[Jeb_Bush_2000]

Amusing anecdote about a modded Mustang:


I saw a teal green LX hatchback once, at Dmitri's Discount Cars & Blankets. The enormous fiberglass wing on the back was attached with two drywall screws. One wheel was a "ten-hole" that looked like it lost a fight with an angle grinder. One was a donut, and the remaining two were those multi-spoke aluminum ones that you can get at Wal-Mart for $49 apiece, sans clearcoat in many places.

It was unlocked. A flashy, unlocked car in the middle of Crackton. That alone should have sent me running.


I opened the driver's door, which immediately dropped about three inches. I got in. The arm-rest was in the back seat. The entire dash was painted black, with white stripes. The gray cloth was stained brown in a handful of areas. This was later revealed to be from the leaky sunroof.


When someone came out to talk to me, I requested the keys. The kid got a funny look on his face, mumbled something, and then went to get the manager. The manager returned with the keys, and gave me a brief primer on this particular vehicle. It had:


"high power engine",

"stick transmission",

"new paint",

"gearing" (?),

"back brakes...not yet", and,

"five hundred watt amp and sub"


Apparently the former owner spent all his money on a system instead of on, y'know, the broken things.


I took it for a drive. Boy, it sure didn't have rear brakes! It did have a super-loud exhaust (two-chamber Flows, I guess) and 3.73's. The shifter was missing a nut, or something, so shifting it was akin to performing surgery while wearing mittins. In the dark.


I took it to my mechanic. As I rolled up, he said, "What the f***? You buy this thing?" (Picture Joe Pesci in a greasy jumpsuit, smoking a $.35 cigar while rebuilding a carb. That's my mechanic)


He took it for a run up the street, and I will admit, it peeled out quite nicely, but on his way back, his attempt to pull a "Jim Rockford" failed right about the time he found out there were no rear brakes. After we winched it out from between the dumpsters, we looked under the hood. Nothing fancy...just some pullies and a cold-air intake, and a hot coil. Shut the hood...and the car stalls.


35 minutes later we get it going again, and limp it back to the dealer on five, maybe six cylinders (the sixth might have just been going with the flow). I handed the manager the keys and politely declined his offer to "step inside and crunch number".


The asking price for this world-class vehicle? EIGHTY-FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS.


So...well...watch out for modded cars. They can be trouble.