Christmas, divorced family, I don't get it.

[DAN-MAN]

Anybody here have parents that are divorced? Mine are. They've been divorced for almost 10 years now. It was extremely hard on me through that time. I was extremely depressed for about two years following the divorce. I think that some people will agree on what happened next. I blamed myself for their breaking up. I had suicidal thoughts. I wanted to beat him up, or even better, kill him. Make him pay for what he'd done to me.

He yelled at me once, I believe while he was taking my sister and I home. That was the final straw. (This is why my christmases suck anymore). No more. I quit going and seeing him. He's history from my life forever. I was hoping my sister would follow my lead. She hasn't, however.

She continued to see him. Sometimes it was good and sometimes it was bad. It has gotten to the point now where they will lock horns anytime she's over there. It's also not unusual for her to come home crying her eyes out over them fighting or something he said to her (that's very rare to happen, i might add).

But this thing he did just a few days ago has pissed me off and brought alot of the bad feelings back. He came to get her Tuesday night. She'd planned to go and spend Christmas with him and then come back and spend it with us. Well, he showed up here drunk. She had to drive him back to his house and he yelled at her the whole time. Se finally ended up calling a friend and she came and picked her up. She spent the night there.

Because of him, I'm now furious, along with the rest of my family. I never thought that worthless bastard would do something like that, but he did. And to make things even better, she up and tells us last night that she's going to dallas with him today. WTF!! What the hell is taking about? She's going with him to Dallas after what he did to her. Now I really want to kick his ***. Her's too.

I'm just furious and wanted to vent. Sorry for telling my life's story, but I wanted to give the person reading a little more perspective of what's happening.

One of these day's he'll pay. It's like a friend of mine says, "he'll be down shoveling coal on third shift." If you get my drift...

Daniel.

[Stang_Crazy]

As much as it sucks, you kind of have to let your sister make her own choices and decisions. Did your father treat her bad and yell at her? Yes. But it's still up to your sister if she wants to continue a relationship with him....regardless of how counter-productive it is.

It sounds like you're in quite a situation...I wish you and your sister all the best and I hope everything works out.

Hey Dan...

First Sorry to hear this. I had a fairly disfunctional family life, but mom and dad stuck it out. Dad dies 6 years ago. Mom is currently in the hospital with early conjenital heart failure and Pulmonary issues..Not looking good.

Stang-Crazy is right, unless your dad is in some way abusing your sister..and be careful here with the definition of abuse...she really ahs to make up her own mind.

My dad and I were buddies. We had out times when he was my dad and we had bad times, but I have never gotten along with my mom. She and my brother are buddies and they are like two peas in a pod.

I have seen one familiar and reoccuring thing with boy and girls and mom and dads.... From the time you (guy) are born, you are seeking the approval, acceptance and admiration of your father and the love of your mother. Moms just love their sons, usually that is a given...... I have one of my own and can concur......He could be a little crap and I still love my little man with all my heart....

Daughters are loved by their fathers and try their whole life to be anything BUT their mother. It's not so much an issue of seeking acceptance as it is love. It is rare to find a girl who looks at their mother and says.."I want to be just like her". If your a daddy's girl, you don't usually feel compelled to seek approval or acceptance.....So..In the end, be cautious with your sister. Allow her time to decide on her own....

As for you...That was a heart wrenching admission and Thank you for sharing, I will watch my son very close. He is 4.5 and his father and I seperated on July 29th. There will be NO GETTING BACK TOGETHER. Thanks for the warning and the admission of the feelings.. You are quite a fella!

~Jenn~

P.S. How is the V-6 doing?

[DAN-MAN]

Originally posted by Janeofalltrades
Hey Dan...

First Sorry to hear this. I had a fairly disfunctional family life, but mom and dad stuck it out. Dad dies 6 years ago. Mom is currently in the hospital with early conjenital heart failure and Pulmonary issues..Not looking good.

Stang-Crazy is right, unless your dad is in some way abusing your sister..and be careful here with the definition of abuse...she really ahs to make up her own mind.

My dad and I were buddies. We had out times when he was my dad and we had bad times, but I have never gotten along with my mom. She and my brother are buddies and they are like two peas in a pod.

I have seen one familiar and reoccuring thing with boy and girls and mom and dads.... From the time you (guy) are born, you are seeking the approval, acceptance and admiration of your father and the love of your mother. Moms just love their sons, usually that is a given...... I have one of my own and can concur......He could be a little crap and I still love my little man with all my heart....

Daughters are loved by their fathers and try their whole life to be anything BUT their mother. It's not so much an issue of seeking acceptance as it is love. It is rare to find a girl who looks at their mother and says.."I want to be just like her". If your a daddy's girl, you don't usually feel compelled to seek approval or acceptance.....So..In the end, be cautious with your sister. Allow her time to decide on her own....

As for you...That was a heart wrenching admission and Thank you for sharing, I will watch my son very close. He is 4.5 and his father and I seperated on July 29th. There will be NO GETTING BACK TOGETHER. Thanks for the warning and the admission of the feelings.. You are quite a fella!

~Jenn~

P.S. How is the V-6 doing?

I should've mentioned that. She made her mind up to go with him. At most he'll yell at her, nothing more (I hope).

Jenn, I was around 10 or 11 when my parents were divorced. It was extremely hard for me to get over it. My sis was the same way. I gave up a long time ago on him. She still want's him in her life.

I'm sorry to hear about you. I can't imagine what it must be like to tell your son where his father has gone or what has happened.

Oh yeah, are you asking about my car or the v-6 club?

Daniel.

[OnMy3rdStang]

My parents are seperated , for almost a year. I live with my mom and my dad lives a few minutes away from me with my uncle and his new wife. I wasnt looking forward to christmas since my mom has this "loyalty" issue going on. She made me feel guilty by only spending christmas morning with her and the the rest with my dad and his family. And now my mom wants me to spend new years with her but I wanna see my dad too Its so frusterating!!!!! Even though my dad gives my mom 400 bucks a week and still takes care of her and pays for her car, she still wants more! But thats a whole nother story!

[Crazy Horse GT]

dan, my mom died in 98, 2 of my sisters blow my dad off completely- the reason, he re-married, my stepmom is the greatest, but out of 5 children, 2 of them are being azzes, he is still my dad, i will never turn my back on him, they did. what was he supposed to do? die also, he--- no. so i kinda see your situation.

[0h n0 5.0]

yea, dan, my mom an dad split after 15 yrs 2 yrs ago. she remarried a good friendof 10 years but there's conspiracy i heard rumor of. but none the less, she ran out on my dad. no doubting that. i can't decide who was wrong because i only heard parts of the story cause the only person who knows the truth is one of them. but I totally feel what your goin through. my brother who's 18 an sis who's 12 are havin a rough time. i'm kinda indifferent cause i'm not in school(my mom an stepdad are both teachers) an i'm usually workin or out. too many things were left unanswered, an I guess no one will really know. except God an them. it is awkward. vacations, holidays, but we mange. thankfully cause my mom an dad parted on mutual understanding. that we love both of them, an we're not going to chose sides. I know my bro feels it, but he dosen't show it an my sis, but on the plus side my dad is still a major part of my life..I love him an i honestly don't want to think about what would happen if me an my siblings were not there for him.. it scares me.. but I see him almost every day unless i'm workin, we work on my mustang, go to shows, hang out... its kool. he's more than a dad to me. he's more of a friend now when I came to see him as a human being an not just a parent.

[Topless In Texas]

Originally posted by Janeofalltrades
Hey Dan...

She and my brother are buddies and they are like two peas in a pod.

I have seen one familiar and reoccuring thing with boy and girls and mom and dads.... From the time you (guy) are born, you are seeking the approval, acceptance and admiration of your father and the love of your mother. Moms just love their sons, usually that is a given...... I have one of my own and can concur......He could be a little crap and I still love my little man with all my heart....

Daughters are loved by their fathers and try their whole life to be anything BUT their mother. It's not so much an issue of seeking acceptance as it is love. It is rare to find a girl who looks at their mother and says.."I want to be just like her". If your a daddy's girl, you don't usually feel compelled to seek approval or acceptance.....So..In the end, be cautious with your sister. Allow her time to decide on her own....

~Jenn~

OMG~~~ I was GONNA go to bed....but you hit the nail on the head!!!!!!!!!!!

My parents divorced when I was about 10. (almost 28 years ago) My mom CONSTANTLY dogged my dad out to us . She had custody of us. BUT....as Ive gotten older, I see why he left her. Yes, he had a girlfriend, and is an alcoholic, (he married her and is still married). She is nice. But I COULD not live w/ my mother either...which is why I moved out before I even had a drivers license. She ragged on him, and yes, he did her wrong, but shes not an easy person to live with. (that hard core, self rightous full blooded German)

In the mean time, my older brother has been in and out of alcohol rehabs since he was about 18. (hes gonna be 43 in January.) He started his decline when my dad left when he was about 15. He has never ever held a steady job, and has been in jails all over the south. My mom has ALWAYS bailed him out and sweared, 'he'll be okay, he's gonna be a preacher one day!" we butt heads CONSTANTLY over this. My mother is a very religous person, which is fine, but she has always crammed it down our throats for as long as i can remember. She thinks if we dont go to church, we're going to hell. I choose not to talk to her about him(my brother).

Ive held my job for 19 years, AND have been very successful at it, have my daughter and have divorced, got my own house, but hes always been the better of us. (in her eyes) It sucks to try so hard to get the approval from your parents when they wont give it.. so, I give up. Its not worth the upset and aggravation.

As far as my dad, I think I've talked to him 4 times this year. I know I've always been his favorite, but he feels like its MY responsibility to call him. He actually called me on Christmas night. I was at a good friends house, and at the end of the conversation, he ended up chewing me out for not ever calling him. Its like, who is the parent here????

Ya'll are young yet.....as you get older, you see things in a different perspective . Like Jane said....my biggest nightmare is to turn out like my mother.....I just hope and pray that I dont. I want my daughter to feel like shes got my respect, and my approval.....

It sounds like your sister is being torn different directions...how old is she?? Again, like Jenn said, girls are ALWAYS seeking the approval of the father figure in thier life.....they are always drawn to the father, as boys are to thier mother.....thats just part of life...
It might be hard for now, but as she gets older, and sees things in a different perspective and with just her own observance of how things really are, she will come around. It took me a long, long time....to see things as they really are with BOTH parents...... sad to say, but I think its pretty normal to be slightly disfunctional!
Best of luck to ya. Hope things go well. Just be there for your sister if she needs to talk. Just listen to her. Thats all she needs.
Take care Dan. And hang in there...I know its a hard situation. It will eventually work out.

TNT

[MissBlondie]

Hmmm... You're probably not gonna like my reply to this, but we are all entitled to our opinions. My parents divorced when I was 4 years old. Very bad divorce, and I can still see myself that day in my pink snowsuit and will never forget it. 18 years later my dad is dead! It is NOT worth it. I talked to my dad on and off all those years then I didn't speak to him all of 2001 when I was dealing with my ex. Saw him on Christmas eve 2001 and he passed away February 2002. Work it out. I'm here to tell you blood is thicker than water. Always has been... trust me when I say it's not worth the fighting. No matter what that's your father.

[induction]

Originally posted by MissBlondie
Hmmm... You're probably not gonna like my reply to this, but we are all entitled to our opinions. My parents divorced when I was 4 years old. Very bad divorce, and I can still see myself that day in my pink snowsuit and will never forget it. 18 years later my dad is dead! It is NOT worth it. I talked to my dad on and off all those years then I didn't speak to him all of 2001 when I was dealing with my ex. Saw him on Christmas eve 2001 and he passed away February 2002. Work it out. I'm here to tell you blood is thicker than water. Always has been... trust me when I say it's not worth the fighting. No matter what that's your father.

DITTO!!!!!!

[Topless In Texas]

Hey Jill...
Well, after I read your post, I guess I got to thinking about it. Even though It might not been directed at me, It still kinda bugged me. I was up till about 5:30 this morning...I sent my dad a really long nice email about what all has been going on this year, and a bunch of pics from Christmas of Caitlin, my house and dogs and stuff....
Of corse, I have not heard back from him....he prolly thought it was 'too impersonal' or something....BUT....I did it anyways...

I'll be interested to see if he responds to me or not....
Thanks for your post.

TNT