Good Reading For Ricers

[NateDogg]

7. Quality control and reliability
American cars should be presumed to be built to 1978 levels of quality
control. When you wish to demonstrate how much more reliable your car is,
use either Consumer Reports or an account of some American car built in the
late 70's or early 80's that some family member owned and afterwards swore
never to by another American car. Brag about how your car is going to last
150,000 miles, and state that none of the domestics owned by your critics
will last that long, even if some of them have somehow managed to keep a
domestic car on the road for over 200,000 miles with an unrebuilt engine.
Remember, closing your mind is your best defense about being confused by
facts.

8. Pintos
The Pinto should be used as an example of how badly built American cars are.
Treat all American compact cars as modern day descendants of the Pinto.
Ignore any comments about sick minded people who have either raced Pintos or
stuffed V8's into them, or people with a sick devotion to meaningless trivia
who have memorized such obscure data as the fact that only 27 Pintos ever
caught fire due to being rear ended. Remember, image is what counts here,
not reality. Pintos have a horrible reputation, and you should use it for
all it's worth.

9. Progress and technology
It's an indisputable fact that cars have become better built, more powerful,
and more reliable since the late 70's. Since you were probably born sometime
in the late 70's or early 80's, what was built before then doesn't count
anyway, so you can safely assume that newer is always better. Remember, many
American V8's were designed even before the 70's, so they must be even worse
than the cars designed in that decade.
Never pass up an opportunity to mention any kind of technology found in your
car that is not found in traditional American muscle cars. It doesn't matter
how useful or useless this technology is, if it was invented by the
Japanese, or even if you have a clue as to what it does; proclaim it to be a
sign of Japanese technological superiority. However, you should at least
make an effort to spell the name of the innovation correctly.

10. Street racing
The best way to estimate the performance of your car is by what you've been
able to beat in a street race. Your kill stories should have the best spin
on them possible. For example, if you drive past a parked Corvette, claim
you found a Corvette and blew by it like it was standing still. They don't
have to know that it really was standing still. Or race vehicles such as
dump trucks and conversion vans so you can claim you beat an American V8.
Never post a timeslip if you can avoid it.

11. Magazines
Study up well on magazines like Consumer Reports and Super Street. They
provide great arguing material. It's best to avoid magazines that cater to
the enemy. Don't even touch books that cover serious, in-depth analysis of
engine or chassis tuning. Your status as a riceboy is at stake here.

12. When all else fails
If you can't refute anything the people you are arguing with say, call them
rednecks and/or accuse them of being gay. These will get them angry without
actually requiring you to think about their arguements.