around in circles and generally being unhappy and unfullfilled. That is beyond sad - and unnecessary.

No other person is going to 'make you happy'; only you can do that, but with the right (compatible) person by your side, life can be a lot easier to take and when you love someone and have that love returned within an honest and mutually respectful relationship, all the soul-searching and brutal honesty it takes to get there will be well worth it.

I know, I did it.

Give it some thought.

[VNAMUS in VA]

Mmmyeah, since I can't figure out how to edit my last post.....

All that stuff about doing things apart and hanging out with the guys (just read Skyman's post) - that doesn't matter either. My fiance and I have the same interests...same buddies...we're best friends (although he won't admit it!) We do everything together, and that's cool with both of us because we want to be together all the time. Sometimes one of us has to make a sacrifice and do something the other wants to, but that's compromising to make the other happy, you just gotta do it sometimes.

[Crazy Horse GT]

Mercury & mustangdanni55:

You know I have a great marrige with Odie, but we got divorced after a year & a half. I went away & joined the Navy & she moved in with one of my - cough - 'friends'; After three years of my young life was wasted to Jim Beam, I came home and found her again, but I wasn't looking - it was just fate. I gave up Mr. Beam & chilled out; now we've been married for 17 years.

Its not easy - it's give and take. You'll never always get along with the person you're with. It's hard. Sometimes you give, other times you take.

I know I'm probably older than both of you but it's a long process to really find someone you can trust for life, but when you do, you get to get the grandkids fired up & then take them home, heh heh,- sorry - jk.
It took me till I was almost 30 to find the only one who would put up with my s**t & vice versa.

I hope this helps - if not maybe someone else has a better answer. Y'all take care & good luck.

Marty

[Mach 1]

All I want to say is: DONT BE AFRAID TO BE ALONE!

I can never understand this fear of being alone, as I am actually happy when I'm alone. You can be also, it's just a state of mind.

Learn to enjoy your life on your own, not depending on someone else to make you happy; that is the worst mistake you can make.

You also sound depressed. Been there, done that.

Hang in there, things will get better...

[Mercury]

Thanks for you all's support. I know I sound like a whinny little snivling dweeb. I know I need to get a hold of myself and get on with life, but you all know, the first step is always the hardest one to take.

I thought about seeing a counsler about 9 years back for something that had happened (Nothing to do with relationships), but instead I spent 5 years of pure hell that I brought down on myself.

Those several incidents changed my whole life. My outlook, perspective, and perception of life changed forever.

With the help of a very small number of friends and my girlfriend, I was able to overcome all the nightmares, flashbacks, and Voices (Dont laugh. Not voices like you all think.)

If I was able to survive that ordeal without seeking help from Family or Proffesionals I should be able to deal with a broken relationship. I've dealt with several before. What makes this so hard is I've never had this kind of close bond with a Girl.

The bad thing though is once depression begins to set in from this situation, all the other events that haunted me for so long seem to come back. Even though there not related in anyway.

Well Let me get home now. I'm at work, and Charlotte Linehaul just called me to get my numbers. I can hear that Beer calling my name now.

[Unit 5302]

I can empathize with you, Merc. I've been there more than once. I can tell you that there is somebody better out there for you if you are feeling distant and fighting and what not. I know that too. There is a big difference between being devoted to somebody because you love them, and being devoted to them because of spending time with them.

There is nothing wrong with not having a g/f. I'll have to agree with that. You're not alone if you don't. Friends are around, co-workers, all kinds of people. Hell, if you were in MN we could go and get ourselves a couple snowmobiles, get 'em ready and hit the trails soon. I'm tellin ya man... Chicks dig dudes with Snowmobiles. That and the girls who sled are 9 of 10 times seriously hot, and seriously fun.

Ah, but I degress. Basically, what I'm trying to say is.. Knock it off. Pull yourself together, dump her ***, go out and find somebody better. Like 'cough' Mich 'cough' elle 'ahem'. Just clearing my throat.

[69fastback]

Ahh don't worry about it dude. U will be ok. This world is full o women go out and experiance them. Don't worry about being alone. U always got freinds and family to turn to. Life is just too much fun to worry about it. Yeah i know i sound like an butt head but just how I feel. I got treated like crap one time and i told myself never again after that. Now a girl gives me crap it is just like by i don't care not like i can't find another one. My freinds get on me all the time. They are waiting for the day that i really falll for a chick and i become a whiniing dork becuase she leaves me. Just get out of there and go find another girl. Find one that will treat u right the way u want. She is out there. \

Mustangdani- get out of there. all u are is a maid. I feel in a realtionship two ppl shoud experience everthing together. He doesn't want u as a part of his life he just wants u for cooking and cleaning. Get the hell out of there and find a guy that will treat u with love and respect. Being alone is worth it untill u find the right one.

[joe4speed]

*sigh*

I know how ya feel...

[Mercury]

JL 1314.

Just what in the hell is that picture under your name. I blew beer out of my nose when I saw that. I couldnt stop laughing. Thanks for the cheer up. Thats priceless.

[Crazy Horse GT]

mercury blowing beer out of your nose is alcohol abuse hehe

[mustangdani55]

Originally posted by 69fastback
[BMustangdani- get out of there. all u are is a maid. I feel in a realtionship two ppl shoud experience everthing together. He doesn't want u as a part of his life he just wants u for cooking and cleaning. Get the hell out of there and find a guy that will treat u with love and respect. Being alone is worth it untill u find the right one. [/B]

wow i really didn't expect this kind or response..thanks guys. there is only one thing stopping me from leaving at this point in time...$$$$$$$. i just started this job about a month ago and i haven't got it right now. i really know what i gotta do ..did it before, guess i will do it again. at leasst i have a polace to go when i'm feeling down..you guys are great..thanks again

[joe4speed]

Originally posted by JL1314
*sigh*

I know how ya feel...

ROFLMAO
That's Bob Barker checkin things out!

[Mercury]

I wanna be just like Bob Barker when I grow up.

I'm feeling alot better today. Thanks again you all for your supportive talk. I'm just wierd like that. One minute I'm the happiest/funniest/wise cracking Merc, next minute I'm deeply depressed/thinking about death/quite Merc.

Guess we all got our little quirks.

[Coupe Devil]

Originally posted by crazy horse gt
mercury blowing beer out of your nose is alcohol abuse hehe

Dont quit, remembeer, "Rehab is for quiters", and "I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholic go to meetings". Not said to offend any drinkers on here. I have to keep an open mid about this stuff. Have an uncle that ruined his life wth that stuff. Hey Merc, How about some of those funny stories man. Havent had the urge to scratch in front of a window or what man?

[topless tire fryer]

I spent a long time being misarble with my wife. In fact, I bought my 'stang as a gift to myself for putting up with her. Then I found the right one. Bottom line is don't be afraid to try, but don't be afraid to leave either.

Now, lets have some more of Bob checking things out!

[2FastLX]

Being alone was a big fear for me at one time too. After a relationship gone bad I was alone for a couple years. In the beginning it was the worst time of my life. But after awhile I realized it had made me a better, more responsible person.

During this two year period I was not only without a relationship, I was without friends and even family. I learned how to take care of myself, occupy myself when I started to feel depressed, and did a lot of soul searching. After being alone for two years the very next relationship I had was with the girl I knew I was going to marry, and so I did. It was and still is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I know if it weren't for the fact I had spent that time alone I don't think I would be married now. Hell, I wouldn't even have a Mustang.

Don't be afraid of being alone Merc. You need to grasp it. Face your fears for awhile and see what happens. In the end it will all work out.