Joke of the Day

[devilman]

What Your Car Says About You
Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars

Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars

Acura NSX - I am impotent

AMC - Ain't My Car

Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires

Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states

Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman

Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp

Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating the hell out of people

Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette

Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis

Chevrolet Cavalier - Absolute LEGEND!

Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government

Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather

Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well

Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower

Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car

Ferrari Testarossa - I am known to prematurely ejaculate

Ford Explorer - I will not be caught dead in a mini van

Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge Dart)

Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones

Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55 mph and change lanes when I pull
up behind them.

Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the fall.

Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the fall.

Honda del Sol - I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all

Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit

Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.

Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.

Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports.

Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.

Kia Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.

Lamborghini Countach - I only have one testicle

Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers

Mercury Grand Marquis - (See above)

Mercedes 500SL - I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph

Mercedes 560SEL - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole

Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler

MGB - I am dating a mechanic

Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either

Nissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.

Oldsmobile Cutlass - I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts

Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List

Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena

Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock

Porsche 911 Turbo - I have a three inch penis.

Porsche 944 - I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me

Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchanon is a tad bit too liberal

Saturn SC2 - (See Honda Civic)

Subaru Legacy - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu

Toyota Camry - I am still in the closet

Volkswagon Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns

Volkswagon Cabriolet - I am out of the closet

Volkswagon Microbus - I am tripping right now

Volvo 740 Wagon - I am frightened of my wife


You Might be a Redneck if...

you go to a Stockcar Race and don't need a program.
less than half the cars you own run.
you know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
you have a rag for a gas cap.
you have a Hefty bag for a passenger-side window.
you have to recrank your car at every intersection.
you've ever ridden all the way to Florida with your bare feet out of the car window.
you view duct tape as a long term investment.
you've ever hit a bump on the highway and lost half your worldly possessions.
the rear tires on your car are twice as wide as the front ones.
hitchhikers won't get into the car with you.
the front license plate on your car has the words "Foxy Lady" written in airbrush.
you buy a color-coordinated rope to down your car hood (bonnet).
you think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
you have grease under your toenails.
after removing the empty beer cans from your car and you get 15 more miles per gallon.
after love making you have to ask your date to roll down the window.

If one or more of these is true, unfortunately, you are driving a Triumph
You look in your rear-view mirror to see two people with their hands on your bumper.
You constantly receive sympathy cards from the Department of Transportation.
When you are walking across the parking lot, you see a priest performing last rights on your car.
While stopped at traffic lights, other motorists offer to help push to get you started again.
You have preferred customer status at Pep Boys Auto Parts.
You have to stop along side the road at least once a day to pick up parts that have fallen off.
You leave your keys in the ignition and a $20 bill on the dash for gas money in hopes that someone will steal your car.
When you drive though town, people stop what they are doing and just start laughing.
In place of a spare tire, you find a pair of running shoes.