Why Me? (A little venting)

matt cook · 12-05-2001, 10:26 AM

I'm one of those people who have a decently good life - honestly, I cannot complain.

But....

I'm also one of those people for whom nothing can go 'right'

I have had a terrible past two weeks at work. I was really stabbed in the back by some people we work with - so bad that I can't sleep at night, and can't think to get my work done because I'm obsessing about it.

Get this - I work for a small non-profit, www.fobf.org
really it is just my dad and I. I love working with him.

I double majored in religion and philosophy, got a 4.0 in each, was the top student in each major, finished a year early, and have been out of college since 1996.

Lived for a while in Honduras and fell in love with the country - gave up getting my doctorate and decided to work to get healthcare into remote mountain communities. Now I coordinate this work from back in the states.

I work 6 day weeks and go to Honduras to work for my vacations. I made less than $12,000 last year.

The back stabbers said that my opinion wasn't important, because I didn't know what it was like to sacrifice for my work!

These are all people who only decided to do non-profit work after they had made their personal fortunes - literally, many are millionares. It is a essentially a hobby to them.

wtf?

My wife is 32 and ready to have a kid, we can't cause if she stays home we lose insurance, etc...etc...I know that I need to provide for my family, but I love my work. It is not like I'm making widgets, this job is very personal to me...

To cheer myself up I ordered some parts - my Christmas present to me; Crane 1.7 roller rockers.
Got them yesterday.

There is one nice unthreaded bolt in the bag of pedestal bolts. I know that this is a 25-cent part, but it really pisses me off that I can't even have 5 minutes of the shallow enjoyment that I have to seek out in material possesions.

Life must have been a lot easier in the 1950's when it was acceptable to just go out and become an alcoholic.

Crazy Horse GT · 12-05-2001, 11:40 AM

matt if i didnt have bad luck,i wouldnt have any luck , but when i drive down to the city at night, to go to work i see all the rockhead's, prostitute's -etc guy's on the corner with thier 40-oz beer's, people living under highway overpasses ,well i think dang that could be me, so i thank god for what little i do have, a great wife a home to live in, my stang etc, it could be worse take my word for it,it will all wash out for you and wont be so bad anymore, hope this helped you.

joe4speed · 12-05-2001, 02:43 PM

Good luck, man... this has been a very hard year for many people, including me. Try to keep your chin up, and this will pass.

Mr 5 0 · 12-05-2001, 04:34 PM

Matt:

It's very unsettling to not be respected by others, when you have clearly earned that respect. However, don't ever allow other people - no matter who they are - to define who you are.

I would venture a guess that the millionaires that dismissed your opinions are quite used to being 'in charge' and the very fact that you haven't made a pile of money, like them, probably - albeit subconsciously - affects thier opinion of you. I've seen this happen when working with affluent people; it's the old carnard; "If you're so smart, why ain't you rich?" In this case, we could add; 'Like me' to that line. Tough situation.

As far as making more money; that is something for you and your wife to talk over and decide. It seems as if you need to find a balance between doing what you like and doing something that generates a decent income.
$12,000 a year for what you're doing is noble but not too practical for a married man who wants to start a family soon. They cost real money, as you know.

Perhaps you could lower your expenses, which would help. You would be surprised what we can do without, Of course, that may not be workable if you're already cutting corners on expenses. Just a suggestion.

Perhaps you could seek a position with a charity that needs your kind of dedication and expertise.
I'm not sure, but with your education and experience, you should certainly be able to do better financially without going into a soul-deadening job. You need to start exploring what's 'out there'. Your wife isn't getting any younger and if you're so stressed out at work, that may be the signal that it's time for a change all around. Nothing stays the same forever.

I think that in the fifties, society (in general) supported the idea of women staying home to raise their kids and paid most men a living wage, as they were expected to support the family, not depend on a working wife. This was especially true of the middle class, as I understand it.
Now, it's simply assumed that a wife works, and if she doesn't, that lack of income is never considered when salaries are calculated.

Not sure if the 1950's were all that warm and fuzzy as some make them out to be (I can think of a few classes of people who didn't do so well back then) but society was certainly more family-oriented and didn't have the courseness we see now. Hokey TV, no computers, no cell phones, etc but they still had the Chevy V-8, flathead Fords and Olds V-8's in '32 Model A's. Not bad.

We wish you well. Now, stop obsessing and get some sleep! It's Christmas season. Ho Ho Ho!

12-05-2001, 10:26 AM	#1
matt cook Registered Member Join Date: Dec 1998 Location: Richmond, Virginia Posts: 449	Why Me? (A little venting) I'm one of those people who have a decently good life - honestly, I cannot complain. But.... I'm also one of those people for whom nothing can go 'right' I have had a terrible past two weeks at work. I was really stabbed in the back by some people we work with - so bad that I can't sleep at night, and can't think to get my work done because I'm obsessing about it. Get this - I work for a small non-profit, www.fobf.org really it is just my dad and I. I love working with him. I double majored in religion and philosophy, got a 4.0 in each, was the top student in each major, finished a year early, and have been out of college since 1996. Lived for a while in Honduras and fell in love with the country - gave up getting my doctorate and decided to work to get healthcare into remote mountain communities. Now I coordinate this work from back in the states. I work 6 day weeks and go to Honduras to work for my vacations. I made less than $12,000 last year. The back stabbers said that my opinion wasn't important, because I didn't know what it was like to sacrifice for my work! These are all people who only decided to do non-profit work after they had made their personal fortunes - literally, many are millionares. It is a essentially a hobby to them. wtf? My wife is 32 and ready to have a kid, we can't cause if she stays home we lose insurance, etc...etc...I know that I need to provide for my family, but I love my work. It is not like I'm making widgets, this job is very personal to me... To cheer myself up I ordered some parts - my Christmas present to me; Crane 1.7 roller rockers. Got them yesterday. There is one nice unthreaded bolt in the bag of pedestal bolts. I know that this is a 25-cent part, but it really pisses me off that I can't even have 5 minutes of the shallow enjoyment that I have to seek out in material possesions. Life must have been a lot easier in the 1950's when it was acceptable to just go out and become an alcoholic. __________________ 1982 Mustang GT

12-05-2001, 11:40 AM	#2
Crazy Horse GT Registered Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Sale Creek, TN. C. S. A. Posts: 4,652	matt if i didnt have bad luck,i wouldnt have any luck , but when i drive down to the city at night, to go to work i see all the rockhead's, prostitute's -etc guy's on the corner with thier 40-oz beer's, people living under highway overpasses ,well i think dang that could be me, so i thank god for what little i do have, a great wife a home to live in, my stang etc, it could be worse take my word for it,it will all wash out for you and wont be so bad anymore, hope this helped you. __________________ 95 gt vert, lot's of stuff, it aint slow. 04 sonic blue v - six my beater 89 rs camaro iroc turbo hood, other stuff, my wifes ride 84 lx stang cammed up 289 hi po, etc 65 falcon, maybe by the year 2020. black 00gt, gone but never forgotten. R H C- member # 1 o.b.c. da prez- member # 1 if your under 40 dont ask. goodbye for now odie,r.i.p. 11-27-03

12-05-2001, 02:43 PM	#3
joe4speed He said Member...heh, heh Join Date: Sep 1999 Location: Jupiter, Florida U.S.A. Posts: 3,718	Good luck, man... this has been a very hard year for many people, including me. Try to keep your chin up, and this will pass. __________________ *Joe!* 1988 GT, 13.58@101mph Check out my listing! Click here! Or my website:www.joe4speed.com

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12-05-2001, 04:34 PM	#4
Mr 5 0 Conservative Individualist Join Date: May 1997 Location: Wherever I need to be Posts: 7,487	Matt: It's very unsettling to not be respected by others, when you have clearly earned that respect. However, don't ever allow other people - no matter who they are - to define who you are. I would venture a guess that the millionaires that dismissed your opinions are quite used to being 'in charge' and the very fact that you haven't made a pile of money, like them, probably - albeit subconsciously - affects thier opinion of you. I've seen this happen when working with affluent people; it's the old carnard; "If you're so smart, why ain't you rich?" In this case, we could add; 'Like me' to that line. Tough situation. As far as making more money; that is something for you and your wife to talk over and decide. It seems as if you need to find a balance between doing what you like and doing something that generates a decent income. $12,000 a year for what you're doing is noble but not too practical for a married man who wants to start a family soon. They cost real money, as you know. Perhaps you could lower your expenses, which would help. You would be surprised what we can do without, Of course, that may not be workable if you're already cutting corners on expenses. Just a suggestion. Perhaps you could seek a position with a charity that needs your kind of dedication and expertise. I'm not sure, but with your education and experience, you should certainly be able to do better financially without going into a soul-deadening job. You need to start exploring what's 'out there'. Your wife isn't getting any younger and if you're so stressed out at work, that may be the signal that it's time for a change all around. Nothing stays the same forever. I think that in the fifties, society (in general) supported the idea of women staying home to raise their kids and paid most men a living wage, as they were expected to support the family, not depend on a working wife. This was especially true of the middle class, as I understand it. Now, it's simply assumed that a wife works, and if she doesn't, that lack of income is never considered when salaries are calculated. Not sure if the 1950's were all that warm and fuzzy as some make them out to be (I can think of a few classes of people who didn't do so well back then) but society was certainly more family-oriented and didn't have the courseness we see now. Hokey TV, no computers, no cell phones, etc but they still had the Chevy V-8, flathead Fords and Olds V-8's in '32 Model A's. Not bad. We wish you well. Now, stop obsessing and get some sleep! It's Christmas season. Ho Ho Ho!