Quote:
|
2nd, Mr 5.0 you said you give the paper an A, then you said you had a problem with the premise......then a long list of things of things that you say are wrong or you disagree with, therefore if you were the teacher, with the list given of complaints, that wouldnt be an A.
|
Personnal opinions should never be included for a grade on a paper. He said it was a well written piece, and as "teacher" he gave it an "A." As "friend" he didn't agree.
Quote:
|
THAT IS WHAT THE PAPER IS ABOUT. THINKING FOR YOURSELF.
|
No it isn't. The subject of a paper is revealed in the first sentence. Your subject and conclusion are two different topics.
Quote:
|
What type of cat causes pollution when cold, attempts to work when hot, and is hazardous to your health? If you own an automobile, you most likely have one in your exhaust system. A catalytic converter (commonly referred to as a “cat”) is a pollution-control device that has been required on most vehicles in the USA since the mid 1980s.
|
That is your topic. You only covered one of your topic points in the body of the paper; the health effects. You failed to cover how it causes pollution WHEN COLD and how it ATTEMPTS TO WORK WHEN HOT.
Quote:
|
Although the automotive industry has come a long way in producing more environmentally sound products, much improvement is still required in order to secure a better future. Now that we know the problem, what do we do about it? As a citizen you should be concerned about your environment, and as a consumer (emissions equipment accounts for 2% of a car’s MSRP) you should insist on an effective product for your money. Essentially, the catalytic converter was an attempt to trade one evil for a lesser-known evil (smog for health issues and global warming). As we learn more about the effects of our technological advances, we must continue to improve our preventative techniques, and the public must be part of that forward movement.
|
That is your conclusion. At no point was the premis of becoming an active part of your future mentioned in the topic. Your paper is non sequitur; the conclusion does not follow the premises.
Quote:
|
so please excuse the colloquial writing,
|
It was not a colloquial piece; it was a formal piece. For instance, you described what a cat was in simple terms so anyone could understand. In colloquial, or informal, writing you would have said it was a round thingy filled with some sort of chemicals and such.
I have a BS/MS PHD in Critical Thinking and Writing. For a highschool piece this is a good paper. Let us know what you get on it. I know what you originally intended with it. When I answered I was just expanding on the subject, as I am now. I never meant to offend you, Belle.
Oh, and nobody wears heels to work on a car. J/K
