[Mr 5 0]

Mercury:

Thanks for giving us the final scene in this episode of the 'Where's Marya' saga.

Seriously; I'm glad it was 'all a misunderstanding' and nothing bad happened to the woman but you had to suffer a lot of angst over this and you have a perfect right to be highly skeptical of anything Marya says at this point.

I'm very suspicious of (and have an aversion to) female minipulation in a dating scenario so I concur with your current cautious attitude.

I would consider having dinner (or doing something else public and non-committal) with her to reestablish contact but don't dwell on the last week's events or make accusations. See how she comes across and go from there.

Frankly, if she is really so busy, I don't see how you two can ever have get anything going. There is simply no avoiding the fact that it takes time together to establish a relationship. You both need to not only talk, openly and freely without holding back or attempting to project some idealized 'image', but you need to see and experience each other in various settings and situations; tired, hassled, happy, giddy, worried, frightened, whatever - in order to really learn about who the other really is, not what they want you to think they are or what you may wish they were.

That takes time, real honesty and a willingness to possibly be rejected for who you are as well as taking the chance that you'll ultimately reject her for who she really is, as it may not be at all compatable with you or your needs and desires.

This risk is the price of being honest and when it works it's a great reward and when it doesn't - and you end up parting - it's still a reward as you know you did the right thing for the right reasons. Point is; all this requires honesty on the part of both people involved; without that, you're wasating your time. Marya needs to understand that, without accusing her but with sincerity and a desire to 'be real'.

Dating and relationships, once beyond the adolescent level, take a lot of work, which means a lot of time. That's why folks who marry after a few months of dating usually end up divorced - and the exceptions only prove the rule.

I would consider that you make the suggestion to Marya that perhaps you both should wait until after tax season to get together, when she may have more time for dating, but that you both try to stay in touch in the meantime. See what she says. This isn't a ploy; if she's really so busy, you're simply responding to the reality of the situation. If she still wants to 'make time' for you then it has to be concrete; that is, she can't do this disappearing act again. She has to understand that 'once is enough'.

As for having your phone number(s); here's a suggestion: Tell Marya to set up a database on her computer listing all of her phone numbers. Save it and print it off; putting it next to her phone at home and/or at the office.
That way, she has it printed out and if she loses it or forgets it, it's on the computer hard drive. Of course she should add your number(s) to her cell phone address book for easy access.

Frankly, I'm still skeptical and somewhat suspicious of this lady and this whole 'Where's Marya' episode but it's your call and I trust you know a lot more than any of us as to what's your next best move. Just be cautious.

Best of luck to you Merc - and thanks for a great bit of factual storytelling with a semi-happy ending.