and now Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey

fiveohpatrol · 03-06-2002, 01:29 PM

Here's a few of the 'Deep Thoughts' from SNL that I've found/remembered. That part used to be one of the best parts of the show. post any that you can remember that you liked...

One things kids really like is to be tricked. So one day I told my little nephew that I would take him to Disneyland. Then I drove to an old burned down warehouse, "Oh No - Disneyland burned down" I said. He began to cry and cry but I think deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.

mustangdani55 · 03-06-2002, 03:01 PM

I love SNL!!!!
I thought the Jack Handey stuff was really cool, but then, I do have a warped sense of humor.

I love Monty Python too!!!

PKRWUD · 03-06-2002, 03:24 PM

Too cool!! Must have more!!

Take care,
-Chris

Fox Body · 03-06-2002, 03:35 PM

ROFL!

Man I love those! They are just sooo awesome funny to me.

I wish I could remember some others but I can't

. Hey, what about the Ambiguosly Gay Duo

LOL

Skyman · 03-06-2002, 03:36 PM

Those are too funny.

I bet you could find em on the web somewherE?

Sky

95mustanggt · 03-06-2002, 03:49 PM

SNL Kicks A**!!

My favorite episode today is the one with the ROCK!

LOL

fiveohpatrol · 03-06-2002, 04:07 PM

Quote:

My favorite episode today is the one with the ROCK!

yah that one was great,
I especially liked it when he did the skit with Chris Kattan and did Mr. Peepers.

Mr. Peepers is the funniest skit on any variety show I've ever seen. Well maybe not, but its up there with Fire Marshall Bill (In living color) and Chris Farley's Inspirational Speaker skit (the livin in a van down by the river one)

Mr 5 0 · 03-06-2002, 05:39 PM

Here's a few more 'Deep Thoughts' from 'Ol Jack:

I' d rather be rich than stupid.

Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticize them, you will be a mile away and have their shoes.

To me, boxing is like a ballet, exept there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

I bet the sparrow looks at the parrot and thinks, yes, you can talk, but - LISTEN TO YOURSELF !

A man doesn't automatically get my respect. He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it.

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.

When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

My favorite in this bunch:

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

95mustanggt · 03-06-2002, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by fiveohpatrol

yah that one was great,
I especially liked it when he did the skit with Chris Kattan and did Mr. Peepers.

Mr. Peepers is the funniest skit on any variety show I've ever seen. Well maybe not, but its up there with Fire Marshall Bill (In living color) and Chris Farley's Inspirational Speaker skit (the livin in a van down by the river one)

LOL! I agree. That was the funniest skit!

Chris Farley rocks. He was one of the best commedians ever. Too bad we will no longer enjoy any new jokes with him

.

mustangdani55 · 03-06-2002, 06:03 PM

BTW fiveohpatrol....
Love the avatar....SRV rules...Another waste of a good songwriter.

Miss you Flathat.

silver_pilate · 03-06-2002, 06:24 PM

I always enjoyed the Celebrity Jepardy skits. I've got a bunch of 'em in mp3 format on my computer. The skits with the parody of Sean Connery are the best. For instance, the category is "Therapists" and Connery says, "I'll take 'The Rapists' for $1000, Alex."

Also the "Pen Is Mightier" is an all time classic Celeb. Jep.

"Gussy it up however you want, Trebeck, but what matters is, does it work. 'Cause I'm not ashamed to admit, I've bought these products before, and if the penis mightier works, I'll buy a dozen!"

That one gets me every time.

--nathan

MidNiteBlu 5.0 · 03-06-2002, 06:28 PM

yes! celebrity jeopardy is hilarious!

"not a fan of the ladies are we trebek" ahaha. Monty Python is great too especially the search for the holy grail "Your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of elderberry!" Bwahahahahha

Later

Capri306 · 03-07-2002, 12:39 AM

Mercury · 03-07-2002, 12:42 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mr 5 0

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

LOL. Thats how I feel.

MidNiteBlu 5.0 · 03-07-2002, 01:14 AM

Ni!

ahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahaahhahaha

"you must find..... a shubbery!!!

"Now you must find another shrubbery!!"

WADS56 · 03-07-2002, 01:22 AM

"deep thoughts" that stuff cracks me up. The first time i saw one of those skits I was in tears.

6T9PONY · 03-07-2002, 01:35 AM

Mike Meiers' skit with Nicole Kidman where they are young kids in a playground and he is harnessed to the jungle gym. That ones pretty good....."I'm hyperactive and hypoglycemic, I'm a hyper-hypo". "That was hurtful, and unnecesarry." HAHAHAH!

StoplightWarrior · 03-07-2002, 03:17 AM

My favorite Deep Thought is the Uncle Caveman one. I also like this one, I didnt see it listed yet:

If you drop your car keys in a bed of hot lava, just let em go, cause man, they're gone.

StoplightWarrior · 03-07-2002, 03:20 AM

God, I just remembered the BEST ONE!!!

"The birds seem to be calling my name, thought Caw."

Damn that's hilarious.

Fox Body · 03-07-2002, 04:57 AM

LOL. Thanks for adding to the list Mr 5 0 and others. Hey, wasn't there also a one about him telling when he was a kid and his father did something like left him in the woods or something?? I can't stinkin remember....

And I remember seeing this movie (comedy) I think it was set in the middle ages. This guy was being trained for battle (to be a knight I think) and this one guy (his trainer?) kept quoting some really twisted quotes thorughout the movie. Every single one of them were hilarious to me-- but I only watched the movie once and it was a long time ago. I wish I could remember those quotes.

03-06-2002, 01:29 PM	#1
fiveohpatrol I'd rather be basketweaving Join Date: Feb 2000 Location: Indianapolis Posts: 2,551	and now Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey Here's a few of the 'Deep Thoughts' from SNL that I've found/remembered. That part used to be one of the best parts of the show. post any that you can remember that you liked... One things kids really like is to be tricked. So one day I told my little nephew that I would take him to Disneyland. Then I drove to an old burned down warehouse, "Oh No - Disneyland burned down" I said. He began to cry and cry but I think deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man. Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind. If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did." As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint. When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear. __________________ NMRA O/C 9516 NA pumpgas stickshift 347 10.65@125.6, 6.73@100, 1.41 60ft

03-06-2002, 03:01 PM	#2
mustangdani55 Registered Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Indianapolis, Indiana USA Posts: 334	I love SNL!!!! I thought the Jack Handey stuff was really cool, but then, I do have a warped sense of humor. I love Monty Python too!!! __________________ It makes people wonder what you've been up to!

03-06-2002, 03:24 PM	#3
PKRWUD Junior Member Join Date: Mar 1999 Location: Ventura, California Posts: 8,981	Too cool!! Must have more!! Take care, -Chris __________________ Webmaster: Rice Haters Club Jim Porter Racing Peckerwoods Pit Stop Support Your Local RED & WHITE!

03-06-2002, 03:35 PM	#4
Fox Body Mustang Maniac Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: GA, U.S.A Posts: 2,266	ROFL! Man I love those! They are just sooo awesome funny to me. I wish I could remember some others but I can't . Hey, what about the Ambiguosly Gay Duo LOL __________________ 351W-powered 1979 Ford Mustang Ghia notchback '79 Video @ Idle Stock 5.8L under 4" cowl 'glass hood, C4 w/ Transgo shift kit, Holley 750 cfm, Edelbrock Performer RPM intake; Fluidyne Al radiator, Flexalite 175 electric fan, 1 5/8" MAC shorty headers, FRPP Al driveshaft; S&W 6-point cage; 2.5" Off road H-pipe, 2-chamber Flowmasters, 8.8" Rear w/ 3.55s; Weld wheels (15x6;15x8), Front: 225/60/15, Rear: 275/50/15 Nitto NT 555R Drag Radials; 14 x 4” K&N X-stream air filter. '92 GT (5-speed) Small In Car Video Stock 5.0L, 2-chamber Flowmasters, MAC CAI, Tri-Ax, Al pedals... "Red, thou art my companion. Hasten now your quickened metamorphosis to Green that I may conquer all who dare abide there beside me. May they be left thither behind burnt black." ---Fox Body

03-06-2002, 03:36 PM	#5
Skyman I need 110mph Trap Speed! Join Date: Feb 1999 Location: So, CA Posts: 4,315	Those are too funny. I bet you could find em on the web somewherE? Sky __________________ 2001 BMW M3 6spd 12.79@108 RIP ---- 1993 Notch w/ 98 4V 4.6 Fasttt... -1989 Saleen Mustang #406- 12.32@109 -1999 Black Cobra Coupe- JBA Shorties, Bassani Cat-X, Magnaflow 3", Pulleys, 85mm Pro-M, Ported Intake, Soild Rear w/ 4.30s, Tubular Front End, X2C arms, 13lb batt, few others.

03-06-2002, 03:49 PM	#6
95mustanggt Registered Member Join Date: May 2000 Location: Kamloops, BC Posts: 2,875	SNL Kicks A**!! My favorite episode today is the one with the ROCK! LOL __________________ 1995 Mustang GT 20016 F150 Lariat Super Crew

03-06-2002, 05:39 PM	#8
Mr 5 0 Conservative Individualist Join Date: May 1997 Location: Wherever I need to be Posts: 7,487	Deep Thoughts Here's a few more 'Deep Thoughts' from 'Ol Jack: I' d rather be rich than stupid. Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticize them, you will be a mile away and have their shoes. To me, boxing is like a ballet, exept there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. I bet the sparrow looks at the parrot and thinks, yes, you can talk, but - LISTEN TO YOURSELF ! A man doesn't automatically get my respect. He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it. If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic. When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns. The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face. My favorite in this bunch: I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

03-06-2002, 06:03 PM	#10
mustangdani55 Registered Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Indianapolis, Indiana USA Posts: 334	BTW fiveohpatrol.... Love the avatar....SRV rules...Another waste of a good songwriter. Miss you Flathat. __________________ It makes people wonder what you've been up to!

03-06-2002, 06:24 PM	#11
silver_pilate DURKA DURKA!! Join Date: Sep 1997 Location: Lubbock, TX...(TX panhandle) Posts: 1,418	I always enjoyed the Celebrity Jepardy skits. I've got a bunch of 'em in mp3 format on my computer. The skits with the parody of Sean Connery are the best. For instance, the category is "Therapists" and Connery says, "I'll take 'The Rapists' for $1000, Alex." Also the "Pen Is Mightier" is an all time classic Celeb. Jep. "Gussy it up however you want, Trebeck, but what matters is, does it work. 'Cause I'm not ashamed to admit, I've bought these products before, and if the penis mightier works, I'll buy a dozen!" That one gets me every time. --nathan __________________ '91 GT, Coast 347, 9.5:1 compression, full intake, Wolverine 1087 cam, exhaust, Keith Craft ported Windsor Jr. Irons (235 cfm intake, 195 cfm exhaust), AOD, PI 3500 converter, Lentech valve body, 3.73's (4.10's in the works), and Yokohama ES100's out back. Daily Car: '04 Infiniti G35 Sedan 6MT

03-06-2002, 06:28 PM	#12
MidNiteBlu 5.0 I got something to say Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 1,557	yes! celebrity jeopardy is hilarious! "not a fan of the ladies are we trebek" ahaha. Monty Python is great too especially the search for the holy grail "Your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of elderberry!" Bwahahahahha Later __________________ 91 LX Hatch 5.0 - made for the twisties 89 LX Hatchback 5.0 5spd. stolen/stripped 4/7/05 http://www.mustangworks.com/cgi-bin/...splay.cgi?3494 1987 Toyota Pickup Ricer Haters Club Member #33 Want a custom gauge cluster for your Vintage Mustang? www.jmeenterprises.com

03-07-2002, 12:39 AM	#13
Capri306 Moderator Join Date: Sep 1998 Location: Grand Rapids, Michigan, USA Posts: 1,001	Ni! __________________ Capri306, Moderator The Mustang Works Online 1979 Mercury Capri 1987 5.0L Mustang LX Notchback 1993 5.8L Eddie Bauer Bronco

03-07-2002, 01:14 AM	#15
MidNiteBlu 5.0 I got something to say Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 1,557	Ni! ahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahaahhahaha "you must find..... a shubbery!!! "Now you must find another shrubbery!!" __________________ 91 LX Hatch 5.0 - made for the twisties 89 LX Hatchback 5.0 5spd. stolen/stripped 4/7/05 http://www.mustangworks.com/cgi-bin/...splay.cgi?3494 1987 Toyota Pickup Ricer Haters Club Member #33 Want a custom gauge cluster for your Vintage Mustang? www.jmeenterprises.com

03-07-2002, 01:22 AM	#16
WADS56 gear banger Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: CHICAGO Posts: 1,144	"deep thoughts" that stuff cracks me up. The first time i saw one of those skits I was in tears. __________________ 79 Hatch: NA 347, Stage 2 Canfield Heads, Victor JR. Intake, Blueprinted Holley 750 HP, Solid Roller Cam, Shooting for 10's on motor 93 LX: Tremec, dual friction clutch, fms flywheel, Hedman shorties, O/R H-pipe Ricer hater's club member #49

03-07-2002, 01:35 AM	#17
6T9PONY All about the Windsor. Join Date: Feb 2000 Posts: 2,052	Mike Meiers' skit with Nicole Kidman where they are young kids in a playground and he is harnessed to the jungle gym. That ones pretty good....."I'm hyperactive and hypoglycemic, I'm a hyper-hypo". "That was hurtful, and unnecesarry." HAHAHAH!

03-07-2002, 03:17 AM	#18
StoplightWarrior Registered Member Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Nor-Cal Posts: 1,311	My favorite Deep Thought is the Uncle Caveman one. I also like this one, I didnt see it listed yet: If you drop your car keys in a bed of hot lava, just let em go, cause man, they're gone. __________________ Black 2000 GT Auto V2-SQ, Full Steeda G-trac Suspension, Baer Brakes, Saleen Body Kit, Corbeau CR1s, Chrome Cobra R's, etc, etc... 341rwhp, 338 torque 1994 Cobra #4343 Bolt on's only... Cofounder of Raccoon Racing

03-07-2002, 03:20 AM	#19
StoplightWarrior Registered Member Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Nor-Cal Posts: 1,311	God, I just remembered the BEST ONE!!! "The birds seem to be calling my name, thought Caw." Damn that's hilarious.

03-07-2002, 04:57 AM	#20
Fox Body Mustang Maniac Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: GA, U.S.A Posts: 2,266	LOL. Thanks for adding to the list Mr 5 0 and others. Hey, wasn't there also a one about him telling when he was a kid and his father did something like left him in the woods or something?? I can't stinkin remember.... And I remember seeing this movie (comedy) I think it was set in the middle ages. This guy was being trained for battle (to be a knight I think) and this one guy (his trainer?) kept quoting some really twisted quotes thorughout the movie. Every single one of them were hilarious to me-- but I only watched the movie once and it was a long time ago. I wish I could remember those quotes. __________________ 351W-powered 1979 Ford Mustang Ghia notchback '79 Video @ Idle Stock 5.8L under 4" cowl 'glass hood, C4 w/ Transgo shift kit, Holley 750 cfm, Edelbrock Performer RPM intake; Fluidyne Al radiator, Flexalite 175 electric fan, 1 5/8" MAC shorty headers, FRPP Al driveshaft; S&W 6-point cage; 2.5" Off road H-pipe, 2-chamber Flowmasters, 8.8" Rear w/ 3.55s; Weld wheels (15x6;15x8), Front: 225/60/15, Rear: 275/50/15 Nitto NT 555R Drag Radials; 14 x 4” K&N X-stream air filter. '92 GT (5-speed) Small In Car Video Stock 5.0L, 2-chamber Flowmasters, MAC CAI, Tri-Ax, Al pedals... "Red, thou art my companion. Hasten now your quickened metamorphosis to Green that I may conquer all who dare abide there beside me. May they be left thither behind burnt black." ---Fox Body