I don't really think it's all about age, of course. My parents first started dating when my mom was a junior or senior in high school. They were married when my mom was 18 (dad was 21) and my sister was born 4 months after they were married (Shame on them, pre-marital sex...hehe...they tried using the whole 'pre-marital' thing against me, but that got shoved down their throat pretty quickly, hehe....ANYWAYS.....). They have been married for....ummm....counting....24 years now. I don't think relationships that started that early usually last that long, but hey, it's possible. There's proof.
Sam- I know you don't think that age really has ANY thing to do with it, but in your case, I think it does--on your ex's part AND your part. We're like the exact same age, and I've been in similar situations as to what you're in right now. My current girlfriend and I started dating 4 years ago. We have not been together that whole time, but a majority of it we have. I have a GREAT question for you, that I think describes your whole situation. I'm not meaning to sound like a dick or anything, don't take it that way.
Do you love her because you need her? Or do you need her because you love her?
I think you have clung to her, you got attached, and you got obsessed (been there done that) with her. You felt like you needed her because you loved her. But really, you loved her because you needed her.
Another thing, I think you overuse and maybe don't comprehend true 'love'. That could use it's own huge debate. Define 'true love'. Kind of like defining 'cheating'.
I love my girlfriend, I definitely love her with all my heart. Am I in love with her? Possibly. Definitely? No. Do I think she's the one? No, I know she's not the one I will marry, at least not how I feel about her right now. She's great, she's honest, she's beautiful, etc. etc. etc. Is she the one? Doubtful. I have fun with her, everything is good. But we both have college to go through and we will both go our separate ways eventually. But now we're living for the moment, we don't want to get too far ahead of ourselves.
I am not afraid of being alone. Actually, I'm a very solitary kind of person. I enjoy spending time alone, I prefer it sometimes. I will not commit myself to spending the rest of my life with someone I don't have 'the perfect feeling' about. What is this feeling? I do not know. I don't plan on knowing until I feel it. If I never get that feeling, then I won't commit myself to marriage or a serious long term relationship. That's that.
Sam, don't take my comments the wrong way. I think you're a pretty cool guy and you've gone through some tough ****. I know what it's like and it sucks. You have been handling it good though, man.
Well, sorry if I sounded a little redundant with someone else's posts. I just kind of skimmed the thread. Peace.
-Ben
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