Quality of Life and the struggle.
 

Hello Everyone. Been a while since I actually started a thread. I havent been able to keep up with my good friends here for a long while. Life has managed to keep me extremely busy, and always on my toes, and my toes are getting very tired.

At the Shipping company I work for, we had to do a survey. A questionare concerning management, equality, and quality of life. That last one struck me. Quality of Life. What there refering to is life outside of your job, and how/if your job disrupts your personal life.

Those five seconds, with the phone reciever in my ear, the little gray matter flashed back. Flashed back to times that were far from happy. Heated arguments with friends and family because of countless broken promises, and canceled arrangments because of work. A broken and damaged relationship that seems as ominouis as a ride on the Titanic.

Little did I realize that the electronic voice buzzed the question back 3 times, I had been lost in a trance that long.

All day long that term rung in my head...Quality of life. Sure I have a few nice cars, and a job. But that seems to be all. I realized that I'm not happy, that there is a deep emptiness/lonliness, a void somewhere in my soul.

An emptiness and blackness devouring sanity, nerves, and my personality. That night I took a long look at myself in the mirror at work, after everyone left. The reflection starring back at me, was not me, but something else, someone else. Sure he bore a strong resemblance to me, but the heavy blood rimmed eyes, the puffy bags of flesh underneath them, the sagging shoulders.....This couldnt be me, even the sparks of humor seemed extinguished.

My mind went back to my crumbling relationship, At that time...I felt pitty, for me...The wrong person.

Last night, while over a friends house, I was slapped in the face by a relization that it was me that was causing the heart ache in pain. An image on a TV screen, an image that was incripted on a piece of silicon and read by a laser...A series of moving images of a man bieng Verbally Abusive, and physically abusive...Images of a man having substance addictions.....It hit me....

I had to leave, I couldnt keep my compusure. I'm not one to hold in tears, emotions, but it was about to come rushing out. I had to leave.

For the last few months..I have been nothing but a mass of anger and bad launguage..I have verbally abused the ones I love, the ones that care. I have let down the ones I love, and not cared about it. I just blamed them, and got mad at them. Less people started talking to me.

I made it 3/4's the way home and had to pull over. It let loose. What have I turned into? What started out as a beer every other night turned into 4 everynight for the last month....Sometimes chased by shots of something. And I have no tolerance. I havent cracked a joke in so long that people at work have noticed. Without humor, my perspective began to change....Everthing seemed hopelessly out of control...So far away. I had no tolerance for anyone.

I dont remember getting home. I remember looking in that mirror and saying Its time for ME. I'm not going to let myself go spiraling down hill because of Stress, family problems, and I'm not going to let my relationship fall apart. I'm not going to drink my problems away. I'm not going to let down those who where always there for me....

One thing I need though....A good laugh...Anyone got a joke??

Re: Quality of Life and the struggle.
 

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in the bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks, "Where are you from?" I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds, "You don't say. I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of course," replies the second man, and they both pour back their drinks.
Curious, the first man then asks, "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin!" The men both continue drinking. Curiosity strikes again and the first man asks, "What school did you go to?"
"St. Mary's," replied the second man. "I graduated in '62." "This is unbelievable," the first man says. "I went to St. Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Mally twins are drunk again."

Take care,
~Chris

Thanks PKRWUD.

That was a pretty good one.

That's some heavy stuff, Merc...My thoughts are with you...

I got a couple jokes too:

A priest, a Rabbi and a Chinese man walk into a bar...
Bartender says, "what is this, some kinda joke?"


Another one:

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street. The priest spots a young boy playing in a sandbox. He turns to the rabbi and asks, "Hey, rabbi, you wanna screw that kid"
Rabbi replies, "Sure! Out of what?"

Feel better man.

Well Merc, I hope things get better for ya. Do yourself a favor and lay off the drinkin though. I can't think of any jokes right now... except for my life, heheheh.:p

Repairable Car Classified Translations
 

Don't forget the repairables section.

EZ Front (The Mustang is now a mid engined sports car)

EZ Roll (went off a cliff)

EZ (Not easy, major work needed)

Drives around the lot (If the attendants jack it up on all 4 corners with floor jacks and push you in it)

Drive it away (I wouldn't)

Minor engine damage (More windows in the block than in a 5 star hotel)

Lt Hit (Took a shell from an M1A1 tank during Army combat maneuver)

Engine fire (Before it spread to the rest of the car)

Doesn't run (submerged in 20 ft of water)

Minor Flood (coral reef beginning to form on the seats)

The asking prices for these things are crazy too. Especially motorcycles.

2000 Triumph TT600. Only 2,000mi. Drove off cliff, rolled all the way down 200ft. Started on fire. Only Needs engine, frame, electronics, plastic, lights, wheels, tires, and miscellaneous. Melted, twisted frame can be recycled at local plant for like $15!!! Charred plastic makes really cool pencils!!!
Bk value $5500, asking only $4999.


By the way, lay off the booze man. Nothing good coming out of it for you except an empty wallet.

Hey man, this sounds really serious.
Give me a call if you care to talk about it... :(

Merc,

I once was where you were. I would drag myself to work and drink coffee all morning, soda all afternoon just to stay awake. Then it was home to three or more beers to help me sleep. Nothing was fun, and nothing seemed worthwhile. To top it off I was like 30 lbs overweight too.

I hated work, and I didn't recognize the mean, fat basterd I had become.

Figured out that I had to do something about it and I did. Dropped the weight, cut back on all the drinking, and am not letting work get in the way of my life. It was hard to do, but I am better off (and better at work) for it.

So now here's the joke. Read it out loud, it will make more sense.;)

A blonde walks into the bar, sits down and orders a beer.

Barternder looks up and says, "Anheiser Busch?"

Blonde says, "Just fine. How's you co*k?"

Merc. I think you should quit your job and become a writer. You have a unique way of using your words. Just my opinion. Maybe that will reduce your stress and drinking habits.

dang merc im sorry to hear that, i hope everything works out and you get better and start hanging out with us more u will have fun that is a given.
Get better man
mike

check your p.m. merc.

see....I TOLD you drinking that Old Millwakee would screw you up....but did you listen NOOOOOOO.;) :p :D :)

Here is one that I posted b4. Some of you may remember it, but I love it:
The Loyal Butler

........Hope you feel better Merc.

Hi Merc, I can relate to how you feel, but for me it wasn't just beer it was drugs too. I like you had to take a deep look at myself in the mirror to see what I had become. I had 3 wonderful kids and didn't realize what I was doing because I was not happy with myself. Till the day I stood in the bathroom and said " God what have I done" and stood there for a very long time rehasing what had happended in my life that had turned me into a person I was really not.
That day turned my life around, I quit drugs and really slowed down on the drinking and enjoy my children again.Now its just an occasial wine cooler. Becoming the mother that I once was a while back was the best thing I could have done for myself. And my children.
And have my relationship with Marty that we were unable to accomplise before. Not being happy with yourself can do a lot of damage, and its so nice to be back to the person I was before.
I think that you are on the right track. And you can do it. Because I have spoke to you before on the phone and I know who you really are. A bright, smart, young, warm, kind, loving man. And now that you have taken that spot of looking at yourself, I am very confindent that you have returned back to us. Odie:cool:

merc, brother if you wanna talk call me, he-- call me collect, i dont care, i know how you feel, work is killing me right now, ive even lost most of my sense of humour, that isnt me, i love jokes & being happy go- lucky, getting wasted isnt the answer, i thought it was years ago, but it hurts too much now, i gotta good joke for ya but it would take too long to write it, take care man, you got my #. if you need to dial it, take care bro.:)

Thanks guys for all the positive reinforcement. I'm lucky to have such understanding friends (You all, and my friends here in NC).

Just had to slap myself, and wake up and smell the coffie...Now if I can just get my Girl Friend to understand a little more.:( I got alot of making up to do there also.

Thanks again guys.

I'm still waiting for me to hit bottem, but so far, still trucken. I'm amazed that I didn't lose it before I came over here. All my cars are broke, I'm broke, I havn't had a g/f in about 4 years now, not even a girl close to me, My one person who I loved, now is too interested in another guy to want to talk to me, but I don't blame her because I'm so far away. To top it off, my highlight of my life so far is going to be when I can get that '65 Fastback, and go home for 30 days. After that, I have nothing planned. So, I'll be there soon. Take care, and get better Merc.

Merc, maybe you should lay off the girlfriends for a while. I don't want to tell you how to run your life, but when I was at MY personal worst point, I kept looking for help in others...for someone to be close to...And really, everytime you post its about "looking for a girl" or "my new gf".

I think you need to be single for a while (wimmin can be a real headache sometimes! ;) ) and sort out what's important to YOU in your life right now, what you would like to change about yourself, and what's missing that you liked when things were better. Hear what I'm saying?

From everything you say, you seem like the type of guy that will shower his GF in attention and emotion. That's a good thing, but in order for you to set yourself straight, I think you may need to pay attention to YOURSELF for a while, make it "Damien Time" for once ;) Hang in there!

Merc... Buy a motorcycle (if you don't have one)...

It will do wonders for ya! That's what I did coming off a REALLY bad relationship a few years ago. I did nothing but riiiiide. It really cleared my head and heart!