[rbohm]

more jokes:

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"


1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-"
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space."
8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.


Things that are difficult to say when you are drunk:
> Indubitably
> Innovative
> Preliminary
> Proliferation
> Cinnamon
>
> Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk:
> Specificity
> British
> Constitution
> Loquacious
> Transubstantiate
>
> Things that are downright IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk:
> Thanks, ! but I don't want to have sex.
> Nope, no more booze for me.
> Sorry, but you're not really my type.
> Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
> Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.



Why Star Wars Is Better Than Real Life

In real life, people drive "the Pacer", "the Pinto", and "the Station Wagon;" In Star Wars, people drive "Speeder Bikes", "X-wing fighters", and "the Millennium Falcon."

In real life, bar fights with strange looking people are often looked at as bad and sinful; In Star Wars, bar fights with strange looking creatures is heroic and the way of the just Jedi Knight.

In real life, people that talk to small fuzzy creatures are called crazy; In Star Wars, people that talk to small fuzzy creatures are called galactic ambassadors.

In real life, people who dress up in tight plastic/leather outfits are considered tacky and queer; In Star Wars, they're called "Storm Troopers" and are feared by all.

In real life, people often stink up the bathroom with their fecal odors, toilet paper runs out, and people get diarrhea; In Star Wars, no one has ever used the bathroom.

In real life, tall hairy, humanlike creatures are rarely seen by backwoods alcoholics, and are named ridiculous things like "Bigfoot" and "Sasquatch"; In Star Wars, tall hairy humanlike creatures are called Wookiees, and have their own language, planet, social structure, and carry formidable weaponry.

In real life, people must deal with the problems of children; In Star Wars, children do not exist.

In real life, it is often difficult to understand the languages of others, such as 7-11 employees, fast food window operators, and college profs.; In Star Wars, everyone understands everybody, regardless of language barriers.

In real life, the extremely obese are often sadly shunned by society; In Star Wars, the extremely obese Jabba the Hutt is a pimp daddy, and has his own sail barge, lounge room, and dancers to keep him occupied--he is envied by all.

In real life, people often have problems doing simple mechanical things like operating can openers, programming VCRs, and playing Nintendo; In Star Wars, Droids do all the busy work in half the time.

In real life, some people are complete losers; In Star Wars, everybody has a story to tell that's worth listening to.

In real life, people sometimes smell; In Star Wars, people are never "ripe", and yet they need not shower

Glaciers

A woman on her first visit to Denali National Park in Alaska said to her guide, "Look at all those big rocks. Wherever did they come from?"


"The glaciers brought them down," said the guide.


"But where are the glaciers," the woman asked.


"The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice, "have gone back for more rocks."


Subject: TV anchor woman Barbara Walters did a story
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> > TV anchor woman Barbara Walters did a story on gender
roles in
> Kuwait
> > >> >several years before the Gulf War. She noted that women
customarily
> > >> >walked a few feet behind their husbands.
> > >> >
> > >> >In a follow-up story, she returned to Kuwait recently and
observed
> that
> > >> >men now walked several yards behind their wives.
> > >> >
> > >> >Ms. Walters approached one of the Kuwaiti women and said,
"This is
> > >> >marvelous! Can you tell the free world just what it was
that
enabled
> > >> >women here to achieve this total reversal of
roles?"
> > >> >
> > >> >"Land mines," replied the woman.
> > >>