When You Tell My Ex a Joke:
 

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN, CAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE TRASH!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS HOUSE!
I'm sorry. What did you ask me?

LMAO!!! :D

That reminds me of one of my Ex-GF's.... maybe that's the reason why she's now my EX :D

hahahaha lmao.... That is hillarious Chris. I used to test my ex if she had PMS by asking her if she had PMS. If she usually freaked out and said no your just an ******* then I knew she had PMS. :D We even sometimes worked out an agreement for me to stay away for a few days. :D God I love woman who freak out over nothing.

§am.

That my friend, makes you one weird dude.

Ummm, I believe that is what you call a PSYCHO!!!!!

Well, my friend, the good news is you'll never be lonely.

Good luck!

Take care,
~Chris

OHH ****! I forgot you guys can't hear my sarcasim. lol :D I was joking, ohh god how I was joking. :D
I think someone posted this joke a few weeks back but it's funny as hell.

Q. What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a crazed Doberman?

A. Lipstick

:D :D :D

§am.

What has four legs and an arm?



A happy pit bull.

:D

Take care,
~Chris

ahhh.....*lays back and puts feet up*...I, sir, am one of those few lucky men you hear about to have found a beautiful girl who does not experience PMS. :D:D :cool:

isnt that why dogs have incredibly long tongues and agility? :confused:

Don't you get weird looks for taking an 11yr old out on dates?

:cool:

*ding* *ding* that one was below the belt... :D But I coudn't of thought of anything funnier to say. lol :D I am on the search for the woman that doesn't have PMS. I vowed never to stop searching... :D

§am.

well that one is quite easy
young girls or women that have already gone through menopause

have fun with those two:eek:

lol Or woman that used to be dudes.... all in the list of stuff I am not looking for. :D There has to be a chick that is 'normal'. Maybe I'd have the best luck finding a chick that is a mute. Can't go wrong there unless they are violent and like throwing crap. :eek:

§am.

...id be peeved from the comments if i could stop laughing at your misfortunes! ...bwuahaha...lol :p:p;);):D

lmao, this is a stange tread for sure. some of the comments are right off the wall.:D :D

See not everyone has a Mustang or a specific car so they can't always relate... but everyone somewhere down the line has delt with a woman with PMS so we unite at that. lol :D You notice how no girl has posted in this thread yet... lol :D They just don't understand... lol :D

§am.

Sam, do you play with live grenades, skip rope on the freeway, etc.?

Take care,
~Chris

***We are here my friend, we are here!!!!! ***
http://www.manifestation.org/~ill/im...attention2.jpg :D

No Man! Way worse... I like messing with chicks with PMS...
No thrill like it man..... it's almost like those guys who stick there head inside of the lions mouth. You know it's stupid but it's just so damn cool. :D :D :D

§am.

Wow. I admire the strength, but Bro, you never met my ex. I know every guy thinks he's got it the worst, but unless they're dating her, they're wrong.

Good luck!

Think: Insurance Policy

Take care,
~Chris

hahaha lol Yeh I know so very true....
My ex-gf wasn't overly bad, but when it got bad I just stayed the hell away. I just brought some humour to the situation which bought me enough time to get my *** out of there. lol The worst is woman who PMS and that are drunk, I just love pissing them off. Yeh life insurance at 18 really makes you wonder what your doing wrong... lol I think I've found one that is pretty calm, she's one of those girls that you can't help but laugh when they get mad. :D

§am.

LMAO
 

O.K. gentlemen. You can all stop looking for that special non-PMS woman. We change hormon levels every few years and that nice lady you meet at 24 will probably be a flaming crazy lady after the first child comes along. Trust me. I SWORE it would NEVER happen to me. It did. EVERY woman for the most part is a tad crazy if not when you first meet her, she'll get there. It all depends on how long your willing to hang in there.

Consider us women to be like a fine 641/2 vintage Mustang. After 35 years of use she is still a good solid vehicle. Sometimes, she just has cold mornings and stalls or overheats in hot weather. She gives you a quirky electrical problem every-once-in-a-while and although you can't quite figure out exactly what the problem is you accept the Ol' girl with all her quirks. Maintain your women like you maintain your cars and you'll do just fine.

Search on fellas.... And thanks for the good laugh!

You guys crack me up. - Jane

Re: LMAO
 

Fair enough. Ever see the movie Christine? If Debbie (my ex) was a car, that would be her.

Take care,
~Chris

Re: LMAO
 

so women are like cars? :confused: ...doesnt that mean we can trade pink slips n such? ever seen a nice 64 1/2 when the bra comes off? ohhhh, just wait til the top goes down...she...ahem...itll be begging to be started up and revved a few times.. :D

Re: LMAO
 

:eek: "Interesting" :eek:

Re: Re: LMAO
 

LOL. My ex was a sweetheart after her first. It was the twins that forever changed her.

Take care,
~Chris

Re: LMAO
 

Glad you put it in car terms or I would of been lost. :D :D :D lol But you did burst my bubble. But I usually can deal with PMS pretty good, pretty much when I look for a girl all I want her to be is honest and faithful. Obviously we have to be attracted to each other but after that point that is all I ask for. If there isn't any honesty there isn't any relationship. And since I guess I'm a teenager I guess I'm looking for a 5.0L, maybe if I'm lucky a Mustang II....

jj_jonathon

That's such a great idea.... :D I would love to race those ricers... :D I've seen some hot woman with ricers, my favorite part is when I distroy there b/f. Also that reminds me of the movie Fast and Furious when Vin Diesel is like you can't detail a car with it's cover on. lol It's stupid but perfect for this situation. :D :D :D

§am.

:)
 

Yes! JJ-Jonthon, you can always trade us in for a new model with all the bells and whistles, but it too will wear down and have problems if you don't do the routine maintenance!

Be careful for what qualities you look for in a person. Whether a friend or a lover. Who we are and what we want will change throughout our lifetime. What you want at 21 is not what you want at 31. Go slow and find a Buddy first.

I look back in retrospect and should have stayed with the "Mustang Boys" that lived across the street from me at my Ex-husband's and I's first house. The husband would come home to find me across the street, elbows in grease after helping them break open the valve cover for some erotic engine fun and He'd get all insecure and upset about it. But NOOOOOO I stayed for the sex. Well that can only sustain a relationship for....Ummmmm 15 years...Better hope that doesn't break! It did on me for a bit after the son was born and the Ex went out shopping for a new 'Ride". Yep, should have stayed friends w/Chris and Ian the Mustang Boys. Damn..Hindsite is 20/20!

I had a really good laugh over this thread guys!

PKRWUD Chritstine....Oh! That almost split my side FOTFL. Yep! I can relate, I've had a few of those Christine moments with my Ex. But after he split, I took a long look at what I did wrong and decided I WOULDN'T DO THAT AGAIN and for my son, it's best to see a nice calm Mommy. "DIGNITY AND GRACE IN THE FACE OF TRAGEDY!" I'd rather take the high road and act like a Lady, than look like a screaming nut case!
-Jane

Re: :)
 

In all fairness, Deb was a rare breed. They say that although all women get emotional, roughly 3% of the women in this country suffer from such a severe case of PMS that they are actually a danger to themselves. Deb was in there. Most of the guys here have never dealt with real PMS. They just think that when their g/f get's moody, and no longer laughs at what was funny yesterday, that it must be hard core PMS. LOL.

I hung with Deb on and off for about 7 years before we finally parted ways. I learned a lot.

Bottom line: there's not a damn thing a guy can do correctly when the hormones are peaking, including leaving. If she means enough, try and ride it out like I did.

Damn. It's 8:40 in the morning, and I really want a beer.

Take care,
~Chris

Beer
 

See there you go again PKRWUD!

Beer.....at 8:41 am. I was just thinking the same thing. A little too early, but I've been up since about 5am, so does that make it almost Lunch time? It's 12:00 pm somewhere.

There is a "small" micro brew called Sacramento Brewing Company and they have a Scotch Ale w/7.3% that is as smooth as a badies bottom. :)

Unfortunately, I'm "project" typing for the President of the Co. that I work for and I don't think my end product would be as good if I hit the Hooch at this early of an hour. :)

-J

Re: Beer
 

You ARE good. I do often say "It's happy hour somewhere, who's buying?". How funny. This could prove to be fun.

:)

Take care,
~Chris

Re: :)
 

Hmm.. 15 years... So are you saying if you are good at sex it can last longer? :D

My friend and I usually always relate a girl to a type of car, the girl I'm going for now we reffer to her as a Ferrari, just the way she is, it's like perfect and how everyone likes her, hence how everyone wants a Ferrari. And all I can think to myself is I can't afford a Ferrari. But I'll keep trying, and hopefully one of these days. :D

Back to the real story though, your so rite Chris. When she is in her moods there is nothing you can do right. And I know I've been fortunite not to have a super PMS chick, but it's all fun and games. I don't know if I could handle beer that early, I've done it a few times but that's also cause I didn't sleep the hole night and if I didn't drink my body would of wondered what happen cause I would of ran out of alcohol in my system. :D

§am.

Re: Re: :)
 

LOL. Well, I didn't have a beer. I thought about it, but I didn't have one.

***secretly saving my stash for the game tonight***

:)

Take care,
~Chris

Beer and Bummer
 

OK It's beer time here!

I'm soooooo bummed out! When I picked up my BBK Brace the other day, this "very nice parts guy" took my BBK Strut Tower Brace out of the box for me so he could fit it in my car. I didn't want to seem like one of those over aggressive PMS chicks at the time, soooo I went along with it; although, feeling a little uncomfortable for not being able to checking the instructions with all the parts and EVERYTHING that SHOULD BE IN THE BOX. :) Well, after spending the morning removing the wipers, prying the plastic grills off and fitting the strut tower brace on, the damn firewall seam adapter was missing. I bet they taped it to the bottom of the box.

Soooooo, here I sit void of the gratification of getting my BBK on and wondering how "Parts man" is going to convince the Company to send them just the firewall adapter. See, I knew it. My dad would be kicking me butt right now if he was still alove for not "Reading the instructions first". I should just told the nice guy "No thanks, I'd rather cram the whole thing in the car". NEXT TIME! I'm keeping my damn box. :)

Maybe next week I'll be able to stiffin' up the taco struts!

Grrrrrrr..... :) Oh well. I'm very good at removing the wipers and grills now. Everything happens for a reason, right?

Can you tell I'm a tad miffed
 

Nice typing on my part! :) You'd never guess I was a "correspondence specialist". I wish this thing had spell check :)

Re: Can you tell I'm a tad miffed
 

lol well put it this way, I read the whole thing and didn't notice anything... lol :D :D :D So your fine. But I'm running off a few hours of sleep and still so confused from last night. =)

Not reading the instructions? Guys do that... lol Instructions are for suckers.... I can put something together without the instructions and still have 10 screws 3 bolts, and 2 pointy thingys. lol :D We also don't use technical terms.

You know what I call it when I have screws and such left over from when I do something to my car? Weight Reduction. :D Just think of it as a small performance upgrade! lol

§am.