more on love

[Mr 5 0]

jocatmust:

I'm coming in late to the thread and don't know all the details as I never saw the deleted post but here's what I do see: Two self-centered people (which is common and expected when you wait until your 30's to marry) who didn't totally commit to the marriage. As soon as things went poorly, he wants to cut and run. You hinted at some 'neglect' of your new husband due to some undefined 'problems' you had early on so that obviously hurt the marriage. Men want not only unconditional love, as do women, but respect and admiration from their wives. If your new husband didn't feel he was receiving that, for whatever reason, I can see why, after waiting until age 35 to marry, he would want out. He probably has preconceived ideas about women and marriage and he apparently assumes that you're not going to be the wife he expected so he wants to get out of the marriage. This is just fear based on unrealistic expectations as well as some neglect on your part. Marriage is difficult and each partner has to sacrifice for the other, sometimes unequally. Warm feelings and sexual attraction don't cut it, as you can see all too clearly in your unhappy situation.

Avoid the mother-in-law like the plague. She is a negative factor, undermining your relationship with her son. At 35, he's a wimp to not keep his mommy out of his marriage so you have to do the best you can to work around her, but it won't be easy. Frankly, if he's already dealing with an attorney, it's pretty doubtful that you can keep the marriage intact. They have one goal: a divorce (and a fat fee). The attorney will put ideas in his head (he'll assume you want to take all of his money/possessions) and make you look greedy and manipulative if you object to anything. It stinks - but this is what divorce attorneys tend to do to 'protect' their client.

This is a sad situation and I truly hope you can convince your husband to try again to work things out and save the love you once shared and the marriage that you have. I wish you much luck and hope you'll let us know what happens.