Problems with friends girl.....

Coupe Devil · 03-20-2002, 05:31 PM

This is pretty deep but I need your help. This is gonna be long so prepare yourself.

TWO of my friends are together and have been for a while know (over a year). Lately they have been having problems.... I talk to both of them just as friends but all I her out of the guy is how mad he is. He has even stated on several occasions that he wished I'd take her off his hands. We all hang out together and joke around with one another about each other about each others women, (and the ladies joke back so its not just a male pig thing ladies) Mark is always tellin me about all thier problems and its all cool.

Lately the girl has been calling me, Just to talk. She doesnt have many friends outside of our little circle and she told me that I was the only one she could trust. So basically I am hearing both sides of this relationship know. Back a few years ago when we were all in school together I wanted to ask this girl out. I never did because all my buddies would've given me a hard time about it cause she is younger (three years) now that doesnt matter so much. I would still love to go out with her. She is real cool and good lookin and all that and we all have fun together when we hang out. I would never try to take a girl away from my buddy but if they were to break it off (which it reall looks like they are going to) should I go after her. Both of them know that I like her and but they also know I wouldnever do anything to tear them apart. I have asked my buddy on several occasions if he wanted me to stop joking around with her like we do, (it can get pretty FORWARD at time) and he said no, that he enjoys it and she will joke back and its all cool so not to worry about it.

We all went on a little road trip together a few weeks ago. I drove and they both rode with me. On the way home my buddy slept and me and his girl (who sat in the middle of the truck) just talked all night about any and everything and they're relationship never come up. A few days later he said in general conversation that ever since that night, that the two of us had been alot more friendly with one another. This is all joking around of course. I replied that we were getting along pretty good and that it was hard to fool around with her, with him sleeping in the truck with us. We all laughed and she chimed in and said that it was hard but we managed. Once again we all laughed and went on joking around.

We all get alogn great and it would be cool for me if they broke up. I actually think (I dont know but I do think) that she kinda has a thing for me. SHould I try to get with her or not. He is always bitchin anyways and tellin me take her and how big a favor it would be to him.

I havent talked to either today but the poo hit the fan last night with them. I am sure I will hear about it today from teh both of them. What do you think I should do????? Granted I dont wanna hurt either of them cause were all so close but its is beginning to worry me..

Enough for know. What would you do??

Brad

Tony Frank · 03-20-2002, 05:46 PM

dude i was in the same situation......it will kill the friendship of you and your buddy... i wouldnt do it, after a year of going out your friend will boil inside when he sees her with you. believe me i wouldnt do it. at least wait a good 3 months before doing anyting with the other chick (i mean like dating)

if the relationsip wasnt that long id say go for it maybe he wouldnt be as pissed if you got with her.

but in all honesty you need to tell your friend how you feel for his girl after they break up. if he says cool then wait a while and then go for it, but just remember BROS before HOES.....lol j/k

Coupe Devil · 03-20-2002, 06:07 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Tony Frank
but just remember BROS before HOES.....lol j/k

That has been my motto for years. That is why I am asking for some help on this one. I know its bros before hoes and all but me and this lady just really click. Its all good.

Brad

Tony Frank · 03-20-2002, 06:10 PM

like i said man, just hope they breake up, then wait a while till you go for her.......just dont do it behind his back and force a break up, let fate take its course then give it time. but after a few months go for it

silver_pilate · 03-20-2002, 06:45 PM

I agree....

IF they break up, and I mean really break up, you might try asking your buddy how he would feel if you were to ask her out. I wouldn't do it otherwise.

Another thing to watch for...a year is a long time. Given, it doesn't sound like they've got the best of relationships, but hey, a connection develops between two people after that length of time.

What you don't want to have happen is you ask her out...things go great for a while...then she throws the breaks on giving you some crap about needing time to sort some things out...or time to learn to enjoy being single again. Before you know it, she's dumped you and picked back up with your buddy where they left off. Believe me...I know...I've been there, and few things suck like that does.

I guess, like I've said, if they've really broken it off, and she's 100%...make that 754% over your buddy, and it's all good with you friend, go for it. What have you to lose other than several weeks...maybe months of your preciously short life, your pride, your self esteem, your happiness, your heart handed to you in a blood soaked ash covered black box, and possibly your VERY SOUL!!!

Hope my cynicism didn't come through too much in that last bit

.

Whatever happens with it...just enjoy it for what it is, and don't try to make it more than that. Take what you've got and cherish it while it's there. Have fun, and don't let 'em break your heart.

--nathan

Godslayer · 03-20-2002, 07:22 PM

I have been there before too. It's funny how everyone seems to think everything that happens to them is a new thing but it all just repeats itself.

I agree with these guys, Wait at least a few months after they break up and then give it a go if you still want to.

Why didn't you ask her out before your buddy started dating her?

Tony is right. No matter how cool and composed your buddy is, seeing you with his ex g/f will make him boil inside. Wait the few months and see what the atmosphere is like.

Mustangbelle306 · 03-20-2002, 10:46 PM

Bros before hoes, and chicks before dicks, are the 2 stupidest mottos I've ever heard.

Personally I think its the funniest thing, because as you get older, say early to mid 20s, all of a sudden the "bros" you chose over the "hoes" are now MARRYING the same hoes, and you're left in the cold...I've seen it happen countless times,and still no one learns.

I do agree with what was said above: give it time. Its normal for someone to desire time alone after a long term relationship. Doesn't mean its ok to go hog wild and screw half the town, but I'm sure she'll want a period to re evaluate what she wants from a boyfriend.

I find it sad that you would consider NOT pursuing a girl you convey as being a great person because you're worried about the feelings of a friend who insists that you take that same wonderful girl "off his hands". Sounds like a real winner to me...NOT. No wonder stuff isn't going well between them...that is a total sign of disrespect.

Also, ANY rational person (and good friend) should understand that stuff didnt work out...PERIOD. Just because you could find happiness with his ex doesn't mean the same destiny was meant for him, or that suddenly he realizes the relationship was utter bliss, blah blah etc etc.

BTW: I'm not saying you shouldn't care about your friend's feelings. I'm just saying, if he truly is your friend, he would want you to be happy, and if you can find it with a girl he wanted "off his hands"...why not?

Unit 5302 · 03-21-2002, 01:27 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mustangbelle306
Bros before hoes, and chicks before dicks, are the 2 stupidest mottos I've ever heard...

I realize you've found the man of your dreams and that it makes everything justfiable to you in the interest of love

, but crapping all over your friends so that you can have a possible relationship (unlikely) with some girl is stupid. Most people like to have more than one person they spend time with in their life.

Here is what WILL happen if you decide to pursue this.

Friend and his girlfriend break up. You hook up with the girl and your friend does one of two things. He either says you're worth keeping as a friend and tries to control his feelings of betrayal and loss, or more than likely he tells all the rest of your buds about you screwing him over, cuts all ties with you (your friends will find out anyway), and none of them are going to want to hang with you when their girlfriends are around. If he does decide to keep you as a friend, and your relationship goes good for a while, you will lose your friend (and the respect of your other friends) in the long run as your girl and you become more and more uncomfortable in regards to hangin out with them.

Actually, the girl will far more than likely decide you're not what she wants because of loads of complications and not feeling comfortable with the whole deal.

So... You can toss the friendship in the garbage to try and go it alone with this girl (she may be insulted if you make a move on her right after the breakup as well) or you can cool it.

IMHO, it's not worth losing possible life long friendships. Then again, if you think the girl is, then go for it. I doubt waiting a few months will be plausable. If she's a catch like you say, she won't be around that long so you can't wait months. In case you're wondering, the exact scenerio you are describing took place between two of my best friends. Totally destroyed a 15 year friendship, and screwed my friendship up with both of them.

Unit 5302 · 03-21-2002, 01:41 AM

Just because I felt it's important to be completely honest,

I'll break this down..

Jack is the friend of Bob, and Jill is the girl. I'm Kell. LOL.

Bob and Jack and myself were super good friends. Bob and Jack were best friends for 15 years. Bob was seeing Jill for 2 years when Jack started seeing (stole) her from Bob.

Bob tried his absolute hardest to remain friends with Jack, but it became too awkward. Into the tank went a 15 year friendship. I was on the outside, and although I still hung out with Jack on occation, I really disliked Jill. The whole situation pissed me off. I'm not gonna get into details, but I was pissed with all three. Much more so at Jack and Jill though. Jack and Jill are still happy being together (to the best of my knowledge), but neither of them have much for friends. This is the best case scenerio IMO. If it's worth it to you, it's your call.

Keep in mind, this is hugely simplifed. I don't have days to type it all out.

Mustangbelle306 · 03-21-2002, 03:17 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Unit 5302
I realize you've found the man of your dreams and that it makes everything justfiable to you in the interest of love , but crapping all over your friends so that you can have a possible relationship (unlikely) with some girl is stupid. Most people like to have more than one person they spend time with in their life.

OK, first of all, bringing my personal life into this thread was uncalled for and unnecessary.

I never said anything about being "justified", nor did anything in MY life have to be justified AT ALL in order to meet that man

Secondly, pointing out that 1.) this friend doesn't seem to like this chick too much and wants her off his hands, and 2.)saying that its stupid to have a definite "motto" of who's important and who isn't in life DOES NOT constitute crapping on someone.

IMO this guy crapped on HIMSELF by going around saying he is tired of his g/f and would like to be rid of her. If he is so attached that Pony dating her would crush their friendship, then he wouldn't be making statements like that in the first place.

Also, this doesn't seem to be a stealing situation at all...not to mention you CAN'T steal someone that does not WANT to be stolen.

Crazy Horse GT · 03-21-2002, 10:53 AM

uuhhmm anyway pony i would wait awhile before asking her out, i went through this a long time ago,was having problem's with my gal,was riding around with 2 of my friend's -one of them asked me what's up with you two,i said if everyone would butt out,we could work it out well, next thing i know my boy was living with her,to this day i hate him. so take it slow,jmo

joe4speed · 03-21-2002, 11:22 AM

I would wait too, just be cool. It would make things awkward for everyone, I'm sure you know. Good luck!

Coupe Devil · 03-21-2002, 11:29 AM

I am just gonna play it cool for a while. If they are supposed to break it off and her be with me cool. If not I wish them the best of luck together.

Brad

Crazy Horse GT · 03-21-2002, 11:33 AM

good decision brad ,best of luck to you man

Mr 5 0 · 03-21-2002, 11:44 AM

In my experience these 'Dating my Best Friend's Ex' situations are tricky and either go great and everyone is happy or, much more often, go bad and everyone is miserable.

No need to for me to amplify what's already been said here as I agree with the cautious approach most advise.

The main thing is that your friend feels positive that he and the girl in question broke up on their own and that he doesn't feel that you pushed it along behind his back...which he may eventually believe anyway, even if it isn't true.

What the girl does is up to her but I'm sure she subconsciously enjoys the attention of two guys, even if yours is platonic, so far.

Personally, I wouldn't touch this girl beyond a platonic friendship as the whole situation carries way too much baggage and were it me, I would prefer someone a little less unencumbered and a less potentially divisive dating situation. But that's just me.

silver_pilate · 03-21-2002, 12:41 PM

Damn it...I just lost a freaking long post....so this will likely be a bit shortened simply because I'm pissed at having to type it again...

I completely agree with what Jim said about some women just liking the attention of guys. Lets face it, ALL women (except for those engaging in alternative life styles

) like to have the attention of men. Whether that be second glances, complements, or whatever. I know some women who thrive on this type of attention. They need it to make themselves feel better, and they'll flirt or be forward with someone to get it. I'm not saying that your friend is that type of girl, but just be aware of it.

Here's a little clip from the experiences of nathan....

I recently moved to a new city, and I got an appartment. It just happens that the leasing agent at my appartments is extremely good looking, and just happens to be my neighbor. Well, I started making excuses to go by the appartment offices when she was working. I spent some time getting to know her, and I'd been picking up signals that perhaps she was interested. I ask her out, and things went great. It turned out that she was interested and was waiting for me to ask her out. It was awesome for a while. I knew she didn't want anything really serious, but we spent lots of time together and got really close...or so I thought (that neighbor thing works great...but it all comes back to haunt you...). Don't worry ladies, I'm am the gent, and things never got sexual other than the cuddling and kissing stuff which all of us guys make fun of until we're doing it.

Anyway, just as I'm really pleased with the whole situation, she comes over and wants to talk. She says she's been doing some thinking, and she wants to pull the brakes. She needs some time to learn how to be single again after dating someone for so long, and she's got some things in her life she wants to take care of before getting serious. She wants to continue hanging out and stuff like that...she said that she really likes me and maybe something can happen in the future, but she just needs some time. Bullshit.

When we first started dating, I learned a bit about her previous relationships. She had broken up with a guy about 6 months prior after dating him for 2 years. During the summer, she dated like 7 guys for a couple of weeks each. I flat out asked her..."I'm not another rebound guy, am I?" She's like, "No, those were the guys I dated in the summer...I'm over that now." Yeah.

Turns out, she's still interested in her ex....a guy that apparently treated her like crap, but that she still wants to be with. They were talking the whole time I was dating her, and they ended up getting back together, and things are freaking peachy....

Anyway, all that to this point. I liked this woman from the start. I liked her, and I was blinded to some important things. As now we are just friends, I've been able to observe some things I wouldn't have seen when I was interested in her. She likes guy's attention. She's a very nice person, when she likes you. She can be down-right flirty. She loves guys to give her complements, to give her attention, to do nice things for her. She needs that to feel good. She said she needed time to be single...bull. She wanted her ex who cheated on her and whom she cheated on...sounds like a formula for success, huh? I, along with those other guys during the summer, was a fleeting interest...a challenge. Someone who treated her right...made her feel great about herself...and whom once she got what she needed and got me hooked, she dropped like a rock. Unfortunately, I don't drop that easy. I continue to be her friend, and for a while, before she got back with her ex, she tried to string me along. I held on hope for something to come of it, but it never did. She wanted me there to make her feel good. I'm all about doing nice things for people, but I found myself begging for her attention, and that, my friend, is downright pathetic. I shoudn't have to beg for anyone's attention, be it a girl or a friend. That realization brought me out of a pretty dark place. I was being used...she wanted her ex...someone who didn't fulfill her needs completely, and she was using me to get what she wasn't getting out of her relationship with him.

That's a long story just to say that, you can never tell what a woman is after when you are infatuated with her. Take a step back and view the whole picture. Look at things from a distance and see what others see. Someone who's not involved in the situation can see things much more clearly than you at times.

I don't know if any of my petty ramblings help anyone or simply take up server space, but sometimes it's as good for me to get them out there. I hope everything works out for you, bud. Take it slow, and don't get infatuated. Guard your heart until you're sure it's right.

Oh...another thing...don't date your neighbor. It sucks after it ends when you live 20 feet away from her.

--nathan

kiku2sleep · 03-21-2002, 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mustangbelle306
Bros before hoes, and chicks before dicks, are the 2 stupidest mottos I've ever heard.

Personally I think its the funniest thing, because as you get older, say early to mid 20s, all of a sudden the "bros" you chose over the "hoes" are now MARRYING the same hoes, and you're left in the cold...I've seen it happen countless times,and still no one learns.

I think you take that quote to seriously. I use that quote all the time. I am also getting married in a month and I even say it in front of my g/f. She knows what I mean. Everyone has the friend that always ditches everyone every time they start dating someone. As soon as they break up then they want to start hanging out again. Just because you are dating doesn’t mean you have to sell out all your friends. I have also lost 2 good friends due to hooking up with my sister. One guy I was friends with for about 4 years hooked up with my sister (or I should say she hooked up with him) and they dated about 2yrs. The breakup was not on the best terms. Now I only talk to him about once a year (although I still consider him a friend). Another friend I knew for about 7yrs just got out of a bad relationship, started dating my sister (who I lived with at the time), about two weeks later he got back with his X, Now I don't think he is allowed to come over anymore because she (my sister) is there. I don’t care anyway, if he still had feelings for his X than he shouldn't have asked my sister out. I thought he was a really good friend, now I only refer to him as a sell out. It has been about 6months and I still have not heard from him. Some one needs to tell that sellout about the whole “Bros before hoes” philosophy.

Mr 5 0 · 03-21-2002, 05:17 PM

Nathan:

Good post re: women who crave attention and encourage guys only to drop them when they get the attention and flattery they seek, then go back to the guy who won't play the game with them. It's an old story and unfortunately keeps being played out every new generation, I guess.

Sorry you were a victim but although pony_ power_90 has decided to cool it, your account still has value as a warning - to those who will take it.

To be fair, guys play the same game, in a slightly different manner. Dating and romancing a girl until she gets ga-ga for him (often having sex with him to 'prove' her affections) , then abruptly dropping her because she's 'crowding him' or some other lame excuse.

Two people in a relationship, serious or casual, balancing each others needs and wants while remaining honest and sincere is almost impossible so some game-playing is probably inevitable but when you intentionally date and drop people just to serve your own ego (male or female) or reassure yourself that you're attractive or whatever, it's cruel and the fact that many do this on a regular basis doesn't make it right.

All you can do is keep your self-respect (and respect others). know yourself; what you need and want and not lose sight of that while getting involved in the games people play.

It's a jungle out there.

Kevin Price · 03-21-2002, 06:28 PM

Here's one for you. My mother had a best friend since childhood, even went to college together. Her friend met a guy she dated and such for a bit. Things just didn't jive so it ended and so my mom started dating this guy. This "guy" ended up being my dad and my mother and her friend remained best friends regardless.

Guess they don't all go bad. A lot depends on the maturity of everyone involved and if the feelings between you and this girl are genuine or merely infatuation. Take it slow but who knows, might work.

PKRWUD · 03-21-2002, 07:01 PM

I'm only aware of one friendship that remained strong after a g/f was dumped by one and picked up by the other. I'm aware of at least a dozen times when it didn't work. My best friend dated and is now married to a woman who used to date a neighbor of mine. We were all friends until my best friend started dating her. The biggest problem was her stories of what a jerk the first guy was, and the lines in the sand they drew. I'd advise against it, but it's a decision you will ultimately have to make.

Take care,
-Chris

03-20-2002, 05:31 PM	#1
Coupe Devil Moderator Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Myrtle Beach SC Posts: 1,643	Problems with friends girl..... This is pretty deep but I need your help. This is gonna be long so prepare yourself. TWO of my friends are together and have been for a while know (over a year). Lately they have been having problems.... I talk to both of them just as friends but all I her out of the guy is how mad he is. He has even stated on several occasions that he wished I'd take her off his hands. We all hang out together and joke around with one another about each other about each others women, (and the ladies joke back so its not just a male pig thing ladies) Mark is always tellin me about all thier problems and its all cool. Lately the girl has been calling me, Just to talk. She doesnt have many friends outside of our little circle and she told me that I was the only one she could trust. So basically I am hearing both sides of this relationship know. Back a few years ago when we were all in school together I wanted to ask this girl out. I never did because all my buddies would've given me a hard time about it cause she is younger (three years) now that doesnt matter so much. I would still love to go out with her. She is real cool and good lookin and all that and we all have fun together when we hang out. I would never try to take a girl away from my buddy but if they were to break it off (which it reall looks like they are going to) should I go after her. Both of them know that I like her and but they also know I wouldnever do anything to tear them apart. I have asked my buddy on several occasions if he wanted me to stop joking around with her like we do, (it can get pretty FORWARD at time) and he said no, that he enjoys it and she will joke back and its all cool so not to worry about it. We all went on a little road trip together a few weeks ago. I drove and they both rode with me. On the way home my buddy slept and me and his girl (who sat in the middle of the truck) just talked all night about any and everything and they're relationship never come up. A few days later he said in general conversation that ever since that night, that the two of us had been alot more friendly with one another. This is all joking around of course. I replied that we were getting along pretty good and that it was hard to fool around with her, with him sleeping in the truck with us. We all laughed and she chimed in and said that it was hard but we managed. Once again we all laughed and went on joking around. We all get alogn great and it would be cool for me if they broke up. I actually think (I dont know but I do think) that she kinda has a thing for me. SHould I try to get with her or not. He is always bitchin anyways and tellin me take her and how big a favor it would be to him. I havent talked to either today but the poo hit the fan last night with them. I am sure I will hear about it today from teh both of them. What do you think I should do????? Granted I dont wanna hurt either of them cause were all so close but its is beginning to worry me.. Enough for know. What would you do?? Brad __________________ 1990 GT, 347, TFS TW Heads, TFS Cam, TFS Track heat, Twin turbos, FMIC, T5. Built Ford Tough Moderator

03-20-2002, 05:46 PM	#2
Tony Frank Registered Member Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Brooklyn originally, but Grand Rapids now Posts: 309	dude i was in the same situation......it will kill the friendship of you and your buddy... i wouldnt do it, after a year of going out your friend will boil inside when he sees her with you. believe me i wouldnt do it. at least wait a good 3 months before doing anyting with the other chick (i mean like dating) if the relationsip wasnt that long id say go for it maybe he wouldnt be as pissed if you got with her. but in all honesty you need to tell your friend how you feel for his girl after they break up. if he says cool then wait a while and then go for it, but just remember BROS before HOES.....lol j/k __________________ Grand Valley State University Senior Accounting and Finance Major 1985 Mustang GT 19,000 ORIGINAL miles, E-303 cam, edelbrock performer RPM intake, holley 600 cfm carb, MAC headers, windage tray, 8.8 rear end with 4.10 gears, 4"cowl hood, 5lug conversion, 04 Mach1 wheels. http://www.mustangworks.com/cgi-bin/moi-display.cgi?1501

03-20-2002, 06:10 PM	#4
Tony Frank Registered Member Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Brooklyn originally, but Grand Rapids now Posts: 309	like i said man, just hope they breake up, then wait a while till you go for her.......just dont do it behind his back and force a break up, let fate take its course then give it time. but after a few months go for it __________________ Grand Valley State University Senior Accounting and Finance Major 1985 Mustang GT 19,000 ORIGINAL miles, E-303 cam, edelbrock performer RPM intake, holley 600 cfm carb, MAC headers, windage tray, 8.8 rear end with 4.10 gears, 4"cowl hood, 5lug conversion, 04 Mach1 wheels. http://www.mustangworks.com/cgi-bin/moi-display.cgi?1501

03-20-2002, 06:45 PM	#5
silver_pilate DURKA DURKA!! Join Date: Sep 1997 Location: Lubbock, TX...(TX panhandle) Posts: 1,418	I agree.... IF they break up, and I mean really break up, you might try asking your buddy how he would feel if you were to ask her out. I wouldn't do it otherwise. Another thing to watch for...a year is a long time. Given, it doesn't sound like they've got the best of relationships, but hey, a connection develops between two people after that length of time. What you don't want to have happen is you ask her out...things go great for a while...then she throws the breaks on giving you some crap about needing time to sort some things out...or time to learn to enjoy being single again. Before you know it, she's dumped you and picked back up with your buddy where they left off. Believe me...I know...I've been there, and few things suck like that does. I guess, like I've said, if they've really broken it off, and she's 100%...make that 754% over your buddy, and it's all good with you friend, go for it. What have you to lose other than several weeks...maybe months of your preciously short life, your pride, your self esteem, your happiness, your heart handed to you in a blood soaked ash covered black box, and possibly your VERY SOUL!!! Hope my cynicism didn't come through too much in that last bit . Whatever happens with it...just enjoy it for what it is, and don't try to make it more than that. Take what you've got and cherish it while it's there. Have fun, and don't let 'em break your heart. --nathan __________________ '91 GT, Coast 347, 9.5:1 compression, full intake, Wolverine 1087 cam, exhaust, Keith Craft ported Windsor Jr. Irons (235 cfm intake, 195 cfm exhaust), AOD, PI 3500 converter, Lentech valve body, 3.73's (4.10's in the works), and Yokohama ES100's out back. Daily Car: '04 Infiniti G35 Sedan 6MT

03-20-2002, 07:22 PM	#6
Godslayer Registered Member Join Date: Mar 1999 Location: Largo, FL USA Posts: 274	I agree... I have been there before too. It's funny how everyone seems to think everything that happens to them is a new thing but it all just repeats itself. I agree with these guys, Wait at least a few months after they break up and then give it a go if you still want to. Why didn't you ask her out before your buddy started dating her? Tony is right. No matter how cool and composed your buddy is, seeing you with his ex g/f will make him boil inside. Wait the few months and see what the atmosphere is like. __________________ Negative Mustang @ present time.

03-20-2002, 10:46 PM	#7
Mustangbelle306 Yay for Chickys Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 1,532	Bros before hoes, and chicks before dicks, are the 2 stupidest mottos I've ever heard. Personally I think its the funniest thing, because as you get older, say early to mid 20s, all of a sudden the "bros" you chose over the "hoes" are now MARRYING the same hoes, and you're left in the cold...I've seen it happen countless times,and still no one learns. I do agree with what was said above: give it time. Its normal for someone to desire time alone after a long term relationship. Doesn't mean its ok to go hog wild and screw half the town, but I'm sure she'll want a period to re evaluate what she wants from a boyfriend. I find it sad that you would consider NOT pursuing a girl you convey as being a great person because you're worried about the feelings of a friend who insists that you take that same wonderful girl "off his hands". Sounds like a real winner to me...NOT. No wonder stuff isn't going well between them...that is a total sign of disrespect. Also, ANY rational person (and good friend) should understand that stuff didnt work out...PERIOD. Just because you could find happiness with his ex doesn't mean the same destiny was meant for him, or that suddenly he realizes the relationship was utter bliss, blah blah etc etc. BTW: I'm not saying you shouldn't care about your friend's feelings. I'm just saying, if he truly is your friend, he would want you to be happy, and if you can find it with a girl he wanted "off his hands"...why not?

03-21-2002, 01:41 AM	#9
Unit 5302 Registered Member Join Date: May 1999 Posts: 5,246	Just because I felt it's important to be completely honest, I'll break this down.. Jack is the friend of Bob, and Jill is the girl. I'm Kell. LOL. Bob and Jack and myself were super good friends. Bob and Jack were best friends for 15 years. Bob was seeing Jill for 2 years when Jack started seeing (stole) her from Bob. Bob tried his absolute hardest to remain friends with Jack, but it became too awkward. Into the tank went a 15 year friendship. I was on the outside, and although I still hung out with Jack on occation, I really disliked Jill. The whole situation pissed me off. I'm not gonna get into details, but I was pissed with all three. Much more so at Jack and Jill though. Jack and Jill are still happy being together (to the best of my knowledge), but neither of them have much for friends. This is the best case scenerio IMO. If it's worth it to you, it's your call. Keep in mind, this is hugely simplifed. I don't have days to type it all out.

03-21-2002, 10:53 AM	#11
Crazy Horse GT Registered Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Sale Creek, TN. C. S. A. Posts: 4,652	uuhhmm anyway pony i would wait awhile before asking her out, i went through this a long time ago,was having problem's with my gal,was riding around with 2 of my friend's -one of them asked me what's up with you two,i said if everyone would butt out,we could work it out well, next thing i know my boy was living with her,to this day i hate him. so take it slow,jmo __________________ 95 gt vert, lot's of stuff, it aint slow. 04 sonic blue v - six my beater 89 rs camaro iroc turbo hood, other stuff, my wifes ride 84 lx stang cammed up 289 hi po, etc 65 falcon, maybe by the year 2020. black 00gt, gone but never forgotten. R H C- member # 1 o.b.c. da prez- member # 1 if your under 40 dont ask. goodbye for now odie,r.i.p. 11-27-03

03-21-2002, 11:22 AM	#12
joe4speed He said Member...heh, heh Join Date: Sep 1999 Location: Jupiter, Florida U.S.A. Posts: 3,718	I would wait too, just be cool. It would make things awkward for everyone, I'm sure you know. Good luck! __________________ *Joe!* 1988 GT, 13.58@101mph Check out my listing! Click here! Or my website:www.joe4speed.com

03-21-2002, 11:29 AM	#13
Coupe Devil Moderator Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Myrtle Beach SC Posts: 1,643	<-----is gonna play it cool I am just gonna play it cool for a while. If they are supposed to break it off and her be with me cool. If not I wish them the best of luck together. Brad __________________ 1990 GT, 347, TFS TW Heads, TFS Cam, TFS Track heat, Twin turbos, FMIC, T5. Built Ford Tough Moderator

03-21-2002, 11:33 AM	#14
Crazy Horse GT Registered Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Sale Creek, TN. C. S. A. Posts: 4,652	good decision brad ,best of luck to you man __________________ 95 gt vert, lot's of stuff, it aint slow. 04 sonic blue v - six my beater 89 rs camaro iroc turbo hood, other stuff, my wifes ride 84 lx stang cammed up 289 hi po, etc 65 falcon, maybe by the year 2020. black 00gt, gone but never forgotten. R H C- member # 1 o.b.c. da prez- member # 1 if your under 40 dont ask. goodbye for now odie,r.i.p. 11-27-03

03-21-2002, 11:44 AM	#15
Mr 5 0 Conservative Individualist Join Date: May 1997 Location: Wherever I need to be Posts: 7,487	Calling Jerry Springer! In my experience these 'Dating my Best Friend's Ex' situations are tricky and either go great and everyone is happy or, much more often, go bad and everyone is miserable. No need to for me to amplify what's already been said here as I agree with the cautious approach most advise. The main thing is that your friend feels positive that he and the girl in question broke up on their own and that he doesn't feel that you pushed it along behind his back...which he may eventually believe anyway, even if it isn't true. What the girl does is up to her but I'm sure she subconsciously enjoys the attention of two guys, even if yours is platonic, so far. Personally, I wouldn't touch this girl beyond a platonic friendship as the whole situation carries way too much baggage and were it me, I would prefer someone a little less unencumbered and a less potentially divisive dating situation. But that's just me.

03-21-2002, 12:41 PM	#16
silver_pilate DURKA DURKA!! Join Date: Sep 1997 Location: Lubbock, TX...(TX panhandle) Posts: 1,418	Damn it...I just lost a freaking long post....so this will likely be a bit shortened simply because I'm pissed at having to type it again... I completely agree with what Jim said about some women just liking the attention of guys. Lets face it, ALL women (except for those engaging in alternative life styles ) like to have the attention of men. Whether that be second glances, complements, or whatever. I know some women who thrive on this type of attention. They need it to make themselves feel better, and they'll flirt or be forward with someone to get it. I'm not saying that your friend is that type of girl, but just be aware of it. Here's a little clip from the experiences of nathan.... I recently moved to a new city, and I got an appartment. It just happens that the leasing agent at my appartments is extremely good looking, and just happens to be my neighbor. Well, I started making excuses to go by the appartment offices when she was working. I spent some time getting to know her, and I'd been picking up signals that perhaps she was interested. I ask her out, and things went great. It turned out that she was interested and was waiting for me to ask her out. It was awesome for a while. I knew she didn't want anything really serious, but we spent lots of time together and got really close...or so I thought (that neighbor thing works great...but it all comes back to haunt you...). Don't worry ladies, I'm am the gent, and things never got sexual other than the cuddling and kissing stuff which all of us guys make fun of until we're doing it. Anyway, just as I'm really pleased with the whole situation, she comes over and wants to talk. She says she's been doing some thinking, and she wants to pull the brakes. She needs some time to learn how to be single again after dating someone for so long, and she's got some things in her life she wants to take care of before getting serious. She wants to continue hanging out and stuff like that...she said that she really likes me and maybe something can happen in the future, but she just needs some time. Bullshit. When we first started dating, I learned a bit about her previous relationships. She had broken up with a guy about 6 months prior after dating him for 2 years. During the summer, she dated like 7 guys for a couple of weeks each. I flat out asked her..."I'm not another rebound guy, am I?" She's like, "No, those were the guys I dated in the summer...I'm over that now." Yeah. Turns out, she's still interested in her ex....a guy that apparently treated her like crap, but that she still wants to be with. They were talking the whole time I was dating her, and they ended up getting back together, and things are freaking peachy.... Anyway, all that to this point. I liked this woman from the start. I liked her, and I was blinded to some important things. As now we are just friends, I've been able to observe some things I wouldn't have seen when I was interested in her. She likes guy's attention. She's a very nice person, when she likes you. She can be down-right flirty. She loves guys to give her complements, to give her attention, to do nice things for her. She needs that to feel good. She said she needed time to be single...bull. She wanted her ex who cheated on her and whom she cheated on...sounds like a formula for success, huh? I, along with those other guys during the summer, was a fleeting interest...a challenge. Someone who treated her right...made her feel great about herself...and whom once she got what she needed and got me hooked, she dropped like a rock. Unfortunately, I don't drop that easy. I continue to be her friend, and for a while, before she got back with her ex, she tried to string me along. I held on hope for something to come of it, but it never did. She wanted me there to make her feel good. I'm all about doing nice things for people, but I found myself begging for her attention, and that, my friend, is downright pathetic. I shoudn't have to beg for anyone's attention, be it a girl or a friend. That realization brought me out of a pretty dark place. I was being used...she wanted her ex...someone who didn't fulfill her needs completely, and she was using me to get what she wasn't getting out of her relationship with him. That's a long story just to say that, you can never tell what a woman is after when you are infatuated with her. Take a step back and view the whole picture. Look at things from a distance and see what others see. Someone who's not involved in the situation can see things much more clearly than you at times. I don't know if any of my petty ramblings help anyone or simply take up server space, but sometimes it's as good for me to get them out there. I hope everything works out for you, bud. Take it slow, and don't get infatuated. Guard your heart until you're sure it's right. Oh...another thing...don't date your neighbor. It sucks after it ends when you live 20 feet away from her. --nathan __________________ '91 GT, Coast 347, 9.5:1 compression, full intake, Wolverine 1087 cam, exhaust, Keith Craft ported Windsor Jr. Irons (235 cfm intake, 195 cfm exhaust), AOD, PI 3500 converter, Lentech valve body, 3.73's (4.10's in the works), and Yokohama ES100's out back. Daily Car: '04 Infiniti G35 Sedan 6MT

03-21-2002, 05:17 PM	#18
Mr 5 0 Conservative Individualist Join Date: May 1997 Location: Wherever I need to be Posts: 7,487	Dating 101 Nathan: Good post re: women who crave attention and encourage guys only to drop them when they get the attention and flattery they seek, then go back to the guy who won't play the game with them. It's an old story and unfortunately keeps being played out every new generation, I guess. Sorry you were a victim but although pony_ power_90 has decided to cool it, your account still has value as a warning - to those who will take it. To be fair, guys play the same game, in a slightly different manner. Dating and romancing a girl until she gets ga-ga for him (often having sex with him to 'prove' her affections) , then abruptly dropping her because she's 'crowding him' or some other lame excuse. Two people in a relationship, serious or casual, balancing each others needs and wants while remaining honest and sincere is almost impossible so some game-playing is probably inevitable but when you intentionally date and drop people just to serve your own ego (male or female) or reassure yourself that you're attractive or whatever, it's cruel and the fact that many do this on a regular basis doesn't make it right. All you can do is keep your self-respect (and respect others). know yourself; what you need and want and not lose sight of that while getting involved in the games people play. It's a jungle out there.

03-21-2002, 06:28 PM	#19
Kevin Price Registered Member Join Date: Jan 1999 Location: Oxford, KS Posts: 935	Here's one for you. My mother had a best friend since childhood, even went to college together. Her friend met a guy she dated and such for a bit. Things just didn't jive so it ended and so my mom started dating this guy. This "guy" ended up being my dad and my mother and her friend remained best friends regardless. Guess they don't all go bad. A lot depends on the maturity of everyone involved and if the feelings between you and this girl are genuine or merely infatuation. Take it slow but who knows, might work. __________________ 2001 Mustang "Mach 1" SVO siamesed 351 stroked to 417ci,Yates heads, solid roller,Trans King glide. Best 1/4 ET 9.17 (ALL MOTOR) Best 1/4 MPH 147 My Car

03-21-2002, 07:01 PM	#20
PKRWUD Junior Member Join Date: Mar 1999 Location: Ventura, California Posts: 8,981	I'm only aware of one friendship that remained strong after a g/f was dumped by one and picked up by the other. I'm aware of at least a dozen times when it didn't work. My best friend dated and is now married to a woman who used to date a neighbor of mine. We were all friends until my best friend started dating her. The biggest problem was her stories of what a jerk the first guy was, and the lines in the sand they drew. I'd advise against it, but it's a decision you will ultimately have to make. Take care, -Chris __________________ Webmaster: Rice Haters Club Jim Porter Racing Peckerwoods Pit Stop Support Your Local RED & WHITE!

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