The highway of eternity.

[Mercury]

A brisk wind greeted me as I walked out the door. Warding of the cover of night, the parking lot glowed in the incadesent lights. The night air, like the wind, was frigid.

Something was tugging at me, something I couldnt put a finger on at the time. As I drove off, I looked over at the empty parking lot. For some unkown reason, I slowed to a halt and watched the leaves dance in the wind across it.

The sound of a passing semi snapped me from my trance. I drove on, turning onto 401 as I do everynight. Nothing, just like the parking lot, there wasnt a soul on the road. Just me traveling down the paved black top under the canapoy of stars. Bored from familiarity, my mind began to wonder.

There came a point when the line of definition between the road I travelled down, and the roadway of my mind became a blur. I'm not sure at what point that was.

9 years ago, it wasnt a road that my soul travelled down, but a twisting, undulating knot of dark colors and shapes, writhing in pain and intense hatred.

I headed down the highway of eternity guided only by a lack of any choice of direction, and illumintated by what little energy i have left.

There were no stars, there was no moon. Only the ribbon of layed asphalt, and blur of trees. No matter how long I go, how fast I go, the landscape is the same, there is never a break in the monotony of it.

I begin to feel fear creeping through my body and mind. I look at my rear view mirror. Nothing. Emptiness, same of the landscape ahead. But what I fear lurks behind me. Close behind. Never tiring, unrelenting, it drives me foward. I push the accerlerator down. IT paces me without so much as a hesitation.

No matter how wide the throttle plate is open, no matter how fast I am going. They are there. Masquerading in the cover of darkness. Threatining to swallow me if I slow, or tire. I have to keep pushing myself, driving my self foward. Even though its blindly with out direction.

The past cannot be shaken, and will not let itself be forgotten. It will not allow to be left behind, or pushed aside. It will not allow me to forgive. Its there, always drawing closer and closer till the pain becomes unbearable as it has before. No matter how hard I try how hard I work myself, its there. Right behind me.

I am begining to lose energy. I can not run forever, but I fear what has almost happened before will happen again if I slow. I hope and pray that someone else will occupy this road along with me. Maybe they will scare away what it is that follows me with such intensity.

[MidNiteBlu 5.0]

That is really cool man. You are a very good writer hehe. Was that all off the top of your head? Its very good.

Later,
Nick

[89LXFLEA]

MERC. that is a cool way to
look at life in general but
you should just hit the brakes
let it catch you.....she will find
you sooner or later more
sooner than later.......



keep your chin up

FLEA

[Coupe Devil]

Finally, MERC has come back to world of great storys. That was cool man. How do come up witht this stuff. No matter what you write, I always enjoy reading it. You should seriously think about publishing some of this stuff. I dont like to read. I really dont se much point in alot of it. If whatever I am reading cathes my attention and holds it, its good. I dont know what to tell you to do about publishing it but i'd buy the book.

Brad

[Mr 5 0]

Mercury:

Re: The Highway of Eternity

I think I went down that road, once, but eventually found the exit.
So will you.

A passenger on life's journey makes a huge difference, as you obviously realize, but don't pick up just any hitchiker, some can be dangerous. Sometimes, you just have to go it alone.

Leaving your baggage behind may be the hardest thing to do, and it won't happen all at once, but at some point you just have to decide to leave it behind. Only you can do that.

Metaphorical writing is very useful and I assume that writing this piece was cathartic for you and if so, I encourage you to continue.

[mustangdani55]

Damien....
How eloquent you are!!!

[Mercury]

Yesterday I was given news of something disturbing, well disturbing to me.

Back when me and Eric (Guy with the Fairlane, and 1960 T-bird) first became friends, up till the time he moved to Cary, use to work on and wash our cars over his house.

When ever we came outside to do what ever to our cars, there was this kid that would run out of his house, with his skateboard in hand and just roll around on it, watching us, with obvious intrest. He was always alone, I think he had a friend with him once or twice before.

I noticed that when ever we'd go into erics house, a few minutes later, the kid would pick up his skate board and head back home.

I never talked to him, or invited him to come over and look at the cars. I never gave it much of a thought. I placed the kids age to be around 10 years old. Over the years, he still did the same thing. Just tooling around till we were finished.

The driver that delivers to that area remembers Eric from when he used to work with us, and got along with us.

That little kid, the lonley one with the skateboard, at the age of 15, put a gun to his head and ended his life.

I didnt know the kid, but I remember him. If only I knew back then what would happen a few years later. If only I knew. I feel angry, not towards the kid, or myself, I dont know what really towards.

I wish I would of invited him to come over and look at the cars closely, or asked him if would like to help. He was so obviously intersted.

I have came so closely before to traveling down that same road, several times. But with dumb luck, the strength given to me by god, I'm here today. It wasnt easy, still isnt, but I know the pain. I feel for that kid and am saddened by his actions.

I'm lucky to be surronded with friends, good friends. Thats probably all that kid needed was an understanding friend.

[Mr 5 0]

Mercury:

A very sad, tragic story that is all too common. I lost an aquaintance (at 17) from the same cause; a self-inflicted bullet. Ironically, I had befriended another kid (at 15) who attempted suicide but recovered and was simply hungry for acceptance, which I offered and he gratefully accepted. It was very easy to do.

Of course we can't ever know what inner demons drove this young guy to take his life before he was even old enough to get a drivers license, but it's usually a feeling of despair and the inability to see any hope for the future. How sad is that, at 15?

Obviously, you feel a bit guilty as well as saddened by this loss, as you should. So would I. Yes, maybe you could have momentarily befriended the kid and maybe that would have made some difference in his life, but maybe not. Some older guys talking to him might not have changed his despair and maybe he was so shy that he would have just skated away had you approached him. Who can know these things? Not you, or me.

I suggest that you or anyone interested in reading this use this unhappy incident to open yourself to others a bit more in the future. Saying 'hi' to that shy girl or kid won't take much effort but can change a person's life, and even if it doesn't or they reject your acknowledgment, what have you lost? A random act of kindness is never wasted.

Something to at least consider on this occasion of loss for you, Merc, as I'm sure you will.

[Fox Body]

...Saying 'hi' to that shy girl or kid won't take much effort but can change a person's life, and even if it doesn't or they reject your acknowledgment, what have you lost?...

I agree. That is something we should all take note on. On the other hand, Hg, you are not responsible for that kid's action even though your actions could've had an effect on his actions.
Don't really know what else to say.... just reading the thread.....I hope that's okay...

[silver_pilate]

I hear you, Merc, and my empathy goes out to you.

I've been in the same place a lot of these kids who commit suicide have been. Life can seem so hard at a given moment that nothing on earth can possibly ease the pain. I think it's something that everyone of us has gone through to some extent. The quiet loneliness. The hidden tears. Growing up ain't easy, and nobody promised that it would be.

In highschool, I had a friend who took his own life. He went to a gas station and filled up a gas jug at the pump. He went into the store and paid for the gasoline after which he went back to the parking lot, poured the gas on himself and lit a match.

I share this story because of this: Jess was well liked. He had many friends. He surely wasn't lacking in attention...he always had a way of making people laugh...a real cut-up. The point is that no one may ever know what drove Jess to take his life when it seemed he had everything going for him. Who knows what causes anyone to take their life. It may be lonliness or lack of friends, but then again, it could be something entirely different. Something in them just snaps and everything is blown out of perspective.

Don't beat yourself up over this. There's no way you could possible know what was in that kid's head, and there's no way you can possibly go back and change the past. Use this as a lesson, if you must make something out of it. Make it a goal not to take anyone for granted. That's about all you can do sometimes.

May God bless you and the family of that boy.

--nathan

[Mustangbelle306]

...

[Crazy Horse GT]

geez merc i dont know what to say, i feel like that a lot lately ,i try to post funny stuff or happy stuff, many time's lately i have looked at my 357 magnum, & thought hel- i will just hear bang, for a second, but there is NO way i can do it,so i just scuffle on everyday,in the end there really is nothing you can do for anyone, except go on with thing's,i hate that the kid took his own life,too sad ,i just try and remember,everyday is a trial, take care my friend & don't let it bring you down,i alway's say, someone else has it worse off then me,l8ter bro.

Merc

How I can identify with this story..

Back in junior high school,there was a classmate named Jamie.A very small guy prolly 5'3 and very slim. He was a very shy guy,very intelligent from what I always gathered,but at the same time because of his small size was picked on alot.

I had him in my gym class,I myself never participated in the partaking of making fun of his size or any such thing,I always thought he was a good guy.

It was one day in gym class he asked me if I could wait for him after school,he never gave a reason ,just wanted me to wait for him after school.I don't remember what my reasoning was at the time,but I never waited up for him. A few days later,he shot himself.

They say time heals all wounds,but in my case,I to this day wish I woulda have waited to see what he had wanted me to wait for him after school for..maybe he needed someone to talk to?