To a point
Mercury, I can honestly say that I understand some of the things you are going through. Other things you are going through, I have not dealt with directly so I will refrain from telling you what I THINK you should do about them.
I will tell you how I have dealt with such issues.
I can tell you that I have a GOOD idea of how you are feeling right now (and that is not a shallow statement) and when things seem unbearable and when it seems that NO ONE understands where I'm coming from, I feel this enormous sense of hopelessness. But there is some time or another that I personally have to say "that's enough" and it angers me that this despair is trying to overwhelm me. I begin to hate it and I get this drive that "NO, I am not going to let you win! I've come too far to give up now" and if that is the only thing that drives me, then it drives me.
Related to what
Cajun said, but at the same time not trying to diminish the reality of your personal situation, what helps me is that when things go bad for me, I also have to stop and think about how bad it could be and stop focusing on all the bad stuff and start focusing on the good stuff. I think about some people who are in places like Lebanon or Nicaraqua (and many other countries) who have no food to eat. Or are going through constant war and every hour is a struggle for life (now once again, I am not trying to make your situation seem like nothing or less significant, only want you to reevaluate your position). Yeah, the bad stuff IS real, but if you give it all your attention, it will NO DOUBT drag you down.
Honestly though, I feel worse when someone else is going through hard times than when I am going through those times b/c in many ways I feel so helpless to the situation. You know, b/c if it is me who is going through dark times, I know myself and what I would do, and how to talk to myself (no other human being knows me better than I know myself). But when it is someone else, what can you say to "make it right" and how will that person react to their darkest hour? That's what I worry about. Too many good people give up to early and it really saddens me. Whatever you do man, don't give up.
All this stuff I am not just spitting out. I am trying to give you advice that works for me and has helped me when I am in utter despair. I truly believe that at least one reason God allows us to go through so much crap is so we can help others when they have a similar experience (and when we survive it, it makes us stronger and more mature).
Mercury, one other thing: I want to refrain from telling you to be strong and be a "man" and that everything will soon be lollipops, butterflies, and rainbows.
Mercury, i guess now is your time to suffer and not necessarily the last, so do it well. Okay, so embrace you suffering, but there still must be a limit. There must still be a time when you have to say "enough". Not giving up, but putting your foot down after you have had your due season of despair. And other people can assist you along the way.
Thanks for taking the time to get it off your chest and having the humility to seek the advice of others.
Whether you pray or not, I will keep you in my prayers. Take care bro,
Jamal
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'79 Mustang Coup w/ 4" Cowl
Stock 5.8L, C4 w/ shift kit
Holley 750 cfm, Edelbrock Performer RPM intake
1 5/8" MAC shorty headers, Al driveshaft
2.5" Off road H-pipe, 2-chamber Flowmasters
Front: 225/60/15, Rear: 255/60/15 Eagle GT II
Weld wheels (15x6;15x8), 8.8" Rear w/ 3.55s
14 x 4” K&N air filter (getting the Xtreme setup someday)
"Red, thou art my companion. Hasten now your quickened metamorphosis to
Green that I may conquer all who dare abide there beside me. May they be left
thither behind burnt black." ---Fox Body